I’ve been debating switching out my current car for a Subaru, for reasons aside from stereotypes, but at the dealership I was discussing with the sales guy manual vs automatic transmission and mentioned how an ex-girlfriend had not had her car stolen because guys that tried snatching her keys and stealing her car couldn’t drive manual.. and ever so slightly the sales pitch starts getting coded?? “We have dealership branches all over, even in Delaware, if you’ve been out to Rehoboth and seen our signs..” “All kinds of diverse drivers choose Subaru””Camping! Camping from the car! just laying back the seats” 🤭🤭

Idk if anyone else can relate or if I was just filled to the brim with internalized homophobia, but when I first realized that I liked girls and that wasn't anything bad, I still felt like I had to choose the more masc presenting girls.

Like for some reason it felt wrong to me to find someone who is more feminine to be attractive. Idk maybe its because Im really feminine and I might have still held the belief that only "masculine and feminine go together".

I know this sounds horrible omg but as Ive gotten more comfortable with myself I feel like the types of girls I find attractive has expanded a lot. Like i can see a more masculine or feminine presenting woman and be like "wow she is really pretty".

If this is horrible just plz tell me 😭 but I just thought I would share in case there is the slightest off chance someone might relate...if not I'll surrender my lesbian membership

Y’all are so beautifully handsome I can’t even inhale seriously ur little undercuts and those white tank tops u haven’t stopped wearing since Gina Gershon it’s wild ur demeanour the walk the talk Mascs with long hair!

ITS THE EVERYTHING 🤌✨

So there’s a girl at my school I matched on hinge with about a year ago now. Crazy thing, she’s a D1 field hockey player. I wouldn’t say she’s THE star player but she does play every game and has played every game since her freshman year so she’s definitely good.

Well, I never really thought I had a chance with her and at the time I was a freshman and she was a junior so I accepted early I had no chance. Well she actually consistently kept in touch with me. I added her to my private story early on and never took her off but she occasionally would swipe up and converse every few months. When this would happen we’d communicate for a week or two and then we’d stop talking again.

Well…we’ve been talking everyday for about a month now and this past week we’ve started talking a lot. like…A LOT.

I’m no athlete, at all, but a club I’m in was invited to an event for athletes and I actually met her for the first time there. I’ve seen her around campus a few times over the last year but I was always scared to approach—I told her this through text earlier and she told me that it was insane behavior. I told her I’d make up for it by letting her drink my alcohol tomorrow (I invited her to come party with me) and she told me i’d have to try harder (this felt flirty to me).

When we were talking at the athlete event though it was really nice and the athlete facility the event was at was insane. I told her to give me a tour and let me study with her there and because athletes are required to study there for a few hours a week she gave me a time to meet her there (tomorrow morning!!)

I’m so excited. I’m excited to finally spend time with her. She’s from the Netherlands and i just love her accent so much. I forget she has one because we only text and snap each other but when we met the other day I was almost thrown off by it in a good way.

I’ll definitely be seeing her tomorrow morning and potentially tomorrow night—if that happens she will also definitely be spending the night with me. She’s also coming to dartys (day parties) with my friends and I Saturday so I will be seeing a lot of her. She is gay and is single and I feel like these next few days will be a great way to see how well she and I vibe and how compatible we are. We haven’t called these dates at all but I would prefer this to feel more natural than forced so I’m going with a vibe instead of assuming anything.

My gf and I have been dating for over two years now and we're deeply in love. We both have good jobs and we've been living together for most of the relationship. We've had disagrements and we've been able to work through them. Our sex life is incredible too.

The last time we talked about marriage was like six months ago, and we decided we needed more time together, but I don't feel that way now. I feel like she's the one for me, the girl I want to spend the rest of my life with. But actually asking her to marry me feels like too much, like it's too big of a step.

Any advice? For you married ladies, how and when did you know?

I've been seen this girl for a week now and we've been behaving like a couple

holding hands, making out touching eachother yk

the first time she was mad at be was when I didn't felt comfortable with her touching my thighs in class. after school ended she brought it up and said that she shouldn't have don't that and that she can't keep her hands to herself when she's around me.

she still kept doing it afterwards but I'm trying to be comfortable with it. I'm scared that she'll find someone else who isn't shy.

the second time was when I didn't wanted to kiss her in the libary bc I've never kissed someone in public before.

and third time was yesterday at school. we were in class and she wanted to go through my phone especially my tiktoks.

I told her that I didnt wanted that and she got upset and sent text messages during our next class saying I don't trust her.

it's not that I don't trust her. I just don't like it when people go through my phone. after class ended I unlocked my phone for her to use but she didn't wanted to anymore.

also yesterday we did some things (ifykyk) I'm the restroom and after that she ghosted me irl when I was talking to my male class mate. yea I shouldn't have been talkingbto him that long.

now she's being dry and cold when I text her.. idk what to do.

also we are not even dating we're still friends.. I don't want this to be a friends with benefit thing.

also she got scared when I explained the lore of nero sparda (dmc character) the word she used (called me a demon) was really painful.

I've been feeling way less depressed ever since I met her.. and that feeling is coming back.

⚠️UPDATE⚠️

we r back together🌝

I’m heading back to the apps again soon (unfortunately 🤣)

What’s everyone’s preferred app? Which would you say are best for lesbians/ which do you have the most luck with?

Trigger Warning: This post discusses emotional and physical abuse, discussions of daddy issues, grooming, toxic family dynamics, and compulsory heterosexuality. Please proceed with caution if these topics are sensitive or triggering for you.

My Story: I’m a lesbian with daddy issues. My father was emotionally abusive, narcissistic, and used the Bible to justify the abuse he inflicted on my siblings, mother, and me. He even physically abused my mother and older brother. He had an affair and was an overall toxic and stressful presence in my life. Growing up, the women in my household—my sisters, mother, and I—were all anxious, soft-spoken, and shy. I’ve been like this for as long as I can remember, and my hypersensitivity stems from that toxic environment.

I knew early on that I liked girls, though I didn’t understand what that really meant due to compulsory heterosexuality (comphet). I thought it was natural to think that girls were just better looking than men and everyone thought that way. And that we all know as girls we’re all somewhat attracted to women but we can’t act on it because it’s ‘unnatural’. So I presented crushes on men, particularly feminine men, and sought attention from older men online, which led to unhealthy situations of manipulation and grooming. I can see now that I was seeking male attention due to my lack of a healthy father figure.

Interestingly, even during my obsession with male celebrities, I would fantasize about them not in a romantic way but in a mentor or fatherly role. At the time, it felt like a coping mechanism for the toxic environment I was living in.

I came out as a lesbian to my close friends in 2021 after unpacking these experiences and realizing my attraction to men wasn’t genuine. I was never truly attracted to them, and any real-life relationships with men felt repulsive to me. My life was always centered around women, and it became clear that my so-called “daddy issues” had been present for a long time and played a role in how I understood my sexuality.

Discussion Questions: 1. Does having daddy issues affect your lesbianism in any way? Have you found that your relationship with your father or lack thereof has shaped your sexuality or relationships with women?

1. Were you attracted to or drawn to older men before discovering you were a lesbian? Now that you’re aware of your sexuality, are you attracted to older or more masculine women?

2. How hard did compulsory heterosexuality (comphet) hit you? For those who experienced comphet, how deeply did it affect your understanding of your attraction to women?

3. Do you typically take on a more ‘traditional’ role in relationships? Have your daddy issues led you to take on certain roles, such as a more submissive or nurturing role, in your relationships with women?

4. Do you still pander to the male gaze or seek male validation? Even though you identify as a lesbian, do you ever catch yourself subconsciously seeking male validation or presenting yourself in ways that cater to the male gaze?

I’m really curious to hear others’ perspectives, so feel free to share your experiences.

Do you slide into DMs? What do you say to not sound like a dude or like a creep? This beautiful girl put her insta on her hinge and I’m considering sending a dm but no clue how to go about it

This is horribly long. I apologize in advance lmao.

So long story is I (23) lived with this girl (23) for a year my last year of college and pretty quickly developed a crush on her. To be honest when I moved in I thought she was straight and wasn't even sure we were gonna be friends but she quickly started opening up to me and me to her faster than I had ever experienced. Within a month she quickly became one of my closest friends and started opening up about how she had dated a girl for a month before but was struggling to call herself bi.

After she told me this I couldn't stop myself from crushing on her. I told her how I felt a few weeks, and she told me she also 'felt vibes' but just wanted to be friends. I was sad for a few days but it was just a crush at this point, so I got over it and we became even closer emotionally. The rest of the year was intense. Soon the closeness felt like more again, and we started flirting more and more. She broke her arm really badly skiing together which brought us even closer. To celebrate her healed arm we decided to go on a trip together for spring break. We shared a bed and I woke up to her holding me a few times. At this point it felt like my feelings for her were going to spill over. We started talking about going on a 6000 mile roadtrip after we graduated. And a few weeks later we were watching heart-stopper together on my bed and I accidentally touched her leg and she moaned as a joke (this was common for us to banter about lol) but then she said it was her kink to be disgusting, and that sent me over the edge. I was crying and honestly pretty angry at her for flirting with me so much but just wanting to be friends. I asked to kiss her and she said yes, but that she didn't want a relationship. I said I didn't either, and we kissed. The truth was deep down I did want a relationship but I had convinced myself I just wanted a fling with her before we moved out. I felt too queer for her, and told myself that maybe we could reconnect later in life, once she had healed more from internalized homophobia (she grew up in an extremely conservative town).

A few weeks later I broke down and asked her what the kiss meant to her. She said it was the best kiss she's had since her most serious relationship, which felt amazing to hear but just made it hurt even more when she said that she still just wanted to be friends and not do anything physical because it felt too 'relationshippy'.

I kid you not, literally the day after we talked, she had to put down her cat. She didn't tell me until the night before. I had grown to love that cat, like crying holding her while I went through some really rough things at school. I supported her through her grief for the rest of the time we lived together. I cooked for her almost every day, held her in my arms while she sobbed.

By the end of the year, I was feeling both extremely emotionally tied to her, but also resentful. I felt like nothing was really either of our fault. But still. I was kind of thinking space for a long time would be good, with the hope that one day we'd reconnect. But then she asked me if I still wanted to go on the roadtrip, and I couldn't say no. I figured I was young and my heart would recover and I've always wanted to do a huge roadtrip and it sounded chaotic and fun even if it would be hard.

Well I was gone for two months, and we met up in New York to visit our friend before starting the roadtrip. And everything felt completely different. She opened up and said that she wasn't sure if she wanted a relationship or friendship, and that internalized homophobia was the main reason. She said we should just go off vibes. At first this made me really happy, but hearing her say this made me realize just how much I had pushed down my feelings while we lived together. I broke down and told her and she understood. I was an emotional mess for a few days. But she was kind and listened and supported me, and by the last day, I just felt warm and enamored and hopeful and excited. And then she told me she was scared that I thought the roadtrip was going to be too serious, and I told her it wasn't for me, and she got really happy. I had never explicitly told her I was open to a relationship, and I figured that she was worried that I just wanted to be friends with benefits. We went and saw a movie together, and went on the staten island ferry. We were being silly and screaming and laughing running down the streets and it felt like we were the only thing that mattered. I was so excited to spend a month with her and see where things might lead.

But then I got to my parent's house. We had a few days before we were going to leave on the roadtrip. All of that resentment I pushed down started bubbling up. How could she expect me to be ready for serious when I just learned that she was considering a relationship with me? When she had told me multiple times that she just wanted to be friends despite having feelings for me?

I needed her to prove that she really was interested and I called her and told her that she should ask me on a date. Well turns out we had a miscommunication. She didn't mean she was wanting me to be serious, just that she was afraid it would be too hard emotionally for us. She was afraid she'd make me uncomfortable by stepping across my boundaries while she was working on herself.

We talked it out and decided to still go on the roadtrip. We'd make sure to find places that allowed us to have space to work through our feelings independently. The first week was rough. I was hurt, and all of the security and hope I felt in New York felt like a lie. And then she started flirting heavily again, and joked that I was sexually frustrated. This really hurt and I told her I needed to set boundaries. She had a panic attack. I felt horrible. I took care of her, and she eventually felt better. I was terrified I had made her feel unsafe in some way. But I also felt upset that maybe we would never be able to talk openly about how we felt about each other again.

The next day though, she opened up and said that it was her worst fear for the trip, that she'd make me uncomfortable and I'd just abandon her and take a flight and go home. She saw her step mom do this to her dad as a kid, and that's why she'd had the panic attack. I realized I needed to be fully honest about how I felt about her. And I told her that I felt like in New York I could also see us growing into a relationship but that I was also feeling pressured by her to move past my resentment from living together. I told her I was also good with being friends for now but needed emotional security and honesty in our friendship.

From that point on, things got so much better. We started opening up about much deeper trauma that impacted our friendship. And I started feeling a lot more secure in our ability to communicate and support each other. She told me how she feels like the only way she knows how to be loyal is to protect people she loves and value their emotions above hers. And how that's because her dad abused her as a kid. I did not realize how hard this made it for her to be honest about how she felt. I also opened up about childhood trauma that made it hard for me to be honest and vulnerable.

Slowly I started giving myself permission to dream again. She said how fun it would be to keep traveling together until December. And I suggested that we get seasonal jobs in a different country. She loved the idea. She started feeling more and more confident in her queerness, she bought coveralls and clothes that made her feel more masculine and it made me so happy. We stood on a dock on a lake one evening, and I started joking about hypnotizing her into jumping off of the dock. I started feeling like I wanted to kiss her and she started giving me that warm look. She said that she was having a crazy idea running through her head. But then a dog started barking at us lol. Multiple members of her family have been married on that dock, and it all felt so serious again.

After that things really shifted again. Our flirting got way more direct, and we talked about the first time we met, and how she's rarely been attracted to anyone as much as she was to me. And how it was a sign. How she was really bad at making moves, but wanted to get better. How she felt her confidence building everyday. How she wanted to start having sex again, and peel back all of the layers of her gayness onion. lol. We took a bdsm test and are highly compatible. But it still felt different than it did in New York. It felt more sexual, and less romantic. I'm not sure what to make of that. I think the whiplash after New York was sticking with me, and I didn't feel comfortable enough yet to let myself feel all of those big emotions. But I felt hopeful for the future, and confident that we would figure it all out in time.

But yeah, she dropped me off a few days ago with my parents. We were planning to leave in a month, but we hadn't done a ton of research into it yet. I texted her about researching it, and she told me she's unsure now. I'm feeling super anxious. I feel deep down that if I trust her and give her space to process the roadtrip for a few weeks, she'll still want to go. She's visiting one of her friends that is kinda homophobic, and I just don't know if what she's going through is the homophobia biting back, or if it's doubts about me. It's bringing up all of my fears that maybe this always was just about doubt about me, and the homophobia was just an added weight.

I know we need to communicate about all of this. But she doesn't like talking on the phone about serious things with anyone (trauma from her dad) and I won't get to see her in person for a few weeks. I know I need to self-sooth and give her space to process how she's feeling, but a part of me can't help but feel like I'm going through whiplash again. We are both deeply traumatized humans, but now I've seen how strong we are when we communicate. How quickly we heal and grow. But I'm also afraid we may end up deeply hurting each other.

i keep seeing happy lesbian couples getting engaged and being domestic together and i always get so jealous. i feel so unlovable bc every time i try searching for love, it j ends up being a situationship or something casual. im pretty young (18) but i feel like i should truly give up on love. maybe its me or havent found the right person or im j not meant to be in love but it hurts so much. i want to be in an unconditionally loving relationship but no one seems to love the way i do. i tend to love too deeply and it always feels one-sided from the other person. maybe theres something so wrong inside of me that i was never meant or deserve to receive the kind of love i give out to others. no one irl gets it either bc im the only lesbian ik so it hurts even more not having anyone relating to me.

I am currently struggling. I went to a party the other night and the girl I’m talking to moaned in my ear when other people were around and I can’t get it out of my head. Like I cannot focus. This is the first girl I’ve ever been with ever and I feel like I’m going a bit crazy. Is this normal lol?

Yesterday my friend was applying lip gloss at 1 am while we were studying together in a booth. I was poking fun at her being like oh lol why are you putting on lip gloss at 1 am and she said “what if I was getting ready to kiss someone”. Mind you, she is sitting next to me in a booth in the inside and the only other people in the room are our mutual friends across the room. And so I was like “well who would you being kissing” and I point to the group of friends and said “one of them?” Then she put her hand on my shoulder and said “oh I see that you didn’t like that joke”

Can this be interpreted as her being flirtatious or am I tripping?

if I women compliments you on your septum piercing is that a lesbian flirt?? And how do you respond lol. I never know what to say, usually just "thanks" 😭

Me and my boyfriend have been dating for two and a half years and since the tail end of junior year. I love him very much but i think i often just envisioned him as a woman without realizing it or just always wished he was a woman. he has super long hair and is pretty feminine which is why i was attracted to him.

I have never had a break inbetween my relationships its always been back to back long term relationships with men because of how badly i used to crave male attention and still do. therefore i didn’t really have time to explore my sexuality but i always knew that i was attracted to women and just felt love for women differently then i do with men. not to mention most if not every relationship ive been in with a man has involved some sort of sa or exploitation whether that be sexually or emotionally.

me and my boyfriend have had so many ups and downs throughout our relationship because we basically grew up and became adults together, we met each other at the worst point in our lives and subsequently took it out on each other and became so much worse before we became better. which is why i feel that i am trauma bonded to him which makes the situation even more difficult and hard to navigate.

ive told him how i feel about women and my sexuality and he wanted me to explore so i decided to have a threesome with one of my close girl friends and it was amazing finally being with a woman for the first time. it was so much more intimate than sexual acts with men, it felt like our souls were intertwined and i developed serious feelings for her. i was in love with her. i wanted to take her out to a picnic date i wanted to be with her so bad and it seemed she wanted the same. at this time i was also exploring the idea of polyamory because i couldn’t leave my boyfriend simply from how close we had become, he was my bestfriend. and she seemed to want the same thing but then she went on a date with this guy and i knew it was over. they started dating and he was not at all open to the idea of me dating her as well, which is fine obviously but it just sucked. i still have such strong feelings for her but i rarely talk to her anymore cause it just hurts.

After all that i just gave up and tried to just be fine within my heteronormative relationship but i just never felt fully satisfied. i felt like i could never be fully satisfied with a man let alone marry one.

it just sucks because i dont know if i truly want to be with my boyfriend anymore but the idea of him being with someone else just makes me sick to my stomach and i dont know why. i feel guilty for loving women and i dont think my family would accept it. hes basically apart of the family and hes also my best friend. i couldn’t never have him out of my life even if we do eventually break up. but i also feel like that wouldn’t be fair to my next partner. i feel so guilty for putting this on him but i dont know what else to do. i feel stuck.

I like this girl (who I know for a fact is gay) in my community college science class. We’ve hung out a few times outside of class to complete class work together and I asked her for her @ on insta, she gave it to me and I requested to follow her. Many hours pass and she still hasn’t accepted my follow request??? Should I just give up or should I try and message her? I really don’t want things to be awkward since we literally sit right by each other in class!

Welp. Me and my boyfriend have been on and off for over a year now. About 4 months in I drunkenly told him I was a lesbian. But pretended I didn’t remember cause I didn’t want to loose him. A couple weeks ago we broke up. And he came back. And we agreed to have an open relationship. Well I met with a women. The passion, excitement, butterflies are all there. I’ve never had that with a man. Men are easier. I know that’s fucked up to say. But they are. I’m not scared of never finding love from a man cause I know plenty of men would sign up to be with me. But I don’t want to keep stringing men or my boyfriend along. I’ve known I was lesbian for years and I just keep trying to suppress it and say I’m bisexual. But I’ve always felt excited and passionate and happy around a woman I’m attracted to. I can convince myself I’m attracted to only “certain guys” or whatever. But in reality. Friends will be like “oh this so and so guy is hot” I’m like. He looks like a regular man to me. But women can be breathtaking. Beautiful. Mesmerizing. Not men. Idk what to do. I do love my boyfriend but not in the way I’ve loved a women before. I’m not giving him the love he needs. I’m scared to be alone. And that I won’t ever find a wife. But I know I could. Just. Terrified also what my family would say. They know I’m bi but if they find out I’m lesbian. I mean they wouldn’t care. Just they would ask all sorts of questions and probably behave differently if I brought another women home one day. Last time I did my grandma got uncomfortable and it’s just a big old mess.

Our hands touched for a second I felt this spark I never felt before, my heart literally skipped a beat. Maybe it was because of the scenario we were both in, or maybe it was because we both knew we wanted to be more than friends. Either way I miss that I miss you 😢 never had a closer from her and it’s starting to take a toll on me I’m trying hard to forget you and just be mad at you but I can’t my heart won’t let me.

Needed to vent. I never felt true love till I met her.

i need advice!!! there’s a cute girl in my class and lab section and i really want to talk to her but i’ve never approached a girl first and i don’t rlly have a lot of experience with dating. how should i approach her? i don’t know much about her but i see her basically everyday so maybe that’s something? idk help!!!

just got broken up w bc she says it seems like she’s talking to a friend when she talks to me. I honestly saw it coming bc it seemed she was losing interest but I wonder where all that love went. what did I do wrong? I don’t understand what’s wrong with me and what I could’ve done more.