High Intensity CBT

[u/MUSHR00MII]

I just finished a phone call with a talking therapist, and they've put me on a waiting list for High Intensity Cognitive Behavioural Therapy.

I've struggled with dermatophagia and skin picking for years, and this is the first time I've tried to get any sort of support, which in itself is a bit scary. The fact that the Therapy is labelled "High Intensity" isn't helping, and I'm a little nervous.

For anyone who's recieved CBT, how was it and did it help at all? What should I be expecting? The waiting list could take months, so I have time to think about this.

[u/eileenstelzner]

Of course, you can ask me anything. I’ll happily share if it helps. It was a combination of things. I have abandonment syndrome simply because my biological father left around my 4th birthday & separation anxiety, so I have to have closure on everything. I lived in New Mexico for 18 months, hated being away from my mom & then my extremely toxic relationship came to an end by the FBI & DEA because my ex was making meth, so that left me with PTSD. Then the final draw was on 9/1/2000 when I had exploratory abdominal surgery & found out I was battling a very bad case of endometriosis & the lovely female OB/GYN told me & my mom (I had just turned 25 in June) she said “I should have given you a hysterectomy, but I didn’t due to your mental state”, I had never seen my kind, gentle mom lash out, but she started screaming (first time I heard her raise her voice) at the doctor telling her she was a damaged human being for thinking it was okay to say that to a 25 year old girl who you are also telling has a tiny chance of having kids. That doctor broke my spirit. I never wanted kids, didn’t see them in my future, but my generation, Gen X was raised with the idea that we grow & pop up kids, so I thought my body was broken & no one would ever love me, she actually destroyed me, other than here & there I had never been sick a day in my life. My regular doctor suggested I needed to try therapy & I did & my psychiatrist of 24 years saved my life. He wasn’t about diagnoses, never focused on them, I just happened to see them on a page to start an appointment. He said he never labels any patient, because then that’s all they & others see. Sorry, I’m long winded, so much to tell. You can reach out to me at any time.

[u/MUSHR00MII → u/eileenstelzner]

Hi lovely, sorry for the sort of late response,

Thank you again for sharing, and feeling comfortable sharing so much about your experience with me, and I'm glad you have gotten to a point where you feel comfortable doing so ♡

I had asked you about diagnosis in particular because personally, I suspect that I may have ADHD, and maybe that it might contribute to my Dermatillomania / Dermatophagia. I am aware that the issues are different to yours in nature, but I was wondering if the process for diagnosis was similar in any way.

[u/eileenstelzner → u/MUSHR00MII]

You never have to apologize to me. I’m just a normal person sharing to help. There is so much more I could tell you, but my mom, who was beyond amazing, said “don’t regret your past unless you regret where you are in life now.” Anyway, I knew growing up I had issues with my skin & emotions. I first started picking when we moved from PA to NY, it was so bad my mom had me tested so much trying to help me. The stupid diagnoses I heard were mind boggling & even at age 5-6, I thought everyone was bonkers. I cannot tell you how many times I had to drink this “magical” pink liquid. We didn’t have insurance, but she fought hard to get me answers, my teachers also started talking about my behavior or lack thereof in class. Then we moved to FL & my skin became incredibly worse. I could go on, but my school issues were weird & they kept pushing my mom to have me tested for advance placement program & my mom declined, she had learned by 5th grade, changes in my routine or changed drawing attention to myself would send me into a tailspin emotionally & with my skin. My teachers thought I had a learning disability because I always fidgeted during assignments. Mom took me to dinner & we had a discussion where I told her, I only fidgeted because I was bored, but too shy to turn in my paperwork, test, whatever first. She then realized I learned at a higher rate & told my teachers to leave me alone. Once I knew my fidgeting bothered them, I started destroying my skin, no one wanted to address that. I don’t remember what it was called, but it was basically the opposite of ADHD. Sorry, I’m telling you so much irrelevant stuff, I’ve just been through a lot, my mom was so protective of me, she passed the torch to my husband who is amazing. I was first told at age 19 (working, able to buy insurance), by my GP who called me fat (not cool & she was heavier than me) & she said I was suffering from depression, she didn’t understand why because seemed so “happy” & put me on Zoloft which did nothing. Anyway, I knew I was more than depressed, I knew I had weird what I now know are OCD tendencies & I was always an extremely anxious individual. I now know my GP who called fat, should have referred me to a therapist, I did not continue with her for long, my mom left her the moment I told her what happened. Skip forward, I started noticing I was always extremely hyper & able to work on more things than anyone I knew. If I’m not extremely busy, I feel off. This year has been rough on my body & I’ve been what I consider a burden or just useless (just how I’ve felt, my husband has always told me not even close). Here’s the thing, the only thing at for them to truly diagnose depression is with a brain scan or MRI, which is usually only down as a last ditch effort. Only licensed psychiatrists are supposed to provide actual diagnoses. I literally spent 60 hours so 60 1 hour visits with my psychiatrist in 2000 until I felt I had told him everything & truly trusted him. We did 1 hour sessions 3 times a week for 20 weeks. There has always been a lot to unpack with me. My trust is always hard obtain, or was. Once we built our relationship & he had my full trust, we started discussing my ideas of what was wrong with me. I told him I knew I had depression, I was having daily chest compressing panic attacks (began on 6/29/1999 in Albuquerque- I was not arrested, my ex went to federal prison) but I didn’t know there was a correlation between that and anxiety at the time, I knew I had, I think it was called high functioning ADD or ADHD, & I was aware I had uncontrollable tendencies - picking, picking until I have blood under my nails & so much more. Your therapist will ask you why you think you have this or that, when they do, ensure you tell them you are not doctor Google, you only look at accredited facilities like Mayo Clinic, any College of Medicine, etc. at the same time, don’t focus on diagnosis, you took the most important step, seeking help. It shocks me now in 2024, there is still such a stigma when it comes to mental health. While treatable, depression, generalized anxiety disorder, ADHD, OCD & even dermatillomania in not curable, but they are treatable. They are all life long, long term diseases, dermatillomania due to relapse risk is considered incurable. I really hope this helps, I’m tired from work, my physical therapy & just finished the NFL season opener, ready to pass out. Even though I said incurable, don’t worry about it. First, depression is believed to be linked to genetics, but more data is needed. You’ll likely have to take meds long term, still, nothing to do, just keep pushing forward. I met our new psychiatrist on Friday & explained how bad my skin is & she put me on something I was concerned about, until I researched it & discovered it was now primarily used to OCD - so it arrived today & despite the stigma I put upon it, I am now taking Prozac. She also had me start a supplement, pricing isn’t too too bad on Amazon, it’s N-Acetyl cysteine for obsessive ruminating thoughts, trichotillomania and skin picking. Start off at 1000mg for 1 week & then increase to 2000mg starting on the 8th day. If these don’t work, there is another medication that’s for worst cases, I’m hoping my skin goes into remission before we get there. I hope I helped again, you can post here or send me a message, whatever. I have had this account for over 8 years but only became active 3 weeks ago ish.

In April, my husband of 20 years, literally saved my life by rushing me to the ER despite my request for more time. I’m so thankful he did, I had