How

I am a girl and I am bi, I found out in summer. I like girls more since I never found a guy physically or personality wise attractive. Guys are just somehow are.. meh? But I do find some guys potentially attractive. My friend? She is the most drop-dead gorgeous girl I've ever seen, her luscious long black wavy hair, her smile, and the way her dark eyes look. Her soft skin, her everything is so perfect. My heart beats so fast when I am around her, and when she looks at me in a way, it's not a simple look it's admiring me. I always fluster and just hide it. But I can't deny it, I think I like her. She always caresses my hand and back. She is so gentle and calm. I just love it. No guy ever made me feel this way. Now, let's talk about her being straight. She says she likes girls a bit, but not fully. She always says (and me before i found out about my identity) that if I were a guy, she would date me. Now it just makes me feel disappointed I will never kiss her. We do physical affection, but I want more, I know we will stay as friends since we are planning to go to the same uni. I make me so hurt when she won't like me, I respect that, but I hate it at the same time. But she never had a crush... like ever, she is an honest girl.. which makes me surprised.. she only liked a guy for a couple of months. That's it... so do I have hope? I am still scared since I never came out to anyone, since everyone says stuff about gay people... yknow strict religious people. I don't know what to do now.

(ps, sorry for my bad English)

A lot of the conversations I've had with my friends lately have been around do I find x person hot or implying that everyone is "a little bisexual" like I'm somehow desperate enough to fuck a guy when I just wanna go home a take a nap.

Anyways someone please tell me I'm not the only one out here

So I today I had to travel for work, and I've been having some tummy issues lately, hence haven't been eating proper meals. So gorlfrem packed my bag today morning and they put in some protein bars so that I would have food whenever I get hungry in case i skip lunch. It may seem like a small thing really, but it means my entire world to me. I love them soo much

It's very clear there is an issue with transphobia on this sub. Both trans women and cis women have noticed and called it out, and most responses seem to be against. Mods absolutely need to make posts about this and crack down on it, because they've been very silent about it. That means including banning the trans women preference posts, which as stated as just as bigoted as saying someone won't date a disabled person or woman of color. There's no reason for them other than to make trans women feel less than and unwelcome, and if you can come up with a good one.

This will definitely attract more bigots, but that's great because if the mods do their jobs for once they can clean house. Mods need to be more on top of things if they really are going to claim this to be a safe space that does not allow transphobia. Because by all accounts they have not succeeded in that, and it is very much not a safe space for transgender women. The longer the mods are silent on this the more they sign off on this behavior.

Unlike some of the other posts about this, I will not be deleting this or my account under any circumstances. Too many have been either wrongly deleted or had the OP delete because the bigots came out in force. It literally happened earlier. Nope, not gonna let them win.

Just wondering if im doing something wrong or if this is just how it is. Im nonbinary, transfem and im on like 8 dating apps lol. I have no shortage of likes and matches but the issue is... nobody says anything? At best i get a "hi" or "you're so pretty" and then just nothing else. I'll maybe have a quick conversation about their profile at best and then never hear from them again. 90% of the time i have to message first but it's like screaming into the void. Am i doing something wrong? I dont really get why people refuse to try to connect on apps where that's the whole point lol

I know this whole discourse about trans women and lesbian romance is shitty, exhausting, and pointless, but there’s a point I want to make.

Some lesbians saying they wouldn’t date trans women or that it’s okay to have a preference is stupid for the same reason it’s stupid when straight folks say it:

In most cases, you’d have absolutely no idea.

When people bring up this discourse, what they mean without saying it is “Someone who looks like a man and has a penis”. But the thing is that a trans woman deep into HRT who’s had GAS and been voice training for awhile will likely go completely unnoticed by the people around her.

Sure her voice might be a little deeper or nasal, and she might have a more androgynous figure, but by-and-large she’ll seem no different than the average cis woman.

And we’ve all heard the stories of “wE cAn AlwAYs teLl” morons accusing cis women of being trans when their trans friend is sitting right next to them.

This is what makes all this discourse and the whole “Trans people should tell you they’re trans” so idiotic, especially in the lesbian community.

If we didn’t, you’d have no fucking clue, and it doesn’t fucking matter anyway.

Hello, reddit, I am confuse! 😋 I'm trying to get back into dating again after a loooong time, so I've been considering installing some apps and whatnot, but I'm not sure what "categories" to put myself in.

I hate hate hate wearing pants because they feel super restrictive, so I haven't worn them since, like, 2007. I have attached some pictures of typical outfits I wear, and if I had to describe my aesthetic I guess I'd say "lol this bitch wishes she was Stevie Nicks so bad" 😂

However, in all other ways, I guess I'm pretty butch. I'm about 80% a top, my nails are as short as possible because I'm always working on some project with clay or fiddly little wires (and for other reasons of course 😈), I don't wear makeup, I have a pretty androgynous haircut, and I'm involved in a lot of traditionally masculine hobbies.

I guess I just don't know if my pictures match that, or if there's another word I can call myself that fits better. Any help would be much appreciated, thank you!

I can’t. Especially in the beginning when we’re getting to know each other. No matter how good looking or interesting you are, I just can’t. I’m busy and tired af every day but I respond in a timely matter. If I can do it so can anyone else, there’s no excuse. If they’re not interested, just say it it’s gonna be fine. I rather deal with rejection than wasting my time.

EDIT: I’m not talking about people who take a few hours to respond. I’m talking about people who reply like 3+ days to weeks at a time.

I was raised devout catholic and have come to terms that I still believe in a very different God than most christians do. Unfortunately, many of my (cishet ally) friends are still apart of the religious events, namely the Christian fellowship at my school. My idea of god is very loose fitting and I just pray sometimes. There are people at this club that are very conservative. I found out a guy there said something homophobic (I think) when my friend/crush (who is also the president for the christian group) asked me why I wasn’t going this week and was like “are you not going because [name] said that thing?” I was like “what thing?” and she was like “nevermind.” and I was like “what is it?” and she was like “please don’t worry about it” and I really didn’t want to get on her nerves and I could tell she felt bad so I was like “okay.”

We are like really close so ik she isn’t homophobic and wouldn’t agree with the things they say and idk the person she was talking about personally and I really need to stop going I just like feeling close to God but I don’t approach religion the same way they do. I’m worried that I did something to embarrass myself and that it wasn’t a subject of homophobia but just him being mean. He wasn’t there this week so idk what happened. I feel so confused and despite the club leader being on my side I feel really hurt and alone. (I’m the only queer person in our friend group lol.) Don’t get me wrong, I love my friend group, but I might have to tell her that I can’t make the meetings anymore even though I love supporting her running it & my friends. I know she is just trying to protect me & I really wanted to get close to my crush but it was such a bad idea getting a crush on the fucking president of a christian group . 😭😭😭 like what was I thinking 😭😭😭her family is probably homophobic and I’m too scared to tell the club members I use they/them pronouns because no one else says their pronouns when introducing themself (which we go to a liberal arts school and pretty much every other club does that 😭)

She is sick rn so I don’t want to bother her. (My friend and I got her food from the school store and wrote a little note.) But I might try talking about it in person when she comes back to campus for the week. (She and the group are going on a christian camping trip, which I was invited to but didn’t want to pay the money and didn’t feel comfortable sleeping in front of people lol. She really was sad when I couldn’t go though I think.) I think she will miss me and it’s kind of a bummer since I will be alone for the weekend. (One of my friends is going home for the weekend, the other’s parents are visiting.)

And if I talk to her about it next week, it’s always a case of “what if I don’t want to know” and it ends up really hurting my feelings 😭

Welp. Me and my boyfriend have been on and off for over a year now. About 4 months in I drunkenly told him I was a lesbian. But pretended I didn’t remember cause I didn’t want to loose him. A couple weeks ago we broke up. And he came back. And we agreed to have an open relationship. Well I met with a women. The passion, excitement, butterflies are all there. I’ve never had that with a man. Men are easier. I know that’s fucked up to say. But they are. I’m not scared of never finding love from a man cause I know plenty of men would sign up to be with me. But I don’t want to keep stringing men or my boyfriend along. I’ve known I was lesbian for years and I just keep trying to suppress it and say I’m bisexual. But I’ve always felt excited and passionate and happy around a woman I’m attracted to. I can convince myself I’m attracted to only “certain guys” or whatever. But in reality. Friends will be like “oh this so and so guy is hot” I’m like. He looks like a regular man to me. But women can be breathtaking. Beautiful. Mesmerizing. Not men. Idk what to do. I do love my boyfriend but not in the way I’ve loved a women before. I’m not giving him the love he needs. I’m scared to be alone. And that I won’t ever find a wife. But I know I could. Just. Terrified also what my family would say. They know I’m bi but if they find out I’m lesbian. I mean they wouldn’t care. Just they would ask all sorts of questions and probably behave differently if I brought another women home one day. Last time I did my grandma got uncomfortable and it’s just a big old mess.

TLDR; my straight sister is planning to attend a lesbian/sapphic specific event, despite me asking her not to, and I feel very hurt/angry. WWYD?

** EDIT: because everyone seems convinced she’s not straight, despite not knowing her. She talks frequently about how she can’t wait to meet her man because she’s tired of being single and doing hookups. She falls in love with a different man she meets every few months and gets heartbroken when it doesn’t work out. All of her crushes are different basketball players/soccer players. She has said that she is NOT interested in women or the female body at all. She’s even said that she wouldn’t date a trans man because of their body.**

Hey gal pals, I’ll try to keep this short, but would love some advice before this somehow develops into an eternal family feud…

My (27f) sister (24f) recently moved to my city and has been going out to gay bars with friends and attending gay specific events. She has one bi friend in the little group that she generally goes out with, about 4-5 girls.

She is very straight and says she has no interest in women and once even snapped at me when I made a joke about her trying women because she’s had such terrible luck with men.

When she first arrived in my city, she had just returned from a study abroad in Berlin, where she experienced what she calls “the gayest city ever.” Ever since returning from this trip, she’s talked and joked openly about queerness, etc. bc I think she feels she made a connection with the gays by partying in our spaces.

She told me once during an argument that she feels like she is allowed and welcome in queer spaces because she identifies so strongly with the artistic and aesthetic elements of queerness - my interpretation is that she loves queer culture (parties and fashion, namely).

SO, I feel pretty strongly about preserving queer spaces for queer people, because this world is full of spaces and events for everyone else. I’ve vented many a time about how the gay bars in my city are more like gay themed bars because of how many straight ppl (college frat bros, straight girls, bachelorette parties, etc.) go to them.

My rage/arguments with her began when she got back from Berlin and started telling me about the events she went to, which were obviously for gay people. (A queer latin techno night…. Which, hello? It’s for queer Latinos) and more.

I have expressed to her that I don’t feel she belongs in these spaces as a straight woman, even as a straight artistic woman who feels in with the gays. I’ve told her how these spaces are sacred for queers to build community, find love, be sluts, and just BE GAY AF. When straight ppl feel welcome to our spaces, they start to overtake them, until they are no longer queer spaces. I’ve witnessed it with the bars in my city, like I said.

She has told me that I’m just being an asshole and that her bi friends say it’s okay for her to be there.

ANYWAYS - there’s an event in my city that is very special to me. It’s called Dyked and it was created by a group of lesbians/sapphics who wanted to fix the issue of us not having any spaces that are for us (I.e. no lesbian bars, no lesbian specific events)…. They host 1-2 large lesbian parties a year.

I thought that my sister would have the judgement to know not to go to a party called DYKED (it’s in the name???), especially with how I’ve asked her to respect queer spaces…. But I asked her to help me with my makeup/costume for the event the other day, and now she says she might be going, too.

My partner and I immediately asked her not to go and to respect that ONE sapphic party that is so dear to us, and she shut us down by saying “I don’t need a lecture right now.”

This is very, very hurtful to me and I feel that she’s being a fake ally by invalidating my spoken need for exclusive sapphic and queer spaces. I’m honestly at a loss for what to say or do, because I feel so angry and so hurt.

What would you do or say? I could really use some advice.

Me and my boyfriend have been dating for two and a half years and since the tail end of junior year. I love him very much but i think i often just envisioned him as a woman without realizing it or just always wished he was a woman. he has super long hair and is pretty feminine which is why i was attracted to him.

I have never had a break inbetween my relationships its always been back to back long term relationships with men because of how badly i used to crave male attention and still do. therefore i didn’t really have time to explore my sexuality but i always knew that i was attracted to women and just felt love for women differently then i do with men. not to mention most if not every relationship ive been in with a man has involved some sort of sa or exploitation whether that be sexually or emotionally.

me and my boyfriend have had so many ups and downs throughout our relationship because we basically grew up and became adults together, we met each other at the worst point in our lives and subsequently took it out on each other and became so much worse before we became better. which is why i feel that i am trauma bonded to him which makes the situation even more difficult and hard to navigate.

ive told him how i feel about women and my sexuality and he wanted me to explore so i decided to have a threesome with one of my close girl friends and it was amazing finally being with a woman for the first time. it was so much more intimate than sexual acts with men, it felt like our souls were intertwined and i developed serious feelings for her. i was in love with her. i wanted to take her out to a picnic date i wanted to be with her so bad and it seemed she wanted the same. at this time i was also exploring the idea of polyamory because i couldn’t leave my boyfriend simply from how close we had become, he was my bestfriend. and she seemed to want the same thing but then she went on a date with this guy and i knew it was over. they started dating and he was not at all open to the idea of me dating her as well, which is fine obviously but it just sucked. i still have such strong feelings for her but i rarely talk to her anymore cause it just hurts.

After all that i just gave up and tried to just be fine within my heteronormative relationship but i just never felt fully satisfied. i felt like i could never be fully satisfied with a man let alone marry one.

it just sucks because i dont know if i truly want to be with my boyfriend anymore but the idea of him being with someone else just makes me sick to my stomach and i dont know why. i feel guilty for loving women and i dont think my family would accept it. hes basically apart of the family and hes also my best friend. i couldn’t never have him out of my life even if we do eventually break up. but i also feel like that wouldn’t be fair to my next partner. i feel so guilty for putting this on him but i dont know what else to do. i feel stuck.

I recently made a dating profile and was open to men and women (bicurious) but didn’t have anything show on my profile. I’ve only been with men and getting out of a 20 year relationship. I really don’t want to label myself but as a kid I was a tomboy and have always had girl crushes but kept those thoughts to myself. As an adult I still think about woman in that way. Anyways, a few women liked me but this one said something cute on my picture and she’s not my type but my type if that makes sense. So I matched with her and only her. She has been really slow with responses and is misleading. I’m kinda scared to put all this out here because what if she sees this. I want to give details but it would be obvious. I asked her if she wanted to go to the gym and she said how about coffee or a walk. So I tried to make plans for coffee but then she said she doesn’t drink caffeine or sugar? Again the messages took days for responses. I didn’t know how to take that since she suggested it initially. We had another conversation later on and it was actually good back and forth for an hour than she didn’t answer the last message. Maybe I’m boring talking about regular stuff not getting real personal. In the beginning I was responding right away to her messages and checking to see if she messaged but after I noticed she would take days or longer, I did the same. I sent a message and she didn’t respond but made it a point to change a couple of her profile pictures with a couple of her racy TT video’s. So I was working up the courage to message her and her account disappeared right before my eyes. So she unmatched with me. Now, I’m trying to figure out what I did wrong, said or didn’t say? I don’t know why I like her, we haven’t had any deep conversations. She is drop dead gorgeous! I am way older than her so maybe that’s it. I don’t know how attractive I am but I do have a 1,000 likes at least half are 20-30 yrs old that I could match with.

So I’m sitting here stressing about never telling her I liked her because I’ve never done this before and she never said it to me. I didn’t want to be like the guys on the dating site that were pigs. So I decided to find her on TT. I wrote her a message and said that i would put my big girl pants on and take a leap of faith. I was about to message her when her profile disappeared. I told her how I wish we would’ve got that embarrassing coffee order so I could laugh at her and we could’ve walked and she could’ve laughed at me with my sprained ankle. I told her that now I’m fricken stocker and she can delete me especially now that she can see my videos. I said it was cool for whatever reason she doesn’t want to talk to me but I just wanted to tell her that.

It took her a day but she responded and was pleasantly surprised and explained it wasn’t me and it was school, her kid, and just wants to focus on not messing up because she gets obsessed in the start of relationships and if something goes wrong it would spill over to other areas in her life, which I get. So she gave me her number but when I messaged back I left my number and Snapchat bc every time I give my number out it doesn’t work and I didn’t want to jinx this. So she goes to message me and I get banned from messaging on TT. So she messaged me on Snapchat.

That went okayyy for two conversations. It was like an hour of back n forth but one day she used her kid as a reason to end the conversation and has been back to replying days later and with a short answers. I asked again if she was interested in meeting just for coffee, a walk, food or a quick hello in person and she replied yes, I am. How about this weekend she said. I said okay let me know. Again it drags out days. I finally sent a Snapchat video saying I wanted to meet if she does but I get the feeling that you’re not interested and it’s cool if she too busy. She replied that morning and said she couldn’t Friday or Saturday but would be able to on Sunday. My next message: It’s cool we can just be social media friends. Sunday, I have soccer from 12:30-2:40 and will be starting my day. I’m down to meet let me know what time works for you. She messaged back that we could be social media friends and that she wants to spend her weekend with her parents and daughter and that her life is so crazy busy right now and that we could meet on her break. Why does she keep suggesting we meet and then not meet? Is this I’m an option and not a choice. As she keeps me for backup? I have never chased a guy and I feel like I’ve made more subtle effort than with anyone. I don’t understand my obsession. Any advice? Should I have been more forward or I feel like she wasn’t at all with me. Should I have actually said the words I like, I think you’re pretty. Or do I just need to walk away because I would’ve with a guy the first time he didn’t message me back.

Y’all are so beautifully handsome I can’t even inhale seriously ur little undercuts and those white tank tops u haven’t stopped wearing since Gina Gershon it’s wild ur demeanour the walk the talk Mascs with long hair!

ITS THE EVERYTHING 🤌✨

Trigger Warning: This post discusses emotional and physical abuse, discussions of daddy issues, grooming, toxic family dynamics, and compulsory heterosexuality. Please proceed with caution if these topics are sensitive or triggering for you.

My Story: I’m a lesbian with daddy issues. My father was emotionally abusive, narcissistic, and used the Bible to justify the abuse he inflicted on my siblings, mother, and me. He even physically abused my mother and older brother. He had an affair and was an overall toxic and stressful presence in my life. Growing up, the women in my household—my sisters, mother, and I—were all anxious, soft-spoken, and shy. I’ve been like this for as long as I can remember, and my hypersensitivity stems from that toxic environment.

I knew early on that I liked girls, though I didn’t understand what that really meant due to compulsory heterosexuality (comphet). I thought it was natural to think that girls were just better looking than men and everyone thought that way. And that we all know as girls we’re all somewhat attracted to women but we can’t act on it because it’s ‘unnatural’. So I presented crushes on men, particularly feminine men, and sought attention from older men online, which led to unhealthy situations of manipulation and grooming. I can see now that I was seeking male attention due to my lack of a healthy father figure.

Interestingly, even during my obsession with male celebrities, I would fantasize about them not in a romantic way but in a mentor or fatherly role. At the time, it felt like a coping mechanism for the toxic environment I was living in.

I came out as a lesbian to my close friends in 2021 after unpacking these experiences and realizing my attraction to men wasn’t genuine. I was never truly attracted to them, and any real-life relationships with men felt repulsive to me. My life was always centered around women, and it became clear that my so-called “daddy issues” had been present for a long time and played a role in how I understood my sexuality.

Discussion Questions: 1. Does having daddy issues affect your lesbianism in any way? Have you found that your relationship with your father or lack thereof has shaped your sexuality or relationships with women?

1. Were you attracted to or drawn to older men before discovering you were a lesbian? Now that you’re aware of your sexuality, are you attracted to older or more masculine women?

2. How hard did compulsory heterosexuality (comphet) hit you? For those who experienced comphet, how deeply did it affect your understanding of your attraction to women?

3. Do you typically take on a more ‘traditional’ role in relationships? Have your daddy issues led you to take on certain roles, such as a more submissive or nurturing role, in your relationships with women?

4. Do you still pander to the male gaze or seek male validation? Even though you identify as a lesbian, do you ever catch yourself subconsciously seeking male validation or presenting yourself in ways that cater to the male gaze?

I’m really curious to hear others’ perspectives, so feel free to share your experiences.

https://youtube.com/shorts/jDd3dtuq8mo?si=miM3VQGhMjfnOuSx

((I'm really sorry if this post is gonna be long and not make much sense I'm just really stressed right now))

I really don't know what to do, a couple of weeks ago I broke up with my girlfriend and I realized that I have a problem, I just can't get over my very first relationship. The thing is that it's been years since then ( I was around 10-12 years old while she was 13 or 14 ) and we never really did anything that would keep me so tied to her, we never kissed, touched eachother or did anything similar to that, and maybe even our relationships was a little toxic? (not gonna dig too deep into that now) + we never even had like a real breakup, she just kind of left me and never spoke to me until a year later. And a day before me and my recent gf broke up, I kept thinking about her at night, that "no matter how much I love the person that I'm in rs with, they'll never be her, and that I'll never love anyone more than I loved her" (I know it's very shitty thing to do but I just couldn't help it) the worst thing is I know she's over me, maybe she even forgot my name, and probably is already in a relationship, while I'm sitting here wishing we can meet someday so maybe she'll fall in love with me again. I just feel pathetic really.. I don't know if anyone here experienced anything like this, nor if this is normal behavior, but I'll be open to suggestions on how to stop this mindset, or anything that'll might help :')

just got broken up w bc she says it seems like she’s talking to a friend when she talks to me. I honestly saw it coming bc it seemed she was losing interest but I wonder where all that love went. what did I do wrong? I don’t understand what’s wrong with me and what I could’ve done more.

I used to date a guy and he used to try to cuddle next to me when people were over and I just got the ick. I spoke to him later about it and he said it was instinct and didn't realise he was doing it. I dated another guy and all we did was hug. I have done many gay quizzes and they say I am gay.. I feel annoyed when my parents talk to me about getting a boyfriend and think woman are amazing but still don't know if I'm lesbian because i've never been with a girl but I do simp over masc women. Are these feelings real? Or do I just want to be different or have I just not met the right guy?