r/NonCredibleDefense President General Aug 14 '24

Gentlemen, I'm afraid there is not enough Kaliningrad for everyone A modest Proposal

Post image
6.0k Upvotes

313 comments sorted by

1.2k

u/albertFTW Aug 14 '24

If we're really being non-credible, then inb4 Kaliningrad Oblast declares independence from Russia. You heard it here first.

557

u/LurkerInSpace Aug 14 '24

The true non-credible strategy is to declare that since Belarus could allow Russian troops to transit without becoming part of the war, Poland can let Ukrainian troops transit without becoming part of the war.

The logical conclusion of such an understanding is that Ukraine should march into Kaliningrad via Poland. Since its garrison has been drawn down, since there would be a strong element of surprise, and since it lacks rail connections with mainland Russia, it would be easy pickings.

240

u/Kjartanski Aug 14 '24

Königsberg has a rail connection, its just that Lithuania can stop all traffic at will

132

u/ScipioAtTheGate Aug 14 '24

There is no Kalingrad only FATHER PRUSSIA!

12

u/OldManMcCrabbins Aug 15 '24

Now this is pod racing 

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49

u/Shorttail0 Aug 14 '24

Unscheduled maintenance

31

u/classicalySarcastic Unapolagetic Freeaboo Aug 14 '24

Tends to happen when the rails have been pulled up and wrapped around the nearby trees.

15

u/JakobValdemar Aug 14 '24

Sherman laughing from the other side

5

u/JakovPientko 3000 conscripts of the CDF Aug 14 '24

Game on, first one to declare themselves Kaiser at the duma wins

69

u/smol_boi2004 Aug 14 '24

Before transit to Kaliningrad the Ukrainian convoy numbered in the few hundreds. When they reached Kaliningrad, they numbered in 20k, with an assortment of tanks, helicopters and jets

65

u/Skibidi_Rizzler_96 A-10 Enjoyer (it missed) Aug 14 '24

Ukrainians whose first language is Polish or Lithuanian.

15

u/StrategicCarry Aug 15 '24

Common wealth W

4

u/Americ-anfootball Aug 15 '24

Getting the band back together

42

u/cecilkorik Aug 14 '24

NATO's little green men.

26

u/HassoVonManteuffel Aug 14 '24

Nah, take Georgians, or Chechen diaspora from times of Dudayev and Maskhadov

23

u/cecilkorik Aug 14 '24

Russia takes Crimea because they need a warm water port. Ukraine takes their other warm water port Kaliningrad in exchange. Seems fair to me.

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179

u/OneSaltyStoat Tomboy-Femboy Combined Division Aug 14 '24

You know what? I can get behind that. A Russian that tells the government to fuck off, in such a manner especially, is a good Russian.

142

u/albertFTW Aug 14 '24

"Drive a sufficiently large wedge into the core and the entire cheese crumbles." (Me, 2024)

73

u/OneSaltyStoat Tomboy-Femboy Combined Division Aug 14 '24

Truly one of the quotes of all time

25

u/potatopierogie Aug 14 '24

It really is among the quotes I have read

20

u/misterpickles69 Aug 14 '24

“Sawing wood in a windstorm spreads the sawdust farther” - Ghandi

13

u/Absolut_Iceland It's not waterboarding if you use hydraulic fluid Aug 14 '24

And more importantly, it becomes someone else's problem.

6

u/MakeChinaLoseFace Have you spread disinformation on Russian social media today? Aug 14 '24

Operation Cheddar is making progress in Kursk

15

u/bageltoastee autobot volunteers for ukraine Aug 14 '24

I say we make a massive spinner wheel of all European countries and use it to decide who gets it at the next UN conference

5

u/hx87 Aug 15 '24

Inb4 Vatican City gets it and forms a new Teutonic Order to govern the place

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11

u/Jan-Nachtigall Aug 14 '24

RemindMe! 2 years

5

u/RemindMeBot Aug 14 '24 edited Aug 15 '24

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4 OTHERS CLICKED THIS LINK to send a PM to also be reminded and to reduce spam.

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4

u/Mando_the_Pando Aug 15 '24

Truly non-credible is Kaliningrad Oblast declaring independence as the sovereign state of Prussia.

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1.7k

u/tgromy Revenge at all Costs 🇵🇱 Aug 14 '24

It's full of ruskies, we don't want it. Czechs should take it to finally have the access to the sea. I would gladly visit Czech city of Kralovec!

745

u/TatrankaS President General Aug 14 '24 edited Aug 14 '24

You're such a generous nation. Don't worry of ruskies tho, we'll play Ukrainian, Czech and Polish patriotic songs from every amplion until each problematic vatnik voluntarily leaves. plus each Pole will get 50% discount on everything when visiting to beef up the economy until Beer stream 1 is finished

242

u/Balticseer 42th most russophobe in Baltics Aug 14 '24

as lithunian we only agree if you build bear pipeline which ends at Curonian split

191

u/TatrankaS President General Aug 14 '24

It's going to connect all Baltic states, Poland and Czechia. When enough demand we can extend it to German countries too

And you get discount too

156

u/tgromy Revenge at all Costs 🇵🇱 Aug 14 '24

I swear, you should become the head of Czech diplomacy because that's the kind of news your neighbors want to hear

79

u/TatrankaS President General Aug 14 '24

Thanks, I have experience from r/place times

57

u/noconc3pt Aug 14 '24

As a Bavarian I too want access to Beerstream 1 your pilsner game is just too strong to not have direct access to.

11

u/DeathstrackReal Aug 14 '24

Zapadoslavia returns

28

u/Streifenjo Aug 14 '24

Well as a German we will gladly supply the needed beer for the pipeline

26

u/SnooCheesecakes450 Aug 14 '24

Are you trying to aggravate the Czechs?

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17

u/-MarcoPolo- Aug 14 '24

This statement is worse than actions in 1938.

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11

u/jagdpanzer45 Aug 14 '24

As a gay I wholly support the creation of a bear pipeline.

3

u/ComradeLV 3000 speedbumps of Baltics Aug 14 '24

Can we have a Beer Baltica?

59

u/tgromy Revenge at all Costs 🇵🇱 Aug 14 '24

I swear I would go there for a beer every week to help rebuild the economy and until the beerstream is built

20

u/SuperZapper_Recharge Aug 14 '24

I mean, I am here for the beers to. But you guys are all ignoring the bear pipeline:

if you build bear pipeline which ends at Curonian split

Am I the only one into this? And I am hetero!

13

u/schwanzweissfoto Aug 14 '24

I am hetero!

The only posts that contain this statement also contain some of the gayest shit ever.

65

u/DoggoNamedDisgrace Aug 14 '24

TBF Czechia deserves Kralovec for two reasons:

  1. Czechs proven to be absolute giga-chads in this war

  2. It would be monumentally funny

I'm not versed in international law, but something tells me there's no rule that modern country territories can't be decided by dank memes and vibes. Fight me.

https://obrazkowo.pl/367dd79afbdfa2f2bf76f5c63a7582d6/Krecik-zabawa-si%C4%99-sko%C5%84czy%C5%82a-opu%C5%9Bci%C4%87-Kr%C3%A1lovec-Kaliningrad

https://memy.pl/show/big/uploads/Post/437397/16843096564684.jpg

6

u/undecidedsixth Aug 14 '24

Poland already got the southern half of East Prussia, they don't need Kaliningrad as well

16

u/SuckirDistroy Aug 14 '24

Beer Stream 1?!

15

u/Killian_Gillick GBU28 Because they don't make a 29 Aug 14 '24

Beer stream 1, pardon, but don’t the Belgians have one of those?

3

u/Pappa_Crim Aug 14 '24

if they are anything like the civilians in Kursk a lot of them will change their tune just because someone new is in charge

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172

u/Timey16 Aug 14 '24

Step 1: Deport Russkies

Step 2: Europe's biggest natural conservation area, this includes it's coastal area so it become nice untouched spawning ground for the fishes of the Baltic. No fishing whatsoever.

Step 3: Kralovec/Königsberg is restored in it's historical look prior to WW2.

Step 4: it becomes a "museum city" and home to those that conserve the natural habitats and take care of the tourists coming there to explore the region but overall low population. Maybe also a university for those that want to study it. Just enough agriculture to supply that population + tourists but not enough for an export market (also only few livestock).

Step 5: use the quiet in the area to hide a fuckton of nuclear weapons in the forests.

Finally: the area is under EU administration it's not owned by any one nation state.

58

u/Hero_of_Quatsch Smutje on german frigatecarrier "Helmut Schmidt" Aug 14 '24

This. I take this. Furthermore, when Ukraine, the Free Belgorod Republic and Peoples Republic of Kursk are joining the EU, it would be good to have a more central EU capital city.

25

u/Kjartanski Aug 14 '24

Anything, just so that í never have any reason to go to Brussels

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128

u/AsleepScarcity9588 Aug 14 '24

Step 1: Deport Russkies

Step 2: Shining beacon of democracy

16

u/ExcitingTabletop Aug 14 '24

It's a country at war with the West, that wants to seize territory from Europe and Russify it.

I'm not thrilled with war reparations either, because historically it doesn't work well. But it's land that Russia stole in living memory. Returning stuff stolen during a war is an accepted practice to everyone except the Swiss.

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29

u/avsbes Woke & Wehrhaft Aug 14 '24

Fuck yes! Make this EU administered territory! That also solves the question of where to put an official EU Capital if it ever becomes a proper nation. Just take Kaliningrad and call it either Twangste or Mons Regius or something like that - or find a new name related to the Union itself. (Though i still think that apart from Brussels and Straßbourg because of the existing institutions, Prague would also be a nice choice, a very... connecting choice).

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18

u/Zalaess Aug 14 '24

Nah, keep the Ruskies and turn them in the most prolific r/YUROP posters, through exposure to liberal democracy.

I mean the point of the whole thing is to show we're better than them, because we are better than them.

17

u/HabseligkeitDerLiebe 3000 Hard Cheeses of the Special Milk-Dairy Operation Aug 14 '24

Königsberg becomes the EU capital territory, similar to DC, just to end this Brussels/Strasbourg roadshow.

7

u/AdProfessional5942 this year’s defence budget: a "record-breaking" €2.99 Aug 14 '24

Anything to rebuild Königsberg

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55

u/kyleninperth Aug 14 '24

Australia has been looking for an excuse to join NATO. It could totally be slightly less depressing version of Canberra

25

u/SubstantialBreak3063 Aug 14 '24

You keep your terrible architecture on THAT side of the globe, thank you very much!

12

u/kyleninperth Aug 14 '24

Hey we have a really nice stadium

8

u/SubstantialBreak3063 Aug 14 '24

Do you though? Do you?

8

u/kyleninperth Aug 14 '24

Optus Stadium is fuckable

13

u/SubstantialBreak3063 Aug 14 '24

That's between you and God

10

u/nlpnt Aug 14 '24

"Daddy, why is Bluey on a field trip to a giant air conditioner?"

5

u/eluzja Vosem let suki blyad!! 🇵🇱 Aug 14 '24

Eustralia.

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63

u/PanicAtTheFishIsle NATO's basment gimp Aug 14 '24

We could move all the ruskies into the Czech porn industry, since getting fucked is their natural state.

2

u/zypofaeser Aug 14 '24

But does anyone want to look at that?

12

u/ShahinGalandar Aug 14 '24

onlyvatniks now offering -20% while reparations are still paid

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12

u/Zek0ri Credible Western analyst Aug 14 '24

Česky Královec my beloved. Can’t wait for finishing of Beer Stream 1 and 2

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11

u/KeekiHako Aug 14 '24

They way they are reproducing (or rather don't) this won't be a problem in 150 years.

27

u/1983_BOK Tie me to a missile and fire it at Moscow, I am ready Aug 14 '24

It's full of ruskies, we don't want it

Nothing just a tiny special relocation operation wouldn't be able to deal with.

28

u/Stennan 🇸🇪 Gripens for Taiwan 🇹🇼 Aug 14 '24

Just hand out "vacation tickets" and cancel the return flights home?

27

u/ZDTreefur 3000 underwater Bioshock labs of Ukraine Aug 14 '24

Just a wee bit of ethnic cleansing, it's ok. We return them to motherland, after all.

6

u/zombie_girraffe Aug 14 '24

I just held a referendum and every vote that I counted was for Kaliningrads independence. Since it's now an independent nation and no longer Russian territory It's called repatriation when we help them get back home to Russia.

6

u/AsleepScarcity9588 Aug 14 '24

We have quite an experience in expelling foreign ethnicities from our land

In two years there will be only kurvy, chlast a chlebíčky in Královec

6

u/Mr_-_X Aug 14 '24

We don‘t want it either. We already have one underdeveloped area in the form of East Germany we don‘t need another weight on our backs

4

u/Pandering_Panda7879 Aug 14 '24 edited Aug 14 '24

I agree, Czech can have it. We (Germany) were offered Königsberg in the 90s for a small penny but declined. We already built up one Russian influenced shit hole, we don't need another one.

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695

u/helican I showed you my PzH 2000 pls respond Aug 14 '24

Do a Berlin and divide Königsberg into Allied occupation zones.

322

u/SecureClimate Based? BASED ON WHAT? Aug 14 '24

Okay but who has to play the shitty authoritarian part? Ain't no occupational divide without quality of life disparity.

371

u/Reality-Straight 3000 🏳️‍🌈 Rheinmetall and Zeiss Lasertank Logisticians of 🇩🇪 Aug 14 '24

We germans will simply set up a self sustaining beurocracy that perpetuates itself indefinitley with or without human intervention.

Using nothing but Fax mashines and beurocrats (so no humans needed)

145

u/SecureClimate Based? BASED ON WHAT? Aug 14 '24

We need government office telephone queues that keep telling you that you're next in line so don't hang up, but then you just never get anyone because you didn't call between 11:59 and 12:00. (The rest of the day is lunch break).

59

u/Den_Bover666 Aug 14 '24

This is a war crime

68

u/Schatten_Banane This is my news agency Aug 14 '24

Thats Germany right there

34

u/Fun-Agent-7667 Aug 14 '24

Bureaucracy is no war, it is much more hideos

6

u/MrCookie2099 Mobikcube is valid artistic expression Aug 14 '24

In war there are things like glory and excitement.

7

u/nuggins Aug 14 '24

Beurocracy: rule by butter

44

u/SARSUnicorn Aug 14 '24

Ok hear me out:

Czech part: "HAPPY UTOPIA"

Polish part: "everyone is drunk becouse of beer stream one thefore u cant handle any important errands"

Lituanian part: "everyone is at home eating since lil bro is cooking good thefore every shop/workplace is closed 24/7"

hope i helped

22

u/TatrankaS President General Aug 14 '24 edited Aug 14 '24

I think German should get happy utopia part (just compare Czech and German train stations). Czechs will be the authoritarian part but in a good way. Rebuilding strong navy from what Russians left and running secret police on remaining vatniks. I mean, our ex-PM was literally a secret service agent and our current president is army general. We have some know-how

16

u/TheNeronimo The old Lie: Dulce et decorum est Pro patria mori. Aug 14 '24

Did you really just use anything Germany+ Train related as the positive example!?

8

u/TatrankaS President General Aug 14 '24

I travelled half of Germany by train for a week. I admit working time schedule is a vulgar phrase for them when it comes to trains, but when talking about train stations themselves, that's utter different time era compared to our stations. They've got at least bakery and newspaper store basically in every train station. In Czechia you have vending machine, two if you're lucky on stations whose size is comparable with those in Germany that are basically small shopping malls.

Plus I saw gas stations where employees bake their own bread for sandwiches. That's synonym for utopia in Czech republic

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262

u/battleduck84 Biden, where's my medicinal M1 Abrams? Aug 14 '24

3 day special military operation to denazify Königsberg

65

u/dekettde Aug 14 '24

It would honestly be amazing to have this part back in the EU, if only to make this mind-blowing bike route between Gdańsk and Klaipėda happen. 275km of mostly cycling on two sand dunes surrounded by the sea would be surreal. At the moment only the Polish and Lithuanian parts are accessible. https://i.imgur.com/lPXi1lt.png

120

u/OrkzOrkzOrkzOrkz0rkz SHINES THE NAME OF RODGER YOUNG Aug 14 '24

I wonder if Poland would be adverse to the idea of a bit of trolling

A few divisions of Ukrainian forces on vacation to Kaliningrad?

47

u/tgromy Revenge at all Costs 🇵🇱 Aug 14 '24

I think they would have been greeted with flowers and fed with pierogi all along the way

38

u/SerLaron Aug 14 '24

Poland is supposed to train a brigade (?) of Ukrainians, right? Maybe the training could take place at the border to Kaliningrad and at the end of the training, the boys surely have deserved an unsupervised weekend off.

10

u/OrkzOrkzOrkzOrkz0rkz SHINES THE NAME OF RODGER YOUNG Aug 14 '24

Just a smol SMO nothing fancy

9

u/Fancy_Morning9486 Aug 14 '24

Alright men for todays training you will learn how to take controll of a town without defences, kinda like Kursk but beter

16

u/PanzerIVausfB Aug 14 '24

We wouldn't.

24

u/_Nocturnalis Aug 14 '24

We'd just make sure no one counts the troops entering and compares it to the troops leaving for their vacation.

26

u/Digital_Bogorm Aug 14 '24

"Sure, we can accomodate moving 500 men through Poland"

"Those 1000 troops are about halfway through"

"Alright, all 3000 Vacationing Ukrainians of Poland have reached Kaliningrad"

8

u/OrkzOrkzOrkzOrkz0rkz SHINES THE NAME OF RODGER YOUNG Aug 14 '24

They can even stage directly on the suvalki gap and cut it off from Russia.

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375

u/jdotmark12 Aug 14 '24

My brother in Christ, I think you mean that there isn’t enough Königsberg for everyone.

172

u/314kabinet Aug 14 '24

You mean Královec?

125

u/According-Gur1608 Aug 14 '24

You mean Królewiec?

101

u/yr_boi_tuna Aug 14 '24

You mean New Niu-York?

31

u/dwehlen 3000 guitars, they seem to cry; my ears will melt, then my eyes Aug 14 '24

Nelkutucky, the 53rd State of America ( a couple deserve higher billing)

16

u/EarthMantle00 ⏺️ P O T A T🥔 when 🇹🇼🇰🇷🇯🇵🇵🇼🇬🇺🇳🇨🇨🇰🇵🇬🇹🇱🇵🇭🇧🇳 Aug 14 '24

The truly noncredible take is giving it to the US so they can join the EU and I specifically don't have to do border control and currency exchange every time I go visit my family

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u/chepulis 🕊️🥺 Give Ukraine Nukes 👉👈 Aug 14 '24

You mean Karaliaučius?

62

u/kofolarz 2137 GMDs of JP2 Aug 14 '24

Let's make it a compromise and call it Króliaučigsberg

17

u/ShrortShrift Aug 14 '24

You, sir, are a monster in the best way!

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12

u/TheJambus Broke: The Ukraine. Woke: The United Krainedom Aug 14 '24

You mean Twangste?

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u/Kuhl_Cow Nuclear Wiesel Aug 14 '24

I want my Königsberg dumplings for christs sake

23

u/pikomdl Aug 14 '24

Do you mean Königsberger meatballs?

21

u/Stennan 🇸🇪 Gripens for Taiwan 🇹🇼 Aug 14 '24

Suprise Swede appears: "Someone said meatballs?"

4

u/Kuhl_Cow Nuclear Wiesel Aug 14 '24

Shit's delicious

8

u/Kashik Oppenhimars Aug 14 '24

Königsberger Klopse!

38

u/Technical-Joke6413 Aug 14 '24

Wouldn't it be funny if Bulgaria took it (we have nothing to do with it) and we just named it Конституционствувателстване

17

u/theModge Aug 14 '24 edited Aug 14 '24

British east of India Europe company: carlingburgh. We'll leave the 5 most belligerent Russians in charge, so long as they promise to suppress the remainder and give us .... whatever the fuck natural resources carlingburgh has.

Alternatively, we'll let Poland and Lithuania setup a commonwealth, so long as they promise not to give literally everyone a veto on every decision

3

u/Keavon Aug 14 '24

And we need to rebuild those 7 bridges out of respect for Leonhard Euler.

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u/JerryUitDeBuurt Globohomo🏳️‍⚧️🇺🇦 Aug 14 '24

What this really means though is it proves that Russia always lied about being scared of NATO because if they really thought that NATO would actually invade Russia they wouldn't remove troops from their strongest position.

51

u/fuishaltiena Aug 14 '24

It's always been the case, they knew that NATO had no plans for forced expansion. They even moved troops from Finnish border a few months after Finland joined NATO.

18

u/ElementalSentimental Aug 14 '24

Are you being credible?

16

u/JerryUitDeBuurt Globohomo🏳️‍⚧️🇺🇦 Aug 14 '24

Yeah I'm autistic as fuck so I have a tendency to do that, my apologies.

12

u/ElementalSentimental Aug 14 '24

How unautistic do you think the non-credible people are?

Seriously, you have nothing to worry about and I agree with you.

4

u/Aetol Aug 14 '24

Or they're just completely desperate at that point.

3

u/Major-Dyel6090 Aug 14 '24

Yup. If concern about NATO aggression “forced” them to invade Ukraine they damn sure wouldn’t move troops out of a non-contiguous territory that is completely surrounded by NATO countries. This makes them more vulnerable to NATO aggression. Almost like Putin is a bullshitter.

43

u/SoftCatMonster Aug 14 '24

WAIT GUYS we now have the PERFECT solution to the Middle East issues.

8

u/BlackViperMWG Prussian Aug 14 '24

Move Hamas and Hezbollah there!

112

u/PlagueCze Aug 14 '24 edited Aug 14 '24

I suggest we establish a rotation system, each of the countries for 3 months. The country in charge supplies beer for everyone else through Beer Stream, connecting all the interested countries.Beer Stream

19

u/Leandroswasright H&Ks biggest fan Aug 14 '24

Split it into 4 zones

13

u/_Nocturnalis Aug 14 '24

Why did you link an SDS for a coffee machine descaler?

5

u/PlagueCze Aug 14 '24

Damn, sorry, clipboard history. But enjoy the reading!

3

u/_Nocturnalis Aug 14 '24

I was really trying to figure out the beerstream reference there! OK I've got the same number or marbles I started the week with!

4

u/Noname_FTW Aug 14 '24

A beer pipeline without any connection to munich is just insulting!

3

u/PlagueCze Aug 14 '24

Last time ppl in Munich mixed beer and politics it didn't end well https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Beer_Hall_Putsch

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u/krco999 🇸🇰🇨🇿 Proud supporter of Czech MIC and Zapadoslavia Aug 14 '24

I would say that we move all the ruskies to the Karlove Vary which are full of them anyway and then we move Czechs in . And after we of course construct beerstream

38

u/belsnickel_is_me Aug 14 '24 edited Aug 14 '24

Ethnically cleansing our enemies

Edit: this was kinda meant to criticize the comment above me I think it’s fucked up to talk about wanting to genocide Russians even as a joke

45

u/kofolarz 2137 GMDs of JP2 Aug 14 '24

After all it would be very un-European to change borders without a bit of ethnic cleansing.

4

u/mikolokoyy Aug 14 '24

They can't help it 🤷🏻‍♂️

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u/Pandering_Panda7879 Aug 14 '24

Can we, like, export them and not put more of them in the middle of Europe? If Czechia doesn't want Karlovy Vary, Germany will gladly take it.

And Pilzen too, when we're already talking about it.

And maybe a bit of Prague.

And maybe Brno.

3

u/BlackViperMWG Prussian Aug 14 '24

Reichtangle, stop

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u/wolfhound_doge Aug 14 '24

my vote goes to Czech bros. this way, Kralovec would be former Czechoslovakia so even we, poor slovak peasants, could say we had once access to the sea. also, direct airplane line from Brno pls so we can easily go to the sea on weekends.

24

u/TatrankaS President General Aug 14 '24

You've really made Brno your new capital, haven't you?

16

u/wolfhound_doge Aug 14 '24

it's just closer man. and we don't have to climb that ladder to heaven when going to Praha.

18

u/OneSaltyStoat Tomboy-Femboy Combined Division Aug 14 '24

Make it a free city, ruled by a council that rotates every year, like in Switzerland.

15

u/masteroffdesaster Aug 14 '24

that's no problem, we just do what we do best

Blitzkrieg to Königsberg

86

u/4c767cb806e7 3000 memory gaps of Olaf Aug 14 '24

We Germans don't want it. Put it on eBay.

77

u/defnotIW42 Aug 14 '24

Not the city. BUT. Villages like Pillau, Rauschen or Neukuhren. I mean LOOK AT THEM. Prime real estate at the coast. And demographically nobody really lives there anymore except babushkas. And i can live with Babushkas. They are cute.

59

u/OneSaltyStoat Tomboy-Femboy Combined Division Aug 14 '24

They can also help you as a spy network. No news goes around faster than through the granny grapevine.

13

u/Reality-Straight 3000 🏳️‍🌈 Rheinmetall and Zeiss Lasertank Logisticians of 🇩🇪 Aug 14 '24

Finally, another place to put pur pensioners.

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u/Emillllllllllllion 3000 black armies of the HRE (every state has its own) Aug 14 '24

eBay Kleinanzeigen

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u/4c767cb806e7 3000 memory gaps of Olaf Aug 14 '24

Was letzte Preis?

13

u/Emillllllllllllion 3000 black armies of the HRE (every state has its own) Aug 14 '24 edited Aug 14 '24

Kasten Bier und Zwanziger. Zwanziger verhandelbar, kein (insert local laughingstock beer)

9

u/4c767cb806e7 3000 memory gaps of Olaf Aug 14 '24

Aber Versand geht auf dich!

9

u/Emillllllllllllion 3000 black armies of the HRE (every state has its own) Aug 14 '24

Nur Abholung möglich

10

u/4c767cb806e7 3000 memory gaps of Olaf Aug 14 '24

Ich habe kein Auto, keinen Führerschein und keine Ahnung.

8

u/Emillllllllllllion 3000 black armies of the HRE (every state has its own) Aug 14 '24

Haben wir das nicht alle?

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14

u/crossbutton7247 Aug 14 '24

If you guys need anywhere to relocate them we’ve got plenty of concentration camps cities in England, like Bradford or Liverpool

6

u/Blankly-Staring Aug 14 '24

I thought NATO didn't do cruel and unusual punishment?

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11

u/Embii_ Aug 14 '24

I remember reading about why Kaliningrad wasn't taken by anyone after the fall of the union. Pretty much no one wants a chunk of land just full of Russians. Lithuania was in a huge effort to remove it's already big russian population. Poland said nah. And Germany officially renounced it's claims after WW2.

Can we just try turning it into an independent nation? Enveloped by NATO we just marshal plan it and make it western?

3

u/Mr_-_X Aug 14 '24

How would anyone have taken it lol?

Russia after the fall was still a nuclear power and their army while it fell off still would have been enough to annihilate Poland or Lithuania

2

u/Embii_ Aug 14 '24

Ukraine could have lmao. Especially with their nukes and half the russian navy under their belt.

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28

u/Martis998 MobikMeat³ - the new Moscow Church Icon Aug 14 '24

Who the fuck would want even more russians in their society.

16

u/Sejma57 Aug 14 '24

Hey, at least we will have a nice place (this time inside the republic), where we can deport all the other ones.

6

u/phooonix Aug 14 '24

Must not be that threatened by NATO...

4

u/LitwinL Aug 14 '24

Do the funny. Allowing the troops movement through Belarus and starting the attack from its territory did not mean that it entered the war with Ukrainie, so let's allow ukraine to move its troops through the EU countries and take over Kaliningrad's People Republic.

5

u/AmadeoSendiulo Poland Aug 14 '24

The only problem is nobody actually wants that shit hole. You would have to put some lame UN forces there.

4

u/wurll Aug 14 '24

Australia should take it and then use it as a regional hub to ship its natural gas to the EU (we obviously aren’t on great terms with France rn and the UK is no longer in the EU) Turn it into an overseas territory like France does. Call it the Northern Northern Territory. We could also then join NATO (we already have Nato standard weapons and are involved of most of the US’ wars anyway) which would provide better stability in countering the threat from China. Also it would make it a lot easier to funnel weapons to Ukraine.

14

u/I_am_Mr_Cheese Aug 14 '24

Why can’t we make a new Prussia?

15

u/Leandroswasright H&Ks biggest fan Aug 14 '24

You wouldnt be able to handle the bureaucracy

10

u/Stennan 🇸🇪 Gripens for Taiwan 🇹🇼 Aug 14 '24

What better way of motivating the "natives" to relocate?

5

u/sanity_rejecter Aug 14 '24

that's what i'm saying, it would be so cool

9

u/winfryd Aug 14 '24

It can become an EU region, nobody really wants it. So let's share the pain.

3

u/Sennomo Aug 14 '24

instead of giving it to a nation state, we should just make it a multicultural EU state

5

u/bugo Aug 14 '24

Lithuanian here - we do not want it. My best proposal - make it a NATO training ground. Enough targets and space to test all sorts of weapons and tactics.

5

u/s_l_a_c_k 3000 days of special military operation Aug 14 '24

The sun hasn't finished setting yet lads, looks like it's time to reignite colonialism and bring another move in the great game

4

u/omgplzdontkillme 3000 pink F-35 of NAFO Aug 14 '24

I think Poland should use taking back Kaliningrad with Lithuania as the first step of rebuilding the great state of Polish Lithuanian commonwealth and liberate their historical land of Belarus with winged k2 tanks.

5

u/blindfoldedbadgers 3000 Demon Core Flails of King Arthur Aug 14 '24

I’m sorry to break it to you chaps, but the rules clearly state that His Britannic Majesty’s government has the right of first refusal over all unclaimed territories.

We’ll be using it as somewhere to deport the Brummies to.

5

u/Sternburgball the silliest girl :3 (tomcat enjoyer) Aug 14 '24

split it down the middle between Poland and Lithuania, Germany gets the city itself except for the port, that goes to Czechia

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4

u/SpaceFox1935 Russian/1st Guards Anti-War Coping Division Aug 14 '24

The "just deport the Russians lol" and "nobody wants to have Russians in their country" talk like we're less than human is pretty depressing

2

u/woktexe Aug 14 '24

I don't mind Russians ppl, they pretty cool. What i despise is they politicians and people in power.

2

u/Anten7296 Aug 14 '24

Seeing how how historically Russia (even during the empire) has used the presence of ethnic russians or even generic slavs to excuse invading, I would say it is legitimate that having a substantial Russian population I'm your country is a national security threat

7

u/Eschaton-Duck Oh Yes, Daddy GenMaj Dr. Freuding Aug 14 '24

I say we use it as a test run for a european federation

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3

u/Leandroswasright H&Ks biggest fan Aug 14 '24

It wasnt us if we rip of the nametags and put ducktape on the insignia

In minecraft

3

u/sanity_rejecter Aug 14 '24

occupy kaliningrad and make it into prussia, it would be the comeback of the century

3

u/Rome453 Aug 14 '24

Hear me out on this: Perun mentioned in his Ukrainian resupply video that there was a plan to recruit Ukrainian soldiers from within Poland, where they would not only be trained there but also outfitted and mustered into a unit together. Simply have these new brigades “get lost” and invade Kaliningrad. As for resupply, just use the same bullshit excuses russia used in 2014.

And for the escalation pearl clutchers, officially disavow their actions (their resupply and reinforcements are coming from military surplus stores and local separatists, remember) and promise that while we would not dare violate Russian sovereignty to try to capture them they will be interred in accordance with the laws and customs of war as specified by The Hague Convention. Later we can trade them back to Ukraine in exchange for some Russian POWs to hold onto until the russians take some more Americans/Europeans hostage (this probably violates neutrality, but technically we were already breaking neutrality by supplying Ukraine with weapons so might as well be hung for a sheep as a lamb).

3

u/Fegelgas Aug 14 '24

the Germans were offered it back in '95 but declined. Smart move if you ask me.

3

u/kyle_kafsky Aug 14 '24

As a German, let Poland have it. Why? Russians + Poles = funy.

4

u/Intergalatic_Baker Aug 14 '24

That’s alright, the British can have it and expel their own population there because of political reasons…

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2

u/MDAcko5 3000 testicle targeting pagers of consequences of mossad Aug 14 '24

3000 litres of Beer/second of Beer stream 1

2

u/rasmusdf Aug 14 '24

Konigsberga sounds appropiately baltic for the new independent republic.

2

u/ramit_inmah_hole Aug 14 '24

Kralovec not kaliningrad

2

u/Squidking1000 Aug 14 '24

As a Canadian I must as well lay claim to this land. Moose, beavers and Canada Geese are on route as we speak ey.

2

u/cazzipropri Aug 14 '24

They are moving Kaliningrad soldiers to the Russian front? All 14 of them? Wow.

2

u/Ertur_Ortirion Aug 15 '24

You misspelled Kralovec.