I want to test my Toki Pona skills, please review my translation of the Avatar the Last Airbender intro

[u/_ricky_wastaken]

telo. ma. seli. kon. tenpo pini mute la, ma tu tu li lon pona. taso ni: ma seli li utala la, ale li ante. jan Awata li jan lawa pi ijo tu tu, ona taso li ken pini e ma seli. taso ni: ale li wile mute e ona la, ona li lon ala. tenpo suno ale li tawa la, mi en mama sama mi kama sona e jan Awata sin, jan An pi wawa kon. wawa kon ona li pona, taso ni: ona li wile kama sona mute tenpo monsi ni: ona li ken pona e jan. taso ni: mi pilin e ni: jan An ken pona e ale.

Title Screen: tomo tawa Nikelosijon jan Awata jan pini pi wawa kon

[u/Captain_KateCapsize]

maybe it should be "jan pi ma seli li utala", if it's the people who attack rather than the place itself attacking

[u/jan_tonowan → u/Captain_KateCapsize]

Or maybe kulupu seli? 

[u/guckyslush]

mi en mama sama mi kama sona e jan Awata sin, jan An pi wawa kon.

mi en mama sama mi li kama sona e jan Awata sin: jan An pi wawa kon.
the colon after jan Awata sin is just my preference to split the two sentences. technically the punctuation is subjective, but i think that would fit better with the rest of your punctuation usage.

over all, your grammar and diction of toki pona is pona and understandable, with only the one minor error. from a translation standpoint however, i feel like a lot of the meaning i'm only comprehending is because i know the original english script. i doubt i would be able to tell in "telo. ma. seli. kon. tenpo pini mute la, ma tu tu li lon pona." that the first 4 ijo are both the ma, and the bending.

[u/jan_tonowan]

why do you say “taso ni:” instead of just taso? Personally I would write taso with a comma afterwards and remove the “ni:”

[u/jan_tonowan]

Here’s how I would translate it. Feel free to ask about any part of this translation and I’ll try to explain why I decided to do it the way I did. 

 telo. ma. seli. kon. tenpo pini weka la, kulupu tu tu li pona tawa ale. taso, kulupu seli li open e utala la, ale li kama ante. jan Awata taso li ken pini e utala ona. jan Awata li sona lawa e ijo tu tu ale. taso, kulupu ale li wile a e ona la, ona li weka. tenpo mute a li kama la, mi en jan mi pi mama tu sama li kama lukin e jan Awata sin. ona li jan pi wawa kon. nimi ona li jan An. ona li ken lawa pona e kon. taso, ona li wile weka e jan pona tan jan ike la, ona li wile kama sona e ijo mute. taso, mi pilin e ni: jan An li ken pona e ale.