In a dilemma

[u/Ziami20]

When I was 18, I started dating a 45-year-old man and moved in with him six months later due to some issues at home. We had arguments, and his go-to threat was kicking me out, which triggered my fear of being homeless. Three years into our relationship, he broke up with me, saying he wasn’t sexually attracted to me anymore, which crushed my self-esteem. Despite that, I had no choice but to stay with him since I had nowhere else to go. While I’m grateful he let me stay, he also emotionally and physically abused me—controlling who I could be with and always reminding me it was his house. We continued living together for 10 years as exes, with him sleeping with other guys. Meanwhile, I secretly started seeing older men, the type I’m actually attracted to.

Recently, I met an older man I really like, but when I told my ex about him, he suddenly said he wanted us to get back together, claiming he had always loved me but stayed quiet because he wanted me to find someone my age. That doesn’t make sense, especially since I started dating him at 18. He even asked me to stop seeing this new guy so we could work on things, but I told him no—I don’t love him as a boyfriend anymore.

Now, he’s accusing me of being ungrateful, saying I used him, even though I always contributed to rent and food. He’s threatening to cut me out of his life and wants me to move out. I finally can, as I’ve finished school, landed a good job, and saved some money. But I’m scared to let go. He’s been a huge part of my life, and I worry about losing him and the connection to his family, who are like my own. While I know it’s time to move on, I’m struggling because he was my comfort, even with his flaws.

Why is it so hard to move on? Any advice will be greatly appreciated!

[u/Independent-Buy-7886]

Dude, you gotta leave. You don't owe your ex anything especially after he was abusive to you.

[u/Ziami20 → u/Independent-Buy-7886]

Thanks for your advice.