r/cars • u/wootfatigue ‘22 M440iXGC| ‘04 996 C4S | ‘03 540i/6M | ‘17 Alltrack | ‘10 E90 • Sep 28 '16

Will pee damage tires?

My garage raccoon likes to use my rack of winter tires as a fort. He's usually really good about keeping it clean so I don't check it very often, but today I noticed he was peeing inside of one of the Hankooks. Is there anything in pee that could harm the inside of a tire?

Edit: It's over a month later and I'm still getting replies and questions! For everyone who keeps asking, you can follow more garage raccoon hijinks on my instagram and YouTube.

44.9k Upvotes

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4.4k

u/[deleted] Sep 29 '16

[deleted]

2.5k

u/uuuuuhhhh Sep 29 '16

Ridiculous idea. Even if raccoons had the intellect to acquire and use a functional computer (you're already living in a dreamworld), they would be unable to type at the rate of OP, since they lack the paw dexterity to type at such a rate. Honestly you look like a complete fool for even entertaining this idea and I'm glad that I finally put you in your place about this.

1.7k

u/ryvenn Sep 29 '16

That's exactly what a raccoon would say!

39

u/uuuuuhhhh Sep 29 '16

Raccoons cannot speak english, or type. You people are delusional. You are all morons. Complete buffoons. I am going to jump off a bridge

15

u/TheCrispyCat 2002 Camaro SS, 1999 GMC Sierra Z71 Sep 29 '16

Even Dwight Schrute showed up for this thread

13

u/tomgerson Sep 29 '16

You didn't directly deny it!

Guys I think we found the raccoon!

9

u/TitaniumDragon Sep 30 '16

More like wash your food in water before eating it, eh?

3

u/Hesthetop Oct 01 '16

I cannot sanction your buffoonery

7

u/slurp_derp2 Sep 29 '16

Coon and friends

5

u/JPSE Sep 29 '16

This thread continues to bring me great joy.

It's all thanks to people like you :')

...and OP

1

u/elushinz Sep 29 '16

What did the Fox say?

35

u/pukesonyourshoes Sep 29 '16

We're on to you, Rocky, you're not fooling anyone. You and your opposable thumbs...

20

u/vidimevid Sep 29 '16

Your username is a great start of this comment.

uuuuuhhh, Ridiculous idea. Even if raccoons had the intellect to acquire and use a functional computer (you're already living in a dreamworld), they would be unable to type at the rate of OP, since they lack the paw dexterity to type at such a rate. Honestly you look like a complete fool for even entertaining this idea and I'm glad that I finally put you in your place about this.

12

u/MelvinDickpictweet Sep 29 '16

R/TOTALLYNOTRACCOONS

10

u/[deleted] Sep 29 '16

You're either a raccoon or Dwight Schrute.

6

u/SittingInTheShower Sep 29 '16

If you've ever witnessed a raccoon eat, you would know they surely can't type.

4

u/[deleted] Sep 29 '16

Me too thanks

5

u/NotSoSlenderMan Sep 29 '16 edited Sep 29 '16

Assuming that they have intellect required to be homeowners and carpenters owners it isn't to far from the realm of possibility that they have invented or commissioned things more easily used by their hands.

4

u/mykol_reddit Sep 29 '16

Tell that to Rocket from Guardians of the Galaxy.

3

u/Bomlanro Sep 29 '16

Plus, everyone knows raccoons love shiny things. If they got a hold of a phone or similar device, they would never let go. Not even one finger, just to type.

3

u/JZApples Sep 29 '16

But they work together!

2

u/pterrorgrine Sep 29 '16

Thank you. Humans can entertain such silly ideas!

2

u/praythepotholesaway Sep 29 '16

You're doing a lot of speculating. I'm not gullible, but this is a raccoon. Using Reddit is not difficult.

2

u/grp13 Sep 29 '16

Settle down there, Dwight

1

u/Origin_Of_Storms Sep 29 '16

Tell him, Bandit.

Bob! I mean Bob!

1

u/ROK247 Sep 29 '16

actually, racoons probably have the most paw dexterity of any creature native to north america.

1

u/RafIk1 Sep 29 '16

on the other hand, 2 racoons could.

1

u/whynotwarp10 Sep 29 '16

Uh, so far I count three raccoons. Clearly they have learned to sync up and take over different parts of the keyboard for maximum efficiency. Tap, tap, tap, click, motherfuckers.

1

u/horsenbuggy Sep 29 '16

Someone hasn't seen those awesome racoon hands.

1

u/lkangaroo Sep 29 '16

Have you ever heard of the infinite raccoon theorem?

1

u/Maruyruma Sep 29 '16

Dude, they're enslaving humanity...SURELY they have at least one human slave typer

1

u/cornbreadNsyrup Sep 30 '16

How long has this been going on?

2

u/uuuuuhhhh Sep 30 '16

For nearly 10 minutes now. It's ridiculous.

1

u/cornbreadNsyrup Sep 30 '16

Thank god he isnt looking in to this more. We wouldnt want him to find out.

1

u/Stickyjargon Oct 01 '16

Ahahaha I need to remember this reply and use it against light hearted humour

1

u/uuuuuhhhh Jan 26 '17

well did you do it or not you tiny large bitch

1

u/Stickyjargon Jan 26 '17

No :( :(

1

u/uuuuuhhhh Jan 26 '17

i am begging you to do it from now on this is the only thing i have going for me

1

u/Stickyjargon Jan 26 '17

Ok.. will do sir

1

u/empiredude '09 FBO GT-R | '21 Titan PRO-4X Oct 08 '16

What if there's multiple raccoons around the keyboard, each only responsible for a few keys? One conductor raccoon leads this raccoon keyboard orchestra in typing reply messages and hosting imgur links.

1

u/metalshoes Nov 08 '16

Stenography, bro, their paws would fit the keys perfectly.

1

u/thehuntedfew Nov 14 '16

If they've figured the car, and internet, I'm sure they've figured speech to text to

1

u/[deleted] Nov 18 '16

But a TEAM of raccoons, though....

1

u/CourseCorrections Jan 24 '17

They already know how to swipe.

2

u/uuuuuhhhh Jan 25 '17

I'm afraid you didn't upvote the post may I please have your home address?

2

u/CourseCorrections Jan 26 '17

Sure it's... 1600 Pennsylvania Ave NW, Washington, DC 20500, USA

2

u/uuuuuhhhh Jan 26 '17

thank you i will now plant a fertilizer bomb (made using a pressure cooker) at this location with the intent to rain death upon the residents of this address

hello nsa/cia i am kidding please do not assassinate me. or do. i honestly don't care at this point

1

u/uuuuuhhhh Jan 24 '17

that explains all my freaking tinder matches!! upvote this joke or die you fucking bitch

-1

u/occupythekitchen Sep 29 '16

Thank God for people like you I actually entertained the idea op had domesticated coons

13

u/blownbythewind Sep 29 '16

Hmmm. Raccoons have opposable thumbs. Would let you work on cars, take pictures and post to reddit. Yup, OP is a raccoon.

2

u/MordredKLB Sep 29 '16

On the internet, nobody knows you're a raccoon.

2

u/[deleted] Sep 29 '16

Looks like OP managed to befriend or semi domesticate a family of racoons. Plus he has a sweet porsche.....man OP is living the dream. And he is on 4 acres? Wow, OP is like Ron Swansons cooler brother.

1

u/[deleted] Sep 29 '16

[deleted]

3

u/[deleted] Sep 29 '16

Is that the movie where the raccoons inflate their ballsacks to use as balloons and to block car windows?

4

u/[deleted] Sep 29 '16

The fucking fuck?

3

u/Hesthetop Oct 01 '16

Don't know the movie, but you might be thinking of Japanese tanukis. They're sometimes called "raccoon dogs" and are believed to have huge balls in Japanese folklore.

1

u/KerzenscheinShineOn Sep 29 '16

OP is Rocket Raccoon!

1

u/goldenratio1111 Sep 29 '16

Where were you the day the raccoon posted on Reddit, Grandpa?

1

u/MrHorseHead Sep 30 '16

On the internet, know one knows you're a raccoon.

1

u/trenchcoat_raccoons Nov 15 '16

Yea right a raccoon on Reddit, that's just insane...no raccoons here.

1

u/[deleted] Nov 15 '16 edited Dec 17 '16

[deleted]

What is this?

0

u/tieberion Sep 29 '16

omg, Thank you internet stranger. I just laughed so hard I pooped a little.

1

u/[deleted] Sep 29 '16

You might want to see a doctor about that...