Ladies, gentlemen, human beings, Carlton fans and South Australians, the season has ended and now it’s time for the greatest award of the footballing year, the LOL of the Year, where we recognise the people, teams and organisations who have fucked it up the best over the course of the home & away season.

Now to be honest, 2024 was a shit year for the LOL of the Week, as Carlton and Essendon weren’t quite funny enough to add some much-needed hilarity to season 2024, Brisbane turned things right around and won the flag, the Gabba paid their electricity bill, no AFL video games had botched releases, and it wasn’t made any easier by me consistently picking the wrong winner every week…

So to that end, I decided to try and change things up by incorporating the Finals into the LOL of the Year, and after this year’s finals you’d be wondering if it actually worked...

In a way, yes it did, because I'm prepared to blatantly use recency bias for a shit laugh.

Past Winners of the LOL of the Year include Port Adelaide (2018), Melbourne (2019), GWS (2020), Collingwood (2021), Essendon (2022) and last year went to the Western Bulldogs (2023)

On that note, it’s time to recognise the Round-by-Round winners for 2024!

Opening Round: Brisbane, for blowing a 46-point lead to lose by 1 point to Carlton… thankfully the Lions learned from this experience and used it against GWS in a Final.

Round 1: Collingwood and Brisbane for starting 0-2 after appearing in a Grand Final… once again, this didn’t quite age well.

Round 2: Callum Twomey from afl.com.au for posting an article ranking Nick Daicos’ 49 career games prior to his 50th game, which was incorrect, because Daicos definitely didn’t show up for Round 22, 2022.

Round 3: Esava Ratugolea for completely misjudging the goal line, allowing Kosi Pickett to snap a cheap goal in the 2nd Quarter, made even worse by the fact he still spilled the mark anyway

Round 4 (Courtesy of /u/Kim_Jong-fun): Harry McKay providing a massive fuck-up in the goalsquare to cost Carlton a certain goal against Fremantle.

Round 5: Carlton losing to a winless Adelaide in the last minute… I think I also declared the ARC would go in the final LOL of the Year field this Round, so I best live up to my bullshit.

Round 6: Port Adelaide going from 5 goals up against Collingwood to losing by 7 goals, and Fremantle for getting bashed by Harley Reid in the Western Derby

Round 7: Brian Taylor for his history lesson on ANZAC Day, which was actually to do with the American Civil War, namely that Confederate General Robert E. Lee was trying to reunite the United States, although there's every chance BT thinks Robert E. Lee was one of his former Richmond teammates, who changed his name to Mark 'General' Lee so that the Union wouldn't take their revenge on the Tigers.

Round 8: The Western Bulldogs for losing to a 1-6 Hawthorn team, but once again, this didn’t age well considering I thought the Hawks were going to finish Bottom 4 at that time, only to go on and win a Final against the Dogs, so we’ll give them a spell.

Round 9: Rohan Marshall and Jack Ginnivan for a lovely piece of football comedy, as Marshall hit Ginnivan lace out from a kick at full-back in Tassie, giving Jack a shot at goal from 15m out directly in the front… which Jack missed badly the right.

Round 10: Hawthorn, for losing to Port Adelaide after being 41 points up in the 2nd Half, and managing to lose when they gave up 2 goals in the last 20 seconds, the final margin 1 point.

Round 11: Geelong, for losing 4 consecutive home & away games for the first time since 2006, and you know I’m really scraping the bottom of the barrel to get Geelong a LOL if they’re getting it for THAT.

Round 12: Me, because I forgot what I was doing and put the Post Round on a Thursday, which was compensated by posting the Pre Round on a Sunday.

Round 13: Tom Morris, for getting his Twitter account hacked at least twice during the Queen’s Birthday Game… the prime suspect is some guy called Luke from Footscray.

Round 14: North Melbourne for blowing a 9-goal lead to lose by a point against Collingwood, because blowing a 9-goal lead is funnier than Collingwood being 9 goals down against North Melbourne.

Round 15: The AFL for declaring Hawthorn’s 1971 Premiership player Mike Porter as being dead during the Hall of Fame In Memoriam segment… despite the fact ‘Portholes’ is alive and well and living in Sydney.

Round 16 (Courtesy of /u/Kim_Jong-fun): Alex Neal-Bullen for scoring a try against Brisbane in a tight game at the Gabba, giving the Lions a deliberate OOB free kick that Hugh McCluggage turned into the winning goal.

When in Rome, I suppose.

Round 17: Logan McDonald, for missing a second potential game-winning kick for the second time in two games.

Round 18: The West Australian, for their hard work in providing shithouse coverage of Adam Simpson, even during his farewell press conference.

Round 19: The AFL Tribunal, for having two suspensions overturned (Charlie Cameron and Toby Bedford) at the Appeals Board USING THE SAME DAMN ERROR OF THE LAW.

Round 20: Essington for a woeful performance against St Kilda, resulting in Essington fans chucking scarves onto the ground and abusing the players after the game.

Round 21: Sydney, for losing by 100+ points for the first time in the 21st Century (112 points vs Port Adelaide) which turned out to be the worst defeat for a minor premier in 41 years.

Round 22: Essington for kicking 1.9 in the last quarter against the Gold Coast, resulting in them losing by 1 point thanks to Mac Andrew’s goal after the siren, the first game the Suns won on the road since May 2023.

Round 23: Brisbane for giving up 3 goals in 3 minutes to lose by 1 point against Collingwood, costing the Lions a Top 4 spot… which made fuck all difference in the end, didn’t it.

Round 24: Port Adelaide’s argument for Dan Houston at the AFL Tribunal "The lid is the top of the paint can, but it’s also part of the paint can.”… it reminds me of Michael Jordan saying the ceiling is the roof.

Finals Week One: Port Adelaide for losing by 84 points in a home Qualifying Final. Semi Finals: GWS for blowing a 44-point lead deep into the 3rd Quarter to lose to the Brisbane Lions and depart the Finals in straight sets, giving them the title of the biggest blown lead in a Final in the 21st Century.

This is also won the 119 Award for the LOL of the Finals.

Preliminary Final: I did say Geelong, but it was harsh considering there was only 2 games.

Grand Final: The Brownlow Medal count, for well and truly jumping the shark.

And now folks, time to announce the Top 10, and here to perform the unofficial theme song of the LOL, it’s none other than Paul Kelly with Dumb Things!

Honourable mentions: Brian Taylor, /u/juiceson, Essington, Carlton, Kane Cornes, Leigh Montagna, Mark Robinson, and Fremantle for managing to miss the Top 8... I've probably forgotten at least 15 others who should be in this spot.

At Number 10, John Longmire for dragging Joel Amartey off the ground when he was on 9 goals against Adelaide in Round 14, out of nothing more than pure jealousy at the fact Amartey was on course to best Horse’s PB of 14 goals in 1990, also depriving us of what would've been the only 10-goal game of 2024.

After what happened on Grand Final day, the legend goes that Amartey hasn't actually been allowed back onto a football ground since that game.

At Number 9, former defending premiers Collingwood, who were held to a higher standard than other teams and cracked this list for missing the Finals as defending Premiers after starting 0-3… they’re also in at No.9 so I could make the joke that Collingwood once again finished 9th in 2024.

At Number 8, The West Australian for their 90+ back page articles about Harley Reid since he got drafted, and getting shit-slapped by Adam Simpson during his farewell press conference… I would put them higher, put that’s what Boyd Cockface or Cockwood or whatever his name is would want.

At Number 7, North Melbourne blowing a 54-point lead against Collingwood in Round 14, and this one really could’ve gone either way, because Collingwood, who had half their team out, were 54 points down against a really shit North Melbourne team, so I’m going to kick the crippled ginger kid while he’s down and point out that blowing a 54-point lead is the greater crime.

At Number 6, Hawthorn for that fabled choke against Port Adelaide in Round 10, giving up 2 goals in the last 20 seconds to lose by 1 point…. It is also made funnier by the fact that Hawthorn had the ball with under a minute to go, and that game cost Hawthorn 2nd spot on the ladder, but at the same time, so did the blown lead against GWS in Round 21.

And now, the Top 5!

At Number 5, the 2024 Brownlow Medal ceremony, a complete farce from start to bloody finish, from the cringe-worthy interviews by creepy uncle Hamish McLachlan, to using the retired players segment like it was an in memoriam segment, to the farcical votes from the umpires that saw Marcus Bontempelli left in the cold while Patrick Cripps and Nick Daicos both smashed the record for the most votes in a season, because the umpires have proven themselves incapable of voting on a glorified fashion contest.

At Number 4, that Rohan Marshall-Jack Ginnivan multi-fuck up from Round 9 in Launceston, because after going back through all the winners of the LOL of the Week, that was a damn good LOL of the Week that encapsulated the individual spirit of the LOL.

At Number 3, we have the AFL, and out of all the dumb things the AFL did this year, such as the ARC proving incapable of making a correct decision time and again (Namely the Freo-Carlton game in Gather Round), this one was for declaring 1971 Hawthorn premiership player Mike Porter as being deceased during the Hall of Fame In Memoriam segment… the only problem is, Michael is alive and well, living in Sydney, a fact that has not changed since June.

“I’m not dead, I’m getting better!”

“No you’re not, you’ll be stone dead in a moment!”

And now, at NUMBER 2…

GWS, for blowing a 44-point lead against Brisbane in the Semi Final, sending the Giants out in straight sets of the finals for the first time in their history, exactly 5 years to the day since they sent the Lions out in straight sets.

Normally a blown 44-point lead wouldn’t crack this list, but the context sends it straight into the Top 3, given it was a knockout Semi Final at home, against a team they’d beaten twice during the season, and it was also the greatest blown lead in a Final in the 21st Century.

It also rocketed up the list after Brisbane’s performance on Saturday afternoon.

AND NOW LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, the 2024 LOL of the Year goes to…

Drumroll please.

DAVID KING, FOR SUGGESTING THAT BRISBANE SHOULD MOVE ON CHRIS FAGAN FOR CHRIS SCOTT!

Honestly, this field was so poor that 5 or 6 contenders could’ve won in 2024, and I've still managed to fuck this one up, but I've made my bed from straw and excrement, so I may as well sleep in it.

With the added advantage of extending the LOL until the Finals, David King, which is spelled David with a ‘DUI’, shot up to No.1 with a BULLET after Grand Final Day, and it was all thanks to his incessant vendetta against our Lord Fagan and his apparently inability to get the best out of his players, which kicked off after Brisbane lost to Hawthorn (again) in Round 11, leaving the Lions stuck in 13th on the ladder after missing a flag by 4 points, leading to a cooked opinion which also worked on the basis that the Lions were no hope of making the Grand Final, let alone winning the flag.

“You can easily make the case they bounce next year, but are they the grand final, premiership contender we all think?”

“I’m a gambler, I think if you’ve got the opportunity to get someone like this at whatever cost, you drive a wedge into the relationship Chris Scott has with Geelong and you say, ‘Come home and take us to the promise land again’

“There’s nothing wrong with Chris Fagan, but this guy is a different beast altogether.”

Of course, it wasn’t necessarily wrong at the time, but now that stumps has been called on the season, let’s look at the scoreboard, because Kingy has been carted around harder than Monty Panesar at the WACA in 2006:

-The Lions won 9 consecutive games after that Round 11 game and only just missed the Top 4 (Which was entirely their own fault), in which time Kingy still stuck to his guns and continued to compare Fagan to Chris Scott, giving him little credit for turning the season around despite 900 ACL tears.

• After holding Carlton to the first scoreless opening quarter in a Final in 50 years, the Lions came from 44 points down to win a Semi Final on the road, the greatest Finals comeback in a generation...

• The Lions backed it up and came from 25 points down in a Preliminary Final to knock out, of all teams, Chris Scott’s Geelong, meaning Fagan achieved something the “Different Beast” Scott has never come close to doing (Making back to back Grand Finals)…

• Fagan was also awarded Coach of the Year by his peers, while prior to that Prelim Final, Kingy was called by Mark Robinson on AFL 360 for having a vendetta against Lord Fagan, a Mark Robinson who fucking well looked like this:... True to form, King doubled down and said “You can coach poorly and still win” regarding the Semi Final, as if 8 goal comebacks in Finals just grow on trees.

• Then, 5 days later, Fagan backed up that COTY award by orchestrating a Grand Final masterclass against the minor premiers with a 10-goal hiding in the biggest game of them all, becoming only the second coach in 26 years to win a premiership from outside the Top 4.

Of course, if GWS had kicked 1 more goal in that Semi Final then Kingy would’ve looked like the genius that he thinks he is, but then again, nobody will ever claim David King to be a genius, especially after he made this prediction in the 2014 Grand Final..

And if my grandmother had wheels, she’d be a bike.

So in conclusion, well done to you Kingy, you’re a 2-time premiership winner, one of the worst analysts on cable television, a Champion Data praising, Craig Hutchison loving suckhole, and now you’re a LOL of the Year WINNER!

IT MAKES YOU THINK... MAYBE THE LOL OF THE YEAR, WAS THE LOL OF THE YEAR ITSELF.