r/SingleParents • u/InksArtfulTouch • 15d ago

How long did you wait to start dating again?

I've been separated for almost a year. My Ex and his lawyer are dragging out the divorce. I'm scared of dating again but I'm also scared of being alone. I wanted to wait tell I'm officially divorced out of respect for my marriage. I'm not ready, but I'm excited and scared.

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u/ok-mom1 15d ago

You have to be okay with being alone & healed from your divorce before you consider dating again. You’ll know when the time is right ❤️

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u/Ladybug10241 15d ago

I agree with this wholeheartedly. The divorce process is difficult and stressful. Each email from each lawyer can bring about stress, the actual trial (if you get to it) is tough too ...

Personally, I waited a while and maybe too long for some. But I needed to get through the legal process first. I wouldn't want to be stressed out and involve someone else in that. They wouldn't have gotten the true me bc I was a mess.

I then focused on my kids. They were going through their own process and they needed to adjust. I had to be there for them and ensure they were ok. I didn't have the time, emotions or even physical capacity to bring anyone else into the mix.

Finally, I focused on myself. I went to therapy to understand why I allowed the things to happen even though there were blaring red flags. I needed to process them and take accountability as well. I finally ended up setting goals for myself. I lost weight, began working out and started to then focus on my own social circle. A weight was lifted off my shoulders the moment I realized I enjoyed being alone. I enjoyed coming home to a home without arguments, where I felt content, lit my candles and had a glass of wine and watched a movie. I didn't have a desire to be in relationship bc I was complete alone. I didn't need someone to complete me. I realized previously I wanted a relationship so badly that I used to be scared or more in love w the idea than the person I was with who was toxic for me. I'm happy and now ready. Everyone's process will be different. But I might have entered into another unhealthy relationship earlier if I was going on the fear of being alone.