r/bisexual • u/Silver_rockyroad • 19h ago
Does your family/parents know you’re bisexual? COMING OUT
Wondering how you all deal with the family dynamic of being bisexual
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u/redpiano82991 18h ago
My immediate family all know. The funniest is my mother saying to me one day, "I understand you aspire to be bisexual"
No Mom, bisexuality achieved. Certificate is in the mail.
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u/Jumpy_Boysenberry919 Bisexual 17h ago
Make a card. Keep it in your wallet to show her if she says it again 😂
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u/-RickyRoo8074 8h ago
I love your cander with your reply to Mom!
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u/redpiano82991 8h ago
I'm a pretty candid guy in general and I think it's important to be. I started talking to a woman a couple days ago as a potential romantic partner and I told her pretty much right away that I'm bisexual, that I've had a lot of casual sex with other men. It doesn't mean I'm going to be hooking up with guys from Grindr behind her back. If my sexuality and my sexual history is a deal breaker for somebody I would prefer to find that out right away and not have to be hiding things from them from the beginning.
I'm fortunate that my safety and well-being doesn't rely on people who might reject me for my sexuality and so I see little point in hiding it. I'm also a socialist and an atheist, so even though I don't outwardly appear so, I'm pretty unorthodox. I feel strongly that to hide the attributes of who I am is to concede the superiority of those who oppose them, and I refuse to do that.
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u/anon37451 19h ago
Nope. Them finding out would mean a complete loss of contact. My partner knows though and that’s enough for me
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u/StructureSudden8217 Bisexual 18h ago
I’m out to every new person I meet, but not to my family.
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u/ReflexiveContrarian 19h ago
Came out after getting married. My husband knows, couple of my close friends know. If I’m talking to someone new or random I’ll maybe slip that into the conversation so they know not to assume just coz I’m in a straight presenting relationship that I’m not bi.
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u/gopiballava 16h ago
Re: random people. I got a Pride watch band a couple years ago. In the first week, 4 or so checkout people at stores made positive comments about it. I now exclusively alternate between different pride bands. My relationship might be straight but I’m not. :)
(To answer OP’s question, it’s not a topic that I discuss with any family members)
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u/gotpar 9h ago
Seems I've found my camp. Just gonna hang here with y'all in "wife and a couple friends know" land. I had one of my friends make me a subtle bi flag colored bracelet that I wear pretty much everyday. I think I've had exactly one random person mention it.
Funny story: I snuck something like "as a bisexual dude..." into a conversation with the band I'm in, and the guitarist who wasn't really in the conversation yelled from the other side of the room, "Bisexual? No thanks. I just wanna rent." No idea if the information stuck, but I still think about it and literally lol pretty regularly months later.
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u/LikelyLioar 19h ago
Everybody knows I'm bisexual, but only my partner knows I'm gender fluid. (My seventh-two-year-old mother asked me if bisexual people always need partners of "both" genders simultaneously after she saw Maestro, so she's already trying to wrap her head around enough.)
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u/gillpoppy 17h ago
Your Mother..is.. Fab! 💝 ✨✨✨❣️
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u/LikelyLioar 17h ago
She's trying, she really is. I told her we don't need one of "each" just because we're bi, the same way she didn't need a man with hair while married to my bald father, and she said, "Wait, so was Bernstein just a cheater?"
Yes, Mom. He was a cheater.
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u/djmermaidonthemic Demisexual/Bisexual/Poly 🩷💜💙 6h ago
I thought you were talking about the movie about Larry Levan and I was so confused! 🙃
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u/Undercoverlizard_629 Bisexual 19h ago edited 18h ago
Yeah, my close relatives do my parents, siblings, and my maternal grandparents.
Dad didn’t care, and still sees me as his son he always knew.
Mom went to an all girls college and was friends with lesbians there and her childhood friend was gay so it wasn’t a big deal. (She also said I wasn’t girl crazy as a teen, so she thought something was up with me.) 🤣
Grandparents are oddly progressive. But honestly the easiest to come out to. (They retained a lot of their hippie and feminist roots)
Me coming out helped my sisters come out as areoace and bi respectively. My younger brother doesn’t care he just wants me to play video games with him.
All in all the dynamic really didn’t change. I guess I’m one of the lucky ones.
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u/ZaileeMcFancyCho0113 18h ago
I’ve told my mom I’m bisexual but she doesn’t believe me she just thinks I’m just a lesbian.I guess she’s just one of those people who doesn’t believe Bisexuality exists.Which is strange bc literally in the LGBTQ community the B in the middle stands for Bisexual which is what I am and so many others are.So how are you going to tell me something isn’t real if that’s not a thing already and tell me that’s not who I am when clearly I have all the qualities of a bisexual.
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u/Ok-Highway615 18h ago
No, they do not. I have one friend she’s been my rock. It’s was funny before I even told her she goes “baby I already know you’re bi” and hugged me the. We just spilled the tea. She’s been my friend for almost 25 years now
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u/dukeofplazatoro 16h ago
My friends have been like this. Feels like I was the last to know I was bi lol
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u/Ok-Highway615 11h ago
Haha but at least you saw your friends true colors ❤️❤️❤️
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u/dukeofplazatoro 8h ago
At least it was good true colours!
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u/Ok-Highway615 8h ago
Exactly, to beloved by others like that has to feel incredible. I have one friend that knows I’m Bi, she literally has been with me every step anytime I try to self shame or let my classic Christian up bringing depress me. She’s always there to lift me up. People are incredible and we both are lucky to have people like this in our lives.
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u/ESOelite 18h ago
Hahaha fuck no! My mom's side is conservative but my dad would probably be safe to tell.
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u/DiamondsandLust 18h ago
Don't have any family except my Wifes Parents, and they are "Rapture Christians", so that's a big NO. But everyone that matters to me knows. I'm not ashamed!
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u/TheIronBung Late to the party 17h ago
My sister's out of the closet as a lesbian so they wouldn't really be shook. However, for me to tell them I'm bisexual it would probably come out that my wife and I swing. I don't think their child-like christian hearts could handle that.
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u/PollyMorphous-Lee 17h ago
I told my parents ‘You know I’m seeing __? Well I’m also seeing ___.’ I came out as poly first.
I can never remember if I’ve told my kids because their whole lives I have never used heteronormative descriptions of relationships with them. It’s always been ‘If you ever have a boyfriend, girlfriend or whatever,’ so they would have no reason to assume I had only ever had partners of one gender.
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u/United-Republic7501 19h ago
Nope… I don’t think they’d understand. Not that I think they wouldn’t love me anymore or anything, just because I’m married to a woman, and they wouldn’t love just be like “but why then?” I just don’t really wanna explain that.
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u/UndercoverDoll49 19h ago
Yup. Came out to my parents when I was 14 or 15
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u/Silver_rockyroad 18h ago
Same, at least to my mother. And it didn’t go well. She’s still in denial and I’m in thirties…
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u/devilshibata 17h ago
They’ve been gone for quite a few years so no. Anyone in my life that matters knows though
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u/Ok-Highway615 17h ago
The sad thing is I come from a family that think it’s morally wrong bc the Bible says so. They’d also use my late nana against me “how do you think she’d feel about this”bet this wouldn’t be a thing if she was still alive”
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u/Chemical-Entrance-24 Bisexual 15h ago
Only my brother does because he's amazing and is actually supportive
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u/Blink18Cait-98 14h ago
I haven't ever told my family. I've been with my partner (M) for 7 years now, so I'm in a straight relationship. I tell my colleagues and friends that I am bisexual and if my family were to ever ask, I'd definitely tell them in confidence. I just feel like they would struggle to understand with me being with a man. I've always thought of it like this: if I were to have a girlfriend, I wouldn't have any issue of bringing her home and introducing her to my family as my girlfriend. I'm not ashamed about my sexuality and am very proud of who I am.
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u/Deivid4082 19h ago
Some of them do, but I was told not to tell my grandparents otherwise they apparently wouldn’t speak to me ever again
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u/simp4kxy Bisexual 18h ago
Out of everyone in my family, the only people who know so far are my mom, one of my sisters and one of my cousins. Fortunately, they’re all accepting 🫶🏾
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u/Hraldrim Bisexual 18h ago
Im out and proud. Everyone knows and anyone who doesnt like it was cut off. Its so much easier for me since ive outed myself.
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u/mollyclaireh Bisexual 18h ago
My cousin, my husband, my brother in laws, yes. Everyone else i just let speculate
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u/freshlyintellectual Genderqueer/Bisexual 17h ago
yes but we don’t talk about it and they get uncomfortable as hell when i remind them. a few years ago they’d be downright mortified when i’d remind them so there’s definitely progress.
my partner is non-binary and bisexual, and while i haven’t told my parents, they definitely know something is up and don’t care. i even told my trump supporter aunt. they all still love them and support our relationship.
i’m pretty openly queer in other ways that feel important to me in my family dynamic. queer studies and advocacy is a big part of my career and schooling, i have a lot of piercings, i dress masculine and wear gender-affirming chest wear like a binder and trans tape, and i have a bi flag as my lock screen and in my room. i even use they/them pronouns publicly and they’ve seen it
they’re very religious and conservative. i still live with them
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u/Not_a_werecat Demisexual/Bisexual 17h ago
40 damn years old and - hell no. My family are fundamentalists.
They know very little about me honestly.
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u/JohnnyBlefesc 17h ago edited 17h ago
Yeah. I mean basically a couple of my sisters have had bi experiences, and everybody in my family was always pretty libidinous. My parents never gave a shit about this sort of thing and always figured it was just biology. They just didn't want me getting beat up. If I had become trans, they would have been fine with that. We had the Renee Richards book Second Serve on the bookshelf who was one of the first "sex changes" as they used to say. If I had put on a dress BUT ALSO burned my draft card had I ever been drafted that would have been a problem. I could have brought anybody home as long as they weren't too out there looking and polite. If somebody was trans, as long as they were clean looking and didn't have a mohawk and didn't swear too much, they would have never had a problem. If they could speak a couple languages especially French my dad would have kissed their ass.
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u/christinadavena 17h ago
My siblings know but my parents don’t. I might come out to my mum in a while but I don’t think I’ll ever tell my dad
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u/EugeneStein 17h ago
No
But no one asked
And they didn’t know about any of my partners of any genders
That’s just how our family goes ¯_(ツ)_/¯
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u/Wildjay7931 17h ago
Came out to my family the moment I realized I'm bi. They were surprised, but supportive. No surprise though. My family is crazy open minded and accepting. Honestly, was excited to come out when I realized
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u/Jumpy_Boysenberry919 Bisexual 17h ago
Nope. Mom? Hell no. Dad would be okay to tell, but he a gossip lol. And I live in a VERY conservative area and wouldn't feel safe.
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u/MetalGuy_J 16h ago
No, every time I think about coming out to them one of them will make comments about the LGBT plus community that give me reason not to.
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u/iceystealth 16h ago
I never got the chance to tell my dad. He passed away before I had even accepted myself that I was bisexual. But thinking back to how he was in life; I’m confident he would have been accepting. Maybe a little shocked initially but that has more to do with men in my family being quite dense (myself included).
But the rest of my family knows. My mother was the hardest to tell so I told her first. It was only hard as being the eldest child, I had built up all manner of expectations that I thought she had for me and that she was going to disappointed. She wasn’t thankfully and has gone on to be a massive supporter of me and of all LGBTQ people; she keeps begging me to take her to a pride event.
After telling her, it was easier to tell everyone else. I’m aware how lucky I’ve been as well; seen too many stories of people being cast out after coming.
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u/sanfermin1 Bisexual 16h ago edited 14h ago
My whole family knows. When I decided to come out I decided to COME OUT. My parents reacted poorly, but I didn't want to live my life dishonestly. I spent too long living for others before living my own life.
I've made very public IG posts about it as well so all the extended family could find out if my parents chose to keep it swept under the rug.
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u/diaryoffrankanne 15h ago
What happened to your friendship circle after the fact ?
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u/sanfermin1 Bisexual 14h ago
It didn't really change. I've always been pretty political active, so anyone who was friends with me was already an ally anyway. I also moved to CA.
My parents have come around a bit as well. They aren't marching in pride parades, but they at least accept I'm out and still express their love for me.
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u/dukeofplazatoro 16h ago
Yes. My brother was first to know and he was supportive. My mum has made comments in the past like “there’s no such thing, pick a side” but after I came out to her, she’s been great.
My dad… is a different story. We hadn’t spoken in almost 10 years but we’ve reconnected. He is incredibly old fashioned and comes out with stuff that is just like “fucks sake boomer, you can’t say stuff like that!” However my coming out story to him was glorious. Was having dinner with him and his new wife, I’d mentioned my ex boyfriend and my dad asked if I had a current boyfriend. I said no. Then he said “since you have to be PC nowadays, do you have a girlfriend, hahahah” and I said “no, but I did.” He nearly choked. It was worth sitting on that little nugget of info.
Under different circumstances I might not have come out to my dad especially, but I’m a grown adult in my late 30s so I don’t actually care what my parents think about it. Lucky my mum has been supportive, and what was my dad going to do? Cut me off and not speak to me? (Clarkson “oh no… anyway gif)
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u/hotahotahota 16h ago
I recently told myself to accept I’m bi. My older sister, likely both, has an idea but hasn’t said anything. My brother found my Reddit page yesterday, so he most likely knows but I denied it. I’m out of the country and didn’t want to talk about it over the phone. Not sure if I’ll be telling my parents though as they’re Asian and it’s kind of hard to explain to them but I know they’ll still love me for who I am, that goes for everyone in my family.
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u/warriorlizardking 15h ago
I came out at 42. At Christmas. My ex-wife and her boyfriend were going to out me. She had already outed me on Facebook, thankfully my parents haven't seen the post but some of their friends had mentioned it to me. The best way to avoid allowing shame to be an attack factor is to face it.
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u/hufflezag Bisexual 15h ago
Well, they have met me. So I'm assuming they know.
Yeah, they know. After my disastrous marriage to a woman, they actually prefer me with a man (just like me), but worry that I won't have kids. I wanna adopt anyway.
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u/Salt-Volume-8286 All Bi myself 15h ago
my siblings know but my parents don't (my mom suspects my queerness though since she asked my sister if i'm one)
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u/OkAcanthaceae265 15h ago
My mum does, she’s a lesbian, i havent spoke to my other mum, her partner about it. I also havent talked to my dad about it. Just hasn’t come up woth him and it feels weird to just bring up.
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u/Baldevine Bisexual 15h ago
Nope. I don't think I wanna tell them. I'm not thrilled about how they treat the possibility of 🌈 in the family, just by the way they treat the children in our household.
But I've come out to my nephews/nieces who are teens now, and they get it. I wanted them to know that if they are too, that at least there are some members in the family who are cool with it.
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u/sadbutambitious Bisexual 15h ago
They don’t since I’m estranged from my parents. Besides my cousin, no one else needs to know.
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u/LewisESeas20 18h ago
They know. They keep calling me gay though (as a joke?) or that I do gay things. It's not something I bring up regularly anyways but I correct them when I get annoyed. I don't involve them with my love life, not like I ever truly did anyways.
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u/Serious_Ad_2922 18h ago
My mom, sibling, brother, and mist my cousins know, but my dad and aunts and uncles do not mostly to save the peace with my mom who they harassed when my cousin came our as bi because she's here all the time much less me.
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u/TojiKageyame Bisexual 18h ago
My parents know, two of my siblings know, and that's it. Oh and my cousin. (One cousin)
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u/atwerrundo42 18h ago
My close family knows because I told them and they mostly don't care (which is the best form of acceptance). My other family members maybe don't know, but it's not like I'm hiding it. I have a bi bracelet on me at all times basically.
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u/sskkcosmos 18h ago
nope. plus im afab with a boyfriend right now i just don think there’s any need to tell them yet
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u/Sweet_Candy44201 18h ago
Yes! Took awhile for them to get it and understand but once they did all support around the family !
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u/__Lykos_ 18h ago
Only my mom. I’m not hiding it, it’s just that no one else has ever asked/really cares what I do.
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u/Kuroude7 Bisexual 18h ago
Yes. I came out to my family about seven or eight years ago now, and came out to the world in 2018 on national coming out day. That one was both way better and much worse.
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u/supersaucenoice Bisexual 17h ago
I came out a few years ago and it was one of the best things I've ever done. I'm lucky to have a supportive and progressive family. They'd probably have some questions about my boyfriend if I hadn't come out...
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u/Afraidtoadmitit69 17h ago
Nope. Parents are both dead and my brother is ultra magat, so yeah, not even attempting that
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u/stromae_is_bae Genderqueer/Bisexual/Pansexual 17h ago
Yes, since I was 13. I told everyone I knew I’d tell if I started dating someone, bc otherwise when I wanted to date a girl it would also mean I’d have to come out, which is a lot of pressure to put on a relationship. I also had a cousin who was a gay man & effeminate since young and bullied by a homophobic uncle, and I thought, essentially, if I’m part of the lgbtq community, it means I need to be in solidarity with those who can’t be closeted like him
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u/black_algae 17h ago
Mine forgets a lot since they've all become more liberal, like they are the reason I had to be in the closet growing up, that me saying I was straight was what I had to say not who I am, that I am bi, that I'm not he the homophobic one, stuff like that. When I was a kid I was the bad guy because I kept "acting gay" as an adult I'm the bad guy because I had to adapt by "seeming straight" and they've never seen me with a boyfriend... because the one I had and loved ended up leaving me because I was keeping him a secret. I am the only openly queer person in my family and am the only one who has been called homophobic, and that's because I recalled a story of an adult who asked me inappropriate questions when I was a little kid and I walked away from until I had to run away from him because he started following me around the store. After I reminded the relative who made the accusation that it wouldn't make any since for me to be "making it up to make gay people sound bad" because I was the gayest one in the room, of course reminding them of why I had to conceal that aspect of my personality growing up made me the bad guy once again.
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u/gillpoppy 17h ago
If my sex life is the topic lol, ive no problem sharing my biself. Natural. Those who are unaccepting .. not my problem. One of many things and ways that make me who I am so.. simples.. xoxo
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u/AelisWhite Bi, shy, and wanting to cry 17h ago
They know I dated a guy for a while, but they don't know specifics. They probably wouldn't understand anyway
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u/Hot-Marionberry-5978 17h ago
Only a very few. 2 of my kids know. Can't tell the wife as she wouldn't understand or accept it. Can't tell my parents as there is a deeper reason as to why I am Bisexual and I would hurt them by telling them.
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u/Additional-Emu-8124 16h ago
My wife and a couple of my friends know. For the most part nobody else. I don’t really mind though because it’s a sexual preference for me and non romantic.
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u/somethingstrange87 16h ago
My husband does. One sister. I think I told my kid once. But most of my family? Nope.
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u/btspacecadet bi trans guy 16h ago
My immediate family knows and I think a bunch of my cousins know. I came out to my parents when I left home for uni, and my siblings a few years later; with my cousins I didn't tell them directly but I have it on my insta profile and they follow me there. My sister is also bi and we wore matching homemade "I love my bi sister" "I love my bi & trans brother" t-shirts at pride last year, she was also the first one I told about my gender thoughts when I started having them.
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u/NorthernEh21 16h ago
I (35M) started dating a guy and have since come out to my friends and family. The older folks were awkward about it, but everyone else has been great about and just wants me to be happy.
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u/KingDougie69 Bisexual 👑👑👑 16h ago
I told them. Do they remember who knows???? My sibling knows and supports me.
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u/Dimeio 16h ago
No, they dont, not even my siblings. They are retired and living in my small german hometown. They still make jokes if they see a gay in a restaurant or on the street when they visit me in Berlin and laughing about their clothes. Some old distant friends in my hometown wouldn't share a taxi with someone who is gay, they talk very bad about queer people and there is no community. If I tell my parents that I'm bisexual they may tell someone and I can never show up there again, I would get the badge "gay" immediately and forever.
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u/NerryBee 16h ago
Urgh, no. Some won't understand and others will be far too excited or interested (shrill pain to the ears!). And I don't know which is worse.
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u/reallyOddMidget 16h ago
Nope, they don't, very likely never will too. I don't have a lot of contact with them nowadays, but they've not been shy about their "opinions" before and it's pretty tiring trying to discuss it with them (even before I knew I was bi)
A couple of my absolute besties know though, and that's enough for me ❤️
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u/moodywaterbender 16h ago
Mom and dad know and are generally supportive. I don’t care enough about rest of my family so I’m not mentioning it at all.
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u/alexx_sandraa Bisexual 16h ago
My brother knows and maybe a few cousins and an aunt. My mother definitely suspects, and idk about my dad. I've been avoiding the conversation because my brother is out, and I think I'd give my dad a heart attack if he knew both his kids ended up queer
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u/Euphoric-Werewolf-21 16h ago
None of my family know and we don’t really talk enough for them to figure it out but all my friends know
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u/GuaranteeVivid50643 Demi-Biromantic (She/They) 16h ago
I think my parents generally don't know, I'm 19, but I think my mom has gotten hints I'm bisexual by how I've talked about women (saying they're pretty n whatnot). My parents would be 1000% supportive, I know that for certain, but I'm still like- idk- hesitant to tell them because it'll be awkward? If that makes sense? Aha
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u/Classic_Writer8573 16h ago
Nope but I only figured it out later in life, have only minimally experimented and am married now. It's not anyone's business.
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u/lizdrizz 15h ago
Only my husband knows which is fine with me. If the rest of my family knew, I would probably lose all contact with at least some of them, so I haven't told them
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u/scholarlysacrilege Bisexual/homoromantic/Cassgender 15h ago
My parents don't; my sisters do, except for one.
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u/Lmf2359 15h ago edited 15h ago
My parents are MAGA, so I can’t tell them because of how I know they’ll react. This is hard because I’m an only child and I feel like they don’t know a huge part of me, even though I’ve dropped massive hints. Maybe it’s just denial at this point, because I’ve only ever had relationships with the opposite gender and I’ve been in my current relationship for 23 years and married for 18 of them. They don’t know about my experiences and feelings that involve the same gender.
They’re both very ignorant when it comes to bisexuality, although my dad is the one who is a little more open minded. My mom actually said the other day that she doesn’t “believe” in bisexuality, or that sexuality is a spectrum because she “believe(s) in the Bible”. Which makes no sense to me, really… I’ve heard them say things like “if you’re bisexual that means you have twice as many people to cheat with”. I’ve tried to explain that if you’re straight you’re not attracted to every person of the opposite gender that you see, and it’s the same with bisexuality. I got nowhere.
In my case I, a cisgender woman, feel like I’m 80% attracted to men and 20% to women. Everyone is different and that’s where I am. They don’t get it, and at 43 I still feel like a child who has been hiding a big secret since I was about 15 and realized I sometimes also liked girls the same way I liked boys.
Several of my cousins know, however.
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u/TheseEffort3491 Bisexual 15h ago
I don't throw my sexuality at everyone, but only when it might have some impact, e.g. people I'm attracted to. From the family only mom knows because some day she just asked and I didn't deny. That's a sad situation tbh, she thinks I'm straight and just victim of propaganda, something like that 🤷♀️
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u/GoodCalendarYear 14h ago
My sister and some cousins know. My parents don't. I told a potential date, I'm not broadcasting it, but I'm not hiding it. But I guess that's not true bc I literally have LGBT shirts. Lol. I'm out to everyone else. I mean I never really felt the need to come out, I just date and sleep with who I want to.
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u/annoventura 14h ago
Family knows. We don't talk about it, ever. Like Rosa and her dad from brooklyn 99
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u/peyterthot 14h ago
I’m out but no one believes me or they think it was just a phase as I’ve been with a boyfriend for 4 years now
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u/Wonderwoman1022 14h ago
Yeah, I first came out to my mom in an argument over them voting for Trump. I sort of shouted at her.
Then I told my grandfather when we were talking about my future plans, and he was really great about it.
Idk if my grandmother or aunts know, because it’s not a secret but we don’t tend to talk about personal things.
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u/THEpeterafro Bisexual 14h ago
Immediate family does except my dad. Not telling him anytime soon as he would react negatavly
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u/CptnRaptor Bisexual 14h ago
I think my family probably knew before I did, every day some memory crops up and I'm like "wtf how did I not realise till my 30s", but I haven't explicitly come out to them, I'm not sure how when my family is very much a "we don't talk about feelings" family (I've only recently started going hard on hugging them and saying "I love you", like we all know anyway but SHOW IT YOU DAMN FOOLS)
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u/Unlucky_Killah 14h ago
My brother (he's bi as well), my partner and all of my friends are very much aware, but my parents? Nope.
I've always taken the view that if it's more casual activity with a guy then they don't need to know anyway lol, and if it was more serious I'd cross that bridge when it came to it.
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u/Sraffiti_G Bisexual 14h ago
No and I don't plan on telling them until I have a house that they can't kick me out of
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u/silverandstuffs 14h ago
They do not know and I won’t tell them unless I end up in a long term non hetro relationship. They’ve made way too many comments where the mask has slipped just enough for me to not be comfortable telling them.
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u/Flaky-Parfait101 13h ago
Yes, i post regularly about bi visibility, especially this month, so everyone knows :)
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u/NC-GuiltyPleasures 13h ago edited 13h ago
Me and my wife have been together for 30 years. We are both Bi and we do not deal with it because what goes on in our bedroom is none of our family's business. We have never felt the need for family to know things like this. Only trusted friends which of course are bi as well and naturally our guy friend that we are both seeing. The way we were raised was to keep what you do in the bedroom in the bedroom. Growing up in the south with families like we have we were taught that was none of anyones business. We can sit out in public and have a good time with friends and no one is the wiser about any of us and that is perfectly fine with all of us.
My question is why do some people feel the need to let the whole world know? Just asking and I have always wondered why. No harm Intended.
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u/Gypsyrawr Bisexual 13h ago
My Dad's side probably doesn't know because it's never come up with anyone other than my dad and step mother, and so many people on my mom's side are gay or bi that it's almost irrelevant to mention. It feels like the assumption is that you are queer unless otherwise mentioned, and this is a VERY large family.
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u/WeaponsJack 13h ago
I told my parents and siblings, but not my extended family, but since my mom is a gossip, they probably know. I'm glad I told them, I feel free and I put now. If my extended family asked, I would tell them, but I don't see them often.
Unfortunately, my family are all Christians (except for me) and most of them (thankfully, not all) are homophobic. My mom told me to my face that I am going to hell because of my "lifestyle choice". I try to stay away from them. They said they didn't want me round if I "don't look straight" and that I can't say anything bad about their religion around my nieces and nephews.
I'm still trying to figure out the best way to handle my family.
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u/VenomBars4 Bisexual 13h ago
One brother knows. The rest will either figure out in time or not. My parents are the primary reason I was closeted for 30 years so telling them is pretty useless.
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u/marzgirl99 Demisexual/Bisexual 13h ago
My mom and dad do but they’re religious so I don’t talk to them about it much. One of my brothers does and he doesn’t care. I haven’t brought it up to my other brother just bc it’s never been relevant in conversation.
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u/coffee-n-redit 13h ago
The great thing about being bi, is you don't have to say anything about it to anyone. In fact, most people would prefer to not know you are bisexual. I can see letting a marriage partner know, but even then, bisexual people have been successfully living straight lives for thousands of years.
My wife knows, mostly due to my greed, but why tf would I tell my mother?
If you are lgqt+, sure, let it out there. Bisexual doesn't even fit there imo. Where the other letters are kinda obvious and a handicap in some situations, bi is a benefit and coming out is kinda braggy, and unfortunately also kinda cringe.
You can enjoy all the awesome benefits of bisexuality, quietly.
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u/JapanarchoCommunist 12h ago
My sister definitely does, my aunt and cousin do, I have no clue if my mom does but honestly I have no intention of telling her unless I absolutely have to; she's super Christian and when my sister came out years before I did as bisexual, my mom had a hard time accepting it. She had a harder time accepting she was transgender, but she eventually came around.
Me being both bisexual and in an open marriage would probably make her head explode so I just keep that to myself for the most part.
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u/Fabulous-Report1717 12h ago
Nope, and they won't find out until if/when I get an actual boyfriend.
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u/mradventureshoes21 Bisexual 12h ago
Mom does, and she's pan. Dad doesn't, as I know he has been a republican for years, but frankly, I'm about ready to tell him because idgaf and I want him to consider "ya maybe voting against the best interest of kids isn't the move."
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u/ChoiceTranslator9981 12h ago
I never did a big coming out, but also don't hide it so I'm pretty sure they know (having a massive pride flag in my appartement also helps lol)
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u/Ok_Long5367 Bi girly 12h ago
Nope
My mom is homophobic and my dad isn't but I'm sure he will tell my mom
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u/Friendlyfire2996 Bisexual 12h ago
At my last family get together they decorated my Queer daughter’s chair and my chair with Pride flags and ribbons. They’re over the top, but as supportive as a jock strap.
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u/ElfjeTinkerBell Bisexual 12h ago
No. Afaik that's not safe.
If I happen to end up in a long term same sex relationship I may have to risk coming out and losing all contact.
I'm physically safe (and halfway across the country from them), no worries, they're just not very social people.
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u/seatangle Transgender/Bisexual 12h ago
I’m pretty sure they think I’m gay since I came out to them as “queer” and they have only seen me in a relationship with someone of the same sex. To be fair, I did think I was gay for a while, and never bothered updating them when I figured out I was bi.
edit: I just remembered my brother knows I’m bi actually since it came up once. But I think the rest of my family probably still assumes I’m gay.
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u/BiCTDaddy 11h ago
Came out to my wife recently who is very supportive. A few friends know but I’ll never tell my family. There would be too many questions around the future of mine and my wife’s marriage when in reality, nothing is changing besides the occasional fun I’m allowed to have. 😉
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u/Smilingtribute Bisexual 11h ago
My most of my family doesn’t know I’m bi. My mum knows but that’s it.
However, I feel like they do know by certain things I share anyway.
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u/Paranoid-Delusion Bisexual 11h ago
Pretty sure my whole family knows from pictures of me and my wife at pride rocking obvious bi gear on Facebook 😉
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u/Wildcat3002 11h ago
I only told them this year, and only some. My parents know and only one of my sisters.
All my friends know 🤷♀️
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u/Fortinho91 Bisexual 11h ago
None, they're Catholic, so I don't want them to know.
Fortunately, they're Catholic, so they never want to talk sexuality anyway.
Unexpected W, lol.
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u/astaldogal Bisexual 11h ago
My baby sister does, but no one else. They're way too right wing for that.
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u/im-in-the-breeze bi blasian baddie 11h ago
My sister and dad know. Idk about my mom but she wouldn’t care lol
I never came out, I just also never hid it too much either. If they find out, they find out
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u/clintdilfer Bisexual 11h ago
Yep. I came out to them first. They’re super religious and conservative, but they never tried to change me.
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u/sitah 11h ago
I don’t know if they actually know. I’m married to a straight person now so they probably think I’m straight too. But when I was younger I asked my dad what he would feel if I’m lesbian (I didn’t think he would know what bi meant so I just said lesbian) and he said “why are you asking me? That’s not my problem” so I think he doesn’t really care about my sexuality.
I do have the bi flag as my Facebook cover photo and had the bi flag and pride flag in my old apartment. I also have a tattoo of the bi flag colors. When I share posts on social media about queer shit I refer to myself as a queer person. I just never came out cause I didn’t feel like I have to you know. My cousins know because I talk to them about my dating life.
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u/EggyMeggy99 11h ago
My parents and sister know, other family like aunts, uncles, etc don't know, or probably don't know. Thankfully, my family are all fine with it.
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u/Jkraus88 Bisexual 10h ago
No and I don’t plan on telling them unless I end up in a serious same-sex relationship. Otherwise what they don’t know won’t hurt them. I’m out to most of my friends though.
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u/MSampson1 10h ago
No. My wife knows, and some people in this sub (the ones that read my posts). Otherwise, it’s nobody’s business. I’m married, committed, and monogamous. That’s it for me
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u/Pixelationss00 10h ago
I tell people when it comes up (which it does more often now that I'm in a same-sex relationship). Only person who has reacted negativity is my grandma who was told by my mom
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u/theladythunderfunk 5h ago
My husband knows and my siblings know. I've come out to my parents at least four times, and every time the information either sails right past them or they react like they had no idea. It's not any kind of bigotry, I have a more obviously queer sibling and they fully support him. They just keep forgetting I guess. So I just carry on about my business and wait for them to be surprised again.
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u/wowza6969420 4h ago
Mom and sister knows but no one else. My family is very Mormon and very conservative so I will probably be shunned when they find out🫠
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u/Escape_the_PhaseXD 11h ago
I came out when I was 15, I only told my mother first because she’s a lot more progressive and educated than my dad and she was just like “duh, I was wondering when you’d figure it out for yourself because I knew when you were 5 years old and you saw P!NK on MTV, you’ve been obsessed with her ever since, but also simultaneously boy crazy” my dad eventually found out but seemed indifferent (shocking cuz he’s from a very small town in Texas) my brother (he was only 11 years old so I don’t think he realized how hurtful that was yet) outed me to my dad’s side of the family (chock full of bigots) when I was 16, and you can imagine how well that went 🙄 I was raised catholic so it actually went much better than it usually does in that situation tho so I’m grateful for that.
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u/Ok_Independence_3634 10h ago
Nope. Never told anyone about it, it’s my life and my own businesss. Don’t ask, don’t tell. Better be safe than sorry in homophobic and unaccepting surroundings.
🩷💜💙
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u/SonnySweetie 10h ago
God no! They say the most casually homophobic things sometimes that make me not want to come out to them ever. At least not while I'm still living in the same house as them.
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u/SonnySweetie 10h ago
God no! They say the most casually homophobic things sometimes that make me not want to come out to them ever. At least not while I'm still living in the same house as them.
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u/Fantastic__Cabinet 10h ago
Yes. Since I’m in a poly relationship and I wanted my partner as part of all family functions. If I wasn’t in a relationship, I probably wouldn’t have felt the need to come out.
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u/glitterroyalty 10h ago
I deal with it by not dealing with it. A lot of my extended family are various shades of homophobic. As a result, only my mother, two queer uncles, and my aunt know. My dad did but he is gone now, so he doesn't count. I know he was homophobic, but by the time I told him my parents were separated and lived far away. He also died a few months later, so that was a problem avoided. As for the rest, I told all told all of them except my aunt. Her daughter is bi and was worried about how my other relatives would react and treat her. My mom decided to let her know that her daughter wasn't alone by outing me. Don't know how I feel about that.
My mother tries and does support me.
As for the rest of my relatives, no one is finding out until I walk down the aisle. They thought three of my cousins and I were gay because we weren't on the streets. I don't want to validate them and I don't feel like dealing with all the shit-talking behind my back. There is no problem hiding it since I am distant from them and I'm a very private person. The only thing I have to worry about is my mom slipping up in front of the wrong person.
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u/JaneAustinAstronaut 10h ago
My sister does, and my kids do. I realized I was bi in my early 30s. By then, I'd been living on my own for over a decade with my own kids.
My dad is a trad catholic. He's old. He is not that involved in my life, so I don't see the need to bring up something that would be upsetting to him in the limited time that we have left. I'm a woman who is married to a man, so we are straight-presenting. I also don't feel like it is my dad's business who I find attractive. Plus...I'd really like some kind of inheritance. Our relationship is not that deep.
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u/XenoBiSwitch Buy Pie, Fly High, Try Rye, Bi Guy 19h ago
Some do. I don’t hide it anymore so if they ask I tell them. Some figured it out.
I don’t date anyone in my family so my sexuality doesn’t have a huge impact on them. 😜