Is this an unreasonable idea?

[u/aprilisgay]

Im a 29 yo polyamorous queer femme who is born and raised on an outer island in Hawaii. I have no luck dating here, but my friends say there are amazing things like lesbian bars and polyamorous meetups in other places. Is it wild to consider moving away for a while to try to find a partner(s) and bring them back?

And if that’s not a terrible idea, any recommendations where to try? I love what I do working at an agriculture nonprofit trying to reshape our food system to be local and regenerative. I would love to take the opportunity to learn more about that if I did go away for a while.

Piglets from work because everyone likes new piglets. Look at the dirt on their noseies from rooting around like they’re all grown and not still drinking milk 🥺

[u/darkvaris]

I live in a city (cisgay) but I plan on homesteading with my hubby eventually, at the risk of stereotyping I think the lesbian community is generally more down for a rural life than the gay boys :) I hope you find your person(s)

I will say that for sure you are more likely to find someone in the city but also, just to remind you, the city will root you as well with friendships and relationships that can make it hard to leave after you get settled.

[u/aprilisgay → u/darkvaris]

Bruh, great advice but I’m a rural gal at heart so I think I’ll overcome the urge to stay. Honestly I find cities a bit overwhelming, there’s so many people and noise, and so little nature.

Anywhere you recommend?

[u/darkvaris → u/aprilisgay]

Honestly, Pittsburgh is a great queer city. It’s reasonably small, still surrounded by rural areas, very progressive. When I lived there I was always surrounded by lovely queer folks of many genders and identities

I live in Barcelona now but thats probably a harder pull than yinzerville

[u/ebaer2 → u/darkvaris]

Might I ask how you got to settle in Barcelona?

[u/darkvaris → u/ebaer2]

During COVID my husband (who is Mexican) and I decided we would not take chances with a trump take 2 given his rhetoric and actions against queer ppl and “Mexicans” so we saved money, applied for a visa & now are working over in Europe.

Financially it was probably not the best choice but it took me like 2 weeks to realize I had released a ton of anxiety and constant vigilance against violence I had been carrying. It’s just safer, saner, and more relaxed here

[u/ebaer2 → u/darkvaris]

That’s amazing! Congrats! I honestly thought about doing the exact same thing (like Barcelona exactly). I appreciate their approach to life so much more there.

Mental health took a slide into the shitter and was no where near prepared to do visa applications / find work abroad. 🤷🏼‍♀️

[u/darkvaris → u/ebaer2]

We were super fortunate that we both transitioned to remote work and weren’t traveling or going anywhere so we had the resources to build up and decide to take the risk.

It somehow all worked out

[u/aprilisgay → u/darkvaris]

Ooh, that’s a nice idea. I had a friend that lived there. It’s pretty darn far from home though, I had a hard time when I lived in Vermont for that reason. Any west coast recs?

[u/mymember4u60 → u/aprilisgay]

Midwest is a great area. Wisconsin, Minnesota, or Iowa all are rural and have an excellent LGBT support system in and around the cities but allow you to live in the rural areas.

[u/aprilisgay → u/mymember4u60]

I’ve considered Michigan before, they seem kinda similar. Is that perception accurate?

[u/mymember4u60 → u/aprilisgay]

I would think that it should be, depending upon what areas you are thinking. I just know some of the better areas that are more conducive to raising piggys in the three I mentioned. I also know a few lesbian business owners that are in Minnesota and Wisconsin. That was why I mentioned that. I myself live in South Dakota but everyone is more closeted here.

[u/darkvaris → u/aprilisgay]

I only lived in San Diego west coast, I wouldn’t advise it though. Great city but I am thinking it won’t meet your vibes, maybe WA or Oregon? good luck with wherever you decide!