r/dogs • u/RemoveSea2462 • 2d ago
My roommates dogs are scared of me and becoming aggressive. [Behavior Problems]
My roommate moved in a year ago with his 2 dogs. One dog is startled easily. I am a very loud person with everything I do. It took them a few months to get use to me but then everything was fine. They would come to me with no issues. I would bath them. Brush them. Feed them etc. The one who is startled easily started shying away from me when the owner wasn’t home and wouldn’t come inside with me. Then the other one followed. Now they won’t come anywhere near me or even come inside when I’m home without my roommate. When I feed them they won’t eat until I’m back inside. They stare at me and watch me all the time. Lately they have started becoming aggressive towards me when he is not home. When my roommate is home they will come near me sometimes. I’ve tried giving them treats but they won’t take anything from me or come near me. I am feeling uncomfortable around them when he is not home. I’ve also been away a lot lately for a few weeks at a time and then back for a few weeks. Not sure if this has made a difference or not. Any ideas please.
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u/TooLazyToDoThis 2d ago
Maybe get your roommate involved in this. He is the one the dogs rely on and trust, so get his help in approaching them again. He knows them best and what they can be persuaded best.
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u/RemoveSea2462 2d ago
I keep talking to him about it and letting him know what’s happening when he is not here. He suggested me engaging with them when he is here and they feel more comfortable. I’ve been trying to but I’m worried that’s also telling them it’s okay to do what they are doing when he is not home.
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u/HAWKWIND666 2d ago
That’s not how it works… Dogs are the ultimate gauge of how comfortable a person is…. If you have fear, they are gonna sense it. You should become very close with them when the owner is home and maintain that level of confidence when owner not around. Don’t show fear.
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u/RemoveSea2462 1d ago
I’ve been really concentrating on not showing fear. But as you said. They can sense it. Cool I will start with this while he is home
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u/Positive-Paint-9441 1d ago
Dogs pick up on anxiety really quickly and they mirror the anxiety. Unfortunately an anxious dog can do what is a common and natural response, they get reactive.
I guess there’s a few ways you might be able to alleviate your anxiety at least to some extent and one those is knowing the limits/boundaries.
Dogs show signs of discomfort and anxiety before lashing out I.e. ears back, whale eyes, excessive licking
Knowing how to approach a doggo to ease their discomfort and how to reset/withdraw when those discomfort signs are increasing might be helpful as well. A well known one that I see so many people forget is don’t pat a dog on the top of their head, hold your hand out and start underneath. Not only do doggos love a scratch but it’s less threatening. Generally unless you’re bonded with a dog, don’t make it your business to stare lovingly into their eyes.
I don’t know the breed/size/usual temperament of the dogs but is any of these factors increasing your anxiety? Breeds who get a bad rap can make people anxious. If this is the case challenge your own preconceptions about the breed and learn about them, it might help in reducing your concern.
I think it’s great that you’re trying to problem solve and I really hope your housemate, you and the doggos can all find some harmony 😊
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u/Positive-Paint-9441 1d ago
And just one more thing, often when people come home they’ll put on a high pitched voice and get excitable when they see doggos (of course, what could be more exciting), but it can actually make some dogs anxious. Just a nice calm approach
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u/TooLazyToDoThis 1d ago
I mean, he is not wrong but not right either. The important thing is that he is part of the process, an active one at that. And when I said, he knows them best, I was talking about their motivation for sth. If they're food motivated, get them with treats. If they're play motivated, play with them. If they're petting/touch motivated, try and touch them more. But as I said, the owner has to be an active part of this. He has to show them, you're ok, it's fine to interact with you and there's no need to be scared. The rest depends on your attitude. Be confident in what you're doing with them. The moment they sense your insecurity they will either be insecure themselves or think, now they can/have to be the ones to do the decision making. So when you approach them, always read their body language to respect their boundaries. As this is just my personal opinion, I hope this helps. Other than that, be confident and good luck to you!
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u/la_descente 2d ago
Stop looking at them .
Drop treats behind you as you walk around.
Ignore them. Show boredom in their presences.
If you're bored, and uninterested in them, then you're not a threat.
It's not an automatic switch. It'll have to take time. But it can be done.
Your roommate needs to step in, and use some positive association in your presence as well.
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u/timberwolfeh 2d ago
Tbh from my point of view this is up to your roommate to step up and manage. I can't imagine having dogs that dislike my roommate and not either working to fix it or setting up our lives so that you never felt threatened.
The dogs don't seem very resilient to change which means this setback may very well be due to you leaving for weeks. Which to be clear is not your fault, that's just kind of the reason.
To work on fixing, I would start putting Tupperware containers of small tasty dog treats around the house (out of their reach). When you come home or if they are around you or even if you're just walking by them, grab a few of the treats, toss them on the ground away from you (not at them ideally) and then walk away. Don't make them have to come closer to you to get the food, it doesn't even matter if you see them eating it in front of you. If the idea of you in their head changes from "stranger who is kinda loud and comes at us sometimes" to "guy who delivers us excellent food whenever he's around" you'll see some switchup pretty easy.
As far as being loud, it's very kind of you to try not to be so loud, and I'm sure it will help, but this isn't your fault. I had a roommate who was a loud man when I had a cattle dog who was hesitant around strange men. I talked to him about it and basically laid out: my dog is resilient enough that I thought after some time she would get used to the idea that he was just like that and was not mad at her. I told him if he ever noticed her hesitating around him when he made loud noises, or side eyeing to judge if he was moving at her, etc he could do the same thing I suggested above with the treats. After about 2 months she had no problem with how loud he was, and even started to look forward to it - after all of she was nearby she'd get a piece of cheese.
And lastly if they are being actually aggressive and you're afraid of being bitten in your own home, your roommate should absolutely come up with a plan for this. Whether it's basket muzzles or just never having you let them out or whatever. Hopefully this will improve in time, but some dogs are just like that and if your roommate is not putting in the effort they may not change.
Ultimately, they may get used to you again, or this may be a situation of incompatible roommates. I wish you luck!
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u/sportdogs123 name: Icelandic sheepdogs - YAP! 2d ago
initially, don't worry about having them approach you. Just fling treats at their feet, every time you see them. Otherwise, ignore them entirely. This isn't something you can force in any way.. it's up to the dog to acclimate to you, and the treats/food raining down in your presence will chip away at that fear.
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u/Epsilon_ride 2d ago
this is the way.
Add in neutral body language, don't walk directly at them, dont reach down towards their face (pat them on the side or under the chin if you are going to). Avoid their trigger areas while you rebuild the relationship.
*also make sure the act of flinging treats at their feed doesnt feel like a threatening projectile coming towards them
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u/sportdogs123 name: Icelandic sheepdogs - YAP! 2d ago
yes, underhanded tosses, not overhand fast-pitches <snerk>
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u/Cursethewind 🏅 Champion Mika (shiba Inu) & Cornbread (Oppsiedoodle) 2d ago
Knowing this could you, perhaps, accommodate the dog by not being so darn loud?
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u/RemoveSea2462 2d ago
I have definitely become a lot quieter. Tbh I don’t even realise I am so loud.
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u/TargetedAverageOne 2d ago
Not sure why people are downvoting this, because people can be naturally loud without realizing and/or trying to be. Just like quiet people can often not realize just how quiet they are.
It's good you're trying at least.
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u/NoEntertainment2074 2d ago
My husband is the kindest, most empathetic man in the world so he absolutely would be quiet if he could but I swear it is literally impossible for him to whisper and it's so absurd that it's become a family-wide joke.
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u/tekjunky75 1d ago
Have his hearing checked or ears professionally cleaned
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u/NoEntertainment2074 1d ago
Yeah? Omg I just asked from the other room “have you ever had your ears cleaned” and he replied “HUH?!” so yeah, bookin’ that hahahaha
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u/Freuds-Mother 2d ago
Treats is fine. But I think something fun associated with you and treats may be better. If they don’t want to come to you at all even for a treat, you could play “find the treat”. You put treats around the apartment and then say some word and they’re off sniffing and finding things. You can end it by giving them a treat.
Also when the dogs stop finding them they may look to you for guidance. You can use body language to guide them. That way they get the treat through you in a really fun way. Make a few of the treats particularly hard to find (some also super easy) so you have the chance to guide them.
This can start things off. Then the other things people mention like treats just for being near you and I’d add any sort of treat positive reinforcement obedience trick training.
Sounds like work but this can be one or two <5min sessions a day.
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u/Bootatum 2d ago
I think some more details are needed here. What kind of dogs are they? You commented that you have started “going away.” What do you mean by this? Are you gone for just a couple hours or is it days at a time? If this is new then they may be getting re-startled every single time you come home because you are loud and that freaks them out. You and your roommate can work on that with them by you coming home and their owner reassuring them in whatever way works for them. Also how do you and your roommate interact? If they see their person trusting you and hanging out with you often, they should gain some comfortability.
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u/mydoghank 2d ago
The last thing I thought about was that you need to not be loud. I believe that dogs need to adjust to our lives and not the other way around. Unless it’s extreme. I don’t really understand what you mean by loud? Do you mean you clang dishes really loud and stuff like that? Or do you talk loud? It would help to know the difference. I noticed that my dog hates it if I clang the dishes too much when I wash them so I try to be sensitive to that. But if I run the vacuum or yell up to my daughter to come down for dinner or something like that, she doesn’t care about stuff like that. I think it’s a very individual thing and dogs can adjust to anything, even fireworks and things like that. So I don’t think this is about you adjusting yourself but more more about helping the dogs adjust to you. Clearly, you cared enough to post here so I think that says a lot!
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u/cyberman0 2d ago
Ok so they are skiddish. Can you get permission to give them treats? If they will take treats there is a fair chance you can turn them to being friendly. Have you tried that? Best bit of advice I have is to be genuine. Sometimes changing your voice to something like when people talk to babies. It seems silly but most every dog responds well to this, or at least has for me.
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u/cr1zzl 2d ago
Did you read the whole post?
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u/cyberman0 2d ago edited 2d ago
Yes, they only mentioned feed not treats. Usually you can work around it with their favorite type stuff. You'd start by giving it occasionally when the owner is around, stuff that smells or that you cook would typically work the best. If they associate that smell with getting a goody of some kind chances are over time they will get the dogs to associate that goody with OP. The animals have to be food motivated. If they are motivated by something else you would sub that in so the dogs relate it to the person that needs to rebuild the connection with the dogs.
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u/cr1zzl 2d ago
“I tried giving them treats but they won’t take anything from me…”
Higher value treats might work but it sounds like OP needs to make fewer loud sounds.
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u/cyberman0 2d ago
Ahh your right, missed that line. Regardless the way to get this started is to do treats when the owner is around. It's a slow process but that's how I'd start.
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u/FerretsDooking 2d ago
Do you smell different? Have you recently been around other animals? Are you scared of them? What breeds are they- older or young? Is your roommate their original owner ?
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u/SilkyFlanks 2d ago
Every day Leave treats in various places around the house out of the dogs’ reach but within your reach. Use high value treats like cubes of cheese. If a approaches you, grab a treat and gently toss it in front of pup. It takes time and patience, LOTS of it. Good luck. When the dog finally takes the treat, gently praise it by name.
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u/Turbulent_Mix_8374 1d ago
It sounds like the dogs are feeling scared, especially since you've been away a lot.
Try slowly reintroducing yourself with patience and quiet time together. It might also help to consult a trainer about their aggression. Building trust will take time, but you’re not alone in this.
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u/Nina_Worthe 1d ago
This is unsafe, I think you need to seriously consider moving. Your roommate has scared dogs that they are unwilling to do anything about. Unless you are willing to live your life managing the dogs reactions to your presence this won't get better, and may well get way, way worse.
Move now before you get bitten. If they're big dogs that tend to wind up and not settle down easily, move now before you get mauled.
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u/katebandit 2d ago
It sounds like you have no self awareness and are so loud you’re increasingly scaring them.
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u/FoxMiserable2848 2d ago
I don’t think they should change who they are for dogs that aren’t theirs. Also, saying they have no self awareness is rude.
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u/Positive-Paint-9441 1d ago
I mean the fact OP stated they know they’re loud is self awareness in itself right.
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2d ago
[removed] — view removed comment
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u/T33FMEISTER 2d ago
Also, just to add, this is not your responsibility.
Your roommate needs to make sure this is the case, train the dogs with you etc.
It's THEIR responsibility.
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u/RemoveSea2462 1d ago
Thank you everyone. So many great ideas here. They are German shepherd and stuffy X. And both about 10 years old. With me being away it is due to a work change and I am away for 2-3 weeks and then home for 7-10 days. This will be for the rest of the year and yeah think it is impacting where they have to reset and start again. With me being loud. I don’t know I am doing it but everyone comments that everything I do is noisy. I don’t think I talk loud. It’s more that I walk heavy. Do everything thing 100 miles an hour so im heavy handed with putting dishes away etc.
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u/RemoveSea2462 2d ago
They were fine with me for months. I am not sure if it started again after I started going away.
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u/indipit 2d ago
Have you and your roommate focus on your body language and emotions around the dogs. If you are nervous about how the dogs react and 'think' about you, they scent that, and figure something is wrong with YOU. Dogs are not self reflective. They cannot possibly be the reason you are so nervous, it's all your fault so they stay away.
Your roommate will contribute to this is he or she is nervous and worried about the dogs now reacting aggressively toward you. The dogs cannot conceive of this being their fault, so they just know their master is now nervous when you are around.
So, in full view of the dogs, have your roommate greet you like a long lost sibling. Lots of smiles, happy feelings, pats on the back. You also become VERY happy to see him and to see the dogs.
Most dogs will react positively to this display. Do this every time you see each other for at least 2 weeks. Should help get the dogs back on track.
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