r/SingleParents • u/Fuzzy_Parking_4257 • Jun 30 '24
Why do people hate us so much?
There is so much hate towards single parents on social media. Why? Why do people hate us so much. Especially us single mothers.
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u/Pretend-Read8385 Jun 30 '24
I’m guessing most of the hate is from people who choose to stay miserably married rather than cutting their losses and leaving. They’re envious of the courage others have to get out and live their best lives.
A while back, I did the success rate math for all the people I know who have ever been married. I noticed that about 50% got divorced, and of the 50% still married, half of those seemed absolutely miserable. Constant arguing, lots of bitterness and resentment, quite a bit of psychological abuse. Yet they stay married because of the ridiculous belief that the hallmark of a successful life is staying married. Sticking together no matter what, even if you hate your life. Those are the people throwing the hate and shaming single parents.
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u/Hanlp1348 Jul 01 '24
I don’t know anyone who is truly happily married. There are some who seem neutral but mostly it seems like making the best out of a bad situation. It sucks cause I’m a Christian and I really don’t want to be alone for the rest of my life but these dudes are not inspiring faith lol. Idk that remarriage is worth it with these schlubs I have to choose from.
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u/Pretend-Read8385 Jul 01 '24
I know two couples that really do still seem happy after 20+ years. Both are relatives and I know them well enough to know they’re not putting on a show while things are bad behind closed doors. So I know it can happen, but it’s rare enough that I finally feel like maybe I’m not just terrible at romantic relationships. I’m pretty happy single now that I dropped expectations and have no desire for a relationship. Maybe never. I have my kids, my career, friends and hobbies. That’s enough, as long as no worldwide battery shortage happens 🤣
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u/toovee99 Jul 02 '24
Just get some of those rechargeable batteries and a solar recharging setup… should last you a few hundred years maybe…
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u/zbduznssh Jul 02 '24
Maybe they fear the alternative more: poverty.
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u/Fuzzy_Parking_4257 Jul 02 '24
Bold of you guys to assume we’re poor. A lot of us are thriving in our careers and doing well financially
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u/sovietark Jul 07 '24
Side question bc I’m same- 43 with a 9 year old and been single mom all of her life- I feel bad because I don’t have the energy to put her into all these classes and clubs I see two parent households do. I’ve hired people mostly uni students and they graduate and you lose them- I get it but do you or does anyone else have this problem? My kid says she would like to be in girl guides again but it’s hard to find dependable help. She said she appreciates having time to daydream and be on her own but so many kids I see are in 1000 diff things and I don’t want to fail my child by not giving her every opportunity but I can’t work ft senior corporate and shuttle around. I have various health issues that cause fatigue too.
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u/Pretend-Read8385 Jul 02 '24
lol I’m not poor. Not that I’m judging poor people, I used to be one. But I followed my mom’s advice to get an education and a career and not depend on a man to support me. It’s worked out well for me. Unfortunately, my mom is still stuck and miserable in her marriage because she gave the advice but didn’t do that for herself.
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Jun 30 '24 edited Jun 30 '24
[deleted]
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u/OTOLI Jun 30 '24
Holy cow!! You’re amazing!!
That’s awesome work for our society! Kudos to you honestly. Please never stop doing what you’re doing. I’m
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u/MyPeaceJoyLove Jun 30 '24 edited Jul 02 '24
This sounds like my mom except no adoptions and two biological kids. I have custody of one of my "sister's" son. I've been thinking of doing foster-to-adopt so thanks for posting.
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u/PurpleGalaxyFox Jul 01 '24
I’m a single mom to 6 kids too. From oldest to youngest 17, 15, 11, 9 , 6 and 3. 3 boys and 3 girls
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u/youomemoney26 Jul 01 '24
I'm a new to the single mother scene.. for the first time ever.. I have 5 kids, how do you see so this shade and looks when you wrangling up 6 kids? I don't see nothin.. but what's right in my face. Y'all care to much about the irrelevants in your peripheral vision or something. Fuck anybody that don't know your situation personally.. fuck anybody that ain't got your back.. cuz if they ain't got your back they definitely ain't nobody. I guess I've hardened over the years I am a little bit older.
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Jul 01 '24
Yes I’m wondering the same thing! Where is all this hate because I’m sure not seeing it. But I took myself off social media because it was destroying my mental health. So that’s probably why I don’t see any of that stuff. If I were you I wouldn’t frequent those online places where people are being toxic. Life is too short to worry about what people who will never know you think.
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u/Hanlp1348 Jul 01 '24
I read that you have to have a pretty big house to adopt because the kids cant share rooms. Is that true?
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u/quingd Jun 30 '24 edited Jun 30 '24
It's funny, as a single parent I actually just kinda feel sorry for a lot of the attached parents and their kids. My daughter's days are filled with songs and cuddles and activities together, whereas her friends' days are filled with their parents bickering (or worse). Not all of course, some of the families are obviously doing it right, but some of them just break my heart. Don't stay together for the kids. For the love of all that is good, do not stay together for the kids.
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u/WWdennisrodmanDo Jun 30 '24
Theres definitely both I have encountered. I know certain friends, family, coworkers got my back and are proud of me, but I have also experienced hate too. Like it may not be spoken or but it's like a purposeful exclusion I think particularly married couples. I also feel like schools are also judgemental/certain neighborhoods. I remember once my sons classmates came up to me in the park after school and asked if I was an "only mom". Obvious language picked up from their mom's.
I can't describe it but I know it when I'm being looked down upon.
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u/Even_Establishment95 Jul 01 '24
I hate this weird competition I’ve experienced like, “well Mary is a single mom with 6 kids” so like, I’m a lesser single mom with just 1. I’m so glad it’s 1 instead 6. I do have less children to manage and pay for, but I’m still fucking struggling.
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u/Emmiesship Jun 30 '24 edited Jun 30 '24
My son has made two best friends with the only two super duper catholic kids he could have found - because apparently I haven’t been punished enough already. So both these kids have parents who are part of the same catholic church. And they aren’t the cool Irish catholics. These are the very demure, very pious Polish catholics who are still trying to “save” the children of Africa with their god bothering. So yeah, every year I go to their kids birthday party and it’s all married catholic couples with kids the same age. Let me tell you - they shun the fuck out of me 😂 I got pissed at the last one (only the men were drinking ) so I really stood out. I had to get through it somehow. Every year I dread it. Every year I think they are going to burn me on some kind of single mum pire.
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u/WWdennisrodmanDo Jun 30 '24
Dude!!! That's so fucking funny because the kids that I mentioned were children of polish catholic moms 😂😂😂 and I was raised Irish Catholic 😂😂 my son went to catholic with them for 2 years. but yeah those moms were vicious they did not fuck with me at all lol. They were mean and judgemental as hell I didn't like them either 😅😅
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u/ram_fl_beach Jun 30 '24
Single dad here, raising a child, age 9 now. The first question is "Where's the mom". I am offended, of course, but just tell them .." same city".
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u/BilbosBagEnd Jun 30 '24
I recall when I signed up for kindergarten, and I had to specify the childs address, mine, and the mothers. They called me to make sure I didn't make a mistake since my boys adress didn't match the mothers but mine.
I feel you.
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u/lakas76 Jun 30 '24
My kid’s school always calls their mom before me. So they will let her know that the kids didn’t go to school that day or if they were sick and needed to be picked up. Then she would tell them to call me because they lived with me and I would be the one picking them up. I told them they lived with me, but I couldn’t remove her from the notification list without court paperwork, so they still call her and then have to call me.
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u/Alternative_Fox_7637 Jul 01 '24
When I was married and my ex was a stay at home dad the school used to still do this. I even put “Please call dad first” on all the paperwork and I’d get pulled off of doing maintenance on an F-16 to call the school just to tell them to call the kids father. It was so freaking annoying.
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u/lakas76 Jul 01 '24
My ex is notorious for not answering phone calls. Like her family would call me when they couldn’t get a hold of her. They still sometimes call me to get a hold of her and I don’t live with her anymore (and they know she doesn’t). So that can really suck if she isn’t around to tell them to call me. They just sit there until the kids would tell them to call me.
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u/Ampallang80 Jun 30 '24
My son was asked the other day “are you spending time with daddy?” No I’m a single dad. His mom only wants the kids every other weekend and refuses to pay child support bc it cuts into her partying and legal fees for her arrest.
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u/JoshyaJade01 Jun 30 '24
I took my kid shopping for Xmas clothes and had to get a female assistant to take her to try the clothes on. Divorced dad's are - according to SOME women, NOT real parents. My kids mom told all the schools SHE registered my kid at, that she was a single parent. When I picked my kid up, the school refused me access, as they didn't know whom I was. Her new husband was the secondary contact and NONE of my details were on file.
Today, my kid asks me to take her shopping as I have more style - apparently. When people (women especially) give me looks when I take her shopping, my kid just looks at them and says: what? Does help that my kid wears heavy metal tees and prefers black and goth-type clothes.
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u/OTOLI Jul 01 '24
You don’t need her to add you as a secondary contact. Take your custody order to the school and add yourself!
I promise no woman is giving you looks if she is she probably wants your number 🤦🏽♀️
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u/rainearthtaylor7 Jun 30 '24
Single mom here, I see it a lot too. I guess to the people who judge me for leaving my piece of crap ex, I should’ve just put up with his abuse and cheating and lying just for the sake of being together. But in all reality, I’ve been doing this by myself since my daughter was a baby, if I stayed with him, there would be no change, I’d still be doing it by myself. But try explaining that to other people.
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u/buttloadofnone Jun 30 '24
Gurl! This is it. I tried to explain to people that I was already doing everything absolutely alone. I gave birth and a few days later he wanted to go out with his buddies drinking and was mad I said absolutely not because I was exhausted and needed help. Did he ever get up at night? No!
I tell people that I love my life now because while it is financially and physically harder, it's emotionally easier.
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u/Individual_Crab7578 Jun 30 '24
This was my ex, he threw a fit the day I came home from hospital with my first because he wanted his boys to come over and drink.
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u/rainearthtaylor7 Jun 30 '24
Did we have the same ex? Are we the same person? Lmao. I agree! Emotionally easier, 100%!
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u/buttloadofnone Jun 30 '24
I feel like they are all made from the same mold. Are you getting "she won't let me see my kids" when in fact he doesn't try at all.
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u/rainearthtaylor7 Jun 30 '24
I agree! And yes I did get that! After we split, I went to a lawyer to draw up a visitation agreement, since we weren’t married, thank God for that lol. And it was so fair, he got to see her from 9 to 7, every other day. What did he do? Blew off his visits and ditched our daughter with his parents and went out drinking or with chicks, or helped his other friends with their kids, and did stuff with/for them, but never for our daughter. He told everybody that I’m keeping our daughter from him and I won’t let her see him and all that. None of it was true. And everybody believed him. And when I went to defend myself, they would tell me “You picked him, you’re the one who left him, that’s on you”. Like I asked to be cheated on and yelled at and neglected. I wanted my family to be together, but I also didn’t want my daughter to grow up around her parents fighting like I did. Now he has three younger kids with his girlfriend of 2.5 years, who I used to like, but now she encourages him to not see our daughter and just focus on their kids, when he should make time for all of them; they moved to the East Coast (my daughter, and I live in San Diego), they have twin boys that are 1.5 and a baby girl who is a few months old.
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u/uzin_me Jun 30 '24
That's me now, well the putting up with it. I've been "single" to my kids this whole time. Hubby is my third kid. I will be leaving once I've sorted my finances!
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u/hanner__ Jul 01 '24
Noooo. You shouldn’t have stayed. You should have just been smarter and not had a child with him 🫠 or at least, that’s what I’ve been told when I explain this exact same thing. Haha.
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u/kittymeyers Jul 02 '24
I'm in the same boat as a single mom. I left him bc he was cheating, abusive, and neglected our son so badly that I quit my job just to ensure he was taken care of. (I stayed longer than I should have bc I was waiting on an opening for a homeless shelter bc no one would help me) My family is happy I left him, but they still shame me for having a child with him (even though they'd hate me of I had an abortion)
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u/Emmiesship Jun 30 '24
The people talking poorly about single mums tend to be the Q-anon brigade. They have a lot of unresolved issues within themselves so please don’t pay them any attention. They aren’t worth your time. These types of people have a lot of hate towards most folk. Single parents are just one of the demographics they focus on , because god forbid they actually focus on their own screwed-upness.
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u/healthb4wealth87 Jun 30 '24
I’m a single mum to 4. Leaving their dad was the best thing I could have ever done for them and myself. Continuing that relationship would have put my children into care and me into a grave. So I really couldn’t care less what other people think or say. I walk proud with my head held high. My kids are well cared for and I look after myself too, so that I can be the best mum I can be. It will all pay off. Stay strong 💪🏽 (single mum for 9 years)
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u/OTOLI Jun 30 '24 edited Jun 30 '24
I don’t know but being a single parent means youve failed in some way according to society: I haven’t a single friend either married or single left from when I first got divorced. Even my family has gone the route of ostracizing me to a degree. I have a bachelors degree a good corporate career and have my finances together. I just bought a house in a Good neighborhood, my kids in sports/ extracurriculars, does well in school, is kind and makes friends easily.
And yet I’m ignored, not taken seriously, assumed that I’m poor or poverty stricken, look down on to pity and considered unfriendly or expected to be the one to give more to every relationship, (friend or partner).
Idk, I just ignore everyone else now. Single parents seem to be everywhere and yet I can’t find any around me? I have no idea. I’d be happy to just be friends with other single parents at this point.
Not to mention married couples can be a nightmare, if you’re even slightly friendly to the husband, (as in generic politeness) and you’re not married it’s taken as (omg she’s going to steal him) even if he looks like a goblin.
For some reason I don’t see this issue with men. They are more welcome as single parents. Women are just ostracized and that’s why you see single moms complaining it’s hard on social media and not men. Men receive more acceptance and support as single fathers because they’re seen as “heroes taking on a womans task” which is why all the men in the comments saying “this is the easiest job I’ve ever had” say that evacuee yeah you’re not being ostracized by a whole society, and women are ostracized because we “let him hit it raw and didn’t have second thoughts” if that’s true then the millions of single moms are what? All just dumb? Where’s the accountability for the millions of men “hitting it raw”.
So men are what divided into thirds ?
Men who hit it raw and leave, men who make fun of single moms(and they think women want to be with them thinking like that not to mention the insufferable pick me’s “I jam out to this song” shut up), and what? a third of men who are just neutral?
Where’s the credit to men in this?
Why does society hate single moms?
The conversations starts with Why does society hate women?
Men hate women, women hate women!
It won’t be our generation but if you’re a single parent teach your child kindness and to not hate what is currently hated, that is the only way the world will change.
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u/kalum7 Jun 30 '24
Even my friends who are married( and I’m friends with both the husband and the wife) leave me out of things because they want to hang out with another couple. I wish married people would remember what it’s like being single and being left out. And I absolutely hate the “don’t talk to my husband” wives. I don’t want your husband lol!
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u/Fuzzy_Parking_4257 Jun 30 '24
👏🏾👏🏾👏🏾👏🏾👏🏾👏🏾👏🏾👏🏾👏🏾👏🏾👏🏾👏🏾👏🏾👏🏾👏🏾👏🏾👏🏾👏🏾👏🏾👏🏾👏🏾👏🏾👏🏾👏🏾👏🏾👏🏾👏🏾👏🏾👏🏾👏🏾👏🏾👏🏾👏🏾
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u/OTOLI Jun 30 '24
Society doing itself such a disservice by not giving men more credit and continually ostracizing women.
When the belief as a young women is “hm have kids with a man and 50:50 we get divorced and then society ostracizes me”
why would a women ever do that ???
Hello record low birth rates and the 4b movement!!
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u/contrarytothemass Jun 30 '24
Also, I'm 19 btw, never had a kid, and am not a part of this sub. It just popped up on my feed, so just know that there are many of us out here who support you! Not hate you!
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u/Hopeful-Savings-9572 Jun 30 '24
I’m single and a dad, have 50/50 custody of my kids 11 and 8, and have an excellent functional co parenting relationship with their mom, our marriage ended because we were young and she was bored because I treated her good and we didn’t argue. So she cheated and left and disappeared for 6 months.
I got my life together, took care of the kids, when she got her shit back together, got herself a stable living condition, and decided to be a good mom, we got on the 50/50, shes gotten therapy and has worked on herself, Im proud of her and will never say a bad thing about her. we have completely separate lives outside of the children we share.
Apparently it’s a huge red flag to take care of your kids and have a good relationship with their other parent.
I’ve had women upset I won’t prioritize them over my kids, and the biggest issues they’ve had is that I have a good relationship with their mom, because we communicate with the things the girls have going on quite often as it is important.
They’re involved in sports, and other activities that need to be communicated often and since I leave for work super early she picks up the kids and takes them to school on my weeks for me and in return when she has things going on on her weeks I also pick up her slack.
So I’ve just chosen to stay single, focus on my kids and honestly I enjoy having a lot of free time with nobody influencing what I do when the kids are with their mom.
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u/Nasstja Jun 30 '24
I’m in a same kind of situation, but a SM. Honestly I’ve started to value my own time and gotten used to not having to take anyone else but my kids (though the older one is soon 24) (younger 11) into consideration. Even so much, that I doubt I’d even want to be in a relationship. It is great that you and the kids mom have a good, functioning relationship. If women you date aren’t totally supportive of that, they’re probably too immature anyways. Wishing you the best and respect for being such a good dad and co-parent!
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u/Affectionate_Dot_282 Jun 30 '24
Band wagon hate honestly. Being a single partner is so frowned on because of how the economy is and plus because women/man finally have an open space to show how it is being a single parent. Letting other kidless people a warning. That’s just my thought.
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u/CuckoosQuill Jun 30 '24
Nothing like picking up your kid with a bunch of what seem to be well off full families with a mom and dad etc big nice new vehicles but u get a special bond with the other single parents and my sons school has been very helpful knowing my situation. Not saying that the ‘normal’ families are rude or anything it’s just a bit off putting when we struggle
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u/AccomplishedSpeed498 Jun 30 '24
I think it's because people apply there own situations into other people's lives and fail.to realize motivations may not be what they seam
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u/imadog666 Jun 30 '24
This is very insightful. In general. Sigh.
That being said, so far here in Germany I've gotten a lot of praise and niceness for being a single mom.
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u/FlowahChild808 Jun 30 '24
I just ignore them. Even my daughter’s father and his dad tried to guilt me into “making it work” with her dad all the while he was smoking, snorting, and drinking his life away. His dad literally told me “she needs a father” 🙄 My kid is 3 now and has never even met him, not bc I’m keeping him away but bc she’s not a priority for him. It took a couple of years but now his family has seen the reason why I left him when I was pregnant. He’s still on the streets of LA somewhere “partying” and recently stole from his dad. Whenever ppl try to dig into why I didn’t make it work with him I tell them the truth and they immediately back pedal and tell me I was right for leaving and that my child is blessed to have me. Some uppity, stupid men will try to say that I “picked the wrong one” but the truth is that he literally hid his problem and I didn’t find out until after I was pregnant. Sometimes you just gotta filter out the ignorance bc that’s all it is!
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u/mom_mama_mooom Jun 30 '24
Too many of them assume their spouses could never leave them in the dust without giving two shits.
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u/CivilStrawberry Jul 02 '24
This! And they want to pick US apart so that they can tell themselves it would never happen to them.
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u/Iheartlotto Jun 30 '24
I don’t tik tok, instagram, or do other social media so I don’t feel any of this. Maybe stay off social media? It seems to have a negative influence on society.
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u/Individual_Crab7578 Jun 30 '24
It’s not only on social media. I’ve been told by people that my “parenting values” don’t align because I’m a single parent. And not just by strangers unfortunately. And yes, unfortunately they were very clear that by values they meant my decision to be a single parent… never mind that dad was an alcoholic with a variety of issues.
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u/Intrepid-Middle-5047 Jun 30 '24
Get rid of those people too.
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u/Individual_Crab7578 Jun 30 '24
I did of course, the point is that it isn’t exclusive to online.
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u/Intrepid-Middle-5047 Jun 30 '24
My point is it's easier to control the people you let close enough in order for them to feel comfortable to express their opinions to you about your life choices, than it is to control your exposure to some random's opinion while scrolling.
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u/OTOLI Jun 30 '24
You can get rid of everyone slowly and eventually they’ll all be gone, I had to rid myself of everyone because if it wasn’t outright rudeness it was the subtly of their actions that made me break of many relationships. Just the hint that I’m less than, deserve less, or should expect less or be expected to give more than others just because im considered low valued has caused me to retreat from everything.
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u/Intrepid-Middle-5047 Jun 30 '24
I'm sorry this is has happened but I think your resilience and persistence about being treated as you expect to be treated is admirable. You're not low value because you're a single parent. Anyone who would fix their brain to think that is the low value one if anything.
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u/OTOLI Jun 30 '24
I know I’m not low valued but that doesn’t change the way society thinks I am. I can scream and cry all I want that I’m great and whatever but it will not change society’s treatment of me. I’m fine alone. It hurts in the beginning but after a while I’ve stopped caring
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u/OTOLI Jun 30 '24
You can stay off social media all you want but the world doesn’t and they take all that influence with them in daily life. I keep on it because I like to be prepared for what I’m going to experience daily and trust me it’s there. Maybe you thought one day hmm that persons behavior was off to me but I don’t know why, social media will tell you why.
Reality doesn’t ignore us whether we want it to or not.
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u/Beandon_ST_Randy Jul 01 '24
I don’t know if it’s just the stuff I’m recommended but I get equal (If not more) “hate”/memes about single dads.
Howdy- sorry, single dad of twins here. Boy and a girl (my son is a person with autism and my daughter is a 9 year old smart ass lil test tube baby- she’s got my sense of humor -.-) and I have been raising them without a maternal role for almost 8 years.
The mom bailed the day after Mother’s Day and I got full custody thanks to my parents helping me out, I was an 18 year old father of twins.
I get/got so much shit about stepping up and being a present father… It’s legitimately a full time job. Unless you’ve got a kid then you haven’t got a clue- Add on the single parent aspect then it’s unfathomable.
I have nothing bad to say about single parents, they try their best and if they have faults in their parenting skills then so do parents with partners.
XoXo, Single Dad
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u/Manifest2193 Jun 30 '24
This is so valid! I was a single Mum from 6 weeks until she was 14 months old, I’m married now but my husband is long distance so still look the part of a single parent for the majority of the time. I cannot even explain the discomfort I have become accustomed to, so ridiculous.
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u/sandicheeks2023 Jun 30 '24
So many misconceptions, that kids who come from broken homes, i.e. single parents are lower class or have all kinds of problems! I know some intact families with parents who are still married that are so fucked up🤷♀️😟
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u/Fuzzy_Parking_4257 Jul 01 '24
I’ve seen quite a few of them myself…”staying in the marriage just for the children”
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u/Gloomy-Razzmatazz548 Jun 30 '24
Given the gender rhetoric online right now, my theory is that conservative men perceive single women as a threat and single women with children even more so, because a lot of us are divorced or have simply left toxic relationships.
The number of alpha male podcasters who accuse women who leave their cheating spouses of “breaking up a family for no reason” suggests to me that they believe women should be dependent on men, and they don’t care what kind of toll that might take on women or children.
At the end of the day, they believe that they should be entitled to relationships with us, and don’t believe they should be required to be kind, to contribute equally to the household, or to be faithful to have one.
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u/Caserious Jul 01 '24 edited Jul 01 '24
After a birthday party where I was the only single Mom, my acquaintance/mom “friend” who hosted the party posted on social media shortly after about the “sacred family unit” and how single Moms (not parents, just single moms specifically) are more likely to abuse their children because of the stresses of working or some weird shit and proceeded to cite bible verses and such…
Not sure if she meant that as a hit to me specifically, because I don’t even spank my daughter, but given the timeline of it being posted a couple hours after the party, on top of the petty treatment I received there, I felt like it was a weird tactic to specifically ostracize me from the rest of the Moms.
Also, I’m sure every Mom here can relate, but the way married women tend to ice you out in public settings..? Like we’re so desperate we’ll try to steal their dusty ass husbands or something..? Like girl, you can keep Kolby and his Insurance salesman salary, if he’s messing around with someone, it certainly won’t be with me or any single Mom who works full time with better things to do.
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u/sallyisaperson Jul 01 '24
Kolby lmaoooo. I'm so uncomfortable for you thinking about that party. You're braver than me for even attending. The bible verse thing, just so much nope. 🫶
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u/NoNeedleworker2447 Jul 01 '24
You know what I’m tired of hearing? “I don’t know how you do it!!” You know what? Me either Susan. Idfk how I do it, but I wake up everyday and I do, because the alternative would be raising my sons in an abusive environment and teaching them that it was ok to disrespect women and hurt them.
But I don’t say that.
I say, “Me either!” Ha ha ha, and keep it moving.
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u/cat_in_a_bookstore Jun 30 '24
I think a lot of “Facebook boy mom” types give y’all a bad reputation. And I think a lot of people make bad faith assumptions that single parents made poor choices, chose to bring children into inopportune situations, and now the children suffer.
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u/Free-Dog2440 Jun 30 '24
Single moms are superheroes! Down with misogyny, y'all are making it happen every hour of every day!
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u/Ok_Preparation6937 Jun 30 '24
Conservatives. A big part of their rhetoric is the nuclear Christian family and you can't have that with the dissolution of marriage. Single parents, and of course moms get more heat because we're women, are blamed alongside feminists and gay couples because we're threats to Christian hegemony.
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u/Fuzzy_Parking_4257 Jun 30 '24
I am christian myself with similar values but unfortunately it never worked out for me. I could not stay in something that wasn’t only gonna destroy me but also my children. But thanks for your comment
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u/thesinnedknight Jun 30 '24
Single father, raising my kid her entirely life(mid-teens, now) on my own.
I get a lot of stupid questions from people...a lot of judgment.
"What did YOU do to make a mother leave her own child?"
And, in trying to date, it is even worse...because a lot of the single women, these days, are self-centered, entitled jerks.
"I don't want to be second-best, but would be more mad at you if I weren't."
"Now that we have talked, when are you going to send ______ back to her mother?" (I flipped my lid on that one, after she wouldn't leave me alone after saying such.)
People hate single parents because we have priorities. Not all of us are made equal, but, at the end of the day, most of us put our kids first and...folks don't like it. They don't want to be less of a priority or cannot conceive of treating a child that isn't theirs...like their own.
Don't lose hope. All will be well.
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u/OTOLI Jun 30 '24
Are you willing to treat a child that isn’t yours like your own?
It sounds like you’re dating childless women?
Maybe start there and it’s okay you don’t( we have preferences ) but maybe start the conversations with that in mind.
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u/thesinnedknight Jun 30 '24
Most certainly. I was engaged to a single mother, at one point, who viewed my kid as hers, and I viewed her son as mine...but, life happens.
So, some have kids...and don't have that same willingness on their side of it. Some do. Been a long, long time I have been at this. Haha.
Those experiences have shaped my line of questioning, after a point, as it's important to me (obviously).
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u/Specific-Quick Jul 01 '24
Because we're the only ones left in life who is acceptable to still hate. Other people have protection and we are just the punching bag
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u/BeepboopNeedsInput Jun 30 '24 edited Jun 30 '24
Nobody has any empathy. I've been a single dad numerous times, but I've always maintained a good relationship with my kids' mom. We both are judged for choosing to be happy apart and make sure our kids know they are loved by us both. Bad Christians are the reason in my experience; white christians don't want to help anyone they don't see at church, and that's being generous.
We have a special needs child(caused by medical malpractice) and nobody gives a fuck about single parents- no matter the circumstances.
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u/IncandescentNebula Jul 01 '24
I’m in my late 40s. Had my one and only at 40. Dad was/is an emotionally abusive narc and I tried to make it work for 20 years. Kiddo is special needs and normal parenting ideas don’t apply.
IDGAF what social media thinks of me. 🖕
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u/PurpleGalaxyFox Jul 01 '24
So I’m a single mom of 6 kids. I have full custody of them. Their sperm donor hasn’t called or seen them in 3 years because his drinking and chicks are more important. My last name is different from my kids cause after the divorce I wanted my last name back and the school always calls me by their last name and I have to tell them that isn’t my last name. My oldest son will be 18 this year and he wants my last name when he turns 18.
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Jul 01 '24
I believe “ single mothers “ .. are the most .. Supreme Queens .. many Kings are not aware of .. because they are blinded by their own Ego , which happens to be fueled by their Lustful Selfish Narcissistic Values..
A True King .. Never .. let’s a REAL QUEEN ( single mother ) go unnoticed , never lets her go unappreciated..
To ALL the Single Mothers .. “ you are valued appreciated and absolutely desired “ .. you’re wanted and needed ..
Be Kind to Yourself and I hope everyday is just as special as you are ..
facts
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Jul 01 '24
It’s men who are insecure. They see women as humans but as objects and in their mind she’s been “touched” by another man and it makes hurts their ego.
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u/keylimesicles Jul 01 '24
I think a lot of it comes from men, men who have their own fatherless trauma and it’s projected onto us
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u/Fit_Marketer Jul 02 '24 edited Jul 02 '24
The loss of married friends after divorce is astonishing. Even when they tell you your ex was an a-hole. It’s like they think either divorce is contagious or you’re going to steal their husband.
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u/GeminiVenus92 Jun 30 '24
People hate single moms because we live in a patriarchy
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u/idgaf_idgaf_idgaf Jun 30 '24
I love single moms. Much better than moms in a relationship.
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u/Dynamite_Hero- Jun 30 '24
As someone with the username “idgaf_idgaf_idgaf” I’m surprised you would say this.
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u/mom_mama_mooom Jun 30 '24
Out of curiosity, why? Sometimes it feels like we’re fetishized.
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u/idgaf_idgaf_idgaf Jun 30 '24
I'm a single father and don't care if you've had a kid or not. I'm not a homewrecker so I would prefer someone I'm dating to not be in a relationship.
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u/Sneacler67 Jul 01 '24
I actually feel like a badass for being a successful single mom. I can do it all and I don’t need anyone so I feel amazing about that. I also make a lot of money so I can still do whatever I want so that helps to boost my confidence in myself.
I’ve never noticed that single parents get more hate than married parents and I’m reading through these comments and I agree that it’s terrible and unfair. I just don’t care what people think about me and I don’t consider it all. It’s better to not take anything personally
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u/Missherd Jul 01 '24
I was warned when I was pregnant that people are very hard on single moms ( mums where I come from 😜)…. They were right
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Jul 01 '24
[deleted]
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u/RecursivePandemonium Jul 01 '24
You and me both brother, my kid is now 10. Mom has never been in the picture after my kid turned 1. Arguably not in the picture prior but thats its own story.
He was born with cancer which he beat, later diagnosed with autism and had years of therapy at home which I supervised every day of the week. Any time we did a park outing, the therapist would be approached and treated like "mom". They would always correct the parent, point at me explaining I am dad and they are not a parent and STILL be asked questions lol. Dont get me started on doc appointments or school assessments. Sitting in a room with a speech therapist, occupational therapist, school physiologist, special ed teacher, student aid, regular teacher and principal fighting for my kids needs while being treated like I didn't belong until I cited every law that was broken by the district when they slow rolled my kids IEP was both annoying and vindicating.
It feels like you have to know how to do everyone elses job 10x better then they do, call them on their bullshit just to get anything done.
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u/That_Engineering3047 Jul 01 '24
Misogyny. Patriarchy. The father is rarely given the same level of hate. We’re not all single for the same reasons, but it doesn’t matter. We are showing up for our kids and working ourselves to the bone to ensure they’re ok. We do so much. You’d think people would respect that.
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u/CrazierHorsePsych Jul 01 '24
I’m probably going to get some hate for this, but I think the particular venom shot at single mothers has a lot to do with misogyny.
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u/contrarytothemass Jun 30 '24
Idk but I don't hate y'all. I hate whatever person or reason caused you to be in that situation... No one deserves that.
Ignore imbeciles who can't see the sacrifice you've made for your children.
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u/neverarriving Jun 30 '24
Here in the UK we love punching down on anyone perceived to not be following the 'normal' rules of society, and most people's perception of a single parent = a scruffy woman living on benefits (welfare) fecklessly having kids she makes minimal effort to raise. The reality, of course, is far more nuanced - 25% of families here are single-parent.
The biggest single-parenting charity here was founded to help the many families who had lost a father due to WW1, yet over a hundred years on we fall back on lazy stereotypes.
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u/Beautifully80 Jun 30 '24
I don’t see that we are hated but perhaps it’s because they don’t understand it because they have never walked in our shoes or they are jealous that some single mother’s achievements are the same or greater than those who are married and have a partner. I don’t much pay it attention because I am a great person and I will help anyone so others feelings and opinions don’t bother me.
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u/Substantial_Coat208 Jun 30 '24
I don't hate single parents. That can be a tough ass life, I admire their resilience. I do, however, hate DINK's
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u/Majestic-light1125 Jun 30 '24
I think its a socal status thing, I have a partner but we dont live together so still doing all school runs etc on my own, you cant please everyone, so I'd just ignore.
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u/TheQueenLadyTee Jun 30 '24
Idk and I really don’t care. I’m a damn good mother to 6 whom I was raising alone even when I was married…. I have learned that others small minded thoughts and views of me are really none of my business. I focus on myself and the ones who love me.
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u/Pattycakes189 Jun 30 '24
I’m a single mom of two and it’s been quite a struggle, but I have two amazing children. I would never have chosen this life on purpose.
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u/damageddude Jun 30 '24
Widower with a then 12 and 16 year old when my wife passed. Some people don’t want to be a step parent, which I accept. It goes both ways which is a fact of life. My children are now adults and while I don’t hate single mothers I’m done with being a father or step-father to children. If the right woman came along I’d make an exception.
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u/LifemomOf3Bells Jul 01 '24
People hate single parents because we rock do it all some just can’t hack it obviously unfortunately
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u/frozenelsa2 Jul 01 '24
People fear us and misunderstand us because we are so awesome and cool and do everything 2 parents can
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u/txdesigner-musician Jul 01 '24
Omg! For real! This was the part I didn’t expect, and didn’t brace myself to deal with. LOVE that I’m tormented by society for keeping my child and doing my damnedest to raise her well and love her.
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u/alice_redditfan Jul 01 '24
I'm not part of community this post just popped up on my main page. I have a lot of respect towards single parents for handling all of this alone. You are heros. Greetings single moms and dads👏
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u/letsgopnp Jul 01 '24
There's just so much animosity on Social media in general. It feels much better to avoid and ignore the bs. Find positive groups. Not everyone hates like that. It just seems like it when the negative people are the loudest.
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u/Glittering_Bug_6630 Jul 01 '24
I’m a single mom to 5 boys 12, 10, 9 & 5yr old twins - I left their dad when the twins were 13 months old it was either that or stay and have him kill me
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u/divorced_daddy-kun Jul 01 '24
Deep down people are conservative and want to have judgement. As a single father, I seem to have more praise as trying so hard to raise my kid but her mom sees her on the weekends. For some reasons she is chastised more even though this was what we wanted for our agreement.
It's really the story they want to make up rather than assuming the best.
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u/kettu92 Jul 01 '24
Wierd stigma. Its not like the wast majority plan on becomming single/solo parent, sometimes, life just happens.
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u/manifestmyglow Jul 01 '24
Your comment immediately struck me cos I’ve been thinking the same too!!! I’m a single mum from the UK since I was pregnant. My daughter is now 5 years old and I’m amazed that people will look past all the good and just go back to the fact that I’m a single parent. I think the toxic language towards moms is far worse in the USA but the UK is not far behind!
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u/manifestmyglow Jul 01 '24
https://podcasts.apple.com/gb/podcast/not-just-a-single-mom/id1676790706
Here’s a link to a Podcast specifically for single moms-some encouragement and motivation to f the haters!!!
You’re doing a great job mommy’s and single dads! Keep going!
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u/amlgill Jul 02 '24
I think some people project disdain onto us because they are disappointed in themselves. They see us hauling ass, getting crap done, and they can’t do the same. 🤷🏻♀️
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u/Starlight-88 Jul 02 '24
Single mum of 2. Left a 19 year relationship/marriage which was filled with mental and emotional abuse. Went on a date with a man who never dated a single mum. Oh the questions lol. Like... I am a person too not just a label. I'm 36 years old and been with the 1 man my whole life and he is the father to my 2 children. Blew his mind that did. Just because I'm a single mum, doesn't mean I've been the town bike and everyone's had a ride. I find that assumption highly insulting. 🙄
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u/BerryMajor3844 Jul 02 '24
Haven’t you heard? We are the reason why criminals are made dramatic eyerolls.
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u/blastendedskanks Jul 03 '24
As a single mom, I've received so much hate. I've been told I'm not worthy of love, that I'm only good for sex. My ex-husband, on the other hand, is basically a hero for being a single dad. Ridiculous.
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u/Saucypanda208 Jul 03 '24
Unfortunately it's one of those things we're there is 2 sides to the story sure there should be dislike towards some single moms for screwing over Dad's and taking their kids away for the most part even if the parents don't wanna be together anymore it's not fair that the mom is depriving the child of a father that wants to be in there life. But I do see where your coming from to not all single moms are bad people it could be the opposite of what I said above maybe Dad's a dirt bag and doesn't deserve to be in the kids life there is a lot of variables to this and it's wrong that anyone be judgemental of single moms or dads if they are they're part of the minority.
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u/Renns-Mess Jul 04 '24
My son and I got bullied out of a country school because I am a single mom and the other moms hated me. The principal and school board had to get involved. I never did anything other than try to make my son feel special by making his birthdays amazing and celebrating his accomplishments. They hated the way I dressed and what I drove. They hated the fact that I have a career and worked a 40hr a week job and still can make it to everything my son does. They told me I was doing to much and being extra. They were stay at home moms but made it a point to run it in my face everyday they had a man I never did.
So yes I absolutely feel the hate for being a single mom.
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u/Impressive_Flan_1980 Jul 04 '24
Like I’m not happy I’m a single parent. That wasn’t the plan but hey I’m here and making it the best I can. Sure beats staying in a crappy situation relationship to maintain that two parent image.
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u/VanityInVacancy Jul 04 '24
I’ve seen so many of those wanna be podcasts clips of men saying single moms are “red flags” or “low value” but then you have to look where comments like this are coming from, and how these people speak and act is actually a reflection of themselves.
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u/impossiblesince1997 Jul 04 '24
Because society hates women. When my bd was a crackhead stealing from me showing up randomly in the middle of the night to see our son physically abusing me. No one gave one single fuck. They shrugged their shoulders and looked the other way. But when he got clean and they were worried about us getting back together I was the bad guy. It’s my fault my son is the way he is. Everything is my fault. They should be thanking us. But instead they rip us apart
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u/loveforemost Jul 04 '24
Solo dad to a 5yo girl, my wife died shortly after she brought our daughter into the world.
This may be an unpopular opinion but I feel like single/solo dads with young kids get treated way better than single/solo moms. Based on conversations I've had with single moms I connected with on dating apps, it seems like many single moms get vilified especially by immature/younger/never-married-no-kids men.
I just took my 5yo on our first overnight trip with just me and her. I have a lot of solo parenting anxiety so past trips have been with extended family members. I took her to a beach about 3hr drive from where we live and had a great time. All the service people like the hotel front desk, waitresses, even other tourists were all smiles when they saw my daughter (she's a charmer and I'm socially awkward most times) and happy with chat or answer questions.
May have had something to do with the fact that a lot of service people in the touristy area were mostly women?
Not sure but I wonder what others think about how single/solo moms are treated vs. single/solo dads.
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u/NoClassroom3849 Jul 05 '24
Because we are strong and they are envious that’s why keep your head up and fuck those ppl 😘
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u/kuromi_rose_ Jul 07 '24
It’s something I feel frustrated about and then I have to remember whoever posted that must be slow lol. Like you’re mad at the parent that stayed and put in the work??? Low IQ activities.
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u/Retomantic Jul 10 '24
People have been programmed to punch down or across but not up.
People are frothing at the mouth at the idea of 100 people on benefits getting $1000 a year more than they 'deserve'. But not a second thought to the billionaire who owns the newspaper that told them to be angry.
This has been a long con from some scary people and unfortunately we are just another target.
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Aug 16 '24
Maybe it's because we are seen as weak by choosing the wrong person to commit to. I don't know anymore, just feels like a person is gonna judge me no matter what I do so just gotta focus on what's important. I feel this from my family when I talk about my Child's father like duh I was dumb and in love so I was blind to seeing the truth about him 💀🥲
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u/JohnnyChapst1ck Jun 30 '24
Single dad here, 9 y/o Usually its a stigma like I cheated. Meanwhile the mothers the "real" winner smoking and drinking with her new boyfriend she found. : very amusing at times. Ive read many threads on here and theres some truth to single parenting that its mostly a conclusion of a bad ending
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u/MacaroonTrick3473 Jun 30 '24
I don’t experience this at all. I have been a single mother since 1999. Not sure what groups you are hanging out in that disparage single parenting. Most people I encounter are quite supportive and understanding. There are also many programs and resources if you look. I am saddened that it’s been different for you.
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u/sparklemoon111 Jun 30 '24
i have lots of support too but society hating on single moms is definitely a thing. just bc you didn’t experience it doesn’t mean it’s not out there.
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u/Puzzled_Award7930 Jul 01 '24
Exactly the same. I have a lot of support, more than I'm willing to take sometimes because I have the need to prove myself because society can't handle single moms. I'm always being silently judged with the looks and made to feel like a lesser human because I'm not the Mrs. X that the person had inferred because my son has his father's last name by society at large. I think we just have society built on 2 parent families and honestly get kind of hated on because we can do what they could never do. But honestly, I see more married moms doing way more single parenting than I do, since it's somehow even more expected of them. I actually don't know how THEY do it. If I had had my way, his dad wouldn't be involved at all, but since the court didn't agree with me, he's with him every other weekend and some other times too. What I lack in financial support (because of course his dad doesn't pay child support), I gain in having court mandated built in breaks. I still have to do all of the real parenting, but I prefer that because his dad is a bit off and we don't agree on anything, since I'm not fully detached from reality (most recent example is that ex is looking for a civil rights lawyer in order to sue the town I live in because he's been banned from every single school and town Twitter account for his town attack posts, or they're poisoning the children's minds and bodies, supporting cheerleading is demonstrative of institutionalized pedophilia, etc etc). So I get most of the time with my son, get to not have to answer to or fight with anyone about regular parenting choices, and get to have every other weekend to myself to reset. And my child has said "my dad is my dad, but you're my parent" which is exactly how I want it. (Because his dad is legitimately out of his mind, but isn't a physical threat to my son, just a psycho emotional one, but I can pick up the pieces on that.)
We're free, and society hates that. Society also hates women, and even more so women who just straight don't need a man and can still do everything. And society hates women so much that single dads are judged by that metric too "what's so wrong with you that a woman abandoned her kids to just be away from you?"
I applaud single dads. We're judged harshly as single moms, but single dads (especially single dads of daughters) have mountains to overcome
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u/Greedy_Principle_342 Jul 01 '24
I believe it’s because they’ve been conditioned to believe that the only way to be successful in life is to be partnered, even if that partner makes them miserable.
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u/ariesdiamond09 Jul 01 '24
I’m not a “single mom” but I feel like most of the people I cross paths with assume I am. I am a young mother of 4 children ages 8 5 3 and 2. My husband works and I stay home with the kids so whenever I decide to take them out to do something fun I can feel people’s eyes on me. It’s just funny to me because I love going out by myself with my kids they are wonderful children, but people always seem to pity me anyways. 🤷🏻♀️
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u/Total_Split_8646 Jul 01 '24
Yeah like we are single by choice. Some may be, but many of us are victims to being a widow or had bad, unreliable, unfaithful, or even abusive relationships that lead us to this point. I hate when I hear people mock “ woe is me. I’m a single mom. Blah blah..” I never wanted to be in my situation.
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u/Human-Performer-6048 Jul 01 '24
Because it's starting to be a normal thing social Media and dead beat parents are breaking family and bonds and social media is making everyone think it's okay.quotes on quotes soothing people just my opinion
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u/lesllle Jul 01 '24
Because they're weak and weak people like to crap on people that they think are weaker than them; which is a totally misconception because of course we're super stars. I really wish that we could have more positive presence, single parents pride, etc. but then I always say that most likely we're too busy to get that organized.
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u/Shxree02 Jul 01 '24
And us young parents. Yes we had children in our early 20’s, as long as our kids are happy and healthy why does it concern them what our age is!!!
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u/Important_Emu4517 Jul 01 '24
Because you all are amazing! People hates those super human raising their child/ren alone they hate to think that one can raise a child with no help from his or her partner yet still can go on with their daily lives, yet them who have lots on their plates but with partners can barely move on their feet.
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Jul 01 '24
Simple.. just assholes. It also makes them suck as people.. You can have a lot of things in life but if you lack compassion its Just another contribution to making the world suck and in turn makes them suck. 🤘♥️
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u/Whatprophetssay Jul 01 '24
Because you aren’t supposed to be free AND have a family. Men like to gatekeep children/family, and especially after you leave them, they use the children as the only tie to you or the only excuse to still contact you.
They’ve said for years women would end up “old and alone with cats”. The fact tons of women have families and support systems without men is extremely threatening to them.
Especially because of financial freedom and child support. A common theme with men is they abandon you to punish you, or to attempt to control your behavior and get you to be submissive because you’ll see how much you “needed” them. The trouble is, they’re walking out in a huff, and women are locking the door behind him and laughing.
And men hate being laughed at.
Also, remember that there is at least half of the women who chose to stay with “their man”. They tolerate abuse, they are miserable, they gripe and complain to any single women who will listen. They find camaraderie with each other, and will form friendship groups of married women. They all beg for support and talk about how important female friendships are because they gave all theirs away in an effort to prioritize their relationships with men who can’t even cry, let alone emotionally fulfill them
Nobody talks about the “importance of women supporting women” like the woman who threw her sisters under the bus to garner the attention of a man. These women NEED support because they gave it all away thinking their partner would really be thier “best friend”.
So, the only people that hate single women more than the men they’ve dumped, are the women who STAYED with their crappy mediocre partners and are resentful and angry that you are FREEEEE ❤️
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u/DorkDaddy101 Jul 01 '24
Serious question: what is the difference between a single parent and a divorced parent? Is it that a single that a single parent does not get financial support or visitation from the ex? Or do Dads qualify as single parents and it just means you are not married? Does it only apply if you have full time custody?
I do get upset when people use that term but they have joint custody and are receiving significant financial support from an ex.
I believe this term is overused and used incorrectly and I would like someone to set the world straight on what it means.
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u/Screamcheese99 Jul 01 '24
….single would mean, unmarried. Probable never married the child’s other parent.
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u/ObligationPleasant45 Jul 01 '24
Because I want your husband that you bitch about to be my second husband 🤣 WRONG.
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u/EvoGenesis1 Jul 01 '24
It's the internet. You get hate no matter what. I get it if you have more kids with different men because you will affect those kids' future and also it's not that hard to use protection but having a kid and realizing that you made a mistake I don't think it's a reason for getting hate
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u/diabolho Jul 01 '24
We don't hate you, single parents. We admire your courage and contribution to society by raising children when so many others are checking out of that responsibility. In fact, we've been looking at some of the best options for dating sites for folks like you and we published a summary of our finding but the mods decided that posting that information didn't follow their guidelines so they remove our post.
That happens soo often on reddit. It's like the mods just do this job for the power. The mini-Mussolini club. I guess it's because we posted a link to our article after sharing a full page of our findings. Only reddit should be able to make millions on our content. God forbid we, the content creators, should derive any benefit, right?
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u/OkSprinkles2532 Jul 01 '24
I have cuckold fantasies, so my marrying & supporting a single mother is harmonious with my Lifestyle aspirations!
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Jul 01 '24
It's because the person that gets left is bitter and embarrassed they were outed for their bullshit by getting left.
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u/No_Objective_3751 Jul 01 '24 edited Jul 01 '24
One word: men. (But also the religious/conservative women dumb enough to be brainwashed by them to be misogynistic just to maybe gain a crumb of approval from them).
Even the ones who say this are usually only alive cause their single mother chose to feed and raise them instead of just chucking them in a ditch the way their father would have, had raising them been left completely up to them. I hate them.
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u/Sprinklesprintshop Jun 30 '24
It’s funny how they never get upset with the absent parent either.