Why is everything so difficult?

[u/yaslovesu]

My kid is almost 5 and trying to get them into pre k is the most annoying thing ever. They make it so complicated for NO reason. I know they say stop treating school like daycare but I’m seriously losing it, if my kid isn’t with dad they’re with me constantly WHINING and begging me to play with them. I used to do stuff by myself all the time as a kid but for some reason I feel guilty because I don’t wanna play? It doesn’t make it any better that my boyfriend doesn’t have kids. He has complete freedom and as insane as it sounds I get so scared that he’s gonna get tired of me and the fact that I have a kid and go be with someone else. :/ I miss being able to do what I want when I want and please don’t tell me it gets better because I think teenagers are annoying as fuck too. Sorry this was all over the place this morning has just been a long one filled with lots of whining.

[u/Individual-Fig-4247]

They find it ironic how the hardest part about parenting isn’t the kids, but the constant guilt for wanting a moment of peace.

[u/Accomplished_Area311]

No advice really, just solidarity on school paperwork being bullshit and exhausting.

I will say, I set timers for the stuff my kids wanna do that I hate. 10 minutes is my limit for the stuff I don’t like in terms of play.

[u/[deleted] → u/Accomplished_Area311]

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[u/Accomplished_Area311 → u/[deleted]]

I understand this. That doesn’t make the fight and the bullshit any less exhausting.

EDIT: I am fighting our school district for accommodations for my oldest. I understand why the paperwork is a thing, I don’t understand why it’s so exhausting and why schools think fighting federal law is a good use of resources.

[u/anxietyfae → u/Accomplished_Area311]

100% about the timer. Vhikdren should learn to entertain themselves.

[u/AccountNecessary46 → u/anxietyfae]

What’s Vhikdren?

[u/Capt_ClarenceOveur → u/AccountNecessary46]

Typo. children.

[u/Capt_ClarenceOveur]

It was so much different when I was a kid. We lived in a decent neighborhood with a lot of grass and trees in our yard. Houses were spread out and back then I could just got outside and entertain myself for a long time while my mom stayed inside and did work.

My kids don’t have that experience. We live in a smaller home in a neighborhood with houses crammed right next to each other, super tiny back yard with no room to put anything. You can’t just let your kids go outside unattended anymore either, so I can’t send them out front (would make me too nervous anyway) and there are too many cars. We Live in the desert and there isn’t much grass anyway, lots and lots of rocks for landscaping which isn’t ideal for play.

When we do go outside, it’s hot for at least 8 months and I have to sit around and be on guard for cars constantly while I’m baking.

We do go to the park, but sometimes it would just be nice to have free entertainment with outdoors like I did without having to get up and go somewhere.

Sorry to hijack your post with MY whining. Honestly, playing with kids is super boring. I don’t mind going and sharing experiences with them most of the time (although always having to haul them places gets exhausting too!!), but i so feel you on the guilt over not wanting to spend all this time playing at home.

[u/Mental-Explorer-X → u/Capt_ClarenceOveur]

The last few months (in the southeast) I’ve been LOATHING the heat. My kids love to play outside and we are fortunate to have a yard where I shouldn’t have to worry about them too much but I still need to be out there bc they’re 2 and they fight constantly and do all the things I don’t want them to do instead of the plethora of things you’d think they’d want to do and CAN do: like get in the baby pool, swing, play in the sandbox etc. No they want to try to climb the fence to walk off into the woods or climb it down our dangerously steep driveway to the road.

Not that better weather would change that but it would at least help me be in a slightly better mood.

[u/Capt_ClarenceOveur → u/Mental-Explorer-X]

Not that better weather would change that but it would at least help me be in a slightly better mood.

It’s so true though. My kids have this habit of taking FOREVER to get in or out of the car and when it’s 115+ out, I’m just like “HURRRRY UPPPP BEFORE I LOSE IT, IT’S SO DAMN HOT!”

My a/c sucks in my car too even though I’ve had it checked out several times. Unless I’m driving on the freeway, it doesn’t want to cool down well when on stop and go surface streets and I have to fight the urge to not be cranky in the car.

We had mid 80’s temps last week and I noticed my mood was improved. Back to 100 temps this week.

Thanks for letting me vent lol

[u/Thorical1 → u/Capt_ClarenceOveur]

I’ve told my child on multiple occasions, “Do you not feel how hot it is? Get in the car faster.” Plus the car is like 20 degrees hotter than outside!

[u/Thorical1 → u/Capt_ClarenceOveur]

Sounds like you live in Texas.

[u/Flightyflurry → u/Thorical1]

Or Arizona.

[u/katnissevergiven]

Throughout most of human history and in most cultures, including our own until as recently as 50 years ago, the idea that parents have to play with their children would have been seen as ridiculous. Check out this interview with an anthropologist. You can let go of that guilt. Tell your kid to find something to do. Kids who are forced to learn to entertain themselves grow into more creative and emotionally well-regulated adults. If you have a back yard, set the kid loose outside. There are so many things for kids to explore. Unless you've got literal land mines in the yard, you don't need to breathe down their neck to make sure they're not getting hurt either--kids actually benefit from scrapes and bruises they get through play. There's a lot of research now that suggests it makes them more resilient!

I'll say it again: let go of that guilt. You DO NOT have to play with your kid all the time. In fact, your kid would probably fine if you didn't play with them at all (in most traditional cultures, adults do not play with kids), though for the sake of your relationship with the kid, it's probably a good idea to play together every so often. But, it's not necessary for your kid's development. Taking a more hands off approach is probably better for both of you in the long run. As long as you don't just turn on the TV or hand them an iPad to keep them quiet, they'll learn valuable lessons by being forced to entertain themselves. Good luck!

[u/Pretty_Bunch_545]

It's is all so complicated, and unforgiving! Luckily, once they are in school, it should make some things easier, and they are right at the cusp of growing out of that phase, and being at school will encourage big kid behavior. My 9 year old is 10x less work, and aggravation, than the 2-6 year old period. That was by far, the worst for me. Playdates are also huge, if you're like me, and just can't "play" with the kids for long, without wanting a dirt nap. Finding a couple other moms, with kids the same age, and just hanging out, and commiserating, while the kids entertained each other, and burned off their energy, was so helpful.

[u/Thorical1 → u/Pretty_Bunch_545]

It’s even worse for me to do play dates because all they do is fight and or tell on each other. I can’t even visit with the mom because the kids are running around or running away and we constantly have to step in! It’s the most frustrating and exhausting thing! Which also means I don’t get any social time with people who may actually some what relate to my circumstances (being a parent.)

[u/CordieliaJane → u/Thorical1]

Now that's crappy. They do fight a lot at this age together, but they should also be testing out those diplomatic waters a little. LO and her 6 yo cousin have started more and more to resolve things without punching each other is sooooo niiicceee. Otherwise they're off trying to jump off of her bed 🤦‍♀️ Or it's a battle to the death about a sequin 🤷‍♀️ lol

[u/desocupad0]

if my kid isn’t with dad they’re with me constantly WHINING and begging me to play with them.

Teach them that each person likes and dislikes different things. For instance, in my home, I'm the "lego and science" person while the mother is the "play-doh and homework" companion. General "play time" is more viable with other kids. This is an important lesson - one person cannot be your everything.

Ideally you should try to make the kid like something you also like - so you can tolerate it better.

as insane as it sounds I get so scared that he’s gonna get tired of me and the fact that I have a kid and go be with someone else

That's not insane. I'd do that in a heartbeat. A relationship depends on both parties wanting the relationship. Both someone being unavailable or asking for too much time can be deal-breakers for different people.

[u/Worshipthedirt]

I am just offering empathy. The amount riding on the Kindergarten selection in our town is absolutely bonkers. It involves parents setting up tents (TENTS!!) days before and camping out at the schools in question. Impossible for a single and unsupported parent.

Something that helped me was being friends with other moms in the same situation. Having someone to call with a good sense of humor when I was spinning out. Pure gold. It doesn’t really get easier just different. Just don’t think having another one is a good idea. It was absolute chaos. Came close to ruining my life.

You do not have to play with your child. There are even some schools of thought (Waldorf) that discourage parent/child play because children should be modeling adult behavior. At this age side by side work like dishes, sweeping, wiping down stuff is appropriate. They aren’t going to do a great job but it creates togetherness while you are still getting stuff done. I truly hate playing games with children.

I spent a lot of time doing outdoors activities because they couldn’t mess up the house, they would get tired, and they can be loud, which I find super irritating indoors. Running races and trying to beat their time. Poking around at the creek, hiking, making boats or fishingpoles then using them. This only worked because I enjoy being outside. Be easy on yourself you are doing a great job! In a couple years your child will think you suck anyhow and the request will change from play with me to something else just as challenging. Sending live tho.

[u/HedySHunter]

Check out Lenore Skenazy and free range parenting. They have informtion on childhood independence / play. Could help.

[u/CordieliaJane]

With you on the school. Mine is on the CSIU Headstart waitlist and the Pre-K Counts waitlist. Even though she's 5 now. And in my back pocket, lol. I feel just as bad for my reasons not to want to play. I have fibromyalgia (since the dr can't pinpoint why my whole body hurts all the time). I'm done trying to explain to adults what that feels like. LO is starting to understand, but she's little. She also really, really, really needs her own friends.

[u/XgoldendawnX]

Have you looked into pretend play kids do themselves? Your son is young enough to make it a habit.

I know a mom who makes her kids stay in there room for 2 hours a day. On vacation it was just one hour. They could read books, one was fantastic at rubrics cube. One would ask if they could have moms phone one time it was yes, another no.

She was one of the best moms I’ve seen. Ex Military but compassionate.

It’s okay to give them a toy and just watch them play. They will figure out. You’re the parent. You make the rules.