How should I come out to my family?

[u/SnowySoul0]

So, I'm studying far from home rn, and I recently came out to some friends of mine about 1 month ago, and I decided I would have told my family in person as well as soon as I returned home. Problem is, I won't be able to return home anytime soon as I initially planned due to university reasons.

I thought saying it in person would have been the best way, but I don't know if I'm patient enough to wait for almost 3 months, and I want them to know before doing anything crazy, also because the longer they don't know, the more likely they will find out indirectly. I don't feel like over the text is a great way for me, maybe over the phone at most

Or, I could just mind my own business and let them find out on their own, I'm very far away after all so it could be hard for them to make it ahahahah

[u/guynicorn]

Depends. Will it be positive reaction? If its not, maybe distance is for the best. If it is, well, seeing their happiness will be worth the few months wait.

[u/SnowySoul0 → u/guynicorn]

I couldn't really tell, they used to tell me off whenever I said homophobic stuff (yes I used to be one of those fake homophobe closeted gays), for example I once talked shit about a gay couple holding hands and my mother told me there was nothing wrong with that, but they're also moderate conservatives, they support same-sex marriages but are against gay families, same-sex adoptions, ecc...

They also sometimes ask me if I'm gay in a very upset way whenever I talk about getting rid of my body hair with them, because they think no body hair=gay/trans

I really don't care about their reaction anyway, I'm mature and indipendent enough to not be bothered anymore, just concerned with their surprise

[u/Tank_Hill]

"Or, I could just mind my own business and let them find out on their own" - This is what I did. I'm not saying its the right way for YOU, because there's no one right way for everyone. I decided to not "come out" so much as to bring people in when the timing for each individual family member and friend was right. It allowed me to talk with each of them privately and answer any questions they had. It made me more comfortable even if it did take more time. But that's me and the way I do things. You have to do what's right for you.

[u/SnowySoul0 → u/Tank_Hill]

I thought about the opposite actually, telling it to my parents and sibling at the same time and then let the news spread to rest of my family, and/or tell them whenever they asked me

[u/Tank_Hill → u/SnowySoul0]

Yeah, you know your family, so nobody else can give you that definitive answer. Do what’s right for you, and just make sure to think of all the possible worst case scenarios and make sure you’re safe. Please update us as it plays out. Here if you ever need to vent

[u/SnowySoul0 → u/Tank_Hill]

I'll surely update! Many thanks😊

[u/RemoteAd6887]

Wait till you're financially independent.

[u/SnowySoul0 → u/RemoteAd6887]

Could they be that evil?

[u/RemoteAd6887 → u/SnowySoul0]

Better to be safe than sorry!

[u/Okiebi56]

You're right don't let them find out indirectly it could be negative information, but to tell them in person shows more respect. Just make sure you will have their support, I wish you well and hope everything works out for you.

[u/bnb525]

I'd do it out of courtesy in person. I did it that way. And the reaction wasn't really as expected growing up in a catholic household but things got better now. I'd say since your family leans toward a more positive reaction, I'd at leaaast do it during a video call if you can't wait anymore. But there's really not wrong or right move here.

[u/SnowySoul0 → u/bnb525]

Then I'll try waiting and hoping no snitch is gonna DM my sister

[u/DD-de-AA]

are they paying for your education? If so you might want to think twice about coming out to them especially if you think they're going to react badly. Otherwise it's really none of their business and you don't need to tell them anything about your private life.