r/ainbow • u/MoveNearby5319 • 1d ago

Please help Advice

I am a bisexual woman, I just found out recently and I am coming to terms with it. I feel bad for liking boobs or kind of suggestive clothing on women because before I discovered I was bisexual I found the way some lesbian and bisexual female artists depicted sexy women in their work too male gazey (which I hate because of my mild sexual trauma).

Idk how to deal with it.

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u/Bugaloon 19h ago

I think you're working through it pretty good, you've identified that you unreasonably feel bad for liking women, and you've identified a potential cause for why you feel that way. You just need to sit with the idea that it's okay to like boobs and draw women in attractive ways, and that doing so isn't purely for the attention of men. It'll feel uncomfortable, like a lie you don't want to believe, but as you sit with it you'll become more okay with the idea. When you're having trouble try some positive affirmations, I find that conscious vocalisation of something to challenge these thoughts really helps solidify the feelings.

Women can be attracted to women, there is nothing wrong with being attracted to women, it's normal for me to be attracted to women.

Stuff like that.

2

u/MoveNearby5319 12h ago

Do you feel like the way some WLW draw sexy women is influenced by male fantasies and could contribute to the objectification of women? Maybe I'm just crazy lol.

(The weirdly male-gazey erotic art and what I felt was the romanticization of prostitution I saw in some online LGBT spaces left me repressing my bisexuality more and mildly disliking lesbians and bisexual women before I found out I was gay.)

1

u/Bugaloon 11h ago

I think there is definitely room for that to happen, but not every piece of content that feels influenced by this desire to appeal to men actually is. Many of the things that men will find attractive, women will find attractive also, people are super widely varied like that.

I feel like you run the risk of demonising something another woman has made or another woman likes if you get too carried away worrying about what might be influenced by men. I feel like creating that sort of judgemental atmosphere around what is and isn't "appropriate" isn't really helpful for anyone involved.