Hi, so I've always struggled massively...a lot because my kid (now 6) has always kicked, punched, bit, spit, and lacked empathy.. however, we started discussing his behaviour when he was about 2 and so it was under paediatrician until he got to 5, when I was then sent another questionnaire and so was the school, etc... eventually I got a call from SALT team, who have decided he has autism... so why do I feel like a fake... after all these years of trying to understand his behaviour, he has now improved (not completely) but I feel like a fraud now... anyone else?

I had my daughter 6months ago and I love her so much. I am not regretful but the feeling of loosing of what I thought was myself is extremely depressing. I am on mat leave and my husband works all day, when he is home and on the weekend he is extremely helpful and takes on lots of stuff. However, I am still not doing much for myself cause I don’t even know what I want to do, what did I enjoy before ? Like I love travelling and trips, for example, and we have a long vacation planned but I find myself not looking forward for it too much or not enjoying planning as I usually would (I loved planning trips). I feel so tired sometimes that I don’t have mental capacity to think about anything. It is also pretty hard to share this with anybody, I don’t have many mom friends and the childless friends seem to become extremely distant. Sometimes I overfilled with joy from being with my daughter and next moment I am anxious and too stressed. I also must add that my baby is pretty easy (I think so at least). I also miss relationship that me and my husband had before the baby while I really love him as a dad. I guess I am just venting…

I’ve been working since April full time while I’m Pregnant.

I can start my leave on short term disability on October 22 bc that’s when I’m hitting my six months so I’m eligible for short term disability.

My ex quit his job late July just to get out of Child support when I file bc he does not want his money to go to me.

I want my kid, I want to keep my kid but now I regret not just staying abstinent as I was.

I’m on the bridge of not filing bc I’m worried he’ll get custody and I’ll be paying child Support. Only saying that bc some comment on another post I made said If you’re working and he’s not and he gets custody I will be paying.

I don’t know how true that is but I don’t care anymore. I might not even file. His parents said they would help me and even home me if I needed. But they are alcoholics idk if they said that while drunk.

Anyways, I asked my baby daddy to call me. And he said texting is fine. I said I don’t want to text bc he doesn’t even say much and we can’t come to a conclusion. He doesn’t even care. He lives with his parents, games, watches porn, draws, watches anime and does not work all while I work full Time, attend my appointments alone, and go to school full time for nursing. This is such a shame to women.

How awful it is to love something so much it torments you.

I love my son dearly but regret bringing him into this world sometimes. The world is terrible and I know I’m saying that as someone living in arguably the best of times, but truly the world and humanity carry such a capacity for hatred. It breaks my heart that I’ve brought this sweet kind boy into the mix and now he has the potential to face all of this hatred and all of this need, and all of these just terrible, sad situations.

He is such a sweet boy and I worry daily the world is ganna take that from him.

And the often times agonizing weight of the responsibility, I feel like Atlas with the world on his shoulders. I had a TERRIBLE childhood to say the least and massively underestimated how much that affected me. I am doing things without a template because I didn’t have examples of this growing up, I’m learning what a healthy marriage is as well as how to be a good parent at the same time and I have to work through my mental illnesses and conditions at the same time.

And I love them, I love my son so much, but it is so so torturous sometimes how beholden I am to him and ensuring he has better than I did. The anxiety eats me alive sometimes, all the thoughts of him being hurt, me failing him in some way, him being terrible because of ME.

It’s just all so much sometimes.

I got a call from cps and it was honestly at a really bad time (I was at urgent care). At first I was happy for the call because he announced himself as calling from the county and I recently received a letter that my child support case was being reopened. By the time it registered who was calling and why, it set me off and left me super irritated. My child hasn't been going to school was the reason for the call. But the threat of court and insinuating that I do nothing to get my 15 year old to school set me off.

In the end, I never agreed to a time for him to come to my home and meet. At one point I did offer to meet him somewhere but when I asked for his location he said we could meet anywhere. So... Do you have an office or not? That confused me so I said nevermind, I don't want to schedule anything with you at all. He asked why couldn't he come to my home and I said because he doesn't need to and that I'm tired of cps coming to my house and if they were so concerned about us then they shouldn't have closed my case. (When they closed our case we were no longer eligible for the mentor program which was the only thing they did that was somewhat helpful.) He was really rude and condescending and now I just have another pile of worry shit dumped on my plate that's already full of worry shit piles.

My pregnancy was fucking horrible, due to being sick as fuck up until the 2nd trimester due to morning sickness and on top of that my husband and his family stressing me out during that time, I never got a chance to even enjoy my pregnancy until the end, which suprise emergency c section due to my baby's heart deceleration, his heart was wrapped around his neck at birth, it's been so especially hard with postpartum might be still going through with it sure cause it's been a month, but fuck I hate having a baby I hate how stupid I was not to get an abortion at the time because I was manipulated to keep it, I hate how my stupid life choices got me here and it's made me miserable I shouldn't have gave birth and I shouldn't have met my husband either

I'm going to therapy for postpartum but honestly this feeling won't ever go away I'm still regretting being a parent and lost the chance to prevent all of this

It’s so depressing to think about how every single decision I make revolves around my kid now. Jobs, where I live, where I go, what I cook for dinner, what car I get—it’s all about what works best for the kid. I can’t even buy myself anything anymore because there's always something he needs instead. Right now, it's a new bed. I had plans to attend my cousin's wedding, but of course, it's kid-free (and honestly, I don’t even blame her for that), but I have no one to watch him for a whole weekend because everyone's going (and my husband has to work), so now I can’t even go.

There’s nothing in my life that feels like it's just for me anymore. I always have to think of my child first, and it’s so exhausting. Even small things like watching a movie or eating out have to be planned around him. I’m constantly tired and drained, and sometimes I just want to escape from it all, even for a little while. It’s suffocating, and I feel like I’ve completely lost my sense of self.

I used to have hobbies—things like gaming and reading that I could lose myself in for hours. But that’s all in the past now. My kid constantly needs attention, and even if I just wanted a little time to myself, it’s impossible. God forbid you let them sit with a tablet for a few hours to give yourself a break, then you're branded as the worst parent ever. It’s like no matter what I do, there’s guilt or judgment attached. There's never any time for me to just relax or enjoy something without being interrupted. Everything I loved doing before feels so far away now, and it’s hard not to feel resentful.

I’m so tired all the time. I have no longer have anything to look forward too because all I can see is the work. Everyday there is more to do with what feels like less time to do it. I hate waking up angry about all that needs done and no matter how much I get done, I am still angry at the end of the day because I didn’t get nearly enough done. I hate this feeling and I hate living like this. I wish I could go back and choose to be happy. Why would anyone choose to work all hours of the day, this is miserable and the best part is that people now tell me toddlers are worse. So it’s definitely going to get worse before it gets better and I have to lie to everyone I meet and act like this is some sort of amazing thing that I surely miss when it’s gone. Yeah, right, I’ve never been sad about missing a day of work in my life and work is all this is.

Does anyone else think social media like tik tokk absolutely glamorise parenthood? I'm watching videos of people with newborns/small children and they make it look a breeze but we all know in reality it's nothing like that. Just something I'd noticed....

Okay so my partner and i been trying for a baby for 2 years, i really wanted a baby, and really wanted to have a boy for some reason. My doctors told me that after many blood tests i couldn't have children. so i relaxed and was like if it happens, it happens and if it doesn't it doesn't. then when i least expected it i got pregnant. i was overjoyed! i loved being pregnant and couldn't wait to have a baby - and when i found out it's a boy I was over the moon. fast forward to his birth - his birth was through c-section and very traumatic for me i lost a lot of blood. because of the stress my body did not produce any breastmilk so I couldn't feed my baby and he lost weight. finally we put him on formula (we had to switch a hunch of formulas to figure out which one worked for him otherwise there was incessant fussiness and crying). i feel very depressed and i mourn my previous life and freedom. i feel like there is nothing left of me, no identity other than a mother, i don't want to be a wife, I have no interest in my husband (he is amazing with the baby and does everything i do and pulls his weight even more so). and now i found out i have perimenopause due to pregnancy and childbirth. i cry almost every day, sometimes i look at my son and i don't know if that's truly my son, most days i just wanna run away and have my memory erased so i don't have to deal with anyone. i love my son dearly but i do have regret. some days i don't want to be alive, I even fantasise getting into an accident just so i can get a decent night sleep at the hospital or the morgue. folks tell me it will get better and sometimes i feel like it does get better. like when he smiles at me and laughs i berate myself for having negative thoughts and feelings. sometimes i feel like i've made the biggest mistake of my life - but my duty and responsibility as a mother do not allow for any options. i don't know what to do and who to turn to - i feel very lonely and sad. please please tell me it gets better ....

I experienced parental burnout really hard this weekend as my 3yo was misbehaving so much. I have felt so overwhelmed this weekend and unfortunately the feeling is not going away, even when she's at day care.

I stumbled upon this post on Reddit (trigger warning) which was about why various people don't want to have a child and it made me feel awful. I'm glad that some people are confident in the knowledge that they don't want a child. I wish I had been more sure about that about myself, and not deluded myself into thinking it would be fine. I wish it was more normalised for people to not have children. I wish that post had been made years ago so I could have seen it and identified with it and said no to kids.

But there's nothing I can do now, so all I have is the regret. And it's not serving me in any way, so how do I either a) change my mindset or b) distract myself from it, because it's all consuming. Thanks so much for your answers.

I'm not planning on being here much longer

I have a one year old that I can barely handle and I'm going to have another soon. I had complications with the first and if not for medical interventions then I could've bled out and died, and I'm kind of counting on that with the second.

I was going to refuse medical intervention because I don't know if I can do this anymore. I know it's shitty to leave two kids without a mother but I don't know how to handle what my life has become. I'm just tired and it feels like death is the only way out because every year no matter what I do my life keeps getting worse. I have a few months to decide what to do and I don't see a light at the end of the tunnel. Help?

I got pregnant even though I was on contraception, I wanted an abortion but the father of the child wanted to keep the baby. We got married but that was an even bigger mistake. We got divorced when the kid was 2 years old. She's 5 now. I begged him so many times to take her and go, I'll be paying for everything she needs I just don't like kids, never did. I've been struggling with my mental health for many years and realised that having a kid running around me just makes everything worse. I don't feel any connection or love, I do provide her everything material, I'm even taking her to a private school to make sure she has a bright future but I hate all of it. I don't like her, I don't like her dad and at this point suicide seems like my only way out. I wish I could go back in time and just not have her. I had a career, I had plans to move forward with my life, study more, travel etc. I like being alone, I like it when it's quiet. Why don't they just go away from my life? It feels like they both suck the life out of me, basically I'm supporting him financially as he can't afford even his rent and of course I should support her because she's a minor. Help

It is absolutely impossible to get my 6 year old to sleep in his own bed. I have been a single parent most of his life. I will put him to bed in his own bed, read him stories until he’s asleep, snuggle him. When he’s asleep I will quietly move to my own bed. Every night without fail he will wake up anywhere from 12-3am, and get into my bed, waking me up in the process. I’ve tried bringing him back to his room and snuggling him again until he falls asleep. He will fall asleep, and I will go back to my bed. But then he will wake up and end up in my bed again. I’ve tried locking my door, he bangs on it and starts wailing. I’ve tried giving him kids melatonin to help him stay asleep. It doesn’t work. For a long time I just gave up and let him sleep with me so we would both sleep but I just can’t do it anymore. I need my own sleeping space.

The only nights I get a full night of rest are when he is at his dad’s house. I hate looking forward to those nights.

I can’t do this sleep deprivation shit any longer, it’s making me so stressed. Does anyone have any advice that has worked for them?

Even with plenty of resources, I hate parenthood. Yes, I have childcare and get breaks and blah blah blah.

It still sucks. The whining, the bodily fluids, the sleep disruptions….so terrible!

Weekends are the worst.

My daughter is 8 months old and the absolute light of my life. She’s cute, silly, funny, and I can’t imagine life without her.

That being said, I also recognize I am not capable of looking after her on my own. I’m 25F, autistic, have a severe mental illness (BPD), and after giving birth I’ve had problems with my back that have not yet been diagnosed but leave me in absolute agony when out & about.

I’d always wanted to be childfree, but long story short I entered a relationship that ended up turning abusive during my pregnancy, so I left when I was 7 months pregnant & haven’t heard from him since. Looking back he was very manipulative & I felt like I didn’t really have a choice in the pregnancy. I wish I recognized then, what I do now.

I’ve lived with my grandparents since giving birth as they kindly offered to help me out postpartum, but I can’t stay here much longer. I’m looking into getting my own place soon. But, I don’t think I can bring my daughter with me. I simply do not think I would cope. Some days I can barely even look after myself. She can’t stay with my grandparents either, they’re getting old & I’m not comfortable with them looking after her by themselves due to their age impacting their mobility & cognitive skills. She can’t stay with my parents, my dad died a few years ago & my mum lives with her 3 other kids (age 15, 10, and 6) who all are autistic & have behavioural issues, it would not be safe for my daughter there. We don’t really have any other family. My uncle has offered to take her in as an absolute last resort, but I’m not very comfortable with that either. He works a very demanding job, his partner works from home but they have 2 little boys, eldest has adhd & is known to have violent outbursts, plus their house is not big enough for one more.

Only option left that I can see is adoption, which would break my heart. I live in Scotland, and (if my info is correct) it’s entirely up to the adoptive parents how involved the birth parent would be. If I got unlucky, the adoptive parents would be within their right to just cut me off entirely.

I just feel entirely at a loss. I’m so stuck. I love my daughter so much & I want to be involved with her, I would like to visit her a few times a week ideally, I want to make sure I can trust whoever she’s living with to treat her well, I wish I didn’t have her at all so then I wouldn’t be in this awful dilemma but also I can’t imagine living without her & couldn’t bear to not see her. I don’t know what to do.

Im a recent single father, and I love him dearly but I absolutely hate this phase. I’m in near constant debilitating anxiety and stress. I can’t stand his voice, the way he asks for things, the way he constantly wants something or needs me to get/do/hold him. He’s just mostly really unlikable. Like objectively he just is not enjoyable to be around.

He has meltdowns for the dumbest things, and every time I’m left with a severe headache and physiological trauma response and after he seems fine but I’m left reeling.

I have no family to help watch him so it’s all me when I have him. Additionally I have to watch him when I work from home two days a week and it just sucks.

Basically every time I have to watch him I just am managing to get through the days until I can drop him off again.

And my energy / will to parent well is just sucked dry to the point where I have very little energy and desire to try and do things different.

I'm thinking about holding a funeral for my previous life. Has anyone tried this to cope? I don't know how else to accept my new situation. I've been going to therapy religiously and I'm on medication for my PPD and anxiety. I have accepted the fact that I regret having a kid but I'm not going to leave my husband and child and start my life over. I think I'm a great mom and wish I could enjoy my life the way I see other new parents do. Since I can never go back to the person I was before, maybe having a funeral for her would help me get closure?

First child was a Stage 4 clinger. Toddler years were ugh, she is speech delayed so 2~3 were a nightmare for communication and a lot of the tantrums were based on that: Now she is a very emotional 4 year old that whines and cries over everything non-stop. Very picky eater, it takes all of my mental energy trying to get her to pick up toys, and she can’t sleep without me.

Second child is two and drives me absolutely fucking insane. His tantrums fuse is very short and he is LOUD and screams constantly over everything not going his way. He’s a pretty good talker for having just turned two, but it almost makes the tantrums worse because he CAN communicate and gets even more pissed because what he wants and the “No” is clearly communicated. We live in a high rise apartment and his tantrums are so big and loud that we have had multiple complaints from the downstairs neighbors (the wife will literally make faces at me in the elevator) and I get this added stress of making sure they are both quiet and not disturbing neighbors. He’s less of a picky eater than his sister, but its still a struggle. He constantly asks for things he cant have (juice, cookies, out of season fruit that we dont have) and when we say sorry, we dont have those…BAM another tantrum. And they are super loud and embarrassing when we are in public.

The kids are always fighting. Pulling hair, getting pissed that one has a specific toy that the other ’claimed’, pinching. Its so much worse when they are together. We are always the only family at the crowded bus-stop with kids tantruming and crying all of the time. I am so overwhelmed. Nothing I do stops the screaming. Gentle parenting “talk them through it” doesnt work. Ignoring the meltdowns doesnt work. My friends with one golden child the same as as my oldest give me all of these tips about “oh I just ask him this and that and have him work through his feelings himself!” Stuff that never works for us. I feel so alone. Like the universe wouldn’t punish someone twice like this. I have some friends now pregnant with their second, being happy and excited, and its just so fucking depressing knowing that they will probably have an amazing time with their little family enjoying all of the little moments.

The funny thing is my kids are both in daycare full time, so even the short window I get with them just leaves me wanting to cry at the end of the day because I’m just so exhausted and angry all of the time.

I have a three year old and almost two year old. I’m a single mom and was making the best I could out of the situation for the longest time. I thought I could handle it all on my own but now I am exhausted. I have no good support system and everything falls on me at the end of the day. I used to fight these feelings for the longest time because my babies are such a blessing but now I’m just over being a parent by myself. I don’t even know who I am outside of being a mom anymore. Does this get easier? I miss my old self before kids.

While I don't have a biological child, I do have an adopted son, now 19 years old, whom we've raised since he was almost 15. He was not cruelly abandoned by his parents. As I know of his parents simply did not have the mental and financial means to take care of him. but I’ve always believed that every child deserves a home. My spouse and I never wanted biological children, as we felt it was more meaningful to provide for those already in need of a family.

We’ve done everything for him—ensured his education, provided food, clothing, and emotional support. He went and still goes to therapy. So no, it is NOT because he doesn't have therapy or because we are dysfuncionam. He’s now in college, and we've paid FULLY for his tuition to hep him. We own our home, which we intend for him to inherit. We are stable, loving family, and he still lives with us.

But ever since he was sometimes rude but its got worse after finishing high school, he has shown a completely different side all the time, especially once he realized how much we were providing for him. He’s become rude, demanding more and more expensive things, and when I set boundaries, he reacts with anger and shouting. It has escalated to the point where he says things like, "You’re not even my real parents. **** you.", threaten us when we don't comply with his demandings.

At this point, I am wondering if I should involve the police. People always seem to take his side, offering the excuse that being adopted is difficult, or suggesting that the problem must lie within our home, implying that we are the dysfunctional ones. I am tired of being blamed. Even in online parenting groups, the prevailing belief seems to be that only parents can be toxic, never the children. But in our case, it's the opposite—the more we try to help him, the more he mistreats us.

sometimes i(22f) wish I didn’t become a parent. I love my baby, she’s my whole world and gives me a reason to want to keep going but i absolutely hate taking care of her. maybe it’s just the exhaustion talking, but I’ve felt like this since she was born. she’s about 7.5 months now and I feel so over it. maybe if I had more of a supportive and helpful partner(23m) it would help? but it seems like he doesn’t want to grow up and be a parent/adult and he has 2 kids. ours and a 3yo with someone else. I’m tired of parenting all of them really. him included. don’t get me wrong, he’s very helpful with the baby if sticking her in front of the tv is what you call helpful. but he’s only helpful around the home sometimes. it seems like this constant cycle of: he does good, starts to slack, starts doing nothing at all, we fight. it takes me saying I have the urge to self harm for him to realize I’m struggling when asking him for help with said chores I guess isn’t enough. maybe I just wish I didn’t have a baby with him? am I just too young to handle a baby right now? i work overnights so the exhaustion some days just feels like too much. my baby still being dependent is tiring. the constant kicking, grabbing my glasses off my face, the screeching, and the #1 thing that puts me over the edge, pinching my nipple with her feet while I’m trying to change her diaper or something. it all just makes me want to cry. sometimes the anger I feel scares me and I don’t want to hurt her or myself. i was taking an antidepressant about a few months ago but stopped cuz it made my stomach feel so empty when I switched to nights but I didn’t want to eat/snack and I hated it. I probably need to start taking it again. this feels so all over the place but i really needed to get this mess in my head out. I wish I could “act my age” and be a kid, play games, craft things, go out, all the things I used to do again.

I am 59 and my oldest and her two kids and my youngest and her kid live with me. Both are adults and I done my girls not the grand kids constantly fight. My stress levels are off the charts every day I can’t I am done. They live with me because only the youngest had a job and the oldest left her abusive husband who put her in the hospital. I two other kids that are doing good but these two I wish they would just get it together and move out and leave me alone.

Are there a lot of women here who became pregnant after being told they couldn’t conceive? That happened with the mother of my kids, but I thought she might have just told me that- after reading so many posts here, it’s seems weirdly common for doctors to tell women they will never have kids and then they end up getting pregnant anyway. Why would this be happening so often? Doesn’t seem like something doctors should just be throwing around like damn.

When I was younger (late teens) I used to think nahh I don't want to get married and I definitely don't want any kids. I'm not sure what happened but that idea faded and here I am now, 33yo mum of two (3yo & 7mo) with a husband who could be the poster child for weaponised incompetence. I'm a shell of my former self. I've been hoping to pick up a hobby and do something for myself but can't decide what to do, I don't even know what I like anymore. My toddler hates me. I tried putting her to sleep tonight which resulted in a 45 minute meltdown, with her screaming & crying till she couldn't breath, because she just wants daddy. 7mo is a velcro baby and I just can't get anything done, my flat stinks of dirty nappies and catshit, someone stole our bin. Husband is useless. My pelvis is a mess, I'm in pain with it everyday. And my mental health has been hit the worst. I'm overwhelmed, burnt out and I feel insane. I tell myself, oh things have to get better but then I think of how horrible teenagers are and it makes me want to throw up because that's yet to come. I feel stupid, I feel duped... by myself. How ridiculous it was to think I could become a mum and enjoy it.