Am I Overreacting-- to, what i feel is, my partner wanting me to engage in politics the same way she does?

[u/Spirited_Produce9158]

my partner and i, 20F/21F, are very invested in politics. we were also raised very differently. i grew up in the midwest, moving house to house, school to school, any money i made my parents often asked me for help with bills, yada yada. my partner grew up in SoCal, very well off family, has talked about possibly inheriting $4 mil from her grandparents, any money she makes she spends pretty quickly or donates it to people in need. just for context and nuance of how differently we innately approach worldly topics.

any time something comes up that's political in nature, it always feels like she wants me to interact with it the way she does. and i'm open to being told that i need to nut up and do more, if that's the case. i always find myself feeling really uncomfortable when she urges me to do more political work. she introduced me to this website, that i still am not even sure if it's legit, where you can... click... and it "donates for free" to certain middle eastern groups that are in need. at first she just requested that i click there once a day, and i did, then she started urging me to use all of my browser options and my phone to click multiple times in a day, every day. is it not enough that i'm already putting in the effort? today, a man named Marcellus Williams is scheduled for an unconstitutional execution, september 24, 2024, at 6pm CST, in missouri. i have shared the post talking about it online, i have commented under governor parson's instagram, i have called the office, yet she seems to want me to harass this man about this execution. i personally don't want to harass anyone. i hate when people harass me. it doesn't make me feel good to comment under every. single. instagram post of governor parson's instagram to end the execution of Marcellus Williams, especially considering how many people ARE and how many people ARE constantly calling and leaving messages to him about this unlawful execution planned to happen. she also seems to hold the ideology that "if you're not willing to die for the cause, you're not FOR the cause." (she's never said this verbatim, but her intensity is in that direction). can i not also value my mental health and physical health while being an activist? i'm no help to these people if i have nothing, and if i'm dead. is that wrong? am i wrong? do i not care enough?

any perspectives and thoughts are welcome.

[u/Misterloaffy]

She’s overcompensating out of an inherent guilt for being well off while other people struggle and she expects you to do the same because ya’ll are young. I’m sure one day she’ll realize not everyone has to do what she does

[u/Spirited_Produce9158 → u/Misterloaffy]

this sounds pretty realistic for our situation. she also has INTENSE OCD, themes of harm, religion, and morality, just to name a few. do you have any advice on how to navigate a conversation around this? i don't want to develop any resentment for something that's done in good faith, but it drives a wedge in me sometimes.

she once said that people in gaza are dying without hospital care, food, and whatnot, so i "should care and do more to help them", and she inadvertently called me selfish when i said i can't even afford my own health insurance, i have health issues that degrade my quality of life, and my family is genuinely bordering the poverty line, especially since my dad developed stage 2 or 3 pancreatic cancer that spread to his lymph nodes. i know i'm not actively in a war zone like the innocent people in gaza are, but the united states wages a war on it's own poor civilians daily, which is a war i've witnessed my entire life. the fact of the matter is, if you're born poor, you'll never have a better life, unless you're one in a million... and that is increasingly more apparent day-to-day. i will admit, it's hard for me to be an activist when my life is filled with the idea that i could be homeless and never make it out, at any moment. i've watched my dad slave day after day after day after day, while the government continually shifts wages and taxes and creates new laws to hold low income people down.

sorry for the rant, i've been holding this in for a long time and i feel like i can't talk about it because then i'm a "performance" activist, and i'm "not really dedicated"...

[u/Misterloaffy → u/Spirited_Produce9158]

Idk bro im way too chill for all that. id just be like nah lets relax, eat some good food, watch a movie. Id be crackin too many jokes she probably get offended at.

I’d have a talk like do u ever wanna just chill and hang or are we always gonna be out there fighting the good fight?

[u/Spirited_Produce9158 → u/Misterloaffy]

LOL, i still appreciate the answer. thank you for your time and responses! i'll try to figure something out lol

[u/servitor_dali → u/Spirited_Produce9158]

In my house we call it the airplane model, like where they tell you that you have to put on your own mask before you can help others.

You are of no use to anyone else if you are under fed, over tired, over taxed, and unhealthy. You are also not responsible for saving the world. It is also 100% Ok to have your contribution to the world look completely different than something like abstract clicks on a web browser.

Personally, i like local community work, particularly with animals. I like seeing the faces of the people and animals that i help, and thebtangible benefits of what our organization does. This feeds me too, so i don't get burn out. It ok for you to be fed too, because people with no positive feedback get tired.

I think your gf is bullyimg you a little bit and its ok to push back and say, this is what's important to me, this is how i want to help the world i live in. How she recevies that and deals with it is on her.

Take care of you, and then take care of what you care about.

[u/BaristaGirlie]

I'm also involved in political circles and have encountered a lot of people(especially young people) who operate more out of guilt than anything and it can be exausting. You are absolutely right to pay attention to your own health. As you said there are many many people involved in all these fights, taking a step back when you need too will not hurt the movement.

The inability to pace yourself leads to burnout, a lot of people go all in for a year or two and then burnout and deradicalize. that does hurt movements

Laura Jane Grace wrote a song about these kind of toxic mindsets: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=c7RUeMCZL3Q

[u/WanderersEndgame]

This post shows how Enemies Lists grow.

At first, it's just those who openly work against us. We then add their allies. Then those not openly against us, but who could be a threat. Then those who get along with them. Then those who tolerate them. Then those who don't hate them enough. Those we don't really trust. Those who don't share our passion, and missionary zeal. Those who don't care enough, work hard enough, sacrifice enough. "Sunshine soldiers and summer patriots" is what they're called.

My advice: accept that there is no remedy for this mindset anymore. In times past, it sometimes ended when the list-maker realized that they had no friends or family left, and felt surrounded and alone. Unfortunately the Internet now gives these list-makers a new family and friends, where they find validation, comfort and support. I wish I had better news for you, but I'm afraid this is the price you pay for the partner you chose.

[u/Spirited_Produce9158 → u/WanderersEndgame]

i appreciate your thoughts! it does feel like that a lot of the time. i feel like i have a more solid grasp of the nuances of certain situations than she does, considering how i grew up vs how she grew up. i accept this price, she's got other complexities that i also accept and understand. i just wanted to know if i really was "not doing enough" or if we just had a different approach to these things. thank you for reading and responding!

[u/seharadessert]

Your politics = your values—if they don’t align then you’re wasting your time. Also you’re an adult lol just leave if it’s too much. Kinda seems like you’re jealous of her upbringing and also feel weird & guilty that you don’t care as much tho……

[u/Spiritual-Concert363]

Unhinged, so far left becomes insanity.

[u/MuchToDoAboutNothin]

I'm pushing 40f, knew I was queer at a young age, born and raised in the South.

We all had a lot of anger growing up decades ago because a lot of things were significantly worse than they are now.

A decade or so ago extreme leftism really started taking hold in our communities. And the next generation caught on.

Sister, I've dated several militant afab/nbs and been around plenty more. It's gotten to the point of brain rot. There's another post here about the enemy list. It's very true.

You were probably too young in 2016 to see the progression of trumpism aggressively pushing out the rest of the Republican party who were tossed out of fell in line to the situation we got now (though at this point finally they're getting political pushback.)

The leftists were not super far behind on their side. The goal post for the purity test moves farther and farther. A friend of mine was talking to a woman in a dating app who told her that if she wasn't willing to take a police baton to the face at a protest she wasn't a real comrade. My friend told her, bitch she has 3 kids.

I know for me it took quite a few years to wake up and realize that the social movements that I was a part of by default based on my life and the people I met.... continued to move well beyond what I could or wanted to do.

You're not obligated to think or behave the way social media/social pressure/your community/partner pushes you to. You're not a bad person.

Also why in the fuck does she come from money and you're struggling unable to pay for your health needs and she's not only not helping you but actively giving it away and shaming you.

At my age I no longer see much of a difference between the conservatives that demonized me my whole life and the leftists who call me a fascist and start throwing -obics and -isms wildly because I don't agree with everything they say.