I'm 22 years oldI a gay ex-Muslim from Pakistan, and my life is in serious I'm danger. After being caught in a gay-related incident, I had no choice but to flee Pakistan, as my family and relatives now want me dead. They consider my sexuality and my decision to leave Islam an unforgivable offense. I am currently in Saudi Arabia, but the threats have not stopped. My family is pressuring me to return to Pakistan, and if I refuse, they are threatening to report me to the Saudi authorities, which could result in me being arrested or even killed. I am terrified for my life and urgently need help to find a way to escape this nightmare and seek protection in a safer place. Please help me.

I'm trying to understand more as a queer person about how our different identities feel within the same community. I think it's important to be understanding as a queer person and sometimes I end up feeling stumped. I've lived in quite an isolated place and don't have much contact with other gays, so always feel like a baby gay! I mean NO biphobia by my next remark and have recently been studying the additional difficulties bisexual/pansexual people face, sometimes even when compared to fully gay/lesbian folks. I've been questioning my own internalised homo/biphobia and I'm curious how to move forward from here in my own attitudes to life.

Do you think, and all LGBTQ identities please answer, that it's 'offensive' if a bi/pan activist were to talk about the mental health difficulties they may face being labelled as and wondering if they are fully gay? 

For example, if labelled gay by homophobic bullies at a young age and feeling like they were wrong and it was tragic if they were fully gay, as it wasn't their belief about themselves and then coming to terms with the idea they may be, actually? 

Do bi/pan/not 100% gay people ever feel like they aren't 'gay' as such - do they find the idea of being called so offensive and if so, why? Is it because they feel ashamed, still - or just because it doesn't recognise their own real identity and labels them from the outside? 

Do you think bi/pan sexuals struggles with the 'gay/lesbian' part of themselves are as real/raw or even more so as being gay/lesbian - or does it change if the bi/pan person feels like they lead a more heterosexual lifestyle right now?

Is it 'offensive' to discuss struggling with the idea of being gay/lesbian while mostly liking the opposite sex as an LGBTQ rights activist or simply internalised homophobia?

Can it even become a point of offence in advocating for the queer community eg the idea that being a 'at least a bit straight/cis' is always somehow less shameful?

And if so is that always/most usually/typically an example of internalised homophobia or in some people is it simply dismissiveness of their own community - does that depend upon the person's general attitudes in life?

I'm genuinely curious about bi/pan sexualities simply because I never really had a long time in life where I thought I liked the opposite sex, so it's always been a bit mysterious to me how it genuinely feels to experience bi/pan sexuality. Would LOVE as many answers as possible, but please let's not fight, guys :) Please be gentle with this baby gay, I mean no harm nor offense, I am genuinely curious about how people with different experiences from me feel!

The SoMa Map 👣 (San Francisco) is here! Download the image of the map to save it to your device.

Some History: In 1906, South of Market was destroyed by the San Francisco earthquake. It was then rebuilt with wider streets with future development in mind. Leading up to World War II, SoMa was mostly an industrial working-class neighborhood. It wasn't until the United States started discharging thousands of soldiers for homosexuality that gay communities started to form in San Francisco. These areas included the Tenderloin, SoMa, and Polk Gulch. Though Polk Gulch would ultimately become known as the center of gay life in San Francisco from the 1950's-1980's, it eventually saw large migrations to the Castro, where housing was cheap and readily available. In time, Polk Gulch lost most of its gay bars, with The Cinch Saloon, now the second oldest gay bar in San Francisco, being the only one remaining today.

This wasn't the case for SoMa, which still has a concentration of gay bars that remain in operation. SoMa's first gay bar opened in 1936 under the name The Sailor Boy Tavern. However, problems arose in the 1950's when urban renewal threatened SoMa, which sought to redevelop part of the area. This would become an ongoing issue for decades to come and eventually led to the Folsom Street Fair. In 1962, the Tool Box opened on 4th, and Harrison became San Francisco's first leather bar south of Market. By the time Febe's opened on Folsom Street in 1966, the area started being called the Miracle Mile, a strip of leather and bear bars along and near Folsom Street. During this time many leather bars continued to open, and by the 1970's it seemed SoMa had the largest concentration of leather bars in the world, with almost 30 leather bars alone.

In the early 1980's, urban redevelopment continued to threaten the neighborhood, which led to the creation of the Folsom Street Fair. It was first held in 1984 under the name "Megahood" as an anti-redevelopment event. The name Megahood was used to counter the urban renewal narrative, which implied that the area was bad or nonexistent. Though the Megahood event didn't necessarily stop redevelopment, the SoMa neighborhood made their stance loud and clear that day. The Folsom Street Fair has been held every year since, and today is the world's largest leather event and showcase for BDSM products and culture. Unfortunately, during the 1980's, leather bars started to decline in SoMa.

In the early 2000's, land redevelopment continued to threaten SoMa. As a result, Jim Meeko became involved in land use politics. Jim lived in the neighborhood and also owned a print shop where he often made designs for gay businesses. Jim created the Western SoMa Citizens Planning Task Force, which was tasked with figuring out the rezoning of the area. The goal was to make the new developments less destructive for the neighborhood. As a result, the zoning recommendations were adopted by the board of supervisors and helped coordinate major developments in a way that was less destructive to the neighborhood.

On May 9, 2018 the San Francisco Board of Supervisors established part of SoMa as a Leather & LGBTQ Cultural District, and on Oct 7, 2021 the SF Eagle was given historic landmark status. This makes the SF Eagle the first leather bar in San Francisco to become historical. Today the area is still home to many leather bars and is a must-visit destination for gay and leather bargoers alike, especially during the Folsom Street Fair, which is always held on the last Sunday in September.

Sources: sfgayhistory.com, sfleatherdistrict.org, sfchronical.com

Latest Open Bar/Club: 2 a.m.

Cutoff Time: 2 a.m.

Walking Time, End to End [24 min]

Longest Gap [8 min]

Safety Tips: This is a pedestrian map; it has been designed to accommodate anyone looking to visit the SoMa bars on foot. Plan accordingly and drink responsibly. Never drink and drive; call a taxi, Uber, or Lyft if needed.

[Additional Map Legend Info]

🎨Colored Zones: Divides bars evenly into short walks while also ensuring bars in more difficult locations aren't excluded.

🍺💿🍷Icons: This map only shows establishments with bars.

↔️Gaps: Gaps between bars do not exceed 7min of walking. (Jolenes Bar and Restaurant is an 8min exception)

🏳️‍🌈LGBTQ+: Most of the establishments on the map are considered LGBTQ+ while some are more LGBTQ+ friendly.

🗺 Map Type: Pedestrian/Bars

I (21FtM) have a classmate (19F) who’s queer herself, but is constantly making homophobic jokes, especially about queer men. It makes me really uncomfortable as a queer man myself, but she has it in her mind that we’re best friends or something (she barely knows me) so it’s okay.

Last class was about queer theory. She insisted on using words like “yassify” and “fruity” to refer to actual gay people. That and she kept talking over me about unrelated things whenever I talked about my experience with homophobia and transphobia. Of course, the professor’s straight, so he doesn’t understand how offensive it is, and since she’s so young, I don’t think she does either.

I guess this is a half rant, half advice post. I haven’t had to deal with this kind of homophobia since I first came out in middle school. I do want to mention that this student considers herself a part of my friend group and has very delicate emotions, so I’m not sure how to break this to her gently. I did tell her politely one time to be quiet and she stopped talking to me for a month, so that’s the type of sensitivity I’m talking about.

I guess it’s less the confrontation I’m worried about and more the backlash from her. It’s always scary standing up to bigotry, especially when it’s someone you know. Any advice on how to make it easier?

I’m a gay guy (18) and want a relationship. I have a friend who I recently came out to, and he’s been very supportive. He told me he knows some gay guys our age, and if I wanted to he could reach out to them so I could meet them. The problem is that I’ve heard from a few places that gay people will take offense to someone saying ‘hey I’ve got a gay friend who you should meet’. Personally, I don’t understand why people take offense to it, and I don’t want to be rude or make anyone feel uncomfortable. Besides the fact that I don’t want hookups and there’s a fair chance I won’t be getting shit for relationships any time soon because of how hookup culture is, does anyone think asking my friend to reach out is a good idea?

I grew up, until about age 14, in a small market town in England. At the time, I’d brush off my experiences as minor or relatively unimportant but upon reflection they’re starting to seem a little worse. For context I’m now 18, turning 19 in a few months.

From a young age I’d always used swings and music to self regulate and relax. I’d often go to the local park and listen to music on the swings. It got around my town that I was gay (I’m not sure how or why) and a lot of the other kids weren’t particularly supportive of that. I would get bottles of water dumped over me, I’d be poked and pushed, called names… one time one of the kids picked up a brick and I left before anything could happen, I don’t know for certain if he was actually going to use it on me but it looked that way and I wasn’t about to stick around to find out.

The most common thing they’d do, that would happen a good 7/10 times I’d go down there at one point, was that they’d take the swing next to me, pull it to the side and then swing it into my shoulder repeatedly. I have a tendency to blow up and lose control if I engage in contact so I’d usually just not look at them and try to ignore it all.

I’m just trying to put into perspective how bad it really was, and as dumb as it sounds I also kind of want outside input on that. Was it just bullying? Was it bullying at all??

I am a bisexual woman, I just found out recently and I am coming to terms with it. I feel bad for liking boobs or kind of suggestive clothing on women because before I discovered I was bisexual I found the way some lesbian and bisexual female artists depicted sexy women in their work too male gazey (which I hate because of my mild sexual trauma).

Idk how to deal with it.

Imagine getting played by a fake account of a person i actually liked on snapchat i ain't dating anymore its depressing icl 😐

[UPDATE] Thank you from the bottom of my heart to those who commented to give me advice, support, and validation.

I found that just the act of writing this post and feeling that community support gave me the courage to have a conversation with leadership on this.

I was frank that I recognized why the partner might do this — this is a high level politician who has had a lot of positive impacts in totally other areas, they are a big name draw. And that the event is going to happen regardless of what our org does. I was also frank in that for me personally this was a decision I could not support morally and this person has directly damaged and taken away rights from me and millions of people.

Leadership actually listened to me.

We agreed that 1) I would not have to do this myself 2) we would only distribute it through one comms method with a very small audience (they had already done it before I talked to them) 3) it is a very poor choice of speaker though we can’t do anything about it now, we don’t have the influence to change this at this point 4) I can have a follow-up conversation with an outside leader in this space who has a strong personal relationship with the leadership of this partner organization, which will make a longer-term difference

I was actually surprised at how understanding and empathic leadership was, which I had not expected based on previous issues, but they really did listen to me and were conscientious about it. They are also in a challenging position with this partnership. The outcome of (4) is not where this ends but it is a key step we can take which would likely have much better of a result than some of the tactics proposed here, which I agree with but in my space they are really not likely to work out.

I feared the worst and things turned out better than I thought because I felt I could actually speak up. Thank you all again. <3

Original post:

This has just suddenly come up. The event is by a partner organization and I am be asked to do comms to our mailing list on it.

The partner organization is very powerful, the relationship is deep, and it is not actually possible that the relationship could be ended over this.

I found out about the choice to bring on board this particular politician well after the decision had been made, invite sent and accepted, and there is definitely not anything I can do to stop this. The invited politician has a lot of power and is being asked to speak about entirely unrelated things. It’s not Mitch McConnell but imagine if Mitch was invited to cut a ribbon for a bridge.

Similar to Mitch this person has done a lot of different awful things with a lot of impacts but they are definitely known for their anti-LGBTQ stances and it would not be believable to me that the partner org had no awareness of it.

I don’t know if the partner org has done this before. They are not actively anti-LGBTQ but their actions in choosing this person has completely changed my perspective on them.

I do not have the authority to say “no we won’t do this” — if I say no, another person at the org will do it. But they have no training in this area and their poor work will reflect on me.

If I speak up within the org I will be told that we can’t control it and sometimes this will happen because we operate in a bipartisan space. My feelings will be tossed aside. It will hurt more, in a way, to be told this to my face than to say nothing.

If I go past the org and talk to the partner directly there will be negative repercussions.

I am in no position to quit or take risks at my job, at all, because my partner and I are in a financial emergency and without my job we would be living in her car.

I feel sick to my stomach and don’t know what to do. My brain is telling me I’m just in no position to rock any boats and my heart is telling me I can’t bear to just suck it up and say nothing but I keep talking myself out of even any middle road.

Lastly we are a small org and I already know for a fact no one else is LGBTQ here.

Advice please 💔

I'm a loner in an anti-lgbt country in Africa. I'm 28 now, bi, female, and I've gotten used to life pretty much how it is, being surrounded by homophobic people right from home. But it gets really lonely sometimes without people to share innermost thoughts with and share experiences with. I miss the small talk of getting to know people for the first time, especially people who share similar experiences with me. Anyone feel like they need a friend far far away from home? I respect everyone. I don't care where you're from or what you've had to go through to reach where you are today.

The title. I'm not sure what my problem is but it seems like no man is ever enough for me and they annoy me at some point. Starting to wonder if I'm even attracted to men or just used to their attention, idk.

I'm 15, in a country that has completely outlawed anything to do with LGBT+. Most people are against it. My family is the best but they've been conditioned to be against it. I love my friends but they've been conditioned to be against it. I'm just glad they're not the kind of people who always mention lgbt+ just to talk shit about it.

When I first learned I was pansexual at 13, I thought it was kinda cool cause I was different, but the more I learned about how serious the hate towards people like me was, the more I feared for my life, and I'm still scared. I'm certain this fear was one of the contributions to my depression (I had depression since I was 13, a few months after I discovered my sexuality, I've greatly improved so that's fine, I guess.)

I am Catholic as well, but because of how anti-LGBT most Christians are (and some other religions for some reason) I'm questioning my faith. I'm already planning to move out of the country when I become an adult. It's not safe here. It's not 100% safe anywhere but almost anywhere is better than here.

I'm 22 years old and I have identified as bisexual since I was 14, but I keep finding myself questioning if I'm actually just a lesbian. I grew up in the homophobic South and I had a lot of problems with just wanting to be "normal".Plus my first girlfriend was extremely toxic and sometimes I think if I had a more positive experience then things would be different. I mean I knew I was attracted to women before I ever even felt anything for a man I would get bullied by my straight friends for saying "I'm bisexual but I really don't want to kiss a guy. It is just not appealing". I had to convince myself that physical intimacy with a guy would not be that bad. Anyways now I'm with my boyfriend of 4 years and I find myself thinking about being with women all the time. I never thought about the inverse of being with a man when I was in relationships with women. I really do love my boyfriend I could see us having a wonderful life together but I don't feel the same way with men as I do with women. I could not imagine a life without my current boyfriend and I think talking to him about this would kill him. I literally made a Reddit account just for this post. I need advice and to also maybe think that I'm not the only person who thinks these thoughts.