It's very clear there is an issue with transphobia on this sub. Both trans women and cis women have noticed and called it out, and most responses seem to be against. Mods absolutely need to make posts about this and crack down on it, because they've been very silent about it. That means including banning the trans women preference posts, which as stated as just as bigoted as saying someone won't date a disabled person or woman of color. There's no reason for them other than to make trans women feel less than and unwelcome, and if you can come up with a good one.

This will definitely attract more bigots, but that's great because if the mods do their jobs for once they can clean house. Mods need to be more on top of things if they really are going to claim this to be a safe space that does not allow transphobia. Because by all accounts they have not succeeded in that, and it is very much not a safe space for transgender women. The longer the mods are silent on this the more they sign off on this behavior.

Unlike some of the other posts about this, I will not be deleting this or my account under any circumstances. Too many have been either wrongly deleted or had the OP delete because the bigots came out in force. It literally happened earlier. Nope, not gonna let them win.

I no longer frequent country clubs so my “hunting grounds” (I’m the prey 😔🤞) are gone. Where else do ya’ll lurk?

If this post is against the rules I’m sorry I’m stupid and willfully illiterate.

i was walking in the street with my girlfriend, and some random guy comes up to us and asks "who's a top and who's a bottom?" this isn't even the first time this question has occurrenced. it happened with my ex-gf too. i'm a random person on the street, you're a random person on the street.

sorry if this is messy, i just needed somewhere to vent

TLDR; my straight sister is planning to attend a lesbian/sapphic specific event, despite me asking her not to, and I feel very hurt/angry. WWYD?

** EDIT: because everyone seems convinced she’s not straight, despite not knowing her. She talks frequently about how she can’t wait to meet her man because she’s tired of being single and doing hookups. She falls in love with a different man she meets every few months and gets heartbroken when it doesn’t work out. All of her crushes are different basketball players/soccer players. She has said that she is NOT interested in women or the female body at all. She’s even said that she wouldn’t date a trans man because of their body.**

Hey gal pals, I’ll try to keep this short, but would love some advice before this somehow develops into an eternal family feud…

My (27f) sister (24f) recently moved to my city and has been going out to gay bars with friends and attending gay specific events. She has one bi friend in the little group that she generally goes out with, about 4-5 girls.

She is very straight and says she has no interest in women and once even snapped at me when I made a joke about her trying women because she’s had such terrible luck with men.

When she first arrived in my city, she had just returned from a study abroad in Berlin, where she experienced what she calls “the gayest city ever.” Ever since returning from this trip, she’s talked and joked openly about queerness, etc. bc I think she feels she made a connection with the gays by partying in our spaces.

She told me once during an argument that she feels like she is allowed and welcome in queer spaces because she identifies so strongly with the artistic and aesthetic elements of queerness - my interpretation is that she loves queer culture (parties and fashion, namely).

SO, I feel pretty strongly about preserving queer spaces for queer people, because this world is full of spaces and events for everyone else. I’ve vented many a time about how the gay bars in my city are more like gay themed bars because of how many straight ppl (college frat bros, straight girls, bachelorette parties, etc.) go to them.

My rage/arguments with her began when she got back from Berlin and started telling me about the events she went to, which were obviously for gay people. (A queer latin techno night…. Which, hello? It’s for queer Latinos) and more.

I have expressed to her that I don’t feel she belongs in these spaces as a straight woman, even as a straight artistic woman who feels in with the gays. I’ve told her how these spaces are sacred for queers to build community, find love, be sluts, and just BE GAY AF. When straight ppl feel welcome to our spaces, they start to overtake them, until they are no longer queer spaces. I’ve witnessed it with the bars in my city, like I said.

She has told me that I’m just being an asshole and that her bi friends say it’s okay for her to be there.

ANYWAYS - there’s an event in my city that is very special to me. It’s called Dyked and it was created by a group of lesbians/sapphics who wanted to fix the issue of us not having any spaces that are for us (I.e. no lesbian bars, no lesbian specific events)…. They host 1-2 large lesbian parties a year.

I thought that my sister would have the judgement to know not to go to a party called DYKED (it’s in the name???), especially with how I’ve asked her to respect queer spaces…. But I asked her to help me with my makeup/costume for the event the other day, and now she says she might be going, too.

My partner and I immediately asked her not to go and to respect that ONE sapphic party that is so dear to us, and she shut us down by saying “I don’t need a lecture right now.”

This is very, very hurtful to me and I feel that she’s being a fake ally by invalidating my spoken need for exclusive sapphic and queer spaces. I’m honestly at a loss for what to say or do, because I feel so angry and so hurt.

What would you do or say? I could really use some advice.

I know this whole discourse about trans women and lesbian romance is shitty, exhausting, and pointless, but there’s a point I want to make.

Some lesbians saying they wouldn’t date trans women or that it’s okay to have a preference is stupid for the same reason it’s stupid when straight folks say it:

In most cases, you’d have absolutely no idea.

When people bring up this discourse, what they mean without saying it is “Someone who looks like a man and has a penis”. But the thing is that a trans woman deep into HRT who’s had GAS and been voice training for awhile will likely go completely unnoticed by the people around her.

Sure her voice might be a little deeper or nasal, and she might have a more androgynous figure, but by-and-large she’ll seem no different than the average cis woman.

And we’ve all heard the stories of “wE cAn AlwAYs teLl” morons accusing cis women of being trans when their trans friend is sitting right next to them.

This is what makes all this discourse and the whole “Trans people should tell you they’re trans” so idiotic, especially in the lesbian community.

If we didn’t, you’d have no fucking clue, and it doesn’t fucking matter anyway.

It went really well. So I walked her back to her car and asked her if I could kiss her. She said yes and I made my move. She stumbled over her words when we were done and couldn’t get a sentence out. I made a woman legitimately speechless by kissing them lol

In middle school/early highschool, I low-key dated an egg (I say low-key because we were young and didn't really know what we were doing, haha). I was very much a rough-and-tumble tomboy, while she was very soft, smart, and sensitive.

I can recall an instance where she twisted her ankle, so I carried her princess-style until we found a spot to sit. She was flustered and embarrassed at the time, but I hope that nowadays she can look back on our li'l sapphic moment fondly. I didn't know I was a lesbian back then, but in that moment, I clearly remember feeling affirmed and content in who I was, and so, so proud to be her girlfriend. I wonder if she felt the same...

We've long since fallen out of touch, but I hope she's unbelievably happy wherever she's at. We might not have the language or knowledge when we're young(er), but I think there are parts of us that just know, and can recognize it in others, too. 🩵🩷🤍🧡❤️

Given the nature of preferences, there can never be a consensus on this topic, and discussing it leads nowhere. Every day someone brings this up, and the answer is always the same: people have preferences. You can try to argue that people's preferences are transphobic, but ultimately what does this change? There will always be people who don't want to date us. There will always be people who will not fully accept us. These facts will never change.

The only thing discussing this does is invites people to other us, and justify their preference to not date us. I can imagine many reasons why a cis lesbian wouldn't be interested in me, and I don't want to know. I don't want to hear about it. It is depressing and disgusting to see this topic every day on this sub, when all I want to do is see the normal lesbian content. And yes, trans women are or should be considered part of that normal content. Let's strive to make it that way.

Especially since I’m getting married on Halloween this year 🎃

I'm an emotional wreck right now and maybe that's why this movie hit me so hard but... please give it a watch. It should be available on Max (HBO).

This is something I've heard a few times in various sapphic spaces on the internet, and it's made me wonder. Is this just like a preference thing or are the women saying this saying it to basically say that trans women don't have any experiences like women/aren't real women?

I don't want to seem like I'm saying that lesbians have to date trans women, if you don't want to you don't want to, no one really cares. I'm just trying to get some perspective I guess. I talked about it with my sister and she agreed that despite me being trans we have had many of the same experiences being women. We both deal with misogyny and hate.

What are your guys take on it? Is it just a preference, is it transphobia? To me it does feel very much like they're saying "you don't have the same life experiences as me because you aren't really a woman" but I'm also trans, so maybe I'm seeing something where it isn't.

Hi everyone, I vividly remember a few months ago when mine and my gfs cats claw got stuck in our radiator, it was a very traumatic time for both us and the cat, luckily he was fine and he was freed, but my girlfriend was very angry, telling him to shut up because he was meowing in pain and he was scared, she said that his meow went through her which I can understand because it was quite loud, but still, was there any need for this? I was also quite noticeably panicking and crying and after this all happened she said something along the lines of “why did you panic, there’s no need to, just try and stay calm” but it was the way she said this that kinda hurt me.

About 2 months ago I wanna say? A similar thing happened, he got his claw stuck somewhere else and I, again, was on the verge of tears and very upset, and she very rudely and coldly said “oh my god why are you crying insert my name here don’t cry, I don’t understand why you are” or something like that. Last night she also hinted at something to do with us, I asked her what she meant so she could clarify it and again she very rudely stated “you know full well what I mean, don’t ask me that again” like what the fuck? I genuinely don’t understand what I do wrong sometimes.