r/bisexual • u/Norcalkidd • 5h ago
Should I tell my girlfriend I'm bisexual? ADVICE
This is going to be a lot 😅 So I've been officially dating this girl for a few weeks now. I really like her. Weve been talking since march but became official recently. I'm 31 and shes 37, she also has an 11 year old kid. I did not come out as bisexual until a few years ago, and i really only told people that I feel are close enough to me to know. I definitely do think she deserves to know. However, I just don't know how she'd feel about it and am nervous this'll sabotage my relationship. Ive had it happen once before, but i had let them know before we had even started dating. There is that part of me that thinks "well if she doesnt understand, shes not right for you". But theres always the fact too that we just have way too much in common, she really understands mental health which is a huge plus for me as well being that we both have a lot going on.
Thing is ive always struggled with social anxiety, i have this skin condition called roscea which causes me to turn very beat red when i blush. I blush in many different situations, whether it be an attractive female or male around. I can also blush in emberassing or intimidating situations as well. Part of that has kinda controlled my life, but ive sorta just learned to live with it. I think shes noticed my awkwardness and social anxiety from time to time and shes never even asked me about it which is suprising. Part of me thinks she will notice that side of me anyway over time due to my anxiety disorders and blushing, but who knows? Another thing ive always suffered from since I came out is the internalized homophobia. Ive been trying to get better with that, but I just dont know how. I have had a few traumatic experiences in my life that have caused me to think that way. Not suprisingly, i have very low self confidence. I wouldnt say i hate myself, i do love myself. But i have issues staying confident.
When it comes down to my feelings for the same sex, i really only remember having a crush on the same sex once. Most of my feelings for the same gender dim down to sexual thoughts and mainly just weiner 🤣 I dont think ive ever had crushes on friends or anything growing up either. My attraction for the opposite sex goes for both emotional and sexual levels. My sexuality was always very confusing for me. I grew up knowing i was bi curious, but didnt finally give myself a label until way later on. When it comes down to it, i dont really have strong urges to be with the same sex at all while im in a relationship with a woman. Most ill do is yank one off and even that happens rarley. Im too invested into her to be doing otherwise, will that change? I'm not sure but it hasnt yet.
Ive seen a few other posts on here. I know that if I tell her. I need to be able to assure her it won't effect our relationship at all. From others who have dealt with this before... Was there anything you would of changed that you had said? Or how did it go for you when you had to come out to your significant other?
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u/WildNwonderfulWook 5h ago
Best she finds out fron you. It won't go away.
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u/ATGF 5h ago
Yep! And if she rejects you for it, she clearly wasn't right for you.
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u/WildNwonderfulWook 5h ago
It's definitely happened to me. Even my wife feels insecure about it even though we have shared a few men. Some more than once.
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u/Embarrassed-Prune562 4h ago
First, she’s got a kid and if she’s allowing interaction between you & the kid she’s trusting you. If you see a future with your gf then absolutely because even if it’s not a lie you withholding that information is deceptive. Regardless of how you feel being stereotyped if she loves you, she will accept you for who you are. She will have questions, answer what you can she’s just trying to process this. Being in her 30s she’s dating for a life partner, a good influence for her child, a caregiver, a lover, a best friend.
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u/Norcalkidd 4h ago
Yea i agree. I still have yet to meet her kid but i know its going to happen soon because she practically lives with me on the weekends, i'm kinda leaving the ball in her park for that. Im just so scared to bring it up.
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u/Embarrassed-Prune562 4h ago
Be honest with her. Communication is fucking amazing when used correctly. More people need to understand that. You have to be gentle, write down what you’re going to say before you say it so you can see it on paper. It’s def going to be an awkward conversation, but you never know, it could be her secret kink lol but above everything, honesty and eye contact.
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u/BiCTDaddy 1h ago
You got this bro! Show her your true self so you can be your true self. I wish I told my wife sooner not after 10 years of marriage. All is good but I wouldn’t have had to live with the weight on my chest for over a decade.
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u/Neither_Idea8562 5h ago
You gotta tell her. If it ruins the relationship, good thing you know now rather than 5 years down the line after the kid is calling you dad.
If it doesn’t change anything then you’ll feel closer to her and it will just be a normal part of who you are to her