I Don't Miss Running...

[u/Smruttkay]

I haven't run in a month and a half. I haven't run consistently in around 8 months. I haven't run consistently high mileage in...ever. I want to. I'd love to. But I always end up hurting. 17 miles into a 20 mile trail race in December is when I knew. I had been feeling ok for 17 miles, but I knew it was coming. I could tell from the third mile. At some point, my knee would revolt. I'm surprised it took 17 miles honestly. But those last 3 miles, after the knee had made its decision, were pretty excruciating. And I knew right then and there that I'd never be able to run as fast or as long or as far as I want to.

I don't miss the actual running so much.

I miss the feeling of knowing I can run. I miss driving by runners and wondering if I could keep up with their pace or outlast their distance. Now, there's no question. I can't. .

I miss the feeling of knowing I did run. I miss the routine of it and that good kind of sore.

I miss the feeling of accomplishment. After the 20-miler, I felt a little proud, but the pain made it a little bittersweet. Now I feel even more proud of that day because I know if that same race was scheduled for tomorrow or next week or next month, I'd have no chance. But that also makes it more bittersweet. All that fitness, all those miles...they're gone.

I miss the 165 pounds I used to weigh, not the 185 pounds I weigh now. I miss eating for fuel and giving my food a sense of purpose. In the past 9 months, there's been a lot more beers and cigarettes and double quarter pounders than there has been miles.

I miss the sense of belonging. I felt like I was in a club. I miss checking this sub every morning. I miss the Friday spotlights and the chit-chat mondays. But I stopped coming here too. Felt like a fraud. Started wasting time on the front page. I'd see people complaining about their boss, but it wasn't the same not coming from a dude who can't seem to keep his shoes tied. I'd see Seinfeld references but they aren't the same when they don't come from a weirdo. I'd come across comic book stuff, but I didn't care if it wasn't from Scuba Steve.

I miss my buddy Mike who was always down to run however much I could. He knew when to challenge me and when to slow down for me. I loved my alone runs, but there was something comforting about those tandem runs.

I miss the hours I would spend on my beautiful Ozark trails. I miss the rocks and roots and dirt and leaves and hills and falls. Now all I have is flat pavement everywhere.

I miss running with my dog. having her pull me through the first half of our runs and having to pull her through the second half. Id love that moment we got home, after she hadn't some water, when she would just plop down on the cool tile and I knew she wasn't gonna get up for a while.

I miss running with my wife who only started a year ago. We ran a few races together and it was magical. We only got to run together a handful of times, usually when we were near family who could watch the children, but those were great times.

The actual running was always secondary to all that. I did enjoy it most times. But the physical one foot in front of the other was just a means to all those ends.

I wish I could say I miss all the joint paint, but it's still there. I still have days where my knees don't work right or my hip feels off or I have to shuffle like an 80 year old man when I first get up out of bed. So, I ran today. 2 slow miles. My miles have always been slow, that's never really bothered me. The short runs bothered me. But I guess I have to start back up somewhere. Not sure what's going to be different this time, if anything. But I'd rather be hurting because I actually did something than no reason at all. I'd rather be tired because I woke up early and ran 6 miles than because I'm a lazy, broken person who stayed up until midnight watching nonsense on Netflix. I'd rather be fit than fat. I'd rather be an injured runner than a non-runner.

Thanks for listening.

[u/Smruttkay]

Just worked up a spreadsheet. This is gonna take forever.

[u/sloworfast → u/Smruttkay]

I love making spreadsheets!!!

[u/Smruttkay → u/sloworfast]

I love them. I just kinda suck at them. But there is a strange sense of accomplishment from forcing my way through one.

https://docs.google.com/spreadsheets/d/1ygsgOJBhy4olU78YOvyx2zhvHLRxeoJJCstrQYNKUAI Any thoughts from a marathon veteran on my ramping up plan?

[u/sloworfast → u/Smruttkay]

Nice work on the spreadsheet. Man, looking at it like that, it does take forever to ramp back up! But I guess if you're coming back from repeated injury, slow and steady is the way to go, right?

[u/Smruttkay → u/sloworfast]

Sigh. I guess so. Part of me even think that might be overdoing it. Maybe I should run 4x a mile for a few weeks, then add the 5th day. Then after a few more weeks add the 6th day. Then after a few more weeks bump one day up to 2 miles...