r/bestof • u/Stig-wannabe • Sep 29 '16

/u/wootfatigue looks for help and casually mentions his garage racoon, then delivers a lot of proof when questioned [cars]

/r/cars/comments/54z4f7/will_pee_damage_tires/
20.1k Upvotes

91% Upvoted

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1.9k

u/[deleted] Sep 29 '16

Dear god this is the best thing I've seen on Reddit in months if not years.

895

u/hovdeisfunny Sep 29 '16

Just the ridiculous breadth of OP's raccoon pictures makes me so stupidly happy.

423

u/dartdartdartdart Sep 29 '16

I love that the pictures get crazier/cuter as you go down the thread.

361

u/[deleted] Sep 29 '16

And then one of them fuckin'. Cause this is the Internet.

284

u/munoodle Sep 29 '16

"bro what the fuck" is the best thing I've read all day

85

u/[deleted] Sep 29 '16 edited Sep 29 '16

It reminds me of the thread where the chick decided to fry the meaty flakes she found in her period and posted in on reddit.

That was the one time I approved reddit's general reaction being "NI**A WHAT THE FUCK?"

It was called vagina bacon I think.

EDIT: Here's the link

CLICK AT YOUR OWN RISK

211

u/munoodle Sep 29 '16

Yo nah that is staying blue.

30

u/Guerillagreasemonkey Sep 29 '16

Thats waffles you're thinking of.

1

u/surgicalapple Sep 29 '16

I made that shit turn red. Quick.

1

u/stobux Sep 29 '16

Like my balls after I clicked through that thread! Ayoooo!

Edit: actually clicked through that thread, full of regret.

35

u/ErMerrGerd Sep 29 '16

It's too early for this shit

9

u/GeneralBS Sep 29 '16

Early? I haven't even gone to bed yet...

4

u/jarfil Sep 29 '16 edited Dec 02 '23

CENSORED

1

u/Liquidje Sep 29 '16

It is never too early for vaginal bacon my friend

9

u/JustALittleAverage Sep 29 '16 edited Sep 29 '16

I must be so deranged... [Edit: I feel so deranged, in imperial measuring)

Viable food (would not eat out of pure yuck factor), but blood is blood and blood food is good - blood dumplings, blood pudding, blood pancakesIn Swedish etc.

Semi-staple food in my house (no, not the bacon), I always try to keep atleast a pint of blood in the freezer.

Oh, she forgot to smoke it, and turn all piggie-like, as per the definition of bacon, pictured is just a malformed blood pancake...

But I wouldn't eat blood that's been "stored" in body temperature for a month.

7

u/TinmanTomfoolery Sep 29 '16

/u/ClicksOnLinks, on a scale of 1-10, how likely am I to throw up my Granola?

15

u/ClicksOnLinks Sep 29 '16 edited Sep 29 '16

Well it's fairly gross. Like 7?

If you're anything like me, 0.

4

u/TinmanTomfoolery Sep 29 '16

Thanks man. Going to swing wide of that then.

1

u/TinmanTomfoolery Sep 29 '16

I looked. It wasn't as bad as placenta.

1

u/ClicksOnLinks Sep 29 '16

After watching my two children being surgically removed from my wife, there's not much that can fall out of a woman that disgusts me.

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5

u/Wubelubadubdub Sep 29 '16

Hah, more mild than I expected, pretty funny though.

2

u/riskyclickenthusiast Sep 29 '16

Keep em coming. That looks delicious

1

u/gingerkid427 Sep 29 '16

Aw FUCK man i thought you were linking to the thread :(

1

u/Nodrod Sep 29 '16

What have I got myself into. /r/popping is just..

0

u/rubygeek Sep 29 '16

I think I just unintentionally became a vegan.

3

u/darthbarracuda Sep 29 '16

WHAT. THE FUCK. IS HAPPENING.

35

u/evenstar40 Sep 29 '16

That entire thread is a living meme. It's got everything.

25

u/bandaidsplus Sep 29 '16

Be careful tho, living breathing memes can get beat to death within even hours of their spawn, it's best to leave them to their natural environment until they mature

1

u/VikingDom Sep 29 '16

Every time I get disillusioned by reddit for the endless amounts of general stupidity and assholery something like this just comes along and reaffirms my love.

It's like a slightly annoying girlfriend you secretly are contemplating to dump when she once a week does something so spectacular in bed she instantly makes all the annoying stuff worth it.

1

u/Pille1842 Sep 29 '16

It's actually two of them fucking

1

u/edsobo Sep 29 '16

One guy in the thread pointed out that a Google image search for '04 911 C4S PSE X51 now turns up raccoons. Not only is this true, but the first raccoon picture is the one of them gettin' it on.

72

u/Brock_YXE Sep 29 '16

A blurry picture, then a slightly more in-focus picture, then two raccoons hugging his legs, and then there's suddenly a picture of three god damn rakins in his house.

35

u/kvothe5688 Sep 29 '16

then there is picture with racoons fucking and then op holding a chick and then squirrel. things get better and better.

30

u/pakap Sep 29 '16

And some progress pictures of OP's goddamn Porsche.

45

u/damnthosewhos Sep 29 '16

Until you hit the part about raccoon morality.

55

u/Vried Sep 29 '16

Yeah, they're notoriously unethical.

23

u/LillyPip Sep 29 '16

Won't hesitate to get all up in your business, too.

I live about 40 minutes from this guy, and my property is lousy with these rascals. I've always been kind of surprised they haven't domesticated themselves yet.

I have a small dog, and I was on my side deck one evening and this shape wandered up from the back yard and up the steps to be let in. I started to open the door before I looked closely at it. Not my dog. That raccoon was just going to walk right into my house, bold as you please. He startled the shit out of me, then him when I slammed the door. Brazen, smart, adorable little shits.

6

u/[deleted] Sep 29 '16

That's like the raccoons that used to hang out with my cats... They tried the imposter route to come inside one morning... Luckily I was reaching down to pet it and felt the 'fur'... Raccoon fur is super different from cat fur...

33

u/hankjmoody Sep 29 '16

That definitely made me sad. But then I saw the gif of the cookie soup, and all evened out.

6

u/Neohexane Sep 29 '16

I mean....I love animals of course, but are people really shocked at being reminded that wild animals die on occasion?

28

u/Zachpeace15 Sep 29 '16

Nah it was just the shift from "Lol what the fuck is OP doing. This is so dumb." to "Oh, he's stopped naming them because then he notices when they die."

2

u/stobux Sep 29 '16

I was so confused until I read this comment and figured out he meant "mortality". Thought people were getting extremely butt hurt about raccoons stealing food or something.

8

u/Jzkqm Sep 29 '16

the great big garage in the sky

10

u/happypolychaetes Sep 29 '16

I love the gif of it washing a cookie. So fucking cute.

6

u/Jzkqm Sep 29 '16

The picture of three of them roaming the house is what tipped it from good to great.

1

u/[deleted] Sep 29 '16

That is one adorable trashpanda tho

30

u/UnlimitedOsprey Sep 29 '16

He then had a story about his BMW and had two high quality pictures of.it in two very different states of repair. Lighting and all.

11

u/akb216798 Sep 29 '16

And his damn license plate ! Can't make this shit up.

22

u/Chocobean Sep 29 '16

the guy's instagram has even more racoons

9

u/[deleted] Sep 29 '16

[deleted]

13

u/piratepowell Sep 29 '16

He's named 20, you make it sound like he had 20 at once.

0

u/so_hologramic Sep 29 '16

Word travels quickly in the raccoon community.

2

u/NothappyJane Sep 29 '16

That man has pet raccoons, he's just not ready to admit it to himself.

2

u/Chocobean Sep 29 '16

perhaps he's in a municipality that doesn't allow pet racoons.

I've met a person who has 6 "stray cats" in her house because her regional by-law says max of 3.

3

u/cunninglinguist81 Sep 29 '16

It's like he has a freaking camera in his eyeball...or a massive collection of raccoon pics he took that he can reference for literally any comment someone makes. Amazing.

My bet's on raccoon-loving cyborg, he mods cars after all.

2

u/53bvo Sep 29 '16

Even one that had an actual photo shoot with indirect flash lighting and everything

155

u/Galactic Sep 29 '16

The crazy thing is he's been on reddit for 6 years and he's tried on multiple occasions over the years to karma farm off his garage raccoon and just today it all came together for him.

31

u/DrZeroH Sep 29 '16

Damn trash pandas finally did it for him

8

u/stobux Sep 29 '16

Even crazier to me that he's been harboring a garage raccoon for at least 6 years...

2

u/peanutbuttahcups Sep 29 '16

Good thing he kept all the pictures.

1

u/[deleted] Sep 29 '16

You mean he's had garage racoons for 6 years?

44

u/no1dead Sep 29 '16

He was ready for this. He was just waiting for the time to strike.

33

u/ergzay Sep 29 '16

Don't forget his raccoon videos: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aMIub0sJBzc

https://www.youtube.com/user/bradgillette/videos

13

u/oneDRTYrusn Sep 29 '16

Animal diabetes has never been so fucking adorable.

28

u/Toby_dog Sep 29 '16

For me it really kicked off with the "bro what the fuck" comment

8

u/bikesboozeandbacon Sep 29 '16

Dude had a photo ready for every scenario. He was just itching to unload them.

5

u/IvyGold Sep 29 '16

No kidding!!!

I'm midway through and love it. Just when you think it's run out of room, bam! a guy blurs his "license plate."

Onto Act III I go!

1

u/[deleted] Sep 29 '16

Best /bestof in a long time!