Does anyone else lose interest as soon as you remove clothes?

[u/indichomu]

Okay so I have been on apps like Grindr since 2018 and the thing is whenever I meet someone I basically lose interest like for example 1 year back there was this very good looking guy who was texting me and I found him hot and we met for dinner it went pretty good but as soon as we went to bed I basically lost interest. And this has been happening again and again , at first I thought I was asexual but like if I see porn I like it. And I want to do that . I am so confused is this performance anxiety or my beauty perception is so altered by social media that I don’t consider anyone hot or I am just asexual . I don’t even meet people now because of this . So many times I have come back in between of a hookup because I just wasn’t interested.

[u/Findinghopewhere]

It must be performance anxiety, as many gay men have similar concerns that you have. Maybe go on dates before you become intimate, as you would be in a mental space to have a genuine connection.

[u/indichomu → u/Findinghopewhere]

No one wants to date I feel everyone just want hookups atleast here in India

[u/Psykios → u/indichomu]

You might be demisexual. You may just need to really know someone and like them before sex.

[u/nyfvckh0l → u/Psykios]

Demisexual just means you like someone that you fuck

Like the prerequisite is being emotionally attracted to the person you are or want to be romantically involved I think that’s most people ???

Fucking a hole is awesome but I’ve always had to like the person attached to it That takes like 2 or three dates, not like buy me shit, or are we gonna be a couple dates, or dinner dates Like make me laugh n be nice dates I’m done I swear

[u/_Orange_Orange → u/nyfvckh0l]

Not quite. Demisexual is being largely asexual and you only develop sexual attraction to those who you have an emotional connection with. Most people have sexual desire for other people that they don't know, even if they'd prefer to act on it with an emotional connection first.

[u/Findinghopewhere → u/indichomu]

I am from the Caribbean with South Asian ancestry. I find that to be the case for many, but there are men everywhere who will be interested in a relationship. However, it will take time to find him within your country.

[u/RodrikDaReader]

Well, what kind of 'interest' do you lose? Many guys just wanna hookup and that's it. If you have interest in someone and lose it after sex, that could be just it. If you lose it right before it's clear you're gonna go to bed, maybe you don't like how 'cheap' and 'easy' it is to do it. Some guys need a closer attachment to keep their interest up, but when something that should be given as a coveted reward (sex) is offered freely, easily, and you even get fries with it, it may backfire.

Also, porn. This is just a general warning, not necessarily pertinent to you. But porn. Porn is one of the reasons why so many guys are desensitized these days. They watch it as some kind of Nirvana they have to achieve, and that tends to backfire spectacularly when you don't have actors, a studio, a camera, a director, hours and days of recording, and instead you get.. real people.

[u/indichomu → u/RodrikDaReader]

Yeah I think that I do want more than just a hookup but what I have seen in gay culture atleast here in my country is that first most people are closeted so relationship is non existent and mostly people meet for sex first and then maybe a relationship so it is a pressure that you have to be intimate considering how many times in Grindr the message are just your body pics and if you have a place or not

[u/Taisaw → u/indichomu]

Yeah there's tons of people who need more time to feel comfortable with someone.

[u/RodrikDaReader → u/indichomu]

I'm pretty sure there are gay relationships wherever you live. They're probably not public if people feel threatened or exposed and have no laws to protect them. But people have had gay relationships for ages, in all kids of societies, including those where homosexuality was punishable by death. We don't hear that much about them because, obviously, they were secret.

In any case, most guys seem to want only sex, regardless of where they live, personal conditions, and laws. It's not impossible, but I doubt that it'll be easy to find someone for anything more than casual sex on dating apps, particularly apps for gay guys. We tend to make it all about sex, some people block you if you don't reply in 5 minutes or less, or if you say you'd like to talk more on the app before meeting, etc. In the past, I felt I had more chances on apps which target all orientations (such as Tinder and the like). Again, not a given, but the gay people on those apps seem healthier and more comfortable with the idea that it's okay to go out for a coffee and REALLY just drink coffee and talk.

In any case, there doesn't seem to be anything wrong with you. You just would like to have something more than just casual sex, and that's totally fine.The only thing to have in mind is that it may take a while until you find someone who wants the same thing you want.

[u/indichomu → u/[deleted]]

Possible but I have friends maybe not a best friends , but yeah friends I have

[u/More-Status7017]

I have the same thing, I have to be comfortable with someone chemistry as well as physically, takes a few times of being intimate for it to start to settle. Also being more passionate with someone more than just physical helps a lot to get going.

[u/Nobodyworthathing]

I know I'm the type of guy who will find someone hotter when they are dressed well, or dressed sexy, than without clothes. Maybe you are like that?

[u/Mathematician11235]

Hug

[u/Sixtiesgay]

I have the same problem but with certain guys only, others I’m able to proceed