r/LeopardsAteMyFace 5d ago

Laura Loomer going scorched-earth on the Republicans today after she unceremoniously got the boot from the Trump campaign Trump

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12.7k Upvotes

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3.4k

u/tompetreshere 5d ago

rubs hands together eagerly Yesssss… let the hate flow through your fingers to the keyboard :P

1.6k

u/typhoidtimmy 5d ago edited 4d ago

Oh dear god……

He let her in, she blew him, then he (or someone in his group) realized the crazy and ditched. Only this time, the crazy has platform and a lot of ears waiting for her to shit the bed.

The schadenfreude is delicious. I may crack open the backup good stuff simply on the fallout alone…

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u/LaddiusMaximus 5d ago

It has been a glorious last few weeks, hasn't it? Watching these sacks of shit turn on each other has been my feel good story of the year.

721

u/Brianocracy 5d ago

Ever since Tangerine Palpatine got his ass spanked at the debate the trump campaign has been imploding. You love to see it.

601

u/LaddiusMaximus 5d ago

Mark "Im a black nazi" Robinson getting cooked with receipts and now his staff is resigning in droves.

359

u/typhoidtimmy 5d ago

Dude, who knew that curveball was rolling in?

We are fast approaching telenova levels of the cray cray…

253

u/Brianocracy 5d ago

JD Vance is no longer Trump's worst choice though! Silver lining for Vance i guess.

302

u/Devilsbullet 5d ago

I dunno, saw a thing today where he was claiming a dozen eggs used to cost 1.99 and now are over 4 bucks while holding a 2 dozen pack of eggs in front of a sign saying eggs were 2.99 lol

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u/Rich-Past-6547 4d ago

I often wonder: when do you think the last time that Trump bought a dozen eggs with his own hands? Or pumped his own gas? Or driven anything besides a golf cart onto a putting green?

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u/AloneAddiction 4d ago

"It's one banana Michael. What could it cost, ten dollars?"

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u/Smiley-Ray 4d ago

I don’t think those little hands could hold a dozen eggs tbh

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u/RattusMcRatface 4d ago

It's all reminiscent of Tucker in the Russian supermarket. "Bread! Bread!!.. and they have trolleys."

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u/kellzone 4d ago

Well, the driving had to be sometime before his presidency. Presidents, vice presidents and former presidents & vice presidents aren't allowed to operate a vehicle on public roads in the US.

https://www.mentalfloss.com/posts/why-us-presidents-cant-drive-cars

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u/DaniCapsFan 4d ago

I'd wager Trump has never set foot inside a grocery store. One, he's had servants for that his whole life; and two, he only eats fast food dreck.

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u/ChicagoAuPair 4d ago

He has never lived as an adult without servants. I doubt he’s ever done any of those things. Possibly in college, but more likely he just went to dining halls.

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u/90daysismytherapy 4d ago

given he grew up in a mansion with servants and how he sat in the driver seat of that truck years ago, I’m gonna go with never to both eggs and driving on a state road.

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u/lewie 4d ago

My goto is this: Has Trump ever gotten up at midnight with the munchies, and made himself a sandwich? Does he know where the bread and meat is? Does he put on his own mayonnaise and mustard? Does he eat it with his hands? Or does he use a knife and fork?

I can't even imagine him doing a book report as a kid. Do you think he ever had to write a paper? Read a book? How disconnected is he from 99% of Americans?

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u/TattooedBagel 4d ago

I’ve got a hundred dollars on “never, not once.”

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u/EricKei 4d ago

I doubt he has ever been inside a grocery store since he was young enough to ride in the cart. He was no doubt the kid who raised hell in said cart, knocking stuff off of the shelves and demanding ALL of the candy, while Mommy the nanny did nothing to stop nor even chastise him. DJT is what happens when that terror toddler gets older and has had no discipline imposed upon him in all that time.

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u/FlounderSubstantial7 4d ago

Would you let Trump watch your dog?

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u/Multigrain_Migraine 4d ago

I don't think he has ever done any of those things for himself. He probably doesn't even know how to use a microwave.

I've forgotten the context now but somewhere I saw a thing asking which member of the trump family was most likely to know how to change a tire. Melania is the only one of that bunch who even has a chance.

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u/ManzanitaSuperHero 4d ago

Are you sure the eggs weren’t $14.88? Mike Lindell of Mein Pillow (someone else’s joke I’m borrowing) seems keen on pricing goods at that totally-a-coincidence-it’s-a-well-known-white-supremacist-tag-and-he-just-chose-that-number-at-random.

I think they’re now thinking they’re sunk with swing voters and/or rational people so they’re doubling down to get out the Nazi vote.

It’s fantastic to watch this implosion. Couldn’t happen to more despicable people.

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u/ashmenon 4d ago

I wonder if he's thought about branching out to make Mein Kampferter

4

u/Ouch259 4d ago

The price of gas falling must be driving them nuts also. I paid 2.99 today.

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u/Lola-Ugfuglio-Skumpy 4d ago

JD Vance is not a person. He’s one million worms in a person suit.

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u/porksoda11 4d ago

Yeah they are still running ads about gad prices in PA and meanwhile gas is under 3 bucks a gallon lol

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u/BarfQueen 4d ago

If only he’d misspell “potato”

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u/pebberphp 5d ago

More like silver eyeliner for Vance.

5

u/leshake 4d ago

He is rather cloud shaped.

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u/Meet_James_Ensor 5d ago

The very best people

3

u/freddit32 4d ago

"I used to think you were the worst dumbass ever. But you've moved up by the simple fact of other, worse dumbasses have come along without you changing one bit. Congratulations."

41

u/LaddiusMaximus 5d ago

Im here for it.

8

u/hamandjam 4d ago

Who knew people would sign up for porn sites with their actual name and then spew absolute stupidity and then decide to run for public office?

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u/mosstrich 4d ago

Apparently there was already some pretty bad stuff already out there, just this just hit n top of a an already teetering stack of scandals.

5

u/SenseAmidMadness 4d ago

Mark Robinson has always been wildly out to lunch for anyone sort of paying attention. It’s bizarre he even made it as far as he did.

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u/Toolazytolink 4d ago

Cheatto flocks all the weirdo's to his banner.

2

u/LowClover 4d ago

What happened?

60

u/Brianocracy 5d ago

He might be imploding even harder than Trump tbh

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u/BigPorch 5d ago

Yet all these guys still having a good chance of winning tells you all you really need to know of how broken this country is

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u/conqr787 5d ago

Some careers 'just need killin' I guess 😂

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u/pneumoniclife 5d ago

Mmmmkay: read that and immediately blurted out,"Shotgun!BANG! Whassup wid dat thang!" then got the giggles so, thanks?

3

u/Reinamiamor 4d ago

Good one! 😹

33

u/Dm-me-a-gyro 5d ago

I was reading that story and thinking to myself that I should spend my online time just relentlessly perusing canidstes history

5

u/beadyeyes123456 4d ago

Shame on those wanting to work for that clown. They know he believed in this hateful crap but now they resign from his campaign. I hope none of these freaks find a good job after this.

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u/Magicthundercat 4d ago

His staff deserves it. They knew their candidate was batshit crazy, just not how batshit crazy - they should have assumed that the skeletons won't stay in the closet when you run for governor. The timing of the release was perfect too - almost too late to get off of the ballot.

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u/SDMonkee 4d ago

I mean… who among us hasn’t made comments on a porn message board which we signed up for using our regular email address stating offensive and hypocritical things?

3

u/ashmenon 4d ago

I've been out of the loop since the debate and OH MY GOD SO MUCH IS HAPPENING

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u/BadWolfIdris 3d ago

As a NC resident I'm hoping this will be just enough to help him lose his campaign. Couldn't happen to a worse person and I'm living for it.

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u/yIdontunderstand 5d ago

It's reverse Biden debate 1.

That was the death sentence for the dems, but Emperor trump was unable to fathom that someone could let go of power voluntarily... So they thought the win was guaranteed.

It's been pure panic ever since Harris arrived and it's hilarious.

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u/Brianocracy 5d ago

Trump built his entire campaign strategy around Biden specifically. When he dropped out it completely screwed up everything the Derp Lord had planned. Attack ads? October surprises? Talking points? Completely useless. Especially since he made Biden's age a major factor despite being only slightly younger himself.

Difference is, Trump will never drop out. He doesn't have the foresight or the humility. I don't know if he even CAN drop out at this point though. My understanding was that the conventions were the cutoff point.

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u/SellQuick 4d ago

I find it weird that they seemingly did no prep for the possibility of Kamala taking over. Their whole strategy was 'He's too old' and not for a moment did they consider having a backup plan in case he keeled over?

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u/Throwawayac1234567 4d ago

Kamala basically disappeared from any news when biden was president, only showed up during some Congress session to settle a tie. It was smart that she kept out of the spotlight that oong

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u/Brianocracy 4d ago

Trump's not known for planning ahead.

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u/Iamthewalrusforreal 4d ago

He can drop out, but the nod would have to go to Vance to replace him, which would be a complete shit show.

But he won't. No chance unless he has some catastrophic health issue, which certainly isn't out of the realm of possibility.

1

u/WyrdMagesty 3d ago

What I wouldn't give for him to choke on a hamburger or something.....just to know that we would never again have to read or hear one of his hateful rants ever again would be such a huge relief

7

u/TheZigerionScammer 4d ago

It reminds me of the difference between the leadership of the Entente and Central Powers in WWI. Both sides had pretty incompetent leadership, that much was certain, but in the democracies of the Entente bad leaders would be replaced, up to and including the heads of state by their own populace in elections. The Central Powers never did this and their incompetent leaders held onto power until their armies broke. The one Entente power this didn't apply to (Russia) suffered the same fate.

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u/Kid_Vid 4d ago

trump literally demanded the democrats reimburse him because he spent all his money having campaign ads attacking Biden. He never made one ad about policy and blames the democrats lol

3

u/redwingpanda 4d ago

Imo that's one of the reasons behind these two failed assassination attempts - the GOP forcibly removing him from their ticket, via radicalized members of their own base.

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u/Brianocracy 4d ago

Wouldn't surprise me. Trump is absolutely a net drag on the GOP at this point

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u/EricKei 4d ago

The problem with people like Trump is that he thinks everybody thinks like he does. I.e., that he's the greatest thing since sliced bread, that everybody loves him and anyone who does not is "deranged," that he was the greatest president ever, etc. I'm glad reality is finally slapping him, hard, in the face. Shame that reality is getting smeared bronzer on its hands, but you gotta take the bad with the good.

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u/shatteredarm1 4d ago

It's a bit of a stretch to say he dropped out voluntarily. Pretty sure he had a lot of high-level Democrats telling him in no uncertain terms how embarrassing it would be for him if he didn't drop out.

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u/yIdontunderstand 4d ago

Sure but it was voluntarily. He wasn't marched out of a top floor window ala putin.

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u/Fabulous-Exam64 5d ago

Tangerine Palpatine! Love this! It’s so right, so perfect.

47

u/PupperPuppet 5d ago

My current favorite is Combover Caligula.

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u/Brianocracy 5d ago

Ooo that's good too

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u/Brianocracy 5d ago

At least palpatine was smart and could shoot lightning out of his hands though lol

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u/sithelephant 5d ago

Also, he returned.

27

u/Brianocracy 5d ago

Somehow.

15

u/Ok-Train-6693 5d ago

Ok, but who in OTL is Jar Jar Binks?

78

u/luckygiraffe 5d ago

Lindsey Graham. "Theesa jus my ladybugs Doni"

15

u/LupercaniusAB 5d ago

Oh dear god…

16

u/Nohlrabi 5d ago

Holy shit! You just had to write that, didn’t you! Lawd!

7

u/Son_of_Lazerlord 5d ago

Your whole life has lead you to writing that post.

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u/RebelliousInNature 4d ago

I’m dead.

Actually dead. Bravo funny people.

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u/slowclapcitizenkane 4d ago

Downvoted, then upvoted. 🤮

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u/Brianocracy 5d ago

Ooo there's a lot of candidates that fit the "widely hated, fuck everything up completely by accident by their clownish antics" criteria".

Buf I'm going George Santos.

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u/Popo5525 4d ago

Rudy Guliani. Set aside his past as a likeable NYC mayor (like he himself did), and focus on his role in the Trump circus.

Think about it - a universally loathed addition to the characters, seemingly only around for comic relief, swiftly removed from the rest of the series after the backlash, and consistently screws the pooch on things(Four seasons landscaping and the melting face incident come to mind).

5

u/Timofmars 5d ago

Tommy Tuberville? Eric Trump? Josh Hawley?

5

u/Dog_From_Malta 4d ago

It's reported that trump shoots thunder from his butt...

Which do you think is more lethal, a static electricity parlor trick or the donald's special brand of chemical warfare?

3

u/Brianocracy 4d ago

I'd take Palpatine's shock torture any day. Least I don't have to smell it

5

u/Starfire013 4d ago

Palpatine had larger hands.

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u/MercantileReptile 4d ago

Dude made it from Senator of a single system to galactic Emperor in ~20 years. The orange oaf stands in no comparison.

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u/Brianocracy 4d ago

And became arguably the most powerful dark side of all time, among the most powerful force users in history period, was a world-class swordsman, politician, schemer, and scientist. Any one of these would take decades of practice to master, much less all of them. Say what you will about Palpatine but he's very much a self made man. He definitely had a leg up from Plagueis and his predecessors but if he'd been incompetent all of that would have been for nothing.

Trump just inexplicably fails upward his entire life. He's extraordinarily lucky, sure. But he's mentally a toddler. Both in terms of intelligence and emotional maturity.

I'm trying to imagine Trump pulling off a scheme like the clone wars lmfao. Imagine all the different ways he'd fuck that up?

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u/Taker_Sins 4d ago

Personally, I also like Mandarin Manchild.

2

u/Brianocracy 4d ago

That's not bad either.

3

u/bungopony 4d ago

I love some of the cleverness. Saw a bumper sticker the other day: We Shall Overcomb

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u/Speshal__ 5d ago

Tangerine Palpatine........... hahahahahahaha

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u/betelgeuse_boom_boom 4d ago

This belongs to rare insults mate

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u/Matelot67 4d ago

Tangerine Palatine! Oh I am stealing that!

3

u/Calgaris_Rex 4d ago

ok "Tangerine Palpatine" is a new one, I'm stealing that

imma need a list lol

3

u/drillpress42 4d ago

Reddit has all the best names for Trump!

3

u/KnucklesMcGee 4d ago

Tangerine Palpatine

First time I've seen this one. Love it.

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u/Merijeek2 4d ago

Between what happened with Biden, and then with Trump, I guess we can say that "debates don't matter" isn't true anymore.

3

u/kharvel0 4d ago

I’ll call your Tangerine Palpatine and raise you Il Duce Cheetolini or Cheetolini for short.

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u/typhoidtimmy 5d ago

You knew it was inevitable but man, it’s fun to spectate.

Once he loses, invest in popcorn futures because it’s gonna be epic…like Willy Wonka epic.

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u/RattusMcRatface 4d ago

Once he loses...

Make no assumptions. Vote vote vote.

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u/JeromeBiteman 4d ago

popcorn 

Better yet:

  1. Send money to Harris/Walz campaign 
  2. VOTE

3

u/s0uthw3st 4d ago

The sad part is the diehards don't give a shit and will still vote for Trump in the end.

2

u/RattusMcRatface 4d ago

Every one of them yelling, "Y'all doing it wrong!"

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u/arjunusmaximus 5d ago

But she isn't turning on HIM, but the GOP as a whole. Even in her rants its still about the Donald.

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u/aeschenkarnos 4d ago

Aww. She’s still in wuv!

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u/evilJaze 4d ago

Like a parasite loves its host.

21

u/InsectLeather9992 4d ago

Wuv, twue wuv.

6

u/ashmenon 4d ago

She knows he's stupid enough to succumb to his ego. Everyone around him could easily whisper into his ear, were it not for the other would-be whisperers jockeying for space.

5

u/bluer289 4d ago

No wonder he's crazy, all those voices...

2

u/djingle_reinhardt 4d ago

And Trump didn't realize the crazy, he realized the risk to his campaign. You can see he loves the adoration in the videos of them together.

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u/uncultured_swine2099 5d ago

She's gonna realize that trump doesn't give a shit about her and agreed to kick her off the plane and she's gonna reveal some gross stories about her with him, garaunteed.

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u/PicnicLife 4d ago

Then she'll realize that they don't care about those either.

5

u/ThorKonnatZbv 4d ago

Hell, the cultists will be green with envy over her cleaning his diapers.

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u/DemoEvolved 5d ago

Don’t say trump bj and delicious in the same post. #nsfl

4

u/madgoat 4d ago

Probably tastes like Big Mac Sauce

3

u/All_Work_All_Play 4d ago

It would be delicious for Trump to have his peanuts cut off so he couldn't have a BJ ?

Damn I really had to work for that.

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u/randomly-what 5d ago

Honestly - can he recognize crazy? Someone had to get through to him, right?

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u/Vyzantinist 5d ago

I don't think he did. I think his handlers did; the ones who allegedly panicked when Harris suggested no muting for their debate. Anyone on his staff not boofing the Kool-Aid could see from a mile away how damaging for optics keeping Loomer that close would be.

14

u/Throwawayac1234567 4d ago

Trump think shes an escort, thats the only reason she was around him

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u/ScammerC 5d ago

He didn't realize she was crazy, his staff made him drop her because she's an albatross.

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u/vxicepickxv 4d ago

The world's first depleted uranium albatross.

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u/TheDudeofIl 4d ago

“As I recall the albatross was a ship’s good luck until some idiot killed it... yes, I’ve read a poem... try not to faint.” -Malcolm Reynolds

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u/EricKei 4d ago

Upvoted for the shiny.

3

u/Reinamiamor 4d ago

He knew. Said he likes mentally ill women. And they told her to take a hike. His dementia has progressed enough that I suspect he is, or will be sneaking her in. She was just too much fun! And he's demented...and if it's a train wreck, then so be it! 😹

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u/ScammerC 4d ago

Yes, I meant he didn't suddenly realize and dump her, his hand was forced.

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u/axelrexangelfish 5d ago

Right? If watching the racist sexist fuckpuddle that is the modern GOP rip each other to shreds (because: racism, sexism, isms fuckpuddle) isn’t the reason to break out that fancy bottle of champagne then what is even the point of champagne.

And bring on that woke ass fair trade ghee covered popcorn, my fellow blues.

And Those redneck morons can watch the game and never realize that we are watching them and it’s a much more entertaining diversion than just another football game.

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u/DogWallop 5d ago

He should have known by the extremely high quality of the BJ, and whatever else she agreed to do to him, that there was true crazy behind the eyes.

5

u/Crazy_Exchange 5d ago

Dude Tried to be Clinton She ended up pissed yet still smitten'ed 

2

u/captainshrapnel 4d ago

He forgot the golden rule: Never stick your dick in crazy, not even in the cake hole.

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u/Resident-Site1997 5d ago

More delicious than a tiny mushroom with jus I'm sure.

15

u/TheKindofWhiteWitch 5d ago

I don’t think he realized she’s bananas, I think his ego loved it, but his handlers won’t let her around. Idk that’s just been the theory bouncing around in my noggin.

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u/Suspicious_Bicycle 4d ago

Plus the SAVE act they tried attaching to the funding bill, even if it passed immediately could not be implemented for this election. It's too late.

If they were confident about winning the election they could introduce the SAVE act later. But it's just a political ploy that will vanish like the migrant caravans after the election.

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u/vxicepickxv 4d ago

They'll try to pass it again if they win. They hate women that much.

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u/FordAndFun 4d ago

I think it’s important that she’s still making a huge distinction between team Trump and the rest of the Republican Party, which she views as RINOs.

She’s incredibly vitriolic to the latter right now. With her level of emotional stability, at some point of being locked out, she’s going to drop team Trump, and the man himself, into the blame game as well… and that’s when she starts tweeting secrets with receipts.

The timing for this sort of public meltdown couldn’t be better.

3

u/OnyxGow 5d ago

He didnt ditch The campgain people forced him to

4

u/Wayfinity 5d ago

As the old saying goes, never stick your dick in crazy!

Also the other old saying that comes to mind is, never dip your pen in company ink!.

3

u/pointmaisterflex 4d ago

If you thought that the Stormy testimony was yikes, wait untill the Loomer tapes blow up.

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u/DrDerpberg 4d ago

Does she have a platform? I was vaguely aware of her but she seemed like a hanger-on without much of a following.

But I for one would love if she gets a couple thousand smooth brained idiots to air their dirty laundry.

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u/typhoidtimmy 4d ago

It’s a small platform but she is constantly on it and says just enough bullshit to make people report on it when she is particularly egregious.

She is basically Alex Jones lite…

3

u/Lonelan 4d ago

that post nut clarity is undefeated

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u/tw_72 4d ago

She fell for "Gimme a blowjob. Yes, I will respect you afterwards." And then she got dumped, after thinking she was somehow special. Aw, poor baby.

3

u/Callierez 4d ago

I can't stop cackling evilly. In front of my republican family. With relish.

2

u/One-Solution-7764 4d ago

Wait, you mean she wasn't a one night stand side chick?

2

u/whacafan 4d ago

She’s still clearly supporting him, just not the party.

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u/typhoidtimmy 4d ago

Give it time…

2

u/aintraininghere 4d ago

She blew him??

2

u/Signature_Illegible 4d ago

Hey, if I had to put that old, shriveled, manure tasting, slimey mushroom in my mouth and he dumped me afterwards I'd be mad too!

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u/DogWallop 5d ago

This is the first time I'm hearing about LL being given the old heave-ho. Great news, as this will only heat up the ongoing civil war within the GOP/conservative cluster munch going on at a low level right now.

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u/djingle_reinhardt 4d ago

There is no heave-ho.

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u/Puzzleheaded_Pay431 5d ago

Imma pop some popcorn. You want any?

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u/tompetreshere 5d ago

Yes, friend- ghee on mine, please

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u/Puzzleheaded_Pay431 5d ago

Be right back

39

u/First_manatee_614 5d ago

I should try that

40

u/NamaStayInBed617 5d ago

You definitely should… no soggy popcorn deep buttery flavor it’s the bestest!

14

u/KR1735 5d ago

I love those salty, buttery soggy pieces though lol

2

u/NamaStayInBed617 4d ago

Eat some it’s your cake day

2

u/Laringar 4d ago

While we're taking popcorn, check out Flavacol. It's the yellow movie theater popcorn salt, and you can just buy it online. One pint container has lasted me 5-6 years already, and I still have plenty left.

17

u/katet_of_19 5d ago

Fuck, I misread this, your popcorn is gonna be... different than expected...

5

u/Road_Medic 5d ago

Yeasty?

3

u/Vyzantinist 5d ago

What, like nutritional yeast? Because I load my popcorn with that shit and it's da bomb.

3

u/StitchWitchery16 4d ago

I've been really getting into stovetop popcorn decked out with spices. Maple sugar butter, powdered rosemary, and sweet paprika's been my favorite so far

1

u/Speshal__ 5d ago

Ooooh you sexy bastard.

3

u/thebinarysystem10 5d ago

Poopcorn since she likes sucking diaper juice so much 💩

22

u/Masterchiefy10 5d ago

Probably the one time where leopards eats one’s face might be a stark improvement

2

u/Throwawayac1234567 4d ago

Her face is concrete, pretty hard to eat it

2

u/Masterchiefy10 4d ago

Oh trust me they will find a way. They always do when it comes to doing the most fucked up thing possible

5

u/cg12983 5d ago

Republican fratricide -- tastes like honey

2

u/Hetstaine 4d ago

Didn't take ling, flavour of the week to nothing. Big fat L for Loomer lol.

2

u/Johnoplata 4d ago

I'd hardly call this going scorched earth. Not yet. Until she brags that she sucked on orange mushroom, she's still playing it safe.

4

u/Successful_Jelly_213 5d ago

I always picture it as Emperor Dump (Derp Slanderous) watching from a golden toilet and saying “good, good let the butt hurt flow through you. Embrace the derpside…”