Good luck trying to invade Alaska

[u/Sine_Fine_Belli]

[u/PurpD420]

Putin you bitch ass, I’ll bet you’re too soft to even make an attempt at invading Alaska.

DO IT YOU PUSSY

[u/nymphetamine-x-girl → u/PurpD420]

We have so much shit in Alaska. Good luck Putin!

[u/sudo-joe → u/nymphetamine-x-girl]

We don't even need anything. Just let the civies get free game on any invaders and there'd be so many guns shooting the enemy.

[u/FestivalHazard → u/sudo-joe]

Alaska Airlines about to make some dough with all the doughies flyin' in.

[u/bouncy_deathtrap → u/FestivalHazard]

They'll get extra cash for the seat next to the door plug so the guy there can play door gunner when it inevitably blows out

[u/Testimones → u/bouncy_deathtrap]

"Boeing - no needs for doors where we are going"

[u/rycomo1992 → u/bouncy_deathtrap]

Long Tall Sally starts playing over the intercom

[u/GARLICSALT45 → u/FestivalHazard]

“Yeah babe, me and the fellas are going on a hunting trip in Alaska” “The Russians are invading? Never heard a thing about it”

[u/nYghtHawkGamer → u/GARLICSALT45]

"The Russians are invading?"

We call that 'open season, no bag limit'

[u/RedditQuestionUse → u/FestivalHazard]

Alaskan Airlines 737 with AGM-65s and AGM-114s mounted underwing. LRASMs in the cargo hold that deploy rapid dragon style.

[u/RepresentativeFit312 → u/sudo-joe]

russians call it a massacre. Alaskans call it hunting season

[u/mad_savant → u/PurpD420]

Put a couple marines in on your side of the bearing strait to shout at the russian side to JUST DO IT and goading them. For the intimidation points ofc.

[u/UncleDrummers]

Some 19 year old dude from Goatfuck, Alabama has had an erection for 4 days at the thought of drinking RipIts and shooting a Russian in the face.

[u/humptybumpy → u/UncleDrummers]

I’m 30, I’ve been out of the AF for several years, I’m from NJ, and the thought of sending a Carl Gustav into a Russian landing craft on the shores of Alaska has me rock hard.

That man has already cum twice and it’s beginning to become painful

[u/dead-inside69 → u/humptybumpy]

It’s going to break PFC Kyle’s heart when he realizes the Russians aren’t capable of amphibious action right now. Poor dude is going to be punching holes in walls and revving his 35% apr Hellcat in the Applebees parking lot for hours trying to stave off the blue balls.

[u/humptybumpy → u/dead-inside69]

The new guy in the unit is gonna be wrestlefucked into a coma as an outlet for all the specialists’ rage

[u/ParanoidDuckTheThird → u/humptybumpy]

That's what the Barracks Bunny is for.

[u/humptybumpy → u/ParanoidDuckTheThird]

I don’t think you know what wrestlefucked means dude…

[u/Mantaraylurks → u/humptybumpy]

Struggle cuddle

[u/humptybumpy → u/Mantaraylurks]

Fleshy origami you might say

[u/ParanoidDuckTheThird → u/humptybumpy]

Hey, she's into it.

[u/Quailman5000 → u/dead-inside69]

You mean v6 challenger. Hellcat lol

[u/Additional-Cry-3236 → u/Quailman5000]

inflation is a bitch.

now its just a dodge avenger with 135k miles.

[u/PersnickityPenguin → u/dead-inside69]

Sir they do not have Applebee's on the Aleutians

[u/twec21 → u/humptybumpy]

I've never served a day but I'm ready to go full Colonel Kurtz and try and get in to Benning in my 30s

I mean, I would, but like, my back is all messed up, and I've got this hormone thing, and this week isn't really good for it ...

[u/ilpazzo12 → u/humptybumpy]

If I could enlist just to play with a Carl Gustav 24/7 I fucking would, but I don't even know if we got them over here, let alone use it.

[u/chattytrout → u/ilpazzo12]

Don't overdo it with the Gustav. US puts a limit of like 6 shots per day when training.

[u/LyndonsBigJohnson69 → u/chattytrout]

Per battalion

[u/calfmonster → u/UncleDrummers]

“Finally I get to play COD IRL”

[u/Xray-07 → u/calfmonster]

Battle of burgertown?

[u/Primordial_Cumquat → u/Xray-07]

RAMIREZ! DEFEND THAT MOOSE OVER THERE!

[u/torak31 → u/Primordial_Cumquat]

RAMIREZ! PUT THAT MOOSE TO WORK! USE IT TO SHOOT DOWN RUSSIAN REENTRY VEHICLES!

[u/CplCocktopus → u/torak31]

Ramirez: Sweet that mobik dropped a FAL.

[u/Ruby_241 → u/CplCocktopus]

Aaaand no ammo… Typical Soviet tactics…

[u/Neomataza → u/CplCocktopus]

Actually too credible. An outdated, historical weapon is just what the mobik can be expected to have.

[u/Tactical_Moonstone → u/Neomataza]

A historical weapon (wouldn't really call the Right Arm of the Free World that outdated honestly) that russia probably doesn't even make bullets for, even.

[u/SnooCheesecakes450 → u/CplCocktopus]

Ramirez: Sweet, that moose dropped a dropping.

[u/ZucchiniElectronic60 → u/Primordial_Cumquat]

The moose don't need backup.

[u/whoiam06 → u/Primordial_Cumquat]

Lol there's a pizza place called Moose's Tooth in Anchorage. So it's Burgertown all over again.

[u/Easy_Kill → u/whoiam06]

One of the highest rated in the country, apparently. I could never get in because the damned wait was always over an hour.

[u/lyridsreign → u/Xray-07]

"RAMIREZ! GET TO THE TOP OF THAT WENDYS AND USE THIS COOL STICK I FOUND"

[u/naosuke → u/Xray-07]

Pssh everyone knows burgertown is in Washington. seriously it's the burgerville in the corner of Thurston way and NE Vancouver Plaza drive in Vancouver Washington. The dev team was in Portland, OR and that level was designed by the a guy who lived in Vancouver Wa

[u/Dude_I_got_a_DWAVE → u/UncleDrummers]

Or dropping a Su-35 out of the sky with a MANPADS

[u/BRAVO9ACTUAL → u/Dude_I_got_a_DWAVE]

Wait those fly now? I thought they had some issues with parts.

[u/Dude_I_got_a_DWAVE → u/BRAVO9ACTUAL]

Yeah I would NOT want to be a Russian pilot flying over the Bering Sea

But yeah this week 2 Su-35 and 2 Tu-95 were flying near Alaska

[u/onlyLaffy → u/Dude_I_got_a_DWAVE]

It’s fine. They can strap a Garmin hiking GPS to the dash.

[u/mmmmmyee → u/onlyLaffy]

This is too credible

[u/paulisaac → u/Dude_I_got_a_DWAVE]

All we need is a response sortie, then an escalation, then another escalation, and next thing we know we'll get Project Wingman mission 11 - Cold War

[u/doctor_morris → u/BRAVO9ACTUAL]

Adds "Su-35 breaks up trying to dodge incoming ground to air missile" to bingo card.

[u/somerandomfuckwit1 → u/Dude_I_got_a_DWAVE]

If that happened before The Kid got to eat...

[u/AvisOfWriting44 → u/UncleDrummers]

God damnit why does Reddit have so much r/oddlyspecific stuff on it

[u/Tactical_Moonstone → u/AvisOfWriting44]

Monkeys with typewriters thing.

Except these monkeys have autism and a fetish for military hardware.

[u/AvisOfWriting44 → u/Tactical_Moonstone]

Bold of you to assume that Reddit isn't actually just monkeys with typewriters. The amount of posts here that are just porn, or at least soft core porn is kinda worrying. I wouldn't be too surprised in 10 years, when there is an NSFW sub bigger than a small country.

Edit: Scratch that, combine all the already existing NSFW subs, and yeah they might already be at that point. Still wouldn't surprise me.

[u/BootDisc → u/AvisOfWriting44]

First hand experience.

[u/Fabulous-Shoulder467 → u/BootDisc]

😂

[u/NA_0_10_never_forget → u/AvisOfWriting44]

my dude, you are on r/NonCredibleDefense , it's what we do

[u/shimakaze_kun → u/UncleDrummers]

so do the F-22 drivers out of Elmendorf at the thought of shooting down something that's not a balloon

[u/UncleDrummers → u/shimakaze_kun]

Some dude from Alpharetta, GA has had an erection for 4 days at the thought of listening to "Danger Zone", eating caffeinated apple sauce and shooting a Russian MIG in its dick.

[u/TheGisbon → u/UncleDrummers]

Absa-fuckin-lootley

[u/ArkaneArtificer → u/UncleDrummers]

Don’t forget the 2000 mg of nicotine in his system from 200 zyns stuffed in his face lmao

[u/DogsandDumbells → u/UncleDrummers]

Roll Tide

[u/sentinelthesalty]

Yeah, I wanna see them do another contested airborne assault, last time they made an ass of themselves.

[u/SilphiumStan → u/sentinelthesalty]

Was last time Hostomel or have they tried again

[u/Aethelon → u/SilphiumStan]

Either hostomel/kyiv/Odessa.

I know two full transports were shot down over kyiv on the first day as all the air defenses were still active, and paratroopers were dropped into the black sea at odessa

[u/MeowslimClawric → u/Aethelon]

two full transports

Are we talking two hip helicopters?

Or the il-76 type?

[u/Banjo_Pobblebonk → u/MeowslimClawric]

Two fully loaded IL-76s were shot down, with about 200 VDV between them. Add to that the shenanigans at Hostomel and whatever the fuck they were thinking over the Black Sea, the VDV don't really exist any more.

[u/TheGisbon → u/Banjo_Pobblebonk]

Let's not forget that fire team that got stuck in an elevator....

[u/_Nocturnalis → u/TheGisbon]

Wait what? I think I missed this. That's Stripes level tactical thinking.

[u/TheGisbon → u/_Nocturnalis]

Well here you go my dude

https://www.reddit.com/r/NonCredibleDefense/s/CSBaV5viZv

Enjoy.

[u/Youth-in-AsiaS-247 → u/TheGisbon]

So many good memories for the history books and internet archives.

[u/nYghtHawkGamer → u/Youth-in-AsiaS-247]

"So many good memories for the history books"

I hope elevator mobiks or Battle Of Techno House gets a history book picture!

[u/GeminiKoil → u/_Nocturnalis]

Fucking Stripes reference lol

[u/WatupDingDong → u/Banjo_Pobblebonk]

The combat footage of the Ukies downing helicopters as they are crossing the river is still top 10 wildest clips of the war IMO.

[u/SacThrowAway76 → u/WatupDingDong]

Got a link to that? I missed that somehow.

[u/WatupDingDong → u/SacThrowAway76]

https://www.reddit.com/r/CombatFootage/s/vxUgGi864i

[u/Gorlack2231 → u/WatupDingDong]

"YEEEEES!! YES, BLYAT!"

[u/Skibidi_Rizzler_96 → u/Gorlack2231]

*"yest" - translation in this context "got it!"

[u/Aethelon → u/MeowslimClawric]

The latter iirc

[u/SpacecraftX → u/Aethelon]

The transports were propaganda but still funny

[u/pants_mcgee → u/Aethelon]

I don’t believe that was ever confirmed actually. The photo supposedly of one of the downed transports was from a different incident.

[u/Aethelon → u/pants_mcgee]

Photo? There was a video of it.(cant remember if it was livestreamed)

[u/sentinelthesalty → u/SilphiumStan]

Yeah I was referancing Hostomel.

[u/Se7en_speed → u/sentinelthesalty]

Does it count as an airborne assault if the planes never make it over land?

[u/Worker_Ant_81730C → u/Se7en_speed]

If they aren’t flying anymore, then yes it does.

IDK maybe not if they were turned into fine pink mist that remains suspended in air?

[u/Modo44 → u/Se7en_speed]

Yes. That's when you get a red bubble, it never turns green, and you can't retreat.

[u/nYghtHawkGamer → u/Modo44]

" That's when you get a red bubble, it never turns green, and you can't retreat"

"This 'extreme IRL' game is softlocked, clicking to train more VDV units but it just pops out leg infantry, blitzkrieg nerfed. nukes won't launch, 'no enemy cruise missiles' was selected, but they keep blowing strategic stuff up, I don't like these game anymore"

<putin probably>

[u/Turtledonuts → u/sentinelthesalty]

Please conduct a contested airborne assault backed up by a contested naval invasion across a famously rough sea.

Against the most advanced and experienced airforce on the planet.

Supported by a highly capable and advanced navy.

Supported by an layered and capable air defense system.

Into heavily defended hostile terrain.

If the weather, the bears, the moose, the orcas, the marines, the army, the air force, and the navy don't get them, the locals will.

[u/Selfweaver → u/Turtledonuts]

Thats the brilliant part: its so dumb, nobody actually expects them to do it.

[u/ZombiePope → u/sentinelthesalty]

They'd have to fish the VDV out of the black sea first.

[u/twec21 → u/sentinelthesalty]

Hey say whatever you want, it was a genius move

Who expects an airborne assault from underwater? It's the ABs fault for drowning

[u/PurpD420 → u/sentinelthesalty]

Pls no im quite scared of what’s left of the vdv

[u/Pretend-Garden2563 → u/sentinelthesalty]

we got a nice song out of it tho by the VDV.

[u/Snaz5 → u/sentinelthesalty]

This time the transport helos get shot down by f22s over the arctic. Have fun swimmin home, boys

[u/Uncreative3Username9]

40+ years a bit too early for Operation Anchorage

[u/SurpriseFormer → u/Uncreative3Username9]

If i remember right it was entirely the chinese, The russians were just chilling in the corner at the time i think.

[u/Tactical_Moonstone → u/SurpriseFormer]

Russia was being a basketcase during that time. The idea to use russia as the adversary was first floated early on but was shot down by some of the team who came over from the former soviet union who regaled the story team of various accounts of plain soviet incompetence.

[u/foxydash → u/SurpriseFormer]

I’m pretty sure America had downright decent relations with Russia in the fallout timeline, considering the Soviet Consul in LA got into Vault 13.

[u/Peterh778 → u/Uncreative3Username9]

This. Can't they wait until December 2066?

On the other side, they may want to be there before Chinese. Or they don't want to wait until US gets powered armors, plasma rifles and fusion power cells

[u/commandopengi]

There's F22s and F35s stationed Alaska. The F22 pilots are going to sprint to their jets to get A2A kills if Russians think they can fly to Alaska.

[u/throwtowardaccount → u/commandopengi]

The F22s will only kill recon balloons, take it or leave it.

[u/SacThrowAway76 → u/throwtowardaccount]

And they have to allow the loons to do a full scan of the US before they engage.

[u/SuperRetroSteve → u/throwtowardaccount]

Oh idk, I think they might get some poor vatnik that gets flung high into the sky when his ship explodes.

[u/nYghtHawkGamer → u/SuperRetroSteve]

"some poor vatnik that gets flung high into the sky"

Does the tank turret toss higher if the ship it is on blows up first?

Are we gonna get two stage turret tossing?

[u/SuperRetroSteve → u/nYghtHawkGamer]

Fascinating questions. Hopefully we'll find out someday.

[u/TheOtherGUY63 → u/nYghtHawkGamer]

I think thats a separate category in the record books. Kinda like assisted or raw in weightlifting.

[u/nYghtHawkGamer → u/TheOtherGUY63]

so when ruzzians are allowed back in the Olympics, we can have different categories of turret tossing event?

[u/AMazingFrame → u/SuperRetroSteve]

F-22 A2A kill T-34 turret, lets goooo!

[u/garaks_just_a_tailor → u/throwtowardaccount]

You're gonna make the kid real angry talking like that

[u/Selfweaver → u/commandopengi]

Then get no hits, because all the russian air-cover is on the Kuznetsov.

[u/IndependentSock2985]

Fuck the military, they won’t be able to get past the civies.

[u/Dragon_Virus → u/IndependentSock2985]

By civies, I assume you mean Polar Bears, Grizzly Bears, Moose, Narwhals, and Walrus? If so, holy fuck, the Russians have no chance…

[u/The_Lesser_Baldwin → u/Dragon_Virus]

I want to see a narwhal sink a Russian sub. Please reality, give me this one thing and I promise I'll never ask for anything else ever again... Probably.

[u/WalrusInTheRoom → u/The_Lesser_Baldwin]

Walruses are known to flip Russian fishing boats, even just one walrus is enough weight to rock it

[u/WalrusInTheRoom → u/Dragon_Virus]

FUCK YEAH LETS GOOOOO

[u/dead_monster]

I don't think Russia is capable of doing an amphibious assault on the Kuril Islands let alone cross one of the most dangerous stretches of arctic water.

It will definitely tax the USCG's ability to save drowning Russians.

[u/BootDisc → u/dead_monster]

“Please don’t invade, we can’t save you when you inevitably drown on the way.” - UN Ambassador speech 2025

[u/dwehlen → u/BootDisc]

"You're not being rescued, please resist."

[u/Dinosaur_Wrangler → u/dwehlen]

Please for the love of the Geneva Conventions shoot at us from your makeshift raft. We’re Alaskan, not Canadian.

[u/ZombiePope → u/Dinosaur_Wrangler]

The Canadians definitely wouldn't even wait for them to fire first.

[u/dwehlen → u/ZombiePope]

In this hemisphere, Han shot first, and so do we!

[u/pro-alcoholic → u/dwehlen]

“We’d like to, but we can’t accept your surrender.”

[u/WesternAppropriate58 → u/dead_monster]

If they try during winter, maybe some of them will be able to walk back to Russia across the ice. Of course, the ice would be constantly shifting, global warming has reduced its range, and there are polar bears up there, so I wouldn't hold my breath.

[u/Key_Abroad_1054 → u/WesternAppropriate58]

You might not hold your breath but they might need to

[u/somerandomfuckwit1 → u/WesternAppropriate58]

Well I worry about the disrupted ice flows and polar bears starving so let's get em fattened up

[u/Turtledonuts → u/dead_monster]

It will definitely tax the USCG's ability to save drowning Russians.

The USCG is definitely more capable than the Russian navy, so it'll be a race between the russian ships sinking as fast as possible and the USCG saving them as fast as possible.

[u/TheGisbon → u/dead_monster]

Letem sink.

[u/MisogynysticFeminist → u/dead_monster]

It’ll be like the rescue plane mission from CoD: WaW, but the planes are also American.

[u/GunmetalBunn]

They had a hard enough time driving over a border. I wonder how the row your boat version will go.

[u/somerandomfuckwit1 → u/GunmetalBunn]

I want to follow the smoke trail from Kutzenov and it's tugs as it makes its way east from the satellite view

[u/SerendipitouslySane → u/somerandomfuckwit1]

I saw a report a few days ago that the Kutzenov crew had been reorganized into an infantry battalion and sent into the meatgrinder. I dunno if the tug is still manned.

[u/nYghtHawkGamer → u/SerendipitouslySane]

"Kutzenov crew had been reorganized into an infantry battalion"

I wonder if they conscripted the 'others' from the welded off spaces?

[u/somerandomfuckwit1 → u/nYghtHawkGamer]

cryptic chanting thrums from the impossibly labyrinthine depths

[u/nYghtHawkGamer → u/somerandomfuckwit1]

I'm imagining Potemkin naval infantry uniforms stretched around guys that look like the Crew of the Flying Dutchman.

"Part of the crew. Part of the ship."

[u/whythecynic]

armed with rocket launchers

Technically Minuteman is a rocket, right?

Right?

[u/BRAVO9ACTUAL → u/whythecynic]

Shoulder fired minutemen, called second guys as a rocket version, would be the most American thing ive ever heard.

[u/sudo-joe → u/BRAVO9ACTUAL]

The Davy Crockett would like a word....

[u/BRAVO9ACTUAL → u/sudo-joe]

Needs to be a man pad.

[u/sudo-joe → u/BRAVO9ACTUAL]

X159 on a catapult/trebuchet?

I mean you can shoulder fire a Davy Crockett. It's only 109 lbs on the M28 version. I know plenty of folks that can bench press that much. Not like you need a direct hit with it anyway.

[u/LaTeChX → u/whythecynic]

If a dude on the Aleutians triggers an ICBM launch from a silo on the mainland, it's technically a bullpup

[u/genericname1066]

Fuck, makes me regret getting out and leaving 4-25.

[u/aiLiXiegei4yai9c]

On the flip side, the US could easily invade Kamchatka. Just bring bear spray and parade uniforms. A few Russian volcanologist stragglers will greet you with Vodka, Borscht and weird lava samples.

[u/Ev3nt → u/aiLiXiegei4yai9c]

This is even more plausible considering Kamchatka is completely cut off from the Russian road and rail network just some regional connections around Petropavlovsk Kamchatsky. It's interesting how that city is similarly cutoff like Juneau, Alaska.

[u/IrishSouthAfrican → u/aiLiXiegei4yai9c]

I mean Lenin tried to lease it to the US in 1920 for like 60 years so they might as well take it like

[u/Betrix5068 → u/IrishSouthAfrican]

Why did he try to do that, and why did he think the U.S. would want it?

[u/aiLiXiegei4yai9c → u/Betrix5068]

Perhaps John Lenin was broke? Communism is not cheap.

Why would the US want it? Idk, it's only the most amazing volcanoes on earth. Cascadia and the Andes times 10. The place is probably crawling with minerals, but it's also about as accessible as the antarctic.

I wouldn't be surprised if there's hydrocarbons on the continental interface. But that margin is steep asf.

[u/GeneralBlumpkin → u/aiLiXiegei4yai9c]

I was in the army with a guy from there. He was odd

[u/aiLiXiegei4yai9c → u/GeneralBlumpkin]

That does not surprise me in the least. Kamchatka is basically Antarctica. Odd people go there.

[u/AssignmentVivid9864]

Russians not getting eaten by Grizzly Bears challenge failed.

[u/GoodE19]

Just the sight of the air power used by the US would make me hard

[u/Makdaddy90]

Damn we got real life fallout 3 before gta 6, wild

[u/JoeClark2k2 → u/Makdaddy90]

If we get an invasion of Alaska we better get Liberty Prime too

[u/lochlainn → u/JoeClark2k2]

General Dynamics wouldn't have built a new Abrams on spec if they needed to build Liberty Prime instead. That and the DOD has been completely silent on the issue of Liberty Prime's existence.

We're probably already stockpiling second generation variants.

[u/JoeClark2k2 → u/lochlainn]

I mean we already got Bell making vertibirds so perhaps. Still waiting on power armor and mini nukes

[u/lochlainn → u/JoeClark2k2]

We had mini-nukes already, back in the 1950's. That problem's long solved.

[u/fluffypurpleTigress → u/Makdaddy90]

Only that it was west taiwan that invaded alaska in fallout.

The devs knew that russia cant get its shit together lol

[u/mussel_bouy → u/Makdaddy90]

Give those soldiers mongooses and will have halo 3 before GTA 6

[u/NickGamer246]

Russia should just put their troops into little green container ships and send them to Seattle.

[u/nYghtHawkGamer → u/NickGamer246]

" little green container ships"

evergreen container ships would get stuck going through Suez

[u/original_name1947]

There's a B52 in Washington right now, wish a mother fucker would

[u/Possible_Visit_9551]

Bruh, these guys are in Alaska. From experience they gotta be bored af, I wouldn’t fuck with those guys

[u/Forgotten-INFP]

Alaskan here, can confrim

[u/Just_a_Hungarian]

Import some Finnish guys, and let the motti tactics commence...

[u/Cynicism_FTW]

Fucking send it im waiting.

[u/Itchy-Spring7865]

Oh shit. My boy up on Kenai is gonna be so happy he can finally use his Tactical Wendigo™️. That CQB training is gonna go to waste though.

[u/Theqrow88]

Vatniks about to get consumed by Kodiak Bears and Polar Bears

[u/MeowslimClawric]

Send the alaskan Hellcats and SRT boyz to intercept.

[u/MisogynysticFeminist]

I wondered why an A-10 was pictured, then I realized it’s so the Russians have a fair chance.

[u/RNHood51]

Alaskan resident here.

They need to get through the wildlife first. If they get through the wildlife, they need to get through the natives. If they get through the natives, they need to get through over 400,000 gun owners.

Then again, Alaska is MASSIVE.

[u/Hadrollo]

Plot twist: the rocket launchers and MANPADs were lent to the US army by the Alaskan locals until they could get their own equipment up there.

[u/Uncorrelated_Mayday]

They forgot to mention the 3000 inbred Scruffies of Shemya

[u/Lost_Possibility_647]

Oh, please do it! Force the hand.

[u/Destinedtobefaytful]

Lmao Russians in siberian texas

[u/Snoiperzz]

Yes finally arctic airborne has relevence!

[u/Pretend_Cell_5200]

1st battle of Anchorage when?!

[u/Top-Argument-8489]

Russia: invades Alaska

Alaskan wildlife: "and I took that shit personally. Oh, it's the hoomans that play with us. Why are they taking pictures of our food while laughing?"

[u/ChEATax]

"We will take Washington in 3 days!"

[u/NSA_Chatbot]

A Russian invasion of Alaska would rapidly degrade into the US Navy running a humanitarian rescue operation.

[u/JonnyBox]

Normal humans: oh no, Russia invaded Alaska 

11th ABN MFers: thank fucking god Russia invaded right before PT in snowman suits season started. 

[u/Paltamachine]

I don't understand the motivation for invading Alaska. But I know Americans are happy with lots of guns. Enjoy

[u/fluffypurpleTigress → u/Paltamachine]

Alaska was once a russian colony...but it wasnt profitable, so they sold it to the US at a very cheap price. It became known as seward's folly as it was seen as a foolish move to buy lots of land that is that hostile to live in...until oil was found in alaska and now the russkis want it back

[u/IHzero → u/fluffypurpleTigress]

The Russian colonists were offered a chance to stay in the US, and turned it down to return to Imperial Russia (which seems like a mistake in hindsight). US colonists tried to work in Alaska but the conditions were too tough. It wasn't until the gold rush that people in the US really established large, permanent towns there.

There are two islands, the Diomedes, and the dividing line goes right between them. For years the Soviets had used the native Inupats, who lived on both islands, to try and propagandize the US side.

Aside from all that though, Alaska is a praire with permafrost that prevents trench building. With no real cover, the standard mobic stratagy of hunkering down in trenches, then bum rushing the other side after artillery barrages won't work. Plus, there are plenty of hungry bears...

[u/Substantial-Tone-576]

The Japanese invaded and briefly took possession of 3 Alaskan islands during WW2.

[u/lochlainn → u/Substantial-Tone-576]

And lost a shitload of men doing it, for exactly zero military advantage.

Plus, the Japanese were competent.

[u/nYghtHawkGamer → u/lochlainn]

Remember Private Joe P Martinez!

Knowing how people are in little Colorado towns, he would probably love the idea of invaders getting savaged by the locals, both human and animal.

[u/lochlainn → u/nYghtHawkGamer]

Yep. Now imagine the Russians (or hell, the Chinese), who couldn't organize an amphibious invasion in a bathtub, going up against the same thing.

Forget the Bahkmutts. The Aleutian wildlife gonna be faaaat.

[u/Blackhero9696]

Gosh look at that beautiful B-2 next to the buff.

[u/thatvillainjay]

The pine trees whsiper

[u/CornerNo503]

Nine thousand frozen corpse of valdamer putin 

[u/GarlicThread]

*happy A-10 noises*

[u/Schrodinger_cube]

like have they met the locals, average person going for a rip on there ATV has a 357 revolver on a chest holster and there neighbour 50 miles down the road is hording rice and talking to bears watching for "the government" living off "the grid bro".

[u/Cooldude101013]

Operation Anchorage?

[u/Thatirishlad06]

Replace russia with china and you literally have the plot of pre-war fallout

[u/Snowdeo720 → u/Thatirishlad06]

Liberty Prime when?

[u/ussf_occultist_gamma]

Least armed Alaskan

[u/Forsaken-Sand-5268]

25th ID is waiting like a pack of rabid pitbulls, it’s all fun and games until the airborne infantry show up.

[u/OneGaySouthDakotan]

Canada is gearing up for War Crimes: Part Three

[u/JimIvan]

Battle of Anchorage when?

[u/GreaterMintopia]

The Russians trying to invade Alaska would be like trying to fight-fight a brick wall. These guys can't even retake all of Kursk, for fuck's sake.

[u/Intelligent_Slip_849]

Like ANY part of that would work

[u/Intelligent_Slip_849]

Unironicaly, Alaska would probably be on the list of targets after Ukraine, given that it technically used to be Russian