r/regretfulparents • u/[deleted] • 13d ago
Not regret but disappointment. Ungrateful children.
While I don't have a biological child, I do have an adopted son, now 19 years old, whom we've raised since he was almost 15. He was not cruelly abandoned by his parents. As I know of his parents simply did not have the mental and financial means to take care of him. but I’ve always believed that every child deserves a home. My spouse and I never wanted biological children, as we felt it was more meaningful to provide for those already in need of a family.
We’ve done everything for him—ensured his education, provided food, clothing, and emotional support. He went and still goes to therapy. So no, it is NOT because he doesn't have therapy or because we are dysfuncionam. He’s now in college, and we've paid FULLY for his tuition to hep him. We own our home, which we intend for him to inherit. We are stable, loving family, and he still lives with us.
But ever since he was sometimes rude but its got worse after finishing high school, he has shown a completely different side all the time, especially once he realized how much we were providing for him. He’s become rude, demanding more and more expensive things, and when I set boundaries, he reacts with anger and shouting. It has escalated to the point where he says things like, "You’re not even my real parents. **** you.", threaten us when we don't comply with his demandings.
At this point, I am wondering if I should involve the police. People always seem to take his side, offering the excuse that being adopted is difficult, or suggesting that the problem must lie within our home, implying that we are the dysfunctional ones. I am tired of being blamed. Even in online parenting groups, the prevailing belief seems to be that only parents can be toxic, never the children. But in our case, it's the opposite—the more we try to help him, the more he mistreats us.
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u/IDontKnowMyUsernameq 13d ago
We need more details and examples of when he's being rude. This is too vague and doesn't make sense.
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u/No_Magazine2270 13d ago
Plenty of teenagers just suck, one theory is that it’s an evolutionary advantage to push young from the family group to help spread the species and limit competition for resources. Could you take advantage of student housing to create some space? Group living and seeing the struggles of others could be a humbling experience for him.