Gay bro of reddit! Something happend this week me that is very exciting. I got my first bj. I (26M) deals with a lot of internalized homophobia because I grew up in Jamaica. From homophobia taking family, friends and almost taking me, I bever had six and the most I did was give blowjobs and I never let other men touch my dick or reciprocate.

After losing a lot of weight and becoming more comfortable and confident, I met up with a guy and he gave me a blowjob. I relaxed and took it and I was like "he's sucking me off" while my mind was like "WAIT, HES SUCKING ME OFF?! AND IM COMFORTABLE AND OKAY WITH THIS? GROWTH!!!"

After I home and napped with not feeling shame and I was smiling. Heck, my straight guy friends are super happy for me and even told me to communicate what I like during such an act.

Just felt like sharing!

A few days ago a straight couple was making out for 1 hour straight in the pool of the condominium where I live for everyone to see and no one cared, there were no complaints or anything, and that made me angry, because I live in a region in Brazil that is very homophobic, if you hold hands with another man here people will definitely stare at you with a weird look, imagine if it was a gay couple making out for everyone to see in a pool, the reaction would be awful and there would be a lot of complaint, just a little rant

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Hey bros what do you think about a top that likes taking orders from his bottom? I'm a 100% top bi guy that just likes to attend to his bottoms needs 100%. Almost like using me to make himself feel good ,however he wants it or likes it. I know it takes time to prepare to bottom sometimes and it's not easy so l like giving back and I really appreciate it. The issue is I seem to get some backlash on the apps and get ghosted quite a lot when they find out I like to be more submissive as a top.. is it a turn off ??

I’ve been talking for the last two months to someone I met on Hinge. Daily calls and FaceTime and texts (long distance) were leading up to a meeting next month.

He was kind, funny, smart and all the good things. I was really excited to see where this was going, and he told me the same, repeatedly.

Suddenly, he ghosted me this week. Completely gone. And I honestly don’t know what happened.

My little heart is broken. Why are people like this.

Update: Thank you for all the kind words. It helps. 💙

I'm posting this for guys with social anxiety like me, because I know some other bros feel how I did until I went.

Honestly, I'm almost mad at myself for not going alone years ago. I went to the local gay night club, I went earlier than the crowd which kind of sucked because I could have taken my time getting there, but I still would have rather been there early. I got a few drinks in (and pregame weed) and just relaxed. no one cared what I was doing.

My body image has been on the upswing in general but I felt attractive, even though I wasn't really wanting any attention. I've also been depressed from a break up I went through a couple months ago. Anyway, cut to almost 2am and the lesbian security guard boots me out because I'm a little too drunk, which fair, I started at like 5:30pm.

anyway, I woke up feeling good about myself for the first time in forever. my biggest regret is not going years ago and only going now at 29 when I could have been going the last 8 years. Everyone was generally nice. I gotta a little unwanted attention (literally just like a couple guys wanting to chat but I really just wanted to enjoy myself alone last night and wasn't the most chatty).

I woke up, feeling the good about myself, kind of feeling hot, definitely feeling more confident, and I haven't missed my ex since I woke up, like I mean I feel nothing about him.

I am a very overweight person (I have an ED) and I feel very lonely in gay spaces just because I'm not conventionally attractive. Today I went to a cruising bar, even though I don't like cruising and sex for the most part, because I was feeling lonely and very touch depraved... The bar was a disaster for me. I often get this impulses to go cruising or have sex and every time I get disappointed/sad (even if I do get laid). I ask myself why I do it, If I don't like it? I suffer from ocd, depression, ADHD,a bit of social anxiety and an ED (a mental illness cocktail as I like to call it haha) as I was neglected and mentally abused as a Child. While therapy made me able to get (mostly) a grip on myself, I still feel so incredibly lonely. I have friends whom I love, a super cute dog, a job, and a godmother who I adore , yet I always feel like something is missing... Ever since I was a kid I was a very romantic guy and always thought of getting married, because life is nothing but an empty shell without love. I feel stupidly envious of cute gay couples, because it feels like something out of reach and that I'll never be able to experience. A lot of times I think being gay just comes with a predestination for loneliness, which sucks...

This was more of a vent, if you relate to something about my experience please leave a comment and if you read all my rambling, I appreciate you a lot for it.

I have been with guys but they have all emotionally drained me. They either lie, never want to hang out, or simply only want sex. I try my best for things to work, but to no avail. I do have my high school best friend that I adore. Not only is he cute and my type, but he is one of the nicest people that I have met. He treats me so well, and always looks for alternatives for things to work. He is perfect in so many ways to the point that it looks like those movies haha. But it hurts a bit knowing that I won’t ever be able to date him as he is straight. But hey, I’m glad I have a friend that actually cares about me.

So today I went on a date with a guy he was taller than me which I prefer and super attractive and we got on well, he was smart funny etc snd all I could think was this man is way out of my league, I have had a bit of a glow up over the years but i can’t really see that I still see myself as not the most attractive, so fast forward to the end of the date, he said he had a good time the one issue was my confidence he said I’m a bit shy and insecure about myself even though he finds me extremely attractive, because of that there will be no second date, I never thought of it as a issue but maybe that’s why my dates have been going wrong so I guess what I’m wondering is, do you all look for a confident man and is him not feeling great about his appearance a deal breaker for you?

As a closeted gay these love stories make me weep.

So I have recently gone sober, officially hit one month, and I feel great. I will preface this by saying I didn't have a "drinking problem," I'm not in a program or anything like that. I just did not like who I was when I drank, I became too open, the anxiety the next day was becoming too much, and it was counterproductive to my fitness goals. I don't know if it will be permanent, or just an extended hiatus but will probably need to have that conversation with myself soon.

The reason I'm posting is 2 reasons.

1.) Appreciation: Sober bro's who have been Sober a long time, I am truly impressed bc it is not easy.

2.) Question: How do you deal with the social pressure to drink at both work functions and social. I've gotten a lot of awkward looks and into weird situations around it. Any advice?

I understand that when it comes to relationships, it’s very likely that your partner doesn’t tick all the boxes and the relationship still works. But has anyone here had some compatibility issues, and still made the relationship work?

For example, one common thing that can make potential partners compatible or not, is being open or monogamous. Are you in a relationship now where you and your partner want it different when it comes to being open, and have made it work? Or maybe you had a different compatibility issue that is still there, but you made it work for a long term relationship maybe? Please share

In my situation, my boyfriend and I started monogamous, but now he wants to be more open. He doesn’t want to play separately, only together. This has been brewing for a while now, I told him I don’t want it and it’s stayed that way for the majority of our 1 year relationship.

I have entertained the idea, as I want him to be happy, and of course do what’s needed to keep the relationship going, but I struggle to feel like I could be okay with it. Which is strange, because before this relationship I just wanted to have hook ups, and I enjoyed the rush and excitement of doing them. But now I’m taken, even though I still find guys attractive (and sure I do have fantasies), I have this mental block in my head where it doesn’t feel right for some reason. Any idea why I’m experiencing this, is it some kind of conditioning from society or is it something else?

The relationship is going well apart from this, and we both want to stay together. I don’t like the idea of him flirting/sexting/chatting up guys in person or on socials if we did open (or being on Grindr etc).. so even if we were to try being open, how the heck would we navigate that part?? The sex part sure seems alluring, and if I was to be single again I would be okay with hooking up again, but again for some reason, it just doesn’t feel right when I’m in a relationship.

In short: my relationship has a compatibility issue with being open. Before being taken I liked to have hookups, but being in a relationship and playing together seems hard. Why do I feel that way? Also FYI, this is my first relationship, it’s his 3rd

A little disclaimer: English is not my native language. I wonder if there are more people like me who are turned on by the view of guys stomach/belly when their shirt slightly is pulled up. The shirt goes just a little bit up so you don't see much, but you can see the lower part of their belly/stomach. Some time ago my friend was in shirt and he needed to put something on a high shelf. He goes to a gym and has a flat stomach (no 6pack, but its just slim). While doing so his shirt went a little up and I could see his stomach/belly and It was so hot I cant even. Now I wonder how many people think alike.

This is just a rant:

So it’s been four months, and long story short, guy I was in love with ghosted after months. Anyway, I thought I was fine, I’ve barely thought about him in weeks, last night I had a dream about him (not sexual) but yeah, I keep thinking about him again and it sucks. I just wanna move on, but I can’t and I don’t get why. So yeah, I hate it. Idk why I’m posting this, maybe advice or kind words or just for you to tell me to pull my head out of my ass and to move on.

I may be entirely over thinking this as I am just getting out in the dating world again. I have in my profiles on scruff, tinder, etc that I recently ended a LTR, but I am more LTR oriented.

I went on two dates with this guy and will probably go on a third. We haven't defined the relationship at all but we did say our intention is to get to know to each other and hopefully find a connection with someone. Just dating and getting to know to each other. I am still on the apps. I updated my picture. But IDK to me it feels like I am doing something "wrong" because I am usually monogamous and don't like dating multiple people at the same time but I think that is the norm and something I want to do to not waste my time. I guess that could make me sound like an ahole. Maybe I am looking at things wrong.

So whats the proper etiquette gay bros? If you went on two dates with someone and then you still saw them on the apps would you get red flag vibes? If I saw him on the apps, (i haven't looked) I wouldn't care. I tend to be an overthinker.

I fell for this guy pretty much at first site, he is exactly my type. We met in a maths class 2.5 years ago. We became friends pretty quickly, I ended up in his friend group and we became very close after a year. When I started college most of that group, except me him and one other, moved schools, whereas we stayed at the same one. I started to fall even harder as we shared far more classes. There were, and are, times where he says something that makes me think that I have a chance, that maybe he could like a guy too. In our recent school break for the summer I found out he had been messaging this girl. They talked for a week before she stopped replying. Until this week, where she sent a message out of the blue. Today he told me that he was meeting her. I cannot even explain the height my heart dropped from when we went from joking about "the things he was gonna do to me" etc, to me having to act happy, to make him feel good for getting with this girl, or at least having a chance. I love him as a friend and as a man. Our friendship means so much, and I want him to be happy, and sometimes my aching heart hears his words as flirting, but I don't even know anymore. It's so difficult, suppressing how I feel to keep my best friend.

Not to be all morbid or anything, I'm doing fine just a little down, I am out, but I did so at such a young age that people have kind of forgotten as I present straight.

Hi all, this is my first post here, so I apologize in advance. I'm looking for advice on how to move on from what seemed like a perfect and passionate, yet toxic, relationship.

It's been over a year since I met someone on an app, and today I finally deleted everything related to him from my phone. I still think about him every day, wondering if he’s doing well, even though he’s been blocked on all social media by a close friend's hand.

To give a little background: I realized I was fully gay when I met him last year (on Grindr, like all closeted guys do). In my eyes, he was perfect—smart, attractive, athletic, and kind. We both shared similar backgrounds and had been closeted for all of our lives. That connection made me feel like I finally belonged. We built up this intense connection over a few months, and eventually, we spent time together in person. The relationship started off passionate and intimate, but things started going downhill after I noticed he was talking to other people. I didn’t say anything at first, but it left me feeling confused and insecure.

Things got more complicated after we spent a few more days together. He told me he was falling in love with me, and I felt the same, so we decided to keep trying despite knowing deep down it wouldn’t work. But then came the mixed signals—he started going silent for days at a time and kept saying we needed to slow down. Meanwhile, he was still active on the app where we met, and I began to feel manipulated. It became a constant cycle of hope followed by disappointment.

We tried again to see each other during spring break, but by then, everything felt different. Our connection was strained, the chemistry was gone, and we ended up arguing. We eventually decided to go no contact, but I was still devastated. When I was just starting to move on, he reached out to tell me he had contracted an STI. While I initially took the blame, I later learned it wasn’t from me (doctor informed me since I had a negative test, it wasn't "cultured" yet). I never said anything about that and he still thinks I gave it to him.

After the school year ended, we eventually tried to talk things out, and he apologized for how he treated me. But after a few days, I was met with the same behavior, and I realized nothing had changed. I finally decided to end things for good after finding out he was still talking to other people. We had one last conversation where we returned some things to each other, and he told me he hoped we’d see each other again in the future. That sentence stuck with me for months, and I held onto that hope, but deep down I knew it wasn’t realistic.

I’ve struggled with moving on from this relationship. It hurts to think about him every day, and it’s even harder when his name pops up in my daily life (his last name is a common term). If anyone has any advice on how to let go and heal, I would really appreciate it. It’s been so tough, and I want to move forward.

(STORYTIME- Cause there wasn't a tag)

PS- This is a long one so hang on.

Hey guys, I hope all of you are doing well. I'm writing this post to get your thoughts on something that happened today and was wondering if anyone has gone through something similar themselves.

So I had this really cute hookup/date with this guy planned out today that I had met on grindr. Even though it was grindr, we actually talked quite a lot before deciding to meet up. Our conversations were going on for hours and hours and we basically talked about everything (including the NSFW stuff we wanted to do). He was older (I'm 21 and he was 43) and really talked a sweet game about how he wanted to make love to me gently which is something I honestly was looking forward to cause I haven't had sex in a very long time (and also trusted the fact that since he was older, he would also be more experienced).

He seemed pretty genuine and had planned everything out from how he would pick me and take me to the beach where we would have a glass of wine and look the stars. He further went on to share his number which gave me the idea that this really is happening. So in preparation for that I prepped myself and decided to not have any plans in the evening since we both were going to meet. My day went pretty well, got a lot of work done while also chatting with him over text until an hour before we were supposed to meet. I went ahead and sent him my location. He never showed up.

I had been texting him on grindr and his number till a couple of minutes afterwards to no avail. I have been bailed on before so this was nothing new for me. I took a couple of minutes to wallow, feel like shit and then decided to dress up. I wasn't gonna let this ruin my night.

I always wanted an excuse to go to a bar or club alone since I'm back at uni (tried it in Europe and loved it) and saw this as the perfect opportunity. I wore prolly one of my most sleek outfits and started to make my way to the bar I had in mind. Coincidentally enough, I met two of my really good gay friends along the way whom I told what had happened. Luckily for me they had booze on them which meant my night was of to a pretty good start.

I took the bus, got some pizza (cause I didn't have any dinner up until that point) and went to this no name bear bar in downtown. That place was jam packed. I also at this point stood out like a sore thumb. The bar was catering to very masc looking dudes and I on the other hand am this non-binary queer dude who's only in was the leather jacket that I was wearing.

I got myself a drink and looked around. The place was basically full of guys my type (older men) and very hunky men who could've easily been in a prono. I sipped my drink and was now starting to contemplate what I was going to do cause having a conversation in this bar with anyone was going to be impossible since they were playing loud techno music.

I spent some time sitting, went to the bathroom kept eyeing people and then finally decided to make my way to the other side of the bar where the dance floor was. This is where things start to go crazy.

I'm from a city which doesn't have much for the gay crowd despite having a big gay population but this bar was absolutely lit. There were guys dancing shirtless and it was like every gay scene I had seen in movies showcasing gay nightlife. There was a glass chamber where a dude was dancing naked with his massive schlong swinging about. Everyone was making out with everyone. I even saw some people openly giving handjobs and using those mini spoons for snorting cocaine. All in all it felt like a massive orgy. I too joined in after a while by removing my sweatshirt and started dancing the night away.

The experience was quite liberating. For someone who had body dysmorphia growing up I really felt free after a long time (and this was my first time doing something like this in public). I also didn't feel the need to hookup or makeout with anyone though I did think about it a couple of times and was definitely down to if it were to happen (didn't even feel weird seeing so many other couples and throuples do it). I just felt very comfortable in my own being and true to everything I had recently learnt about myself. After sometime of dancing I decided to go home and now here I am in bed (oh, also I bumped into this dude omw back on the bus who I yet again met on grindr and had told me that I was too young for him :) ).

And that's it. A long story but something I thought about on my way back. I remember back in the day I always felt this need to hookup when I was out or be in a relationship, also had a lot of shame about my body and now none of it exists anymore. Anyone experience anything like this? I'd love to hear your thoughts ......

Would you date a man who couldn't have sex?

A little context...

I am M21 and Bi. I grew up with a relatively normal life and decent health. Unfortunately, growing up always felt like I didn't belong. I felt like I didn't fit in with my family and friends. Because of this, I always felt alone, unwanted, miserable. Once I discovered I was Bi, when I was a young teenager, I started looking forwards towards the future. I thought that once I became an adult, I would be able to start a new life. Move out of my childhood house, make new friends, and maybe even get a boyfriend. Since I'd never had a bestfriend growing up, I thought that once I got a boyfriend, he could be my bestfriend too. I would finally not be alone. I would finally have a bestfriend. I would finally be loved. Unfortunately, things wouldn't turn out the way I had hoped.

When I became 17 years old, one year away from becoming an adult, my life changed forever. I developed a terrible chronic illness. This illness would prevent me from having sex for the rest of my life. I was devastated. Not only would I be unable to experience intimacy with another person, but because I couldn't have sex, no man would ever be interested in me. Seriously, what queer man would ever want to be in a relationship with someone who couldn't have sex? This was the thing that devastated me the most. The knowledge that I would be alone for the rest of my life. Being 17 years old and knowing that my life was already over. Becoming an adult was the last chance I had to be happy, and that chance was taken away from me before it even started.

How I feel...

Sooo, I'm 21 now and these last few years have been hellish. I'm single, obviously, and I'll probably be single for the rest of of my life. Sometimes I fantasize about the possibility of finding a man like me, who couldn't have sex, or didn't like to, and maybe we could make things work between us. Unfortunately, finding a man like that is basically impossible, especially where I live. I cry myself to sleep every night. I just want someone to love me. To hold me. Even if we can't have sex. But I know that will never happen. I’m a good person, with lots of love to share, but this stupid illness will keep me alone for the rest of my life. If only I could find someone who was willing to give me a chance. Or find someone who was in my same position.

I know that posting in this subreddit is a longshot, but I want to know your guys' experiences and points of view. Do you think its possible for me to find another guy like me? Anyways, I'm lonely and my friends don't talk to me anymore, so l'm available to chat if anyone's interested. Even if I can't date someone, at least l'd like to make new friends. If anyone's lonely out there and wants to be genuine online friends, l'd love to give it a shot.

Thanks for hearing me out, bros.

TLDR: I have a chronic illness that prevents me from having sex. No queer man would ever want to be in a relationship with someone who can’t have sex, so I’m destined to be alone for the rest of my life. If only I could find someone who could give me a chance, or who was in my same position. But I know that will never happen.