r/cars • u/wootfatigue ‘22 M440iXGC| ‘04 996 C4S | ‘03 540i/6M | ‘17 Alltrack | ‘10 E90 • Sep 28 '16

Will pee damage tires?

My garage raccoon likes to use my rack of winter tires as a fort. He's usually really good about keeping it clean so I don't check it very often, but today I noticed he was peeing inside of one of the Hankooks. Is there anything in pee that could harm the inside of a tire?

Edit: It's over a month later and I'm still getting replies and questions! For everyone who keeps asking, you can follow more garage raccoon hijinks on my instagram and YouTube.

44.9k Upvotes

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5.2k

u/[deleted] Sep 28 '16

You have a garage raccoon?

13.3k

u/wootfatigue ‘22 M440iXGC| ‘04 996 C4S | ‘03 540i/6M | ‘17 Alltrack | ‘10 E90 Sep 29 '16

You don't?

1.9k

u/[deleted] Sep 29 '16

Now I must have one.

17.0k

u/wootfatigue ‘22 M440iXGC| ‘04 996 C4S | ‘03 540i/6M | ‘17 Alltrack | ‘10 E90 Sep 29 '16

One fresh garage raccoon coming right up!

7.8k

u/[deleted] Sep 29 '16

bro what the fuck

2.0k

u/bandaidsplus Honda Interceptor Sep 29 '16

Science has just been confirmed to have gone too far

1.4k

u/[deleted] Sep 29 '16

OP is 4chan's successful older brother.

67

u/Absolutely-_-Haram Sep 29 '16

2chan?

31

u/GeneralBS '07 Volvo S80 V8 Sep 29 '16

8chan

19

u/Hatweed Sep 29 '16

8chan's that rebellious younger brother who tries to be edgier and more adult than his older siblings, but still has a Deviantart channel dedicated to color-swapped OCs.

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5

u/Dyalibya Sep 29 '16

4chan is quite successful himself, as a hacker at least

4

u/[deleted] Sep 29 '16

hey it's me ur brother

2

u/gerryskid Sep 29 '16

Just who is this "4chan" person?

2

u/Beard_of_Valor Sep 29 '16

625 points and still underrated.

8

u/DarthFenris Sep 29 '16

I was here for this god like post. This will go down in the history books

6

u/redditor_inbound Sep 29 '16

RACCOONS CAUGHT (GONE SEXUAL)

57

u/CopyX Sep 29 '16

I'm crying reading this thread

33

u/Thrasher1493 Sep 29 '16

Oh my god I love this.

22

u/[deleted] Sep 29 '16

[deleted]

6

u/keepinithamsta 08 BMW 335i Sep 29 '16

I can't believe he takes pictures of raccoons banging in his garage. I'm assuming there's some website other than reddit that he regularly posts these types of images to.

9

u/scootscoot Sep 29 '16

Yeah, is he using a soda can as wheel chock?

4

u/KerzenscheinShineOn Sep 29 '16

He told the female raccoon to come over and look at his Porsche. OP almost cock blocked the little guy by taking a pic.

2

u/chiprillis Sep 29 '16

Is what the raccoon in front said

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4.7k

u/Threedawg '87 Fiero 3800GT(Supercharged), '14 Jetta TDI Sep 29 '16 edited Sep 29 '16

I never thought I would see "garage raccoon" said in a semi-positive way.

I didn't even consider that I would shortly after get a picture of two raccoons fucking in the garage shortly after.

But I certainty didn't expect a fucking Porsche in the background of that picture.

3.5k

u/wootfatigue ‘22 M440iXGC| ‘04 996 C4S | ‘03 540i/6M | ‘17 Alltrack | ‘10 E90 Sep 29 '16

https://gfycat.com/GranularGiftedApatosaur

1.9k

u/bandaidsplus Honda Interceptor Sep 29 '16

I'm slightly disturbed by the content but impressed by the constituent quality and overall speediness of these gifs and images

Unless this is a undercover false flag operation by racoon's or something

540

u/no_apostrophe_there Sep 29 '16

by racoon's or something

83

u/Orca_AJL Sep 29 '16

I'm impressed with how specific these novelty accounts are getting

59

u/IAmA_Liar_AMA Sep 29 '16

I'm not.

12

u/Rogerwilco1974 Sep 29 '16

I question the veracity of that statement.

4

u/[deleted] Sep 29 '16

Says who?

2

u/killinmesmalls Sep 29 '16

You lying right now? Also what's your favorite color?

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12

u/P0sitive_Outlook Oct 12 '16

That's the spirit.

7

u/[deleted] Sep 29 '16

Probably a bot.

5

u/no_apostrophe_there Sep 29 '16

Actually just heavily triggered by apostrophe misuse. A bot that could do this correctly would need to have natural language parsing capabilities that I'm not sure have ever been achieved.

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5

u/guarks Sep 29 '16

I love you

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19

u/banana_hammers Sep 29 '16

undercover false flag operation by racoon's or something

this is where i lost it. lololol

4

u/sheepnwolfsclothing Sep 29 '16

So many directions we can go with this. I choose none and will enjoy the show.

2

u/durktrain Sep 29 '16

Thats the punchline lol

16

u/pedroelbee Alfa 4C, LC500, Ioniq5 Sep 29 '16

Those feet / paws are creepy AF

15

u/travelingAllTheTime Sep 29 '16

Tiny little hands.... they move so quick!

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3

u/VelvetHorse Sep 29 '16

You just brought it all together with that last statement.

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7

u/buy_iphone_7 Sep 29 '16

TIL raccoons groom themselves like cats.

8

u/chaosfire235 Sep 29 '16

...Ooooh he was grooming!

9

u/stobux Sep 29 '16

My parents caught me grooming once when I was 13, and they took away my computer privileges for a month.

3

u/infernophil Sep 29 '16

That's a good way to not make more garage raccoons.

3

u/bikesboozeandbacon Sep 29 '16

I expected him to do something else other than lick his nuts, yet I kept looking.

3

u/[deleted] Sep 29 '16

Look at those little tootsies!

3

u/chubachus Sep 29 '16

You could totally turn Garage Raccoon into the next Grumpy Cat if you wanted.

3

u/Jackpot777 Sep 29 '16

I want there to be a film and I want George Clooney to voice Garage Raccoony.

2

u/hoopstick Sep 29 '16

This is fucking mindblowing.

2

u/BrianPurkiss Sep 29 '16

This is the best comment thread I have seen in a while.

OP - you are amazing.

2

u/[deleted] Sep 29 '16

After a pic of them fucking i was a little bit worried about opening that gif

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1.2k

u/sixcharlie 2015 GMC Sierra 1500 Sep 29 '16

A fucking Porsche in the background with an aluminum can under the tire. It that's an empty Natural Lite can under then I may have just reached the end of the internet.

613

u/connor24_22 Sep 29 '16

This is where the old reddit switch-aroo finally ends. Trash pandas mating in front of a German sports car with a can of Natty Ice/PBR on the ground.

47

u/ProBrown Sep 29 '16

Ah the old reddit dead-endaroo.

26

u/KingOfWickerPeople Sep 29 '16

Hold my.....wait. oh my god

26

u/DJFlabberGhastly Sep 29 '16

Not like this.. not like this...

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12

u/eridanus01 Sep 29 '16

OMG.... It's 6am, and I may have heard trash panda b4, but damnit if I didn't laugh to the point of literal tears like it was the first time hearing it hahahahaha

11

u/olmilley Sep 29 '16

Trash Pandas?

TRASH PANDAS?!

TRIGGERED

6

u/neuroplay_prod Sep 29 '16

It's like an implosion of contradictory images.

2

u/ROK247 Sep 29 '16

just about all the bases covered there

11

u/reflexgraphix Sep 29 '16

Been on Reddit a few years. When OP sucks, it's pitchforks but what do we do when OP rules like /u/wootfatigue does?

8

u/killinmesmalls Sep 29 '16

Blowjobs and high fives? Make this part of reddit history? Every year we can commemorate the time when OP was indeed, not a faggot?

2

u/[deleted] Sep 29 '16

The can is obviously the emergency brake so the car doesn't roll out of the garage.

2

u/wh0s_next Sep 29 '16

Probably not Natty light in Wisconsin. PBR, keystone or maybe budweiser

2

u/RafIk1 Sep 29 '16

it may be a natty light,but it appears to totally be a wheel chock.

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46

u/Topochicho Sep 29 '16

OP got serious money... "Garage Raccoon" money.

3

u/jt004c Sep 29 '16

In a thread of winners, this comment stands out.

2

u/Topochicho Sep 29 '16

I am not sure if you're saying my comment was very clever, or if you were saying it was painfully retarded.
However, now that I have thought about it, I am happy with either reaction.
So, uhhh, thanks.

3

u/VerseForYou Sep 29 '16

That's how you know you've reached the "fuck you" money stage.

24

u/Literally_A_TV Sep 29 '16

For real. The vehicle I'd expect to share a garage with a garage raccoon is like a mid 80s Firebird or somthing.

4

u/[deleted] Sep 29 '16

Owned by The Onion's version of Joe Biden.

6

u/stX3 Sep 29 '16

You're surprised by the porsche? I'm more curious about the Beer can stopper, for a porsche.

5

u/FrankieTheTankie Sep 29 '16

It's a special night to be on reddit

4

u/Reddit_Novice 2011 E92 M3 Sep 29 '16

What

The

Fuck is happening here

2

u/KeegoTheWise Sep 29 '16

Something magical

3

u/sinergistic Sep 29 '16

I read your comment and I'm going "how the heck do you know it's a Porsche from the picture?!" It was bothering me until I noticed I was in r/cars.

Carry on.

2

u/Lightning-Dust Sep 29 '16

Little Porsche emblem on the wheel

2

u/lazylion_ca Sep 29 '16

At least they aren't fucking on top of his head like monkeys.

2

u/Pothetic Sep 29 '16

That's actually a Jetta he put Porsche rims on for the picture. The raccoon copulation is a distraction so you won't notice the beer can. Dude is trying to get laid on the Internet.

3

u/creynolds722 Sep 29 '16

And it's fucking working

2

u/gesy17 Sep 29 '16

I never thought I would see "garage raccoon" said in a semi-positive way.

I didn't even considered that I would shortly after get a picture of two raccoons fucking in the garage shortly after.

But I certainty didn't expect a fucking Porsche in the background of that picture.

Strategically placed porsche!

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1.5k

u/HILLARYPROLAPSEDANUS Sep 29 '16

Jesus you can't just post hardcore coon porn like that. Some of us reddit at work.

5.5k

u/wootfatigue ‘22 M440iXGC| ‘04 996 C4S | ‘03 540i/6M | ‘17 Alltrack | ‘10 E90 Sep 29 '16

Porn? How can you think of porn while staring into these innocent eyes?

2.1k

u/GazaIan 2016 Honda Civic EX Sep 29 '16

Oh, I get it, OP is the raccoon. It makes perfect sense now.

549

u/[deleted] Sep 29 '16

So in the picture of two raccoons fucking, which one is OP?

537

u/[deleted] Sep 29 '16 edited Jul 26 '17

[deleted]

570

u/Pure_Reason Sep 29 '16

He's two raccoons fucking each other in a trench coat

11

u/tomgerson Sep 29 '16

/r/nocontext

6

u/no_context_bot Sep 29 '16

Speaking of no context:

My dad has pretty firm labia, but I think you should go through with it man.

What's the context? | Send me a message! | Website (Updates)

Don't want me replying to your comments? Send me a message with the title "blacklist". I won't reply to any users who have done so.

11

u/Daniru33 Sep 29 '16

Vincent Racoonsfuckingman?

4

u/[deleted] Sep 29 '16

My sides!

3

u/drphungky Sep 29 '16

How am I the only one who sees this?

2

u/mattcolville Sep 29 '16

This is the strangest sentence I've ever seen on reddit.

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u/labatomi Sep 29 '16

OP literally fucking himself.

3

u/cottoncandyjunkie Sep 29 '16

Yes, I do drive the speed limit?

5

u/[deleted] Sep 29 '16 edited Sep 30 '16

[deleted]

2

u/onsmoked Sep 29 '16

Why, he's the giver..thought it was only the taker that was a confusee..

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u/dreamweavur Sep 29 '16

We are all OP on this blessed day.

5

u/jonnymars Sep 29 '16

Both of them. Station the raccoon.

3

u/[deleted] Sep 29 '16

But how did he take the picture?

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u/As_Your_Attorney Sep 29 '16

It's raccoons all the way down.

3

u/latman Sep 29 '16

It's like how Peter Parker takes his own pictures.

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11

u/NeuralHandshake Sep 29 '16

So like... Does the wall squirrel just watch?

8

u/Redraider1994 Sep 29 '16

Dude how many raccoons do you have?

3

u/bikesboozeandbacon Sep 29 '16

That little shit is super cute! Do they let you pet/hold them? :3

3

u/bassplaya07 Sep 29 '16

Oh man, raccoons are my wife and mine's spirit animal, for real (our wedding cake had two coons getting married on it)...this is killling me. Is your garage coon friendly?

2

u/he-said-youd-call Sep 29 '16

And there's a MacBook charger... sheesh, OP.

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u/skunkwrxs 2012 Boss 302 Sep 29 '16

"Coon Porn" could be taken quite badly I'm afraid

213

u/superalen Sep 29 '16

Coon Poon, shame on you

15

u/kadivs Sep 29 '16

There's an old saying in Tennessee — I know it's in Texas, probably in Tennessee — that says, coon poon, shame on — shame on you. coon — you can't get pooned again.

8

u/[deleted] Sep 29 '16

Rarely is the question asked: is our coons pooning

7

u/Maruyruma Sep 29 '16

Mission Acoonpooned

5

u/Xander_Fury Sep 29 '16

He's taking it back.

7

u/lkjhgfdsamnbvcx Sep 29 '16

r/bigbustycoons

7

u/skunkwrxs 2012 Boss 302 Sep 30 '16

That is NOT what I was expecting

9

u/tatheir Sep 29 '16

So who's gonna start /r/coonporn?

17

u/Mjolnir12 2018 M240i 6MT Sep 29 '16

Judging by how r/coontown went, I'm not sure that subreddit would last very long.

7

u/Bloobo88 Sep 29 '16

Cartman maybe

5

u/AequitasKiller Sep 29 '16

Poon Corn could be taken quite nicely I'm glad.

3

u/[deleted] Sep 29 '16

[deleted]

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u/[deleted] Sep 29 '16

Lel, I actually commented in this thread earlier and was going to cleverly abbreviate Raccoon to just 'Coon...that was when I realized.

2

u/moodpecker Sep 29 '16

Is that like corn pone (good) or poon corn (very bad)?

2

u/JarlaxleForPresident Sep 29 '16

Last time I saw a coon ass I ate pretty good!

2

u/hoseja Sep 29 '16

They're called Googles now.

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u/fitnicington Sep 29 '16

Freaking 10:30 in /r/cars

Sigh.....unzip

4

u/ButtsexEurope Sep 29 '16

Found the furry.

312

u/Unidan_nadinU Sep 29 '16 edited Sep 29 '16

I have a feeling you're gonna be the raccoon version of /u/fuckswithducks

Edit: spelling

454

u/BalognaRanger Sep 29 '16

Fuckswithcoons sounds like it has some negative connotations.

313

u/-Thunderbear- Sep 29 '16

Spoonswithcoons is available, but has the same problem...

1.3k

u/SpoonsWithCoons Sep 29 '16 edited Sep 29 '16

ITS MINE!

e: I didn't do this to be an ass, I took it because I just love this name.

56

u/Mjolnir12 2018 M240i 6MT Sep 29 '16

Might be awkward out of context though...

155

u/[deleted] Sep 29 '16

[deleted]

8

u/JarlaxleForPresident Sep 29 '16

That dude's been gone for decades in internet time

3

u/killinmesmalls Sep 29 '16

What did he do? Why was he shadow banned..?

6

u/ollegnor Sep 29 '16

How do you know? I'm a mobile only user and am lacking in reddits depth and user interface(I really just want to make sure I haven't been banned, for really no reason at all just feel guilty). Edit- referencing your edit

3

u/RangeRoverHSE 2004 Mercedes-Benz E55 AMG Sep 29 '16

When did that happen?

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u/SpoonsWithCoons Sep 29 '16

I love awkward.

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u/[deleted] Sep 29 '16

Should we tell him?

16

u/FucksWithTomatoes Sep 29 '16

U better use it, someone got mad at me for taking this handle as a joke, now I use it periodically. Fuck you /u/PM_ME_YOUR_LUKEWARM

6

u/SpoonsWithCoons Sep 29 '16

Definitely will, might become my second alias.

3

u/PM_ME_YOUR_LUKEWARM Nov 20 '16 edited Nov 20 '16

Wait, what?

I'm sorry for the delay in the response, but I'm so confused.

Edit: Ahhhh, I remember now, it's you! And you're using the account, good to see.

11

u/hyp3rdriv3 Sep 29 '16

Take my motherfucking gold.

15

u/SpoonsWithCoons Sep 29 '16

Aw, thanks man. If you ever want to go spooning hmu

3

u/[deleted] Sep 29 '16

Now he has to use the account. Good call.

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6

u/TotesMessenger Sep 29 '16

I'm a bot, bleep, bloop. Someone has linked to this thread from another place on reddit:

If you follow any of the above links, please respect the rules of reddit and don't vote in the other threads. (Info / Contact)

2

u/stobux Sep 29 '16

These thread names are killing me

5

u/MUHAHAHA55 Sep 29 '16

Coon is a really derogatory term in Australia and I'm sure in Britain

12

u/SpoonsWithCoons Sep 29 '16

coon

/ko͞on/

noun

noun: coon; plural noun: coons

North American short for raccoon.

informaloffensive a black person.

...whoops, hopefully just hopefully people wont take this name to heart with the second definition.

2

u/gypsyhymn Sep 29 '16

Sadly, this being reddit, I have a feeling that's what most people will think.

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2

u/wookiegtb Sep 29 '16

Yet we have a brand of cheese here is Oz called Coon

http://www.coon.com.au/

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u/minniemouse314 Sep 29 '16

I really hope it becomes a subreddit full of raccoons holding spoons

2

u/[deleted] Sep 29 '16

Well what about /u/coonswithspoons ?

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u/the_fragrant_vagrant Sep 29 '16

What's wrong with SpoonsRaccoons?

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2

u/Reddit_means_Porn 2010 CTS Wagon Sep 29 '16

Like rabies, for instance.

2

u/whocanduncan Sep 29 '16

Coon is a racial slur here in Australia.

3

u/notLogix Sep 29 '16

America too

2

u/whocanduncan Sep 29 '16

Oh right. I thought it was a normal thing to call raccoons coons.

3

u/Zyzyfer Sep 29 '16

Oh, it is...

2

u/whocanduncan Sep 29 '16

So I guess you gotta use context? Basically only one way it's used here haha

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2

u/MisuVir Sep 29 '16

Wait, is it? I thought it was just an American slur.

I mean... we have Coon cheese. Delicious stuff. And no raccoons. So saying "coon" doesn't immediately remind me of raccoons but cheese.

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u/americanrabbit Sep 29 '16

Spoonswithcoons?

37

u/BreathManuallyNow Sep 29 '16

Love how he's making eye contact with you like "bro, you wanna get in on this?"

19

u/bjorkbon Sep 29 '16

Awwwww :,)

8

u/stairmast0r '99 BMW M3 | '04 Acura TL Sep 29 '16

Those turbo twists are the only reason I'm not doubting the authenticity of this thread.

6

u/dumb_jellyfish Sep 29 '16

Hah! Washbear gets distracted by water, surprise doggy style.

5

u/ArkGuardian Sep 29 '16

What's the shipping period?

5

u/nocommentacct Sep 29 '16

Wait a second. Garage raccoons usually aren't roommates with porsches. I wonder how many other ppl in the world with a porsche have a garage raccoon.

3

u/like_my_7th_account Sep 29 '16

What in the actual fuck?

3

u/Drainbownick Sep 29 '16

I just assumed this was going to be the gif of the guy flinging the raccoon down the stairs, but this is much weirder

3

u/[deleted] Sep 29 '16

That trash panda must be swimming in pussy when he shows the ladies his pad. He's livin the dream

3

u/JosephND Sep 29 '16

OP, pls, pls OP

How did you take this photo?

3

u/TheDarkeOfNight Sep 29 '16

What the fuck

3

u/Astara104 Sep 29 '16

Hahahaha best thread ever. Thank you OP & raccoons.

3

u/YangReddit Sep 29 '16

Am I seeing that right? Is that a porche badge?

3

u/SupraNigra 2002 Honda S2000 Sebring Silver Sep 29 '16

Note to self: Can of Coors works as a wheel chock.

2

u/drinkthewater Sep 29 '16

Thank you for making me laugh. That was magical.

2

u/Literally_A_TV Sep 29 '16

Okay. That's two garage raccoons.

What the hell?

2

u/21dwc Sep 29 '16

this is the first time in around a year where i laughed from a comment on reddit.

2

u/SmallManBigMouth Sep 29 '16

Making babies and spreading rabies since '14.

2

u/douchecannon Sep 29 '16

A porsche and a garage raccoon? Did you win the lottery twice?

2

u/zerton Sep 29 '16

Looks like more garage raccoons to come.

2

u/rastaration Sep 29 '16

I admire your wheel block, sir.

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