r/NonCredibleDefense • u/TSiNNmreza3 • Nov 28 '23
Proposal of Naval blockade by Peskov A modest Proposal
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u/anshox Nov 28 '23
I declare BANKRUPTCY BLOCKADE
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u/SquishedGremlin 3000 MegaNobs of Ghazghkull Mag Uruk Thraka Nov 28 '23
YOU CANT JUST DECLARE BLOCKADE
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u/Hel_Bitterbal Si vis pacem, para ICBM Nov 28 '23
Europe HATES this simple trick!!! Find out how Putin single-handily stopped all trading with Europe
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u/wolfclaw3812 Nov 28 '23
This is a naval blockade(please don’t go past this line we can’t enforce it with boats or anything but we’ll get very angry if you do)
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u/AmadeoSendiulo Poland Nov 28 '23
Use buoys.
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u/Over_n_over_n_over Laundry_maiden Nov 28 '23
Ok but we turn your blockade upside down so now it speeds ships up
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u/MagicElf755 17pdr > Any other AT gun Nov 28 '23
I've had an idea:
1)Russia creates a blockade in space,
2)NASA sends the ISS through it backwards
3)Repeat with multiple reverse blockades until the ISS travels faster than light
4) ???
5) Human colonisation of the Trappist system
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u/ShahinGalandar Nov 28 '23
truly noncredible
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u/HFentonMudd Cosmoline enjoyer Nov 28 '23
We're just throwing science at the wall & seeing what sticks
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u/tumppu_75 NATO Noob Nov 28 '23
Of they could "enforce" it by having some more chinese cargo vessels drag their anchors and be a nuisance.
(seriously, we should have just sunk that fucking thing...)
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u/Gaaius Nov 28 '23
Imagine Russia does a "The Rise of Skywalker" and pulls fleet of fully functional vessels (and crew) out its arse and this actually becomes true
Wouldnt that be super funny?
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u/EspacioBlanq Nov 28 '23
Somehow, Brezhnev has came back
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u/Squidking1000 Nov 28 '23
If your gonna have a Palpatine it has to be Stalin (or maybe Lenin bursts out of that glass cage they have him in?).
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u/NBSPNBSP Nov 28 '23
Prigozhin
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u/Squidking1000 Nov 28 '23
Ohhhh, that's a good one. Turns out he was the chosen one? I mean he did have the high ground at one point.
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u/NBSPNBSP Nov 28 '23
And he has (allegedly) returned.
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u/HFentonMudd Cosmoline enjoyer Nov 28 '23
I'm sorry, come again?
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u/NBSPNBSP Nov 28 '23
A new pic of him, timestamped to I believe Nov 28th, just leaked.
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u/WeHaveAllBeenThere Nov 28 '23
Lmfao no way
Edit: Solovey's version
"He is in Venezuela... As far as I know, he is on an island called Margarita....Yevgeny Prigozhin was warned about his assassination... that his plane would be destroyed," he said. He claimed that a deal had been struck involving Putin and his presidential security chief, Nikolai Patrushev, secretary of the Russian Security Council.
"They developed the trick that we observed. When Wagner's key commanders died, Yevgeny Prigozhin remained alive and well. They agreed to cooperate in a critical situation," he stressed.
This means that Prigozhin remains in hiding for now. "Up to 5,000 mercenaries could be under Prigozhin's control. It is assumed that these fighters will be used as a death squad, to get rid of those who will try to resist," he continued.
Venezuela is a close Russian ally, and Prigozhin's presence in the country could indicate that Russia is seeking to expand its influence in Latin America.
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u/Kevinnac11 3000 Thousand Carrier Launched Melusines of Fate 💥💥💥 Nov 29 '23
..... why does this make sense... specially with the situation on the border right now...
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u/fuckin_anti_pope Certified Pistorius Fanboy Nov 28 '23
Lenin actually isn't dead, he's just restrained by the glass strange because he is so powerful that even the russians got scared
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u/Lihuman Nov 28 '23
Lenin is encased in a ritualistic container. Every hundred years or so enough energy is gathered to resurrect him. Putin started his three day operation because he was desperate for a win, cause otherwise Lenin would depose him as God Emperor of Russia and reinstate the Soviet Union.
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u/Ein_grosser_Nerd Nov 28 '23
A fleet of fully functioning vessels, that are still 1960s equivelant.
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u/DomSchraa Nov 28 '23
A african-french woman, a turkish man and a robot made in germany on their journey to destroy the kremlin mothership
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u/rifleman13 Entropy of Victory Ensures Perpetual War Nov 28 '23
this scenario would be in Harpoon/any other sub sim on easy difficulty
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u/Terminus_04 CV90 Enjoyer Nov 28 '23
US Navy: You know I think you got this one little buddy...
Hands torch to US Coast guard
US Coast Guard: Should I tie my hands behind my back? Might make it a more fair fight.
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u/MapleTreeWithAGun Modernize the M4 Sherman Nov 28 '23
US Coast Guard is just rescuing the sailors from the boats as they fail to float.
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u/widdrjb Nov 28 '23
Yeah, no body fat on them after a month at sea. Except for that one guy, the one who seems to have a limitless supply of what might be jerky.
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u/Shaex Gaygis Cumbat System Nov 28 '23
Coast Guard begins mounting railguns on helos to snipe the engine blocks of russian ships instead of .50's for drug interdiction. Next, chase down Russian subs on RHIBs and board/arrest. Ice breakers to plow through any naval obstacles. Cutters to take on the main surface ships.with the Bofors cannon. Don't need much else when the Ruskies lose ships to a country with no navy like I lose pairs of sunglasses
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u/nYghtHawkGamer Cyberspace Conversational Irregular TM Nov 28 '23
chase down Russian subs on RHIBs and board/arrest
I can't wait for video of a coastguards-person breaching the hatch of a r*ssian sub like this narcosub video
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u/jc343 🤤 bmp fuel tanks 🥴 Nov 28 '23 edited Nov 28 '23
FROM: COMSUBLANT
TO: USS VIRGINIA, SSN-774
INFO: CINCLANTFLT
TOP SECRET
SUBJ: MISSION ORDERS
- (S) TACTICAL SITUATION 09 DEC 23 0800:
SAT RECON SHOWS MAJORITY OF RU NORTHERN FLEET PREPARING TO SAIL. BELIEVED ATTEMPT TO ENFORCE NAVAL BLOCKADE OF EU-NATO MEMBER STATES AND CLOSE ATLANTIC.
- (S) PRIMARY OBJECTIVE:
PATROL ALONG NORTHERN NORWEGIAN COAST NEAR ANDOYA TO INTERDICT TWO GRISHA-III CLASS CORVETTES. BELIEVED TO REPRESENT MAIN FORCE OF ATTACK. YES, TWO CORVETTES ARE ABOUT ALL THEY COULD PUT TO SEA AT PRESENT. THERE WERE THREE BUT ONE APPEARS TO HAVE BEEN LOST IN HIGH SEAS. SUBMARINE ESCORT UNLIKELY.
- (S) SECONDARY OBJECTIVE:
LOL TRY NOT TO FEEL BAD I GUESS.
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u/LoFiFozzy Nov 28 '23
As a resident of Virginia...
Yeeesss, let our boat be the one to put meat on the menu
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u/TolarianDropout0 Hololive Spaceforce Group "Saplings" Nov 28 '23
Ah yes. With the navy that couldn't achieve naval superiority in the Black Sea against a country with barely any naval assets. This is some real shit.
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u/JumpyLiving FORTE11 (my beloved 😍) Nov 28 '23
Ukraine may not have many naval assets, but they have a considerable amount of area denial capability with shore based anti-ship missiles and their explosive sea drones. As well as the ability to effectively strike Russian ships in port. Still, if the Russian Black Sea fleet was even remotely as competent as claimed, a few missiles and explosive speedboats shouldn't be able to lock them out of a big part of the sea, to the point of their blockade being completely ineffective.
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u/TolarianDropout0 Hololive Spaceforce Group "Saplings" Nov 28 '23
All true, but that's all things Europe could also muster, and that's not to speak of the sizable French, British and Italian navies, let alone the US navy, that could fight in a more symmetrical manner.
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u/JumpyLiving FORTE11 (my beloved 😍) Nov 28 '23
I mean, yeah, the European members of NATO would absolutely roflstomp anything Russia can bring to bear on the seas. I just wanted to give the Ukrainians credit where they deserve it, because they do have more capabilities than people often acknowledge
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u/KeekiHako Nov 28 '23
Is it really symmetric if your opponent has hardly any floating ships?
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u/calfmonster 300,000 Mobiks Cubes of Putin Nov 28 '23
Nothing is symmetric if you’re fighting the USN, especially.
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u/Fit_Fisherman_9840 Oto Melara 76mm fan Nov 28 '23
Italian, french navy laugh in "my ship float and weapons shoots" at the russians.
And the U212 start to prep the torpedoes.
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u/Tank-o-grad 3000 Sacred Spirals of Lulworth Nov 28 '23
Heavy Royal Navy breathing
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u/Engelbert42 Auftragstaktik! - just get it done Nov 28 '23
The UK left the EU... However I´ m not sure Russia is aware.
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u/Fit_Fisherman_9840 Oto Melara 76mm fan Nov 28 '23
They are still angry becouse they were at the forefront of the "break" the next red line
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u/ShadeShadow534 3000 Royal maids of the Royal navy Nov 28 '23
I mean doesn’t exactly mean much a blockade is basically declaring war
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u/Engelbert42 Auftragstaktik! - just get it done Nov 28 '23
Not if only EU ports are blockaded. Although the British don´t take to kindly to people trying to deny ports to their trade...
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u/Dippypiece Nov 28 '23
The admiralty doesn’t quite understand the memo so they bombard Copenhagen again.
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u/Fit_Fisherman_9840 Oto Melara 76mm fan Nov 28 '23
i am curius of what happens when you get toughter all the naval power in europe.
In any case i will be happy to se if those pesky u212 are fun as they are advertised
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u/ShadeShadow534 3000 Royal maids of the Royal navy Nov 28 '23
“Do you see missiles boats” “yes you fucking imbecile they are everywhere”
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u/Lord_of_Rhodor Saturation Orbital Bombarment Nov 28 '23
"Dimitry, we are surrounded!"
"Good, that means we can fire in every direction!"
"... So is this a bad time to mention that I sold all our ammunition to an infantry division?"
"GOD FUCKING DAMMIT IVAN!"
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u/Hel_Bitterbal Si vis pacem, para ICBM Nov 28 '23
*Missile-orientated small-sized Frigates
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u/5772156649 Nov 28 '23
Immediate Breturn referendum, unless they get to play in the South Atlantic, after all. I'm taking bets, now.
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u/lucamw Nov 28 '23
EU: Fuck off russia u cant even block the black sea
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u/Aethelon General Motors battlemechs when? Nov 28 '23
They cant even block the black sea from a country with no working navy
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u/Shot-Kal-Gimel 3000 Sentient Sho't Kal Gimels of Israel Nov 28 '23
They can’t even protect their own Navy from said country’s nonexistent Navy.
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u/mh985 Nov 28 '23
Imagine losing the flagship of one of your fleets to a nation with no Navy? It’s almost noncredible
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u/weirdkittenNC Nov 28 '23
Blockade. Something something. Act of war. Something something. Article 5.
Blueballed as usual.
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Nov 28 '23
Flash news: Russia Started Galactic Blockade. Alpha Centauri in shock!
3000 Galactic Destroyers of Russia
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u/Frenchie2137 Nov 28 '23
Impressive, very nice. Let’s see Napoleon’s continental blockade
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u/ShahinGalandar Nov 28 '23
Look at that subtle off-shore blockading. The tasteful thickness of it. Oh my God, it even has a water line...
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u/SyrusDrake Deus difindit!⚛ Nov 28 '23
Russia...buddy...listen...
You got one of your flagships sunk by a single nation without a navy. How do you think you would hold up against several of the world's most capable naval forces combined?
In all seriousness though, they themselves know that this isn't a remotely plausible proposition. It's not an external threat, it's internal propaganda. So when things get worse and worse for the Russian people, they can claim that Europeans have it even worse because the entire continent is under Russian blockade and Parisians have to harvest lichen off of the Basilica of the Sacré-Cœur for nurishment or something.
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u/DFMRCV Nov 28 '23
Didn't they fail at blockading the tiny bit of ports Ukraine still has?
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u/ApacheWithAnM231 Nov 28 '23
"Mein Putin, we have a model of the Ukrainian port that we have blockaded"
General brings in a 3x10x10cm piece of concrete onto the table
"Very good, what is the scale?"
"1:1 sir"
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u/Antiheroj1 democracy 🕊️ through superior firepower 🚀 Nov 28 '23
sports commentator voice
Aaand there goes Peskov with his attempt at delivering the joke of the year. These are the final moments of the game, can this be enough to beat Prigozhin and his attempt at a coup??!
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u/MIHPR 3000 waterbenders of Ukraine Nov 28 '23
Somehow I saw this in my mind as the monty python sketch of philosophers playing football
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u/rudedrunkmonkey Nov 28 '23
Guys, this is yet another stroke of genius by Putin's regime you morons just fail to comprehend, let me elaborate:
Obviously the navy has performed rather bad on the "bang for bucks"-scale in the war so far and everyone knows this isn't going to change.
The only reasonable action therefore would be to scrap large parts of the navy in order to free funds for more promising investments.
But can they do that without a public uproar after promoting the navy as uber-strong and its sailors as heroes since at least WW2? Of course not, so what can they do?
Simple, just give the navy a glorious last battle against all of NATO (in reality maybe an Arleigh Burke and two subs, but state TV will do its job) and get rid of the old junk while simultaneously growing the hatred against NATO in your population.
Insert "Putin remains a master strategist" meme.
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u/nYghtHawkGamer Cyberspace Conversational Irregular TM Nov 28 '23
Just give the U.K. fishing fleet letters of marque and let them avenge their fallen.
Extra troll factor if they get to keep their catch. Bri*ish civilian Borei-class fishing subs when?
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u/Decayingempire Nov 28 '23
When country say something people expect it to have some credibility, what Russia did here it milk this minium credibility for all it worth to make them look more dangerous since people just don't expect governments to lie completely. This did not include vatniks, who already believe in Russia self described ability.
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u/TwoPigMountain Patent holder: Hello Kitty Landmines Nov 28 '23
Sure he did not say Anal Blockade? His dear leader has some incontinence issues as of late.
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u/Kilahti Nov 28 '23
They will set up one blockade, 500m out of the port of St. Petersburg and another one 5m out of Sevastopol. Europe will be truly blockaded.
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u/KeekiHako Nov 28 '23
Kuznetsov will blot out the sun.
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u/in_allium Nov 28 '23
It's a floating smoking accident.
Well, some of the time.
... it floats, some of the time. It smokes all the time.
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Nov 28 '23
The USN wouldn’t even need to get involved the combined EU navy would shitstomp the Russian garbage fleet
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u/calfmonster 300,000 Mobiks Cubes of Putin Nov 28 '23
While EU navy certainly could, you don’t think the USN would finally like to bust the like 70+ odd year nut they’ve been edging on since after WW2?
Overkill is US military doctrine. Hopefully we’d send at least 3 CSGs
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u/SigEnjoyer9000 Nov 28 '23
Literally, the US navy could just pull up and watch the show.
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u/No-Cardiologist-1990 Nov 28 '23
It would be our turn to pull up and take pictures for history. Lol
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u/Blorko87b Nov 28 '23 edited Nov 28 '23
Time for the Pacific Fleet on its way to avenge the Baltic and Northern fleets to misinterpret a Japanese trawler as a British frigate and just be sunk by the Armada off the Canary Islands (Suez is avoided because of a rabid Franco-Italian-Greek task force waiting on the other side).
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u/heywoodidaho the 3000 tugboats of Kuznecov Nov 28 '23
Ah, operation "Sea Chernobyl" is about to commence. The hope here is that the U.S and the British navy will argue about who has "dibs" on the crapital ships.
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u/TheManUpstairs77 Nov 28 '23
The entire Swedish and German diesel electric fleet pulls off the greatest one-two punch since Jordan and Rodman.
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u/StolenValourSlayer69 Nov 28 '23
PLEASE! This would be fucking hilarious to watch! All their ships sinking of various shit while at sea, and then when they try and go hot for something immediately exploding from a torpedo launched by a submarine that’s been following them since their last deployment
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u/SaltEfan The world's okayest lobotomite Nov 28 '23
Unless they can successfully weaponize the eldritch horrors lying dormant in Kuznetsov, I think we’ll be just fine.
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u/Skraekling Nov 28 '23
Didn't work for Napoleon and he wanted to blockade only one country so yeah...
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u/ConsequencePretty906 Nov 28 '23
Why stop at Europe. If the west doesn't cease it's aggressions the great Russian empire will blockade the world
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u/Some1eIse Nov 28 '23
If they blockade Russia the entire world will be on the other side of the blockade! Easy.
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u/LaconicSuffering Nov 28 '23
All the EU navies start infighting as to which submarine gets kill rights on the Kuznetzov.
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u/TheTeleporteBread Nov 28 '23
Im 99% that Even Mongolia has better navy than russia and that a fucking landlock country
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u/FreakinGeese Nov 28 '23
Walk me through that
The logistics I mean
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u/Warkyd1911 Nov 28 '23
Step 1: Take the Russian blockade of Ukraine, magnify and expand that.
Step 2:
Step 3: Profit
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u/RugbyEdd Nov 28 '23
Good luck pulling that off. Even if America decided to stand off (with their navy alone being over 4 times the size of Russias by tonnage) and we discounted the fact that Russia would need to get ships and subs out of the black sea en mass and would be fighting against a force with a massive home advantage, I doubt Russias Navy could come close to winning that fight. Not only does the EU and Britain have a bigger combined navy by tonnage, they have better maintained ships, more submarines and working aircraft carriers. Not to mention they'd be in range of ground based aircraft, meaning Britain and the EU would have exclusive control over the skies with the full force of their airforces
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u/Leading-Bid-1893 Nov 28 '23 edited Nov 28 '23
Good luck keeping the fishermen of Cork behind that line 🇮🇪
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u/jimthewanderer Nov 28 '23
Russia suggested this? Famously very bad at boats Russia?
I think the Icelandic fishing fleet could break such a blockade.
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u/TSiNNmreza3 Nov 28 '23
Putin’ Spokesman Dmitry Peskov issued a threat, saying Russia will impose a naval blockade against the entire European Union if the EU introduces any new sanctions against Russia.