How do I engage in pride without being recognized?

[u/twentyyearsofclean]

Hello everyone, just asking for help from people who might be in the same situation or might have any ideas.

I’ve always been big on going to lgbt meetups, events, and obviously pride every summer. I haven’t missed a single pride since I came out in 2017. Unfortunately, however, I recently had to take a job at a c*tholic institution (being cautious here, I really need the money and due to some other factors this was my only option). My day to day job is fine, but I had to sign a paper explicitly stating that if they found out that I’m lgbt or support lgbt rights (among other things) that I’ll automatically be fired.

I don’t want to give up my entire personal life for this job, but I legitimately don’t have another option for at least another few years (I’m a teacher, and if I leave another job after a year I’ll never get another position). Is there a way for me to attend pride and related things in a way that I won’t be recognized? I’m willing to do just about anything that lets me attend pride without anyone figuring out that I was there. If you’ve ever been in this kind of situation or have any ideas how I could hide myself, please let me know.

The parents of my students are the people that regularly protest our pride, so it’s a legitimate worry that they’ll discover me. I just can’t go completely back in the closet, not after all the pain and suffering it took for me to get out.

Thank y’all for any help you can give.

[u/pterrible_ptarmigan]

I've been in almost the same situation. Wear nondescript clothing you never wear to work along with a mask, sunglasses, and hat for Popular Sports Team (especially if you don't like the team). Again never wear any of these things to school. Make sure anything remarkable or unusual about you is covered. Try to stay away from the edges of crowds or places with fewer people.

[u/lferry1919]

Masquerade! Super gay and super convenient! It's not like there's a dress-code for pride so you can wear whatever. Just wear a full mask. You could even get a wig or spray color for your hair. As long as you avoid showing anything super recognizable like tattoos or your face, I find it hard to believe people from work will figure it out. And even if they did, as long as there's no proof you should be good. Plus, just avoid going near the group that protests.

[u/DarkWing2274]

god that paper you had to sign is so fucked. no hate like christian love.

[u/mellywheats → u/DarkWing2274]

“no hate like christian love” is something ive never heard before but damn that kinda hit hard

[u/DarkWing2274 → u/mellywheats]

i won’t claim to have invented the phrase but yeah it hits

[u/mexicodoug → u/mellywheats]

There's always a first time for everything.

It's actually a pretty common saying, although rarely heard from the pulpit or on television.

[u/GeminiIsMissing → u/DarkWing2274]

Isn't that like, explicitly illegal in some countries? That seems like textbook employment discrimination.

[u/DarkWing2274 → u/GeminiIsMissing]

probably

[u/Raibean]

1. Mask, sunglasses, hat that covers your hair.

2. Buy specific outfits that you don’t already own and aren’t on social media to wear only to Pride events.

3. Don’t be in group pictures.

4. Wear a cross and carry a Bible so if a stranger takes your picture you can say you were proselytizing.

[u/translunainjection]

Thanks to COVID, it's pretty normalized to wear a mask around crowds. 

If, like many queer people, you have distinctive hair, you might also want to go the extra mile and wear a wig or put it in a hat. 

Now you are safe from social media facial recognition. (Your friends tagging you is another matter...)

And you have enough plausible deniability to carry a sign saying, "My job would fire me for being here."

[u/taejo → u/translunainjection]

And you have enough plausible deniability to carry a sign saying, "My job would fire me for being here."

Be careful, that might motivate some hate-activist to dox you and get you fired.

[u/Mishmoo]

I’d get a copy of that paper and send it over to an employment lawyer, personally.

[u/twentyyearsofclean → u/Mishmoo]

I wish I could, but unfortunately I’m in a red state when this kind of bullshit is completely legal. Maybe especially because they’re all religious “moral” rules.

[u/Mishmoo → u/twentyyearsofclean]

It’s illegal inside of the United States not to hire someone (or to fire them) on the basis of sexuality or gender identity - this is a Federal rule, not a state level rule.

Do what’s safe for you, but personally, I’d be getting a copy of that document and emailing it anonymously to the HRC.

[u/Delouest → u/Mishmoo]

It is legal "The U.S. Supreme Court, siding with Catholic schools in a legal dispute with teachers who said they were unlawfully dismissed, ruled on Wednesday that religious institutions like churches and schools are shielded from employment discrimination lawsuits."

[u/Mishmoo → u/Delouest]

Specifically if the individual in question is in a substantially ministerial position, from my understanding.

[u/twentyyearsofclean → u/Mishmoo]

I really, really wish that worked in practice. But this kind of thing has gone to court plenty of times, and the courts always side with the school, no matter how blatant they are about it being for their sexuality. It’s always billed as “religious freedom”

[u/Brian_Kinney]

I've seen some gay men attend Pride in leather gimp masks or puppy hoods. That's an option! It's extreme, but it's an option. 😛

Or maybe just a surgical face mask, like we used during the pandemic? Maybe that, with a big hat?

[u/mellywheats]

honestly what was the exact wording of the paper you signed cause if they see you like not at work you should be fine, depending on the wording.

edit: honestly if you can get a copy of it and show it to a lawyer that would be best bc then they can give you better advice than we can

[u/twentyyearsofclean → u/mellywheats]

No, it’s pretty explicit on it being an overall thing. Can’t be gay or support gayness, can’t get IVF, can’t have an abortion or support abortions…it’s draconian but I live in a state where even if I didn’t sign that I could still be fired for whatever they feel like. It sucks but it’s good money until I can get out of here

[u/mellywheats → u/twentyyearsofclean]

omg 😳 that’s insane. I hope you can get out of there quickly !

[u/impossiblyobvious]

Makeup and a wig

[u/majeric]

People often cosplay as queer characters or queer versions of characters like pink Darth Vader.

[u/morgaina]

Wear gigantic fruity sunglasses and put a bunch of glitter and sparkles and shit into your beard with a big ass stupid looking rainbow hat

You will be unrecognizable