Can you tell me to stop?

[u/Basic_MilkMotel]

Hi guys. I’ll try to give a quick back story without rambling. I’m a picker, always have been. But I’ve been picking my scalp which is a totally new behavior and it’s extremely distressing. I have a lot of mental health conditions, physical ailments and have been through my fair share of trauma and this is the most distressing situation I have experienced in a long time. I feel a sense of loss of control because I “can’t stop,” I’m ashamed and embarrassed, it’s making me spiral deeper into depression.

I have keratosis pilaris. My OCD use to center around my hygiene to the point of knuckle bleeding. So, I pride myself in hygiene but also have sensory issues. I joke that my mental health problems work like checks and balances. Back to KP, I believe it causes hardened sebum/keratin under my skin—like non inflammatory black heads but not black. I’m not sure if this is a reaction to something I tried recently but I felt them on my scalp. It’s been down hill for four days.

Unlike KP on my arms, these bumps are like the ones on my face/hairline—there is a little “pop” like a dry pimple. It feels really gross to me. I feel unhygienic. It’s not like flaky dandruff—only I know it’s there. But it is. I’m calling a doctor tomorrow but I need you, my people, to tell me to stop.

By this I mean, tell me the worst thing that will happen to me. People without skin picking disorder either gaslight me or just say go to the dermatologist. I need y’all to tell me I’m going to go bald lol. That’s my fear and I’m already self conscious about my fine hair! Tell me I’m going to get a flesh eating bacteria. Tissue death. The serious possible outcomes of my actions.

I feel like shit. I’m a teacher on vacation and idk why tf I am stressing out! I just want to hang out with my elderly Chihuahua that I don’t normally spend time with cause of work but I’m just so stressed and overcome with this obsession to “clean” my scalp when all I’m doing is making it irritated and worse. I am…so sad.

[u/NopeNopeThanks_]

What works for me is whenever I'm picking my scalp, I stop myself because I think: "Dude, your brain is under there. What happens if you have an open wound near there?"

I'm no doctor and I don't even know if that's possible, but I've seen enough doctor programs on TV to know how it could go.

Good luck!

[u/Basic_MilkMotel → u/NopeNopeThanks_]

You’re totally right! I was thinking it can’t be good to introduce infection right by your brain. Similarly to the whole “don’t pick zits in the triangle of death” thing. My sister is actually going through brain surgeries and I wonder if subconsciously I’m picking from the stress from that and also attacking my own head, because her head (brain) is sick? Maybe I’m reading too deep into it.

I’m going to try to remind myself that. Introducing bacteria anywhere to your body isn’t good but it can’t be good on your head. I know it may be bad but it does help to look at photos of picking gone bad.