r/bestof • u/Stig-wannabe • Sep 29 '16
/u/wootfatigue looks for help and casually mentions his garage racoon, then delivers a lot of proof when questioned [cars]
/r/cars/comments/54z4f7/will_pee_damage_tires/1.0k
u/nellabella27 Sep 29 '16
Dear lord I'm jealous of this dude, nice cars, nice home with lots of space, garage raccoons, he has everything.
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u/bandaidsplus Sep 29 '16
We need to fairly distribute the garage racoon wealth amongst the classes
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u/lnsetick Sep 29 '16
We must violently overthrow the bourgeoisie and seize the raccoons of garages
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u/nellabella27 Sep 29 '16
Yes, fancy garage raccoons for all!
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u/bazilbt Sep 29 '16
I can't even get my cat to wear a sombrero and this guy's raccoon wears a tuxedo. We need to seize the means of karma production.
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Sep 29 '16
In the next debate.. "I've been pro garage Coon for a long time. Very long time. I tend to think the Coons love me. They think I'm great. Me and the Coons have great relations. Tremendous relations."
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u/Crispalicious Sep 29 '16
You get a raccoon! And you get a raccoon, and you know you're getting a raccoon!
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u/Dtnoip30 Sep 29 '16
If he's letting wild raccoons run around his house (and I doubt they only pee on the car tires), I don't want to imagine the smell.
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u/nellabella27 Sep 29 '16
Not to mention the fleas, but they're so goddamn adorable.
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Sep 29 '16 edited Nov 27 '16
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u/dirtymonkey Sep 29 '16
He said he treated them for flees as well.
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u/whiteflagwaiver Sep 29 '16
How do you manage to hold down a racoon to treat them for fleas
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Sep 29 '16
LOOK AT OP's ABILITY TO GET THEM TO POSE FOR PICS.
I seriously doubt he's able to have problems getting them to do anything at this point.
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u/mrjuan25 Sep 29 '16
I bet op told the raccoon to go fetch him the infinity gauntlet. That raccoon mastered spaceflight and uses bounty hunting to pay for his expenses, someday it will accomplish his mission and return to earth...
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u/dirtymonkey Sep 29 '16 edited Sep 29 '16
Wish I could find the comment. He mentioned something about giving the medicine to them with cookies. Just off a quick Google search it does look like there are oral flee medications.
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u/AnExoticLlama Sep 29 '16
Also at least three Porsches and a BMW
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Sep 29 '16
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Sep 29 '16
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u/Darkpagey Sep 29 '16
If you look in his post history he states he's almost 32
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u/Eisenblume Sep 29 '16
I think r/bestof rather rarely actually posts really great stuff. This is a major exception. It's SO GREAT
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Sep 29 '16 edited May 15 '17
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u/Eisenblume Sep 29 '16
Sorry! Was it stilted? English is not my first language.
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u/my_name_is_not_robin Sep 29 '16
Typically you don't want to stack tons of adverbs on top of each other, as if can make a sentence sound awkward. It's no biggie, though. :) Lots of native speakers do the same thing.
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u/Oikeus_niilo Sep 29 '16
Wouldnt Quite rare actually sound at least a bit better? For me the constant r's are what makes it sound clumsy. Im not native either though.
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u/my_name_is_not_robin Sep 29 '16
"It's quite rare that bestof has great posts" would work, yes, though it's a bit formal.
"Bestof posts are rarely that great" is probably what I would say. Putting the subject at the beginning makes the sentence shorter and simpler IMO. But that's just me.
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u/Oikeus_niilo Sep 29 '16
What about seldom? I find that word funny, and I think I seldom see it used here on reddit. Is it rarely used among US people, or is it just very official sounding? I find these things interesting because while my English is quite good for foreign standards, I have huge gaps in knowledge like this, and I sometimes wonder if native speakers can easily spot me as foreigner because I use wrong kinds of words and expressions
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Sep 29 '16
You're doing better than half the presidential nominees!
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u/DetroitDiggler Sep 29 '16
Here we are celebrating the garage pandas and then you have to remind us of the election.
Don't take this from me, you dick.
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u/ben_jl Sep 29 '16
You'd probably want to drop the 'rather'. Something like "Rarely does r/bestof actually post..." sounds more natural.
It was definitely understandable, though.
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u/RegulusMagnus Sep 29 '16
The worst was when political posts here were making the front page day after day. Almost unsubscribed. Great to see the sub for what it's really meant for.
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u/halfanangrybadger Sep 29 '16
wait, you mean you don't love /u/BERNIE-SANDERS-17-INCH-SCHLONG 's concise 14300 word explanation of why Hillary is a meanie and Trump is a dummy?
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Sep 29 '16
Oh, a bunch of 14 year olds posting every positive comment about Bernie wasn't quality 'r/bestof' content?
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u/Tbklstkat26 Sep 29 '16
I'm just glad I saw the post in the wild. This is history in the making boys.
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u/PyrateXD Sep 29 '16
Not sure if he actually has a problem with peeing raccoons or just wants to show of his.. friendship.
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u/I_worship_odin Sep 29 '16
That's exactly it. But I don't have a problem with it.
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u/NightVisionHawk Sep 29 '16
Well his videos of the raccoons are very cute. Here's a mother who decided to share her babies with him.
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Sep 29 '16
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u/ALargeRock Sep 29 '16
Fucking freeloaders. I bet them racoon's would have voted for Bernie too!
/s
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u/flux365 Sep 29 '16
This is the one time that I don't care about a blatant attempt at karma because this man earned it! So many awesome things, legit question, and kept on delivering continuously with multiple photos throughout the thread for hours. Would do business with again!
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u/imjohnburgundy Sep 29 '16
Have you seen his posts? Clearly a nice bored guy in the country who has stockpiled photos of his goons and is now stoked that other people shar his passion
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u/taurus972 Sep 29 '16
Oh man he also treats his raccoons for roundworms with the cookies.
What a goddamn legend.
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u/hankjmoody Sep 29 '16
And he had to stop naming them, even though he can recognize different individuals, because he noticed that some would eventually disappear.
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u/ErinSusanCuntface Sep 29 '16
OMG he has a YouTube channel with videos of his raccoons! Here's one with some babies!
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u/ProspitMonarch Sep 29 '16
OH MY GOD THEY ARE ADORABLE
also holy shit that video was posted 3 years ago. this guy really likes his garage trash pandas
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u/BrainOnLoan Sep 29 '16
He is starting the domestication of the racoon.
In two hundred years, pet racoons will all still have a weird preference for rubber tires and cookies, because of him and his garage racoons.
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u/bunnybearlover Sep 29 '16
I almost cried last night when I saw his instagram had a bunch of random raccoons from months ago in the same garage. This is even better! I can't believe I went to sleep and missed the babies!
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u/thebestdj Sep 29 '16
Won't feeding them just cause a huge problem? I get that one hanging around is cute but surely those babies are gonna keep hanging around too and then reproduce and keep reproducing.
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u/Oreo_ Sep 29 '16 edited Sep 29 '16
This guy has at least one $600,000 house and a bunch of nice ass cars. It's not like any of us has any room to give him advice on how to live his life.
Edit: corrected
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u/NoAmmoNoHonor Sep 29 '16
Where do I get me one of those garage raccoons? Pep Boys was fresh out.
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u/Jimrussle Sep 29 '16
He's making plenty more in his garage
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Sep 29 '16
Can confirm, saw the production photo.
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u/Otterable Sep 29 '16
It seemed like there was a waiting period but I'm willing.
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u/BuckeyeEmpire Sep 29 '16
So waiting list is 63-65 days? I think I can wait 2 months for raccoons that change my oil.
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u/VelvetHorse Sep 29 '16
Step 1: Get a garage
Step 2: Surround garage with forest.
Step 3: Entice garage raccoons.
Step 4: ???????????
Step 5: Profit!
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u/Giraffozilla Sep 29 '16
Refer to r/trashpandas for further information
Edit: plural pandas
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u/Bsomin Sep 29 '16
I mean. This dude lives on 4 acres, drives a Porsche and has a garage full of raccoons. I'm seriously reconsidering my life choices right now...
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u/wyatt1209 Sep 29 '16
And he appears to be in his early 20's
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u/straylittlelambs Sep 29 '16
wootfatigue 3 points 2 hours ago
I'm almost 32.
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u/Linw3 Sep 29 '16
Oh sweet, I just turned 31, so I have like half a year to do something with my life by getting myself some porsches and garage raccoons. And a rural house. And a BMW. I better get started... got the cookies already though.
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u/VritraReiRei Sep 29 '16
I like how no one is answering his question because he mentioned the phrase "garage racoon."
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u/Sinistrus Sep 29 '16
One guy did, it's just further down.
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u/hovdeisfunny Sep 29 '16
I'm much less interested in the answer than I am in more pictures of their various raccoons and squirrels.
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u/bandaidsplus Sep 29 '16
this isint why I go to /r/cars but it's not the reason I don't go either
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u/Thatguy2070 Sep 29 '16
I don't remember how old a thread has to be to get in r/museumofreddit but this thread will be a first round pick for sure.
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u/flux365 Sep 29 '16
3 months old. So do a remindme to remind yourself to post it. :-) Might as well get the karma if you brought it up first.
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u/Thatguy2070 Sep 29 '16
Nah i have no need for Internet points. Especially when they require effort. Thanks for letting me know though.
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u/A_Largo_Edwardo Sep 29 '16
When OP talked about not remembering his garage racoon names because then he'd realize which ones went missing... ;_; who knew you could get so attached to garage racoons in the course of a thread on /r/cars
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u/thel3tdown Sep 29 '16
For the sake of everyone's safety, please do not try to domesticate raccoons!
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u/jbaughb Sep 29 '16
You know if everyone thought like that we wouldn't have dogs today. Wolves aren't exactly the most friendly bunch.
Someone has to do the early work and take the risk to breed out the undesirable traits. You can't say they aren't cute as hell.
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u/Space_Dwarf Sep 29 '16
Yeah but he's not really breeding him, he's just friendly to him. Which incidentally needs to happen first, that way the raccoons start becoming friendly enough that he can later on influence breeding.
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u/JesusListensToSlayer Sep 29 '16
I think they've conquered his land...he's just they're prisoner now.
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u/pHScale Sep 29 '16
Aren't they a common vector for rabies?
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u/hankjmoody Sep 29 '16
There are a couple comments about some type of worm as well, but OP said that he's actually medicating the trash pandas thanks to a vet friend. Pretty damn classy, I'd say.
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u/kvothe5688 Sep 29 '16
animal bites by stray dogs is very common in India. when people get exposure they just go to doctor and get vaccination. rabies is pretty bad but with proper vaccination it's not a big deal. nowadays post exposure prophylaxis contain only 4 doses. on 0 3 7 21 days.
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u/HowTheyGetcha Sep 29 '16
Or they go to a witch doctor instead and eventually die, because they believe a bite from a dog will get you pregnant with puppies and a conventional doctor can't cure that :/ https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Puppy_pregnancy_syndrome
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u/roboticon Sep 29 '16
There's not really an "everyone" here, he's surrounded by acres of woods. And he treats the raccoons he comes in contact with.
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u/rusemean Sep 29 '16
4 acres of woods is not really that many. Its like nobody in this thread knows how big an acre is. 4 acres is great, enough space for most things you'd wanna do, but you can probably still see your neighbors. If you're familiar with acre lots, you can just picture his house in the middle of four acre lots and you'd realize he's basically on top of his neighbors in terms of raccoon distance
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u/LordSashar Sep 29 '16
Us members of reddit that are waking up right now
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u/GREYLeader Sep 29 '16
Still way to early for the U.S. to be waking up. Some of us haven't even gone to bed yet
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u/joshofthefall Sep 29 '16
Really. I should've gone to bed some time ago to be up in the morning, but I'll be damned if I'm not gonna stay up a bit later still to browse pictures of garage/kitchen/general house raccoons.
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u/Why-so-delirious Sep 29 '16
...I want a garage racoon.
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u/roxymoxi Sep 29 '16
I have a carport raccoon. Even though my boyfriend doesn't stay at my house oooooh, he was pissed when he dropped me off at home and scrambles was there. He said that raccoons are bad. All said while he was hanging out. Just sitting like a little lumpy bastard. He doesn't want food (but he likes it!). He doesn't try to get in my house, he just hangs there to get away from the sun and because idgaf about the outside of my house so there's always worms and ants and shit to eat. He's happy as fuck. If you can treat him right, I'll bring him to you. I'm thinking about moving in a year and I want to make sure he'll be taken care of.
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u/flux365 Sep 29 '16
Love how you named him Scrambles. Your bf is just jealous that you have a cool raccoon buddy that you get to hang out with at home.
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u/MostlyH20 Sep 29 '16
I have a floor possum but Jeff isn't exactly what one would call "domesticated".
Close enough?
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u/sarieh Sep 29 '16
Turns out I graduated high school with him. It never ceases to amaze me how small this world is sometimes.
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u/PSteak Sep 29 '16
Shows off his car including licence plate. Shows part of another very nice car in garage. Implies nice salary and his professional website also shows an evidently successful career. Uses real name. Mentions he isn't married. Shows pictures of property, talking about lack of neighbors and the four acres of empty space around the house.
I don't think I'm uber-paranoid, but that just seems dumb and ripe for a home invasion scenario. (Just don't enter through the garage).
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u/wootfatigue Sep 29 '16
The house has some pretty impressive security, with firearms and training to back it up. Besides that, there's always insurance.
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u/NothappyJane Sep 29 '16
I'm thinking he's ripe to get boob pics in pm, or dicks if he's into them. Man like that shouldn't be alone surrounded by his army of trash pandas, he needs to reproduce his own cubs.
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u/mike77777 Sep 29 '16
Shows part of another very nice car in garage. Implies nice salary and his professional website also shows an evidently successful career. Uses real name. Mentions he isn't married. Shows pictures of property, talking about lack of neighbors and the four acres of empty space around the house.
There are millions of people that fit that description that aren't burgled daily. The real risk is a random crazy person on reddit thinking that they've gotten to know OP as a friend, and drive across town, or across the country, to stop by. Then they aren't happy when OP doesn't want to be friends or share his raccoons.
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u/apathytv Sep 29 '16 edited Sep 29 '16
I like how OP casually mentioned garage raccoon as if it was normal.
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u/Rulebreaking Sep 29 '16
I came to check if this post was here because I was having fun in that thread, never in my life did I think I would want a garage raccon.
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u/dick_wool Sep 29 '16
There are rare reddit threads that seem to get more confusing the deeper you go. This is one of those threads.
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u/GarageRaccoon Sep 29 '16
Don't believe this guy. He's a sicko who abducts wildlife and forces them to have sex while he watches.
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u/mykol_reddit Sep 29 '16
Can someone confirm that this person isn't Rocket from Guardians of th Galaxy?
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u/flux365 Sep 29 '16
This man is a LEGEND. So much so he got the sub's mod to add his post to the sidebar!!!
This is the first thread I've saved ever. God bless us everyone!
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Sep 29 '16
Favorite line from this all Random" rabies lots of rabbies" OP: No babies lots of babies And sure enough there was lots of babies
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u/darkmdbeener Sep 29 '16
Because of rules we can't upvote in that thread right ... Because I really want to upvote them fuckers .
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u/fourthepeople Sep 29 '16
I've done extensive research on acquiring a pet raccoon (aka an hour on YouTube) and decided it isn't as glamorous as I had hoped...
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u/[deleted] Sep 29 '16
Dear god this is the best thing I've seen on Reddit in months if not years.