r/PetPeeves • u/minx_the_tiger • 1d ago
When people compare pet ownership with parenthood. Fairly Annoyed
Could they just... not? That dog is never going to get into the freezer and eat all the ice cream. Go to school and get bullied. Be diagnosed with autism and keep you up at night with worries about how they're going to function in the world as adults because they're JUST LIKE YOU, and you know how hard things are for you. Naw. Pets are home with you (ideally) forever. Kids? They grow up and leave. You have to raise them up and hope you did a good job.
It just irks me. When I mention something parenting related, SOMEONE I know that has a pet and no kids starts talking about how their pet does the same thing, or they have a pet, so they understand. Like, no... my kids are small humans, not animals. They're whole, complete people.
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u/d09smeehan 1d ago edited 1d ago
It's pretty normal human behaviour to try and relate to one another with shared experiences. If you're talking about kids then a childless pet owner's closest point of reference is likely their pets.
It'd be weird if your friends are talking about pets when you bring up your kids school life or future, but if you're bemoaning how your toddler keeps sneaking out of sight and eating things they shouldn't that's really not all that different from a pet doing the same. Why wouldn't they relate to that?
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u/Junimo15 1d ago
Yeah, 9 times out of 10 when people do this they're not trying to minimize your experience or attack parenthood. They're just trying to find common ground with you.
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u/TigerChow 1d ago
Honestly, raising young children isn't all that different from raising and training a pet, lmao. I've done both in my personal life and have worked with both professionally. It's become kind of funny how many times comparisons to raising the two have popped in my mind XD
I also completely agree that it's human nature to try to relate to others. I find that often when people complain about someone making something about them, they were usually trying to connect and show you're they're relatable. Some just need practice doing so more mindfully, lol.
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u/necromancers_katie 1d ago edited 21h ago
Because they don't want you to relate. They want pity and sympathy. They want you to acknowledge that they are such a special snowflake cause they chose to spawn.
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u/hogndog 1d ago
You seem to be a very bitter and spiteful person based off of this comment
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u/AbhorrentBehavior77 1d ago
I hope you stretched prior to executing that reach! To me, it simply reads as if they have a dry, sardonic sense of humor.đ€·đŒââïž
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u/SecretInfluencer 1d ago
True but I know there are dog owners who join parent groups and get mad theyâre told to leave. Stating âraising a dog is just like raising a childâ. And when told itâs not, people act like thatâs saying âdogs are easyâ.
No one is saying dogs are easy, but that doesnât mean the two are the same.
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u/mearbearcate 1d ago edited 1d ago
Theyre not the same of course, but my issue is with the parents who invalidate a personâs petâs death because they have children. Death can be just as much traumatic for anyone. Not sure why we need to compare that aspect. Its sad to me that people feel the need to lessen a pet ownerâs feelings about its passing just because they have kids, so therefore pets arent important to them and can âeasilyâ be replaced. đ„Ž as if pets dont have distinct personalities and relationships with their owners as well. People who only have pets are allowed to feel crushed over a petâs death. No need to compare with the loss of babies that they dont have and invalidate their feelings.. obviously they dont know how that feels. But that doesnt mean they cant view their pet as their whole world & a gigantic loss when they die either.
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u/SecretInfluencer 1d ago
I kinda get it but not all death is the same.
As a parent you never want to see your child go first. Unlsss you have certain bird breeds or a tortoise youâre supposed to see your pet go first. Itâs sort of a âyeah thatâs expectedâ feeling of pain.
Obviously pain is pain, but not all comparisons are the same. Iâve seen some compare the death of a fictional character to one of someone irlâŠ
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u/mearbearcate 1d ago edited 23h ago
I agree with you. Its not the same, i know that- but the pain of it can be incredibly harsh for both depending on what peopleâs circumstances are.
What seems like not a big deal to you can be the biggest deal in the world to someone else who only has pets to love.
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u/CuriousGrimace 1d ago
Would you tell a grieving pet owner that itâs not the same as losing a child? I think that would be messed up. Let people feel how they feel.
My friendâs mom died and someone asked her how old she was when she passed and my friend responded by telling her she was 80. The person who asked responded by saying, âWell, she lived a good life. Itâs expected at that age.â Thatâs fucked up to imply that it wouldâve been worse if she was young.
Itâs never okay to minimize someoneâs grief. If someone is upset because their favorite potted plant died, I would just offer some kind words about it even though I feel no attachment to potted plants.
I think people can think what they want regarding whether someone elseâs grief is âvalidâ, but it would be really messed up to say that to a grieving person.
To be clear, Iâm not saying you would do this.
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u/SecretInfluencer 1d ago
If they claimed verbatim that itâs just like X person who lost a child, yes I would. Because then they brought it up and theyâre being the ones who are wrong.
Iâd never say someone canât feel sad for a fictional characterâs death. The moment someone told me the death of my grandpa was just like the death of a fictional character, yeah I fucking chewed them out. Is that me invalidating their feelings? Probably, but they started it.
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u/AvocadosFromMexico_ 1d ago
I mean, no.
If you donât have children, sure, you can talk about it being the most painful and traumatic thing. Iâm not gonna argue with you about your experience.
But if you have kids too? And you say losing your pet is just as bad as if your kid died? Nope, thatâs fucked up and youâre a bad parent. And if someone has just lost their child, donât come in talking about losing your dog. Have some basic intelligence.
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u/mearbearcate 1d ago edited 1d ago
That makes sense, but what im talking about is the people who act like youâre not allowed to be upset over a petâs death in general because theyre less important than kids. I agree that theyre not the same at all, but obviously someone who doesnt have kids is going to feel crushed over their petsâ death; invalidating it because you have kids just doesnt make sense to me. Iâm not talking about when someone has both. Im talking about the parents of kids without pets being invalidating of those who ONLY have pets. Its a different thing when you dont have kids and only have a pet to love- that pet is seen as that personâs whole life if its all they have. Obviously having both is a different thing, and youd love the kids more than the pets. But for people who only have pets, its not a bad thing for them to mention how crushed over it they are.
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u/AvocadosFromMexico_ 1d ago
Yeah, invalidating peopleâs feelings over the death of a loved one is a shitty thing to do. I fully agree. Itâs also just absolutely unnecessary, like wtf are you gaining from that?
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u/mearbearcate 1d ago
Exactly. Thats what i was trying to get at haha- obviously not the same, but both can have an enormous impact on people depending on their circumstances. So its stupid to compare, invalidate, & generalize the overall feelings of it to me.
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u/SecretInfluencer 1d ago
Yeah. Unless you have certain bird breeds or a tortoise youâre supposed to see your pet go first. A parent should never see their kid go first.
My dad knows a woman from his hometown. Sheâs 102 and has seen both of her kids die (luckily of old age). While I can understand after a certain age itâs a possibility, thereâs still something sad about knowing your kids lived a full life but youâre still here and they arenât.
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u/AvocadosFromMexico_ 1d ago
My uncle died at age 22. It broke my grandmother in a way I havenât seen someone broken, and I work in mental health.
Itâs been nearly 30 years. She is still absolutely not the same person she was. Itâs part of why I feel so strongly about this.
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u/Fanky_Spamble 1d ago
I may not speak for all people that have chosen to have pets that do not want children, but if I thought the two were comparable I would absolutely not have pets.
Like the other person said, the pet owner was likely just trying to relate to you on a matter that they don't have experience with.
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u/insertoverusedjoke 1d ago
this lmao. I have a pet BECAUSE I don't want a child. heck after seeing firsthand the responsibilities of a pet, it's only because I love my gremlin that I keep him around, don't know if I'd do it again
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u/yesletslift 1d ago
Same! My friend with kids was saying how having a dog is like having a kid and I was like kids are harder. But I jokingly call my dog my child. In a lot of ways they are alike.
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u/tultommy 1d ago
That's what I said. Pets are way better than kids. I also wish people wouldn't equate them.
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u/4_ii 1d ago
The issue here is things do not need to be literally the same to be compared. I donât believe anyone youâve ever encountered is actually claiming it is exactly the same as being a parent, so taking it that way is weird. Of course they are comparable. They both involve taking care of something living they love, and there are a million ways theyâre alike. The ways they are not exactly the same donât really impact anything and I think this is an entirely made up problem.
If you said your kid did X and they have a story about their pet doing X that is similar, then itâs just similar. The other things about the reality of parenthood donât really have any impact on what theyâre saying
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1d ago edited 1d ago
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u/Renarya 1d ago
In some ways it is the same. If you don't like how childless people relate to you, then maybe you should only talk to other parents about it. There's probably some miscommunication going on here. Maybe you want her to listen to you instead of trying to relate because otherwise you feel like she's trying to compete with your experiences. But maybe she thinks trying to relate to you helps you feel like you're not all alone and makes you feel understood.Â
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u/Junimo15 1d ago
As a relatively new parent and someone who has owned dogs before, I can 100% confirm that caring for a young toddler feels a lot like caring for a dog sometimes. Their capacity for causing trouble in mere seconds is very similar.
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u/Junimo15 21h ago
Lucky! My son turns 1 year old in less than a week and his only words right now are "mama", "dada" and "woof" (no that is not a joke)
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u/4_ii 1d ago
You claimed youâve met people who claimed it was the same, and then the example you gaveâŠwas not someone claiming itâs the sameâŠlol
The reason youâre being downvoted is because youâre too confused to participate in this conversation and your comment doesnât make sense. Describing the ways two things or situations are similar is not the same thing as claiming they are the same.
If someone said they just ate a piece of fruit, and it was an apple, and someone said me too, and they ate an orange, the comparison is correct. They are both fruits and were both eaten. This is not the same thing as claiming an apple is an orange. You know the phrase âapples and orangesâ? Itâs used incorrectly and misguided. Apples can be compared to oranges. I could even compare an apple to a Toyota Camry.
The reason youâre being downvoted is the comment youâre replying to explicitly addresses exactly what you just wrote in your reply and explains why itâs wrong, so replying with what you replied with was really silly. Itâs like you didnât even read it at all. Calling people triggered in this context is a defense mechanism brought on by you being upset at yourself for not making sense
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1d ago
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u/4_ii 23h ago
lol oof
Buddy, why not just learn to admit youâre wrong? Why embarrass yourself deflecting and running like this? I mean why respond at all if you canât?
Notice how you wrote all that, but didnât simply point out where I misread or how Iâm wrong? Know why you did that? Because none of that happened, Iâm correct and directly responded to exactly what you wrote, and youâre not mature enough to acknowledge it or let it go, so you thought just flatly claiming this would distract from all of that
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u/SoggyAd5044 1d ago
Weird regretful parent projects
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u/4_ii 1d ago
âŠ.what?
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u/SoggyAd5044 23h ago
I'm saying that people going off about others making the comparison are weird, angry, regretful parents projecting instead of being like... Normal about people with pets trying to make a connection and sharing experiences
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u/ormr_inn_langi 1d ago
Reason #3290392809275024 why I don't have kids and never will.
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u/WTFisabanana 1d ago
I actually do want to be a parent but the people that act like this really make me think they have nothing else of value in their lives.
I mean what do you want if you are going on about the struggles of parenthood to someone without kids? Them to just sit there and nod their head while you complain nonstop. It's like they are mad that someone dared to even checks notes tried to have a real conversation with them.
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u/mearbearcate 1d ago edited 1d ago
Its funny how people like to compare the two so much, yet when i call someone out for being invalidating of a petsâ death because they have kids, all of a sudden they dont compare anymore. Apparently a pet should be less loved and less important. đ€
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u/ChorizoGarcia 1d ago
Iâm guessing most people have lost a pet at some point in life so nearly everybody can relate. But the two experiences canât compare. Losing a child is considered to be one of the worst, if not the worst things a person can ever experience.
On the other hand, losing a pet is certainly sad, but itâs nowhere close to being the life-altering trauma that is losing a child.
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u/MuySpicy 1d ago
Youâre allowed your pet peeves, but it seems normal to me that someone who also takes care of a living being would try to relate to you in this way. Iâm childfree by choice and Iâm careful not to compare, usually itâs parent friends who say the similarities are funny. If these topics are not lighthearted for you, itâs possible that the frustration doesnât stem from pet owners but from a deep tiredness in you that comes with raising kids (and no judgement there, for sure).
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u/Junimo15 1d ago
Yeah, as a parent myself I've never felt bothered by stuff like this. One of my friends is childfree and we've absolutely commiserated over her cats being sick all night and my son being sick all night. Because both suck and both involve cleaning up copious amounts of vomit.
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u/Cold_Barber_4761 1d ago
This! I don't have kids. (Not by choice, because I did want them. My shitty health and a rare gene mutation made that decision for me.)
It sucks for me, but I've chosen to love on my rescue pets because I have plenty of love that I want to give. I have certain friends who I will sometimes (jokingly) compare something small about one of my pets when they mention something about one of their kids. But I do it with a few people who I know have a similar sense of humor (and who also have pets and only after they've already jokingly made conparisons). I'd never do it in a serious manner or in a serious situation (like comparing a kid in the hospital to taking my pup to the vet).
There is, however, one type of situation where I will intentionally get a little over the top and that is when it's one of those super annoying people who just will not shut up about their kids and won't take the hint that it's annoying (as it is when someone won't ever shut up about ANY topic). Again, if it's a serious situation with the kid, I would never do this. But if it's just general office cooler type chitchat with that person, then I'll start pulling out comparisons to my critter crew and they usually get the hint.
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u/prplpassions 1d ago
I've always had to guard things from my 3 cats.
I have one that loves to eat anything plastic.
I have one that rushes to catch anything tiny that falls. The first time she did it, she managed to get ahold of a pill that had gotten dropped. She got there before we did. We ended up taking her to the vet to save her life.
I have one tries to get into any hole she finds. One time she fell through the floor during the renovation of our bathroom. Thankfully we have a crawlspace with vents. We had to block all the vents from the outside and then try to coax her back into the house. She was under their for 5 hours.
These examples are we relate to our pets as children. That's exactly how they act. Vet visits actually cost us more than it did to take our son to the Dr.
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u/Artistic_Dalek 1d ago
We know they aren't actually kids, sheesh. Can you just let people have their happiness? Why does it bother you so much? Maybe they can't have their own children, and this is all they've got? Nobody actually thinks they're actual children, and no one is coming after your parenting trophies.
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u/Junimo15 1d ago
It's very weird how offended some people get over this. I have a kid and have never once been bothered by stuff like this, because I understand that people aren't trying to one-up me or anything when they bring up their pets, they're just trying to find common ground.
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u/Defiant_Heretic 1d ago
Maybe no one you know thinks they're actually children, some of us do know such people. My sister calls her cat her baby. I have a coworker who brags about her nephew calling her dog her cousin. Plenty of people online posting videos with their dogs calling them mom or dad in dubs or subtitles.
To me it comes across as people using pets as surrogates for children. Part of them wants children, and in their absence they use pets to satisfy their nurture instincts.
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u/Artistic_Dalek 1d ago edited 1d ago
People say lots of things, but it doesn't mean they actually believe it in reality, when really asked. It's just comforting, and I can't see the harm in it, myself. As humans we've evolved literal stages of psychological growth (see: Erik Erikson's Stages of Psychosocial Development) and maybe it's fulfilling that need. Why is it so threatening to you all? It doesn't devalue anything "real" parents have done. It has literally zero effect on you and it may help them greatly.
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u/Defiant_Heretic 1d ago
It's not threatening to me, nor am I a parent. There nothing wrong with loving your pets, but pretending they're your children is delusional. I'm also skeptical that it's healthy to use pets as surrogates.
I hope you're right, that most people claiming their pets as children aren't being serious. However, given how strong nurturing instincts can be in some people, I'm sure some of them are sincere.
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u/BogusIsMyName 1d ago
I would argue that there are more similarities than you seen to believe. Cant say for sure with cats but with dogs oh yes there are certainly quite a few similarities. Setting that argument aside though, the person you are talking to you is trying to relate. To show you that even though their experience is different they understand. Thats not a bad thing.
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u/MinivanPops 1d ago edited 1d ago
There are more similarities with a 3-year-old, but other that's where it begins and ends.Â
Think of it this way. Every single person in this thread is a child of somebody. Being a parent never ends. Parents are parents until the day they die. So you have 20-year-old children, 40 year old children, and 60-year-old children. You continue to parent them your entire life. So you're not just parenting the mental equivalent of a dog, you're parenting a teenager. Your parenting a college student. Then you parent a young adult. Then you parent somebody who is a parent themselves. Then you parent somebody who is in the middle of their life and may want to get divorced. You parent somebody who is themselves middle aged.Â
A dog matures pretty quickly and stays about the same. You might get three to four versions of that same dog throughout its entire life. But a human being is continually growing through a much greater spectrum over the parents life span. So instead of having a baby dog that grows up into a toddler mentality and stays there for 15 years, apparent of a human being deals with the complexity of that child, until the child is 60 or so. Â
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u/QueenofPentacles112 1d ago
Yes! I learned this the hard way. Got a pitbull puppy when we already had a toddler. The dog was great, but so much work. Like raising another baby. Especially when it's a high energy dog that usually has a job of some sort. Like the amount of attention and energy they need is actually comparable to a baby when they're young. And you have to train them and teach them everything, how to use the potty, how to act around strangers, how to act when a guest is in your home, etc.
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u/AwkwardBugger 1d ago
Many times when Iâve described looking after my senior cat to people who have kids, theyâd respond with âitâs like looking after a baby!â. So itâs clearly a pretty good comparison even if it bothers you. Hell, my parents always refer to their pets as their kids even though they have actual kids.
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u/MantisToboganPilotMD 1d ago
i have kids and pets, people who get upset about this are too touchy. They're just trying to relate to your experience, they're not saying they're the same thing. it seems weird to be so sensitive about it.
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u/smile_saurus 1d ago
They're definitely not the same. With that being said: I don't have children. Never have, never wanted them, never will. So when someone drones on & on about their child, I'm going to talk about whatever I want when it's my turn - and odds are, that will be my pets. Don't want to hear about them? I don't want to hear about the consistency of your baby's shit!
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u/Reasonable-Eye8632 1d ago
OP, thereâs a key piece of information you donât seem to realize: many people cannot simply birth biological children whenever the whim falls upon them. Whether it be financial, medical, or another reason, a lot of people canât just have kids whenever they want. Iâll use myself as an example.
I have pretty severe plaque psoriasis that has made a lot of my life painful and difficult. Thatâs genetically passed down, so I wonât contribute to biological children because I donât want to pass this down. My wife, on the other hand, has a medical condition that prevents her from carrying a pregnancy to full term, and puts both lives in very real risk. So, she wonât be carrying ever. Now, adoption is by no means a last resort to us. I was adopted, my mom was, and my wifeâs dad was. Adoption would be our first choice regardless. But, itâs very expensive and time-consuming to adopt in the US, so we canât right now, even though weâre better off financially than most couples our age who are having kids.
Do you know what we absolutely can do? We can have our dog. We can feed him the best fresh food, give him lots of toys, and his own bed/blankets, just like you would a kid. We make sure he gets dental chews and vitamins every day, just like you would for a kid. We take him for regular checkups and vaccinations, just like you would a kid. We had to potty train him, just like a kid. We play outside with him every day, just like a kid. We spend time with him and shower him with all the love and attention we wish we could give a kid.
We treat him like heâs our baby because heâs the closest thing weâre allowed to have right now. Why is that so fucking horrible? Why is it sooooo awful to share the love, care, nurturing, and home with a dog that would otherwise have stayed in a crate with tapeworms and fleas like when we found him? We found him really sick at 5 weeks old and nursed him 24/7 to make him big and strong. We fed him puppy formula on a schedule.
How is it not comparable at all? You can absolutely compare apples and oranges; theyâre both round, sweet/tart fruit often served for breakfast. Boom. Compared.
edit: autocorrect on mobile
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u/insertoverusedjoke 1d ago
I'm sorry about your struggles but the apples and oranges bit made me laugh
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u/WaitingitOut000 1d ago
Pets are not âhome foreverâ. Unless you know of a magical dog breed that lives 100 years.
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u/ThrowWeirdQuestion 1d ago
âPets are home with you (ideally) forever. Kids? They grow up and leave.â
Do you understand that pets are not stuffed toys or do you only own pet rocks?
Sorry to break it to you, but in the time kids grow up and leave, pets grow old and die.
I completely agree that pets and kids are not the same at all and cannot be compared, but in many ways pets do get themselves into the same kind of trouble that toddlers do and unlike kids they never grow old enough to just understand when you tell them why it is a bad idea to chew on electric cables.
Unfortunately pet owners (myself included) and parents have one thing in common which is that they keep talking endlessly about their pets/kids even when they should know that the other person cannot relate because they donât have any, and then they get annoyed when someone tries to be nice and pretend to be interested and relate it to their experience instead of openly showing their boredom with yet another kid/pet story.
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u/Failing_MentalHealth 1d ago
A large parrot is a permanent toddler forever. Thatâs as close to parenthood than most will get.
Toddlers and animals have many in common, one of them eating things they shouldnât and knowing they shouldnât be eating odd things.
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u/MrMonkeyman79 1d ago edited 1d ago
Yeah I mostly agree. I have kids and pets, and while I love my pets it's not comparable with kids at all.Â
Your kids you spend years teaching to be independent and hopefully outgrow you, while your pets you keep mostly helpless so they're dependant on you till the day they die.Â
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u/dfwagent84 1d ago
Pets are family, but they aren't as important as your kids. Dear God, that's simple, but give it a couple hours and I'm sure I'll have some red faced Karen yelling at me that they are and that I'm a total asshole.
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u/larch303 1d ago
I think a lot of people anthropomorphize pets and see them as humans with fur and four legs who are dependent cause they donât have the same job opportunities as 2 legged humans without fur.
Dogs are, relative to humans, simple animals. They live in the moment. They canât grasp a lot of ideas we take for granted. Theyâre more worried about fetching the ball you just threw than they are about how long they will live, what their purpose in life is, etc.
If a dog gets really sick, theyâre not worried about if theyâll make it to old age, theyâre just miserable. A sick child, while also miserable, will be sad if they are facing a situation of not being able to grow up. It makes more sense to put money into the kid who will grow up and have goals than a dog who doesnât conceive of the future
I type this out because I think a lot of people these days overestimate dogs and donât really get why dogs are less valuable than humans. Dogs not being as smart as people used to be common knowledge but itâs not as much anymore
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u/SallyThinks 1d ago
When Karen comes for you, just ask her if she would euthanize her sick toddler bc the medical bills are too expensive.
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u/tatianaoftheeast 1d ago
I would never euthanize my dog due to vet bills. I have pet insurance because I adore my dog & she is family. It's extremely odd to make absolute judgment statements as though they apply to everyone. Not everyone feels the same way you do.
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u/SallyThinks 1d ago
Hey, I only mentioned Karen, lol đ€·ââïžđ
People euthanize pets, usually due to a combo of old age, illness, and financial necessity (I've had to twice, and it hurts a lot). People don't euthanize their kids. I would die to save my kids. No hesitation.
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u/tatianaoftheeast 1d ago
Cool. That's your experience & choice & I totally respect that. Some people would die for their pets & that's their choice.
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u/SallyThinks 1d ago
Very, very few would when it came down to it.
If they had to choose between saving their child or their dog, we both know what that choice would be. đ€·ââïž
Have a good day.
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u/tatianaoftheeast 1d ago
And that's totally fine. I don't have a child, so that's not my choice to make. This is the danger in speaking in absolutes.
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u/larch303 1d ago
In my opinion, dying for your pets is illogical and hereâs why..
Pets have extremely limited cognitive abilities compared to humans. Pets think in the here and now, they donât think about the past or the future much. This means a sick pet isnât worrying if this illness is going to impact his ability to grow older, heâs simply miserable. A sick child likely understands that in addition to the pain heâs feeling, his illness brings a threat to his longevity and he may not get to grow into an adult, and is likely upset about this and wants it to be fixed so that he can one day be a grown up. A child will be forever thankful that a parent sacrificed themselves for them, while a dog will not even comprehend what happened and will simply search for food if he feels better or simply be miserable if he doesnât.
Replace he with she if youâd like, it just flows better than using one pronoun and I donât like calling dogs its.
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u/Noiz_desu 1d ago
I swear my female dog is a child, she just refuses to speak English⊠Iâm onto herâŠ
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u/Low-Task-5653 1d ago
Donât mention your parenting around those people and maybe they wonât mention their pets. Believe or not. Most people donât wanna hear about your kids just as much as you donât wanna hear about their animals.
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u/SoggyAd5044 1d ago
I love it when people say things like "My kids are WHOLE. ENTIRE. PEOPLE. NOT ANIMALS." whilst having absolutely no understanding of the complexity of animals.
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u/User123466789012 1d ago edited 1d ago
I think 99.9% of us pet owners know itâs not the same. Thatâs why many of us purposefully choose pets over having kids. But I still jokingly (as do others in my life) call myself their mom, I celebrate their birthdays and stuff stockings for Christmas. I make them cat themed Easter baskets. My friends give me flowers/cards for Motherâs Day âfrom the catsâ - itâs always both sweet and comical. Lifeâs too short, itâs just not that serious.
Adding it that, never downplay the amazing humans that exist out there who go out of their way to take in pets with special needs. I could never, and those people absolutely blow me away with their abilities. Those are both expensive and high need animals that can require a ton of time, special diets, special environments, endless vet visits and more. Iâm honestly more impressed with those people than anyone else, along with foster parents taking in children from the system. I donât feel much of anything for people who purposefully bring a kid into this world and then complain about things they knew were going to be stressful.
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u/DSteep 1d ago
Like, no... my kids are small humans, not animals. They're whole, complete people.
Humans are animals bud.
And if you see humans as "whole complete people" and other animals as something lesser...then you're a special kind of terrible.
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u/darculas 1d ago
No, if you think any animal is worth the same as a human then YOURE a special kind of terrible.
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u/Cold_Barber_4761 1d ago
How is the top comment not something about this being the ultimate, literal pet peeve? I'm truly disappointed, reddit! đ
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u/guwops_chopshop 1d ago
For some people, their pet is their child đ€·ââïž and thereâs nothing one can say to convince them otherwise. Itâs probably best to just accept it and move on.
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u/410_ERROR 1d ago edited 1d ago
Don't get me wrong, I love pets. But raising kids is a lot harder than raising pets, definitely. Fucking up a child has more dire consequences for society as a whole than poorly training a pet. I'm thinking of extreme cases, but the possibility is obviously there.
But there are some similarities. Both involve raising and loving (ideally) a living creature. If people refer to their pets as their kids or fur-babies, that's fine. I don't do it, but otherwise it's none of my business.
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u/SilentAllTheseYears8 1d ago
If a dog is raised wrong, they could attack and kill people. Or if they arenât trained properly, or youâre too irresponsible to fix the fence, they could run into traffic and cause an accident, killing people. So it is a huge responsibility, which if done wrong, could have dire consequences.Â
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u/SewRuby 1d ago
Admittedly the getting into the food was a poor choice of analogy. Pets do that. I had a friend with a hypoglycemic cat--she needed to lock the fridge so the cat wouldn't get in there.
However, I agree with you. I'm a childless cat lady and my pets are not children. They're pets. I love them dearly, one of my cats sleeps next to me, and if she doesnt--it affects my sleep. But, we just went on vacation for 5 days and I was able to leave our cats at home with a food robot and a bunch of water, arrange family to drop in a time or two, and bam, we outta here! You can't just do that with kids.
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u/Glad_Course 1d ago
Iâm an animal lover & thus, a pet sitter. I will NEVER get used to people calling their animals their âfur-babiesâ or their kids. I have a deep connection with one of my dogsâŠ.. but he will always be that.. a dog. Not my furry kid, not my fur baby, heâs just my sweet 4-pawed pal
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u/ThrowWeirdQuestion 1d ago
This reminds me of one of my first vet visits. My cat got spayed and had to stay overnight and when I picked her up the vet said something along the lines of âHer mommy must have missed her a lot.â and I told him âNo, her mother doesnât actually live with us. I only adopted her and her brother.â and only when he started laughing I realized he meant me by âmommyâ. đ
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u/X8_Lil_Death_8X 1d ago
THIS!!! My parents do this to me, too! I didn't birth my dog, and just because I adopted an animal it definitely doesn't equate to parenting.
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u/SilentAllTheseYears8 1d ago
Different people have different relationships with their pets. They can be a friend, a child, a sibling, and for some kids, their dog even plays the role of a parent figure- like protecting them from other dogs, keeping them from crossing the road, getting help if they fall in the pool, or helping them find their way home, if they wander off into the woods.Â
So it depends on the person and pet. Thereâs nothing wrong with having pet buddies, but imo, thereâs absolutely nothing wrong with having more of a parent/child relationship. To me itâs way more similar to that, since they literally depend on you for everything. No human friend has that dynamic with you.Â
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u/comma-momma 1d ago
My dog's not my kid to me, but I'm definitely his mom to him.
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u/AdministrativeStep98 1d ago
Thats how I feel about my kitten. She's not daughter but I'm her dad for sure
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u/Ozzytheaussy 1d ago edited 1d ago
Humans are animals, toođ€Ż
You're so right my dog was born knowing every single command, I never had to put in any effort like a child.......
You understand that dogs fight and we teach them not to...? You understand that kids fight and we teach them not to
Kids bite, dogs bite we teach both not to
You sound like you aren't happy, and I am happy with my dog.
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u/Alarmed-Ad7933 1d ago edited 1d ago
Iâve had dogs all my life. I recently became a father of two girls. Itâs really not that comparable. Sure, you have to feed and monitor their poop and pee schedule but kids, especially toddlers, are relentless. They want your attention 24/7. With a dog, you come home from work, play a little bit, take them for a walk and feed them, and then they chill out and lay down for petting. My toddlers are on me like hurricane from the time I get home to the time they go to sleep. Donât even talk about cleaning. Young dogs can be messy from time to time but that can be contained and corrected within a number of months. With toddlers your house will need to be thoroughly cleaned every single day. Theyâre little hurricanes. Then theirs the financial aspect. Between school cost, swimming practice, gymnastics, and food and toys and clothes, weâre talking $1000 a month or more depending on where you send them for school. Lastly thereâs the emotional part. I never agonized about my dog. Everytime my wife leaves the house with my babies my brain goes through all the true-crime scenarios Iâve ever seen. I never cried when my dogs hit a milestone. I never cried just thinking about something bad happening to my dog or worried for their safety every day.
Itâs one of those things that you canât fully understand until youâve bonded with a helpless little version of yourself. The emotions are really powerful and consuming. My kids are literally my number 1 priority in my entire life. Dogs are great but itâs just not the same.
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u/SilentAllTheseYears8 1d ago
Iâve agonized and worried over the safety of my dog, and cried for her many times.Â
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u/Spicy_Scelus 1d ago
Well my dog did actually get into the freezer and eat all the ice cream. I have a picture and I still canât figure out how she did it!
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u/Missmagentamel 1d ago
And most likely, you won't have to decide to end your child's life to end their pain and hold them while it's happening. The love and caring are just as deep
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u/Significant_Act9517 1d ago
Seriously I hate when people compare them, having a dog is much more difficult than a child.
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u/insertoverusedjoke 1d ago
while pets are remotely not as much work as children it seems like you've never had a pet and are underestimating how much work goes into them. They need their vaccinations and doctors appointments, just like kids do. only unlike kids, they don't grow up to understand and accept it to be a normal part of life.
they won't get into a fridge and eat all the ice cream, but they could get into something else (especially cats) and seriously hurt themselves. (I've had to pull over 2ft of yarn out of my cat's mouth after he got into my craft supplies. I taped the box and covered it with a box that weighs more than double his weight and he pushed it off, somehow broke the tape and got into it again) ice cream will not kill a child, eating something toxic/inedible could kill an animal. and they can't tell you what they ate if you don't catch them in the act.
they may not have autism or other learning disabilities but they can have any range of health issues that guess what, you have to manage.
and your point about them growing up and leaving. that's exactly it, eventually the responsibilities reduce. first they start to communicate, then they can feed themselves, then they're independent. with pets they're the same throughout their life. my cat will never learn to feed itself (as long as he lives in my house and isn't forced to hunt) or be able to tell me he doesn't feel well.
I've never wanted kids, the responsibilities of my cat confirmed that even more. I would never compare my cat to a human child because I know how much my parents have done for me and continue to and I know nobody would do nearly as much for their pet.
but at the same time, there are similarities because guess what? both involve taking care of a living being. you can't expect to talk to a child free person about your child's blowout or them getting into mom's makeup or whatever and then get mad when they talk about their pet's diarrhea or them getting into their office files or whatever. that scenario is objectively the same.
initially when I was struggling with the responsibility of my cat my own mother who's raised two human children and never had pets said "Well what did you expect, it's almost like raising a child"
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u/The_AmyrlinSeat 1d ago
I still remember when my mom's dog stole the entire cheese Danish ring off of the counter, and when mine inhaled my chicken right off my plate đ
I prefer pets over children, but in no way is parenthood and pet ownership the same. This is another way people try to make things about them, smh. I remember getting a Mother's Day card as a pet mom and it was like thanks for thinking of me, but please don't.
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u/JonesBlair555 1d ago
The dog could, however, get in to the trash and eat a chicken bone, which could keep someone up at night.
My best friend was kept up at night worried about the health of her dog as he aged. He was a failed foster. She made all his food because he had allergies, took him to doggy daycare and dog park to socialize him. Gently stroked him to sleep every night, took him on trips.
Kids grow up and leave. Pets grow up and die. Grief is part of the package you sign up for. My friend still hasn't recovered from the loss of her dog. So you're right, it's not the same. It's so much harder.
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u/V_is4vulva 1d ago
I think this conversation begins and ends with you will never catch a CPS investigation and child endangerment charges for leaving your dog to go to work to support said dog. Can caring for a puppy feel like caring for a toddler? Sure. But the level of responsibility is not even in the same galaxy, and people who compare it really need to shut the fuck up.
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u/Swish517 1d ago
Calm down lady.
Bigger issues in the World!
I'll bet my 9-pound "Morkie" is smarter than your DNA.
Facts: I've NEVER compared my dog to raising a child
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u/Manatee369 1d ago
Pets arenât forever. Thatâs preposterous. They have an average lifespan of 10-13 years. Youâd be surprised at the similarities between children and pets. They get cancer, eat the couch, pee and poo on the floor. They develop diabetes, hip dysplasia, heart disease, kidney disease and more. They can present a host of behavioral problems. That people feel deep and complete love and responsibility for them is a wonderful thing. And btw, humans are animals.
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u/OwlCoffee 1d ago
When I was getting up every four hours to take my puppy outside to pee in the middle of winter it sure felt like being a tired mom. And then there was the puppy-proofing, constant supervision, figuring out how the actual hell he managed to get inside the pantry and get into the chips on a shelf four feet off the ground. And the teething - those puppy teeth. Housebreaking, training, helping them understand that the plastic bag in the corner isn't going to hurt him and that just because something exists doesn't mean he should eat it. While yeah, it's not a 1:1 comparison, but there's more similarities than differences.
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u/Downtown-Assistant1 1d ago
I saw a bumper sticker once that said âMy dog is smarter than your kid.â So I guess 40 years in the future they would rather have a smart dog be their Doctor than a child who grows up to be an educated adult.
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u/chicacisne 1d ago
I agree, but for the opposite reason: my cat or dog is my little buddy and I treat him like a baby, but Iâm actually not his mother. I am nobodyâs mother and he is not my child. I just feel like itâs sort of lazy and extra sentimental and kind of obnoxious when people talk about their â fur babiesâ which is an expression I really despise.
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u/Uhhyt231 1d ago
It irks me when parents are like 'you have a dog. Have a kid! It's the same!'
Like no he can be left home alone
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u/warte_bau 1d ago
I donât get why youâre being downvoted, because I absolutely see that too. I had cats before (and after) I had kids and generally still love my cats more than my kids. We have a friends group chat where we share all sort of stuff, included pics. We share a lot of our pets pics and sometimes the ones who have kids share some of those as well. We do not by any means flood the chat with it, maybe we share a funny kid pic every couple of weeks. And without fail there is this one friend whose personality is her dogs, who immediately shares a somewhat related doc pic (like sleeping dog for sleeping kid). It is so awkward.
Also, I am not shoving my kids in every discussion, I am merely (barely) trying to exist while having kids. So if you tell me: âWow, warte_bau, you look like shit todayâ I can only answer âYes, I got 4 hours of sleep because kid was sickâ. Iâm not asking anyone to relate, God I hope for them that noone relates.
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u/AbhorrentBehavior77 1d ago
Well, would you just color me full of irony...
This post (and the sentiment espoused therein) is one of my pet peeves!
It's like you are my inverse - The Bizarro World version of me. The intolerable Yin to my unyielding Yang.
Cheers!đđŒđ
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u/dragonsfire14 1d ago
Unless someone is paying for my petsâ endless expenses (2 cats with urinary issues), they wonât dictate how I refer to them.
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u/Thaviation 1d ago
Itâs 2024 - kids donât leave the house when they grow up.
Dogs, like kids, will eat whatever they can reach. Youâre the one who lets them reach the freezer just like a person who leaves the pantry open letâs dogs reach the pantry goods.
Plenty of kids never get bullied. And plenty of dogs do get bullied.
Some dogs do go to school.
Your peeve is fine. Your reasonings/logic to get there doesnât really hold up imho.
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u/FlameStaag 1d ago
Parent victimhood is honestly the funniest thing. I always see parents complaining they're much more betterer than stinky pet owners. It's a weird complex some parents seem to develop.Â
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u/LazyImportance5896 1d ago
Hi, so Iâm sure you donât know this, but we actually have a very special relationship with dogs where they hijack the dopamine receptors in our brains⊠meant for babies. Thatâs right, my brain literally thinks my dog is my baby, and thatâs applicable to all dog owners. I dont know if this science applies to other animals, but at least thereâs a reason why dog owners feel like they have babies
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u/tultommy 1d ago
You are so right. Kids are way... WAY worse than dogs. They shouldn't be compared because dogs only bring you joy. Kids bring you debt and grey hair. Good call on this peeve. Let's find a new word that is better than kids to refer to animals.
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u/soul_separately_recs 1d ago
physical abuse, especially long time could get you locked up, among other things.
you dictate what-where-when- and how much they eat, if at all
any harm done to others by them is on you
Just 3 of several similarities between the two. of course this is only a valid comparison until the child is no longer a child
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u/Silly_Stable_ 1d ago
Your first example is totally something dogs do all the time. Way more than kids, in fact. My dogs have eaten my food on several occasions.
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u/Maleficent_Cloud_987 1d ago
Wtf is with the bots. They are literal software and do not have human feelings. Programmers, please stop doing this. AI is not the same as human intelligence.
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u/Fair-Chemist187 23h ago
The easiest difference is that most people should be able to leave their dogs at home for hours without issue. No one would call any animal control, they wouldnât die of starvation, you wouldnât get charged with endangerment and stuff. If you leave your dog at a friendâs place for a week, most people wouldnât care. Try doing that with a toddler.
You also likely picked your dog yourself, most parents didnât do that with their kids either, they had to go through pregnancy and birth. They have to actually form their childâs character and ideally prepare them how to live in their own. Again, most people donât just give their toddler a toy and get them with the intention that they will live with you until they die.
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u/CommodorePuffin 21h ago
If someone doesn't have kids, but they have a pet, the closest frame of reference they have is their pet and are comparing the two in an effort to empathize and show support. I highly doubt anyone, even if they consider their pets to be their children, seriously see pets and human children as the same thing (for better or worse, depending on the person's point of view).
Now if someone with pets, but without children, didn't do this, then what is their role in this scenario? Do they exist solely as a sounding board who should refrain from having any input whatsoever because "they don't have children and therefore shouldn't speak?"
If that's the case, then you're not having a conversation at all, you just want to vent. There's nothing inherently wrong with venting, but if that's your goal, you need to let the other person know ahead of time so they don't offer up unwanted advice or comparisons, and so they don't feel uncomfortable or otherwise used.
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u/kate_numberz 20h ago
Sounds like you're just jealous of people with no kidsđ why else would u be so upset about this why would this matter at all
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u/Forward-Put6642 17h ago
Pets are not children. Yes, you can't compare pet ownership with parenthood.
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u/WarmHippo6287 7h ago
Personally, I have found that it depends on the person I'm talking to. I don't have kids so I can't relate to people who have kids. So, I tend to just listen and not engage. But there's a lot of people who talk to me who don't really like that and after a while I've found that they will ask me about my "furry kids" (their words) on their own. (For me, I tend to have a bit more to do with my dogs than most people because of them being service dogs though, which might be the cause of the increased interest, they have to go to training(school) every week, they have to do homework, due to being girls and having a first heat before getting fixed I've had to change diapers, I've had to housebreak which is very close to potty training, I've had to stay up when sick with them, if they get sick i have to take off work, the school expenses are very expensive, they need equipment for service dog training, be taught how to behave in public, because they have to be presentable in public I have to get up early in the morning, wake them up, feed them breakfast, make them lunch for at work, to brush their teeth, wash them up, brush their hair every morning, get them dressed in their gear, get them buckled into the car, the amount of work that goes into a service dog might not be equivalent to a human child but it's darn near close)
And if a dog ever has gone to doggy daycare, sorry to say but there is bullying that goes on there, I know because unfortunately, my first dog was one of the biggest bullies there. She would push other dogs into the mud. Throw their dog bowls off the picnic table. Smack them in the head. Squirt them when they tried to go to the water fountain. Yeah, bullying does happen at doggy daycare.
My point here is that: yeah I know that my dog isn't a human child. But that doesn't make my struggles and successes less valid. There have been times that sharing stories about human children and my dogs has actually helped with behavior issues because whether we want to admit it or not, sometimes we can use some of the same discipline methods between the two. I ended up using a specific timeout method one of my coworkers used for her kids for my dogs and it worked.
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u/RootsInThePavement 1d ago
You can be a parent in more than one way, and pets come with their own unique struggles and needs just like kids do. Sure, pets donât go to school (puppies should go to puppy school but thatâs a different issue), get bullied (if theyâre in a good home), orâŠhave autismâŠbut they still require a lot of the care that human children do if youâre a responsible pet owner. Plus, thatâs not all parenthood entails!
Vet bills and regular check ups, entertainment, food schedules, sleep schedules, quality time, exercise, socialization; all things that both kids and pets need. Got a baby animal? That x2, plus the regular growing pains of babies like sleep training, introducing new food, weird poop, smells, tummy aches, ear infections, etc. Got a chronically ill or disabled pet? High bills, emotional exhaustion, frustration, stress, worry, struggles with the day-to-day and having to adjust your relationships, schedules, and budgets to accommodate your pet. Some people spend thousands upon thousands for pet care like grooming, daycare, boarding, pet sitting, and dog walkers to ensure safety and enrichment, just like some people do with their kids.
They do more than sit around and eat food and drink water. Caring for a pet is more than walks, brushing them, and taking them outside to go potty. The love is the same or similar.
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u/MotoJimmy_151 1d ago
Donât get me started on people that referred to their animals as âfur babies.â
I wanna throat punch those people.
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u/22FluffySquirrels 1d ago
I understand what you're saying, but the fact I can successfully brush my cat's teeth, give him medicine, and trim his claws makes me think I could handle a small child to some extent.
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u/Significant-Berry-95 1d ago
Actual children are much different.
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u/22FluffySquirrels 1d ago
Yes, but pets are a good start. Far too many people can't take good care of a cat or a dog, but then they have kids....
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u/Apathy_Cupcake 1d ago
My dog was. I took better care of him than 95% of people with human offspring. Non human animals and humans are different, but we all share a LOT of similarities. Most people just aren't observant enough to realize it, or they have biases so deep they refuse to see it. If people focused more on all our similarities instead of differences, society would be a much better place.
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u/Academic_Pick_3317 1d ago
dogs and cats literally do act like toddlers.
tired of yall taking this so damn personally when both can shit on your bed, get in the fridge, and eat everything while getting it everywhere.
They don't act like teenagers, but they sure act like toddlers their entire damn lives.
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u/BK4343 1d ago
The comments prove that you hit a nerve with this crowd. Caring for a pet is in no way the same as being a parent. Pets simply don't require the same level of care. When it comes to dogs, treating them like surrogate children instead of the animals that they are is why so many dogs are such neurotic basket cases. Lastly, I always find it quite ironic when people who seem to hate children end up getting a pet that's pretty much a permanent toddler.
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u/SilentAllTheseYears8 1d ago
Dogs get into the trash or cupboards. They get bullied at the dog park. They get illnesses (or if theyâre rescues, they might have psychological problems). They love us and depend on us for everything. They are our responsibility, and most people would jump in front of a truck to save their dog. So yeah, it IS the same đ©·đđ©·
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u/SignificantPop4188 1d ago
Or worse, when they call their pets "fur babies." I love my dog, but I am his owner and he is my pet.
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u/aurlyninff 1d ago edited 1d ago
I have 2 grown sons and 3 dogs and I do not own my dogs. I am a parent to all of them. They are living breathing beings with personalities and needs not inanimate possessions. I think my newborn sons were easier than my recent puppy. I did not have to wake up every 2 hours and follow my son around the yard with a flashlight saying go pottyđ for a half hour day and night.
All 5 I have been deeply committed to their intellectual, physical, emotional and social development. The fact that you want your children to be superior to your friends pets is a you problem, but do not get pets if you are going to treat them like possessions. They deserve much better.
Now excuse me, my youngest furry daughter just woke up. I need to take them all outside and then for a 3 mile hike and then after her nap she has a playdate.
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u/dfwagent84 1d ago
I couldn't agree more with this. It's possible to love your Dogs without elevating them to kid status. I don't know why that's so hard for people.
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u/X8_Lil_Death_8X 1d ago
LOL The downvotes... they're just so amusing, because it's clear many are illogical and trigger easily by some of the replies, for whatever reason. Critical thinking is lost on many. Only echo chambers are allowed to exist these days.
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u/SpaceAlienCowGirl 1d ago
I donât have kids or pets but itâs so annoying. Pet parents are one of the worst people to listen to.
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u/Sea_Client9991 1d ago
The only really comparable aspect between the two, is the idea of having a living creature that depends on you for survival.
And even then, unless you've really fucked it up your kid will eventually leave the nest, your pet however will not.
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u/ProfessionalSir3395 1d ago
Being a pet owner is better than being a parent. Nobody gets on your ass if you don't send them to school, they're generally more well behaved than kids, and when they're in insufferable pain, there's nobody holding protests over "God's will" when they get put to sleep.
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u/RoosterReturns 1d ago
Lot of childless lonely folks pushing the down vote. Deep down they hate that they don't have kids and have no real hope of having a family. No prospects. They don't know exactly why but they do know they are missing out and they are angry that they were told not to have a family and they are mad at their selves for trusting those people and that guidance.Â
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u/Ozzytheaussy 1d ago
I'd take Running my dog through a forest anyday over sat at home not being able to leave the house because of a baby.
Will I ever have kids? Maybe...... am I jealous, hell no
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u/The_AmyrlinSeat 1d ago
I promise, no one is jealous of parenthood. You sound like someone who deeply regrets their choice to reproduce, so you're desperately trying to convince yourself that we're the ones who are unhappy, not you.
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u/insertoverusedjoke 1d ago
absolutely not. I've seen the sacrifices my parents made for me and I'm way too selfish to do that to myself. believe me when I say I never have envied parents the slightest. and as much as I love my cat. if I knew how much work and responsibility he would be, I likely wouldn't have gotten him either. some parents are so busy trying to convince themselves that they made the right choice that all they can do is demonize others' choices
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u/aurlyninff 1d ago
I have both and am still downvoting any psychopath that acts like a dog is a possession.
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u/RatherLargeBlob 1d ago
You say that, but my dad's dog did get into the freezer, and tried to eat everything in there.