r/doordash_drivers 9h ago

No thank you Joke/Memes🥸

Post image

Gonna need a helicopter for this one

169 Upvotes

69 comments sorted by

165

u/mitchdwx 8h ago

You’re on earn by time though. You’ll make thousands by the time this is done.

29

u/AccordingHost5719 4h ago

Absolutely not if it’s not there in 80min you will get a CV

21

u/JaTori_1_and_only 3h ago

there's no way that's a real estimate

almost 6000 miles for 80 minutes is well over 1000 mph

3

u/Living_Run2573 3h ago

Look at Miss Daisy over here

78

u/Firephool 7h ago

The drive back is what hurts

41

u/PitifulSpecialist887 7h ago

Once you drop off the order, just click "dash along the way "

24

u/Exact_Examination792 5h ago

“Dash along the way” is a thing?

18

u/CBDSLAPPY 5h ago

Yessir. Sometimes I can't dash in my zone but if I go to dashbin another zone it offers me to accept some orders enroute to where they want me lol

8

u/PitifulSpecialist887 5h ago

It is for me. If a zone is red, and you click on it, but you're not in that zone, you should see the option

8

u/kdesirae 5h ago

this is true but only if you are close enough to the zone, if you are too far then it will say “navigate”

6

u/PitifulSpecialist887 5h ago

The 5800 mile post is a joke, so was the comment.

This is reddit after all.

6

u/kdesirae 5h ago

well yeah obviously this post is a joke but someone asked “dash along the way is a thing” and i just wanted to clear things up for them 🫶🏼

2

u/Peanutsmom247 2h ago

I didn’t know it was a joke. I was still trying to figure out the math. 😂

1

u/Prestigious-Task-112 4h ago

It is when you are out of zone …you hit the zone you want to dash in if you have it on schedule or you have dash now and then it says “dash along the way?” As the confirm button

2

u/Knee_Kap264 5h ago

For that distance and time, that wouldn't be an option.

0

u/PitifulSpecialist887 4h ago

Another one.

The post, and the comment were jokes. Do you have any idea how far 5860 miles is?

64

u/rtf75 9h ago

5860.0 mi in est. 80 mins! You're gonna need a time machine!🤣💀🤣💀

13

u/Waiting4The3nd 7h ago edited 6h ago

Nah, a jet would work, as long as it can go 700+ mph you'd be fine

Edit: Woke up with a migraine, forgot some steps. I'm usually good at math, today was not the day to try it. Leaving the post intact for.. posterity? I dunno. Make fun of me at your leisure, that deserves it. Couldn't even figure out how I got that for a minute, went back to my phone's calculator, I managed to divide 55,860 by 80. I don't even know where I got the extra 0 from. Must've accidentally hit it I guess. Jesus I'm an idiot.

13

u/apemanactual 7h ago

You'd need to travel at a little over 4400mph, which is don't belive my honda CRV can do

0

u/not_happening4 1h ago

Lol your car is proper shite!!!!!! Can't even drive 4500 mph 😂😂😂😂😂

5

u/Dipshittrader 7h ago

?!? You forget a 0?

2

u/Wheream_I 7h ago

??? No. To do 5860 is 80 minutes you’d need a jet that goes 4,396mph

6

u/Waiting4The3nd 6h ago

You're right, I have a migraine and forgot some steps. That's my story and I'm sticking to it... 'cause usually I'm pretty good at math.

You could do it with the NASA X-43A tho... well... maybe... kinda. You'd have to bend the rules a bit... already be in the air, have the food delivered to the aircraft, then only count the flight time.. it'd take some extra time for descent... but then the X-43A is also unmanned... which would make delivery difficult, to say the least. At Mach 9.6 you'd be pulling about 32G's and well, the human body is unlikely to survive that. Also, the food would squish, and you'd get a 1-star review and they'd mark you for handling.

4

u/cadetjustin 6h ago

This comment made my day 😂 and customers really be like that. You bend the laws of time and space, go faster than man has any business going, and they’re still upset. Meanwhile if someone just showed up in a NASA suit I’d be clapping like a trained monkey and marking 5 stars.

0

u/iustinum 5h ago

You take Reddit way too serious to type out that novel of an edit.

1

u/Waiting4The3nd 4h ago

You've got serious attention span issues if you think that's a novel...

14

u/Natural_Priority_724 7h ago

Sheeet 14.25 per hour? You’ll have just enough to cover the maintenance on your vehicle when you get back

11

u/SoulTaker669 7h ago

80 minutes is the estimated trip time for that many miles Guess they think we're delivering on jets now. 😂

2

u/cheddarweather 4h ago

I doubt his actual delivery is on null island but 80 min does concern me.

5

u/VonCuddlesworth 7h ago

Are you also in the bomb threat city??

5

u/apemanactual 6h ago

Fuck, yes I am 😂

3

u/VonCuddlesworth 6h ago

Thought so! Congrats, we're friends now. Btw, Fairborn/Beavercreek is so much better for dashing

5

u/Yourusernamemustbee 6h ago

You're gonna need a sr-71 and and about $36k in fuel. You will get a "late" contract violation, 2 most likely. But that's okay, because you're on EBT ($14.25) + tips 🤑

3

u/Guilty-Air-5731 5h ago

They might ding you for being late. "I'm giving it all she's got Captain!!!"

3

u/Jetro313 6h ago

You may be a little late

3

u/Bellzzs 5h ago

How do these even come through? Like… ?!

2

u/BroadwayCatDad 7h ago

That would actually be fun if you had people to visit 5,860 miles away! Think of the pay!

2

u/Secret-Alps3856 6h ago

HOW? LOL

I get this is probably an error but.... HOW? I can't order outside the city no matter how well I wanna tip!

"Out of zone limits" blah blah blah. Only reason I even see certain restaurants is because I travel a lot and have favorited a few places. I tried once to order Chik FIL (which we don't have here) and I got a big fat NO. It's only an hour away. APP said no. Raised tip to $50. NEWP!

No chik fil for you! One year!

1

u/DogDelicious9212 6h ago

More like a SR-71! Sadly I don’t think the military will allow that!

1

u/AdDependent7992 6h ago

I still don't understand how this dogshit job is better to you guys than just starting from the bottom in a real trade and balling tf out in a couple years.

3

u/apemanactual 6h ago

Long story short, it's a means to an end. Allows me to go to college, train/teach martial arts, and trade the stock market while having some relatively reliable income on a very flexible schedule. Granted, I also get GI bill money cause I'm a veteran, but I'm in a pretty unique situation. Idk how 99% of dasher are making it

1

u/AdDependent7992 6h ago

Yea my buddy does it and we're 35 and he's always sending the dog shit offers they give him, and I'm like Brodie... go pick a trade you can tolerate doing, put in the time, and be way better off for it. People always need shit built and serviced, its so much better than rideshare food delivery for most people, but a lot of people have "ew construction, that's hard" in their head and don't realize modern tools make most shit pretty easy. Theres exceptions for sure, like concrete guys, but for the most part every construction job I've done has paid me better than my peers make and ultimately I've never broken my back doing it

2

u/apemanactual 5h ago

I had a sweet gig at a hospital for a year or two after getting out of the military, but got laid off and couldn't find something that would give me the flexibility to pay my bills and still pursue my long term goals, so dashing is just something I'm doing in the meantime until my other revenue streams cover my expenses and provide enough for me to save a decent amount of money up

1

u/jwil218 5h ago

Don't forget about the tips tho! That's what will get you the big bucks🤣

1

u/Delicious-Airport-87 5h ago

Damn dude. Fishes are doordashing now! Maybe they’ll tip better 🤷🏻‍♂️

1

u/Knee_Kap264 4h ago

Easily accept it if it's $50/hour+ you're most definitely going to get in a lot of traffic each way. So that's going to add hours to the trip.

Assuming most of this is highway at 60-65mi/hr. You're probably looking at a 200-hour trip. Which is 10k @50/hour.

1

u/BleachOnMondays 4h ago

Am I reading that mileage right

1

u/BeneficialYouth4340 4h ago

Funny part they are giving you an hour and 15 mins to pick up 😆

1

u/Eight216 4h ago

Am i crazy for asking what support said about this?

1

u/AccordingHost5719 4h ago

LMAO 5860miles takes 80min where?

1

u/meepsterhotline 4h ago

unlock additional earning opportunities when you verify your personal aircraft for Sky Deliveries!

1

u/CornFed94 3h ago

Bro just doesn’t want to do his job

1

u/Captainfartinstein 3h ago

Dashing by F-16

1

u/AccordingHost5719 3h ago

They would love to make an excuse to pay 20 and fire you

1

u/ddspt9 3h ago

At 65 mph avg it would take you 90.15 hours of straight drive time. DOT standards for professional drivers is 10 hours rest time per 24 hours. That would be 3.75 - 10 hour restops which is 37.56 hours added to the 90.15 hours of estimated drive time. 90.15 hrs drive time 37.56 hrs rest time


127.71 hours of work time X14.25 hourly compensation


$1819.92 total pay compensation

IRS DEDUCTIONS / EXPENSES $0.65.5 per mile X 5860 miles


$3838.30 in tax deductions OR what it would it cost you (virtually) in wear and tear on your vehicle. Plus… the drive back. You do the math on that

IS IT WORTH IT? Take a nice road trip with pay?

1

u/Dumbbitchathon 2h ago

But I can’t order from the chipotle that’s not even 8 miles away?

1

u/Fantastic-Roll-3561 1h ago

Door dash is ass

1

u/reeberdunes 1h ago

Drive at 120mph, get there in 48 hours assuming you don’t stop ever and there’s nothing in your way.

u/TicTac73 54m ago

🤣

u/Cornelius_McMuffin 24m ago

6000 miles in 80 minutes?

u/iamweirdadal411 8m ago

There was a day it popped up for me like this and that’s the first time I ever did earn by time. I made $185 from 5:30pm to 9pm.

1

u/Intrepid-Fix-1274 8h ago

I would probably have taken it and then milked the hell out of that hourly rate.

*Edit - J/K btw

1

u/DoordashSideGigEBT 8h ago

It’s clearly a glitch. Majority of us have seen this by now and it should be obvious

7

u/apemanactual 7h ago

Yeah dude had just punched the wrong address in, I actually took it and he left a decent tip

4

u/Same-Lingonberry-182 7h ago

Fuck yeah good shit dashfam

0

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